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I don't know what to say, what it's like, or what you could do to improve your situation. I just hope you're okay. It sucks that through no fault of your own you weren't able to have the same opportunities as others, but all we can do is move on and try to make the most of what we have to work with.
I've been in a similar situation post degree, but with a far easier life situation. I'd applied for so many positions i lost count over 6 months of finishing, and was literally about to give up join the navy (the interview was less than a week away) when a random opportunity appeared because of connections. In hindsight it was a horrific job, but i was so grateful for it.
It really stung that i didn't find it on my own, but that was just the luck of the dice. Something on my cover letters or resumes or interviews wasn't working, or the moon was in the wrong alignment or something. I just hope something happens similarly for you, it can work out.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
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I don't know what to tell you. The level of pain/suffering you experienced by far exceeds any that I face in my life. One thing that might help you is a philosophy from buddhism. What is making you suffer? Ask yourself that. Lack of money? health? failures? No WHAT is truly making you suffer?? I dare to say that it might be your attachment to this idea of solidarity or just about any hope of stability ($, house, enjoying pleasure). The invisible reality, though, is that all the objects, ideas, phenomena, or just about anything is always changing. There's not a moment of solidarity in all of this. It's just like a mirage that's constantly shapeshifting in a way that creates a false notion of solidarity. We think that there is permanence, satisfactory element to it or a sense of value. Nope there is none. If you look very carefully through concentrated focus through meditation you see that objects constantly arise and pass away every milisecond as if there's just only process of becoming and immediately dissociating away right after. What I can tell you is that suffering comes from inside because of our ignorance to the "invisible" reality. It never comes from outside. You then start to wonder what fool would cling to a mirage or a rainbow when there's none!? Why is he lamenting over the fact that it dissapears? Why does he work so hard and suffer for worthless phenomena? You realize this then you are absolutely free. You will be in absolute bliss that you've never experienced before. Any pleasures will pale in comparison. You will realize. What must be done has been done. There is no attachment to it anymore. You part of the infinite reality as you lose the boundary of your own self and merge into the universe. That's all I can hope to offer.
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Ahaha, you would not believe it but I tried to join the Navy too! I spent a few weeks trying to build up my cardio to limited success but in the end they wouldn't have me because depression is quite the disqualifier apparently.I have a friend in the tech industry recommend me a job recently too, sadly I got rejected, as I always do, granted I keep purging my portfolio and I just don't have a robust body of work to show as I improve and prune the shittier work I do.
Also, unfortunately that sort of mindset is very counter to my own, I've always believed that a person gets their one life, their limited span on Earth to do with as they, to an extent, desire. Thats not a belief or mindset that Im particularly able or willing to shake, at the end of the day. I have this one life, it is at least a quarter of the way through, and it has been miserable and shows no signs of abating its stream of misery. Why spend my limited time on Earth hating my life? I often view things on a sort of numerical spectrum. If theres something I want in my life I just have to ask myself, "is this a zero, or higher? If it is, then its a net neutral or a net positive and I want or can accept it in my life. If its below zero, then its having a net negative impact on my life and I don't want it in my life." If the sum total of my life is in the negative why bother? Living a net negative life is just suffering for the sake of... what, cultural taboo? Frankly I'm not of the opinion that society should dictate whether or not I feel that my life is worth continuing, especially given the US system of exploitative capitalism. I should go on in misery to... make Jeff Bezos into a trillionaire? Fund the happiness of people that exploit me? Fuck that.
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Northern Ireland23663 Posts
On July 18 2020 03:41 Zambrah wrote:
Ahaha, you would not believe it but I tried to join the Navy too! I spent a few weeks trying to build up my cardio to limited success but in the end they wouldn't have me because depression is quite the disqualifier apparently.I have a friend in the tech industry recommend me a job recently too, sadly I got rejected, as I always do, granted I keep purging my portfolio and I just don't have a robust body of work to show as I improve and prune the shittier work I do.
Also, unfortunately that sort of mindset is very counter to my own, I've always believed that a person gets their one life, their limited span on Earth to do with as they, to an extent, desire. Thats not a belief or mindset that Im particularly able or willing to shake, at the end of the day. I have this one life, it is at least a quarter of the way through, and it has been miserable and shows no signs of abating its stream of misery. Why spend my limited time on Earth hating my life? I often view things on a sort of numerical spectrum. If theres something I want in my life I just have to ask myself, "is this a zero, or higher? If it is, then its a net neutral or a net positive and I want or can accept it in my life. If its below zero, then its having a net negative impact on my life and I don't want it in my life." If the sum total of my life is in the negative why bother? Living a net negative life is just suffering for the sake of... what, cultural taboo? Frankly I'm not of the opinion that society should dictate whether or not I feel that my life is worth continuing, especially given the US system of exploitative capitalism. I should go on in misery to... make Jeff Bezos into a trillionaire? Fund the happiness of people that exploit me? Fuck that.
Yeah agreed.
I want to retrain to be a programmer for so many reasons. Suits my brain, overlaps with my other hobbies. Quite enjoyed what I’ve done so far there.
Even at entry level the perks are just incredible to me. My gf is genuinely mystified (she works in software) at my eyes lighting up at some little thing at work she just assumes everyone has.
Even the concept of just being able to stockpile holidays and book when you need is something I don’t have, my work make us book our holidays for a year in advance.
Which always gives me problems with seeing the youngling if there’s a clash with his mum’s plans. That aren’t her fault at all, it’s me being locked into holidays I don’t even want to book.
I’m under medical advice to have a regular schedule and not work night shifts. Earlier in lockdown I was doing shifts like 5-5am and 4pm-4am back to back. I have a 10 hour contract and live off overtime, so I’m frequently having to cancel social plans if shifts come up.
It doesn’t fucking work for me at all, but I’ve been stuck doing it for years now. Sounds like it doesn’t work for you either.
I wish I could be more zen about things but ultimately I have fuck all control over my life, don’t have anything I can plan things around and it’s fucking terrible.
Luckily I’m not particularly materialistic, just want a life that isn’t fucking soulless and suits what I’m good at.
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Honestly, it feels like that should just be the god damned standard of living, you have a job you do with regularity, it pays enough to life comfortably, and you have time, resources, and energy to do hobbies or relax appropriately.
People shouldnt need to cram jobs together to pay for the dinky ass apartment, they shouldn't have to suffer through multiple part time jobs that are exclusively part time in order to prevent having to pay for fucking employee benefits, people should have fucking time off and not have off the wall scheduling.
I HATE the idea that people should be resigned about their shitty situations, that is NOT how this shit fuckin works, being resigned is what people like Jeff Bezos, and Bobby Kotick, and Andrew Wilson, and the Koch fuckwits want, they want to keep abusing the average person and they want them to accept the abuse with stoicism.
Fuck that.
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Northern Ireland23663 Posts
On July 18 2020 09:41 Zambrah wrote:
Honestly, it feels like that should just be the god damned standard of living, you have a job you do with regularity, it pays enough to life comfortably, and you have time, resources, and energy to do hobbies or relax appropriately.
People shouldnt need to cram jobs together to pay for the dinky ass apartment, they shouldn't have to suffer through multiple part time jobs that are exclusively part time in order to prevent having to pay for fucking employee benefits, people should have fucking time off and not have off the wall scheduling.
I HATE the idea that people should be resigned about their shitty situations, that is NOT how this shit fuckin works, being resigned is what people like Jeff Bezos, and Bobby Kotick, and Andrew Wilson, and the Koch fuckwits want, they want to keep abusing the average person and they want them to accept the abuse with stoicism.
Fuck that.
Well they shouldn’t but they have to. Tried explaining this to my mother recently. When she mentioned ‘why don’t people just settle down these days’
I’m 30, most of my friends are a year or two either side. I actually have a lot of friends. Like a lot.
I know one person who owns a home. And they’re a couple, and that’s on a lawyers salary combined with a decent physics PhD student who’s now got lucrative offers. The lawyer is my friends partner and she’s pulling in 40k which is really, really solid money here
We can’t fucking afford it, I can’t afford shit I know that much. I could if I knew what hours I could get in advance, but I can’t commit to a years rental contract.
I get 10 hours guaranteed and that’s that. If there’s an overtime freeze I’m stuck on it. So earlier in corona times I was putting in 70 hour weeks but I’ve been stuck on 10 hours for a good 7 weeks now.
So no I can’t commit to a years rental contract with that uncertainty there.
I’m trying to save for school and I think I have scraped enough but this requires me to live with my folks for the time being.
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yeah, fuck, even if I get a job that could afford an apartment Im not sure I could do that, one fucking misstep and Im trapped in a rental contract that I cant afford.
This world is such a god damned dumpster fire...
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Fucking 100 degree farenheit weekend, fucking fuck, I sleep in the evening for an hour and I wake up and my fucking shirt is soaked to shit, it looks like it's been through a washing machine.
FUCK I HATE THIS SEASON I HATE THIS JOB I HATE THIS LIFE
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