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Revenge of the Art of Posting Unlimited

Blogs > vGl-CoW
Post a Reply
vGl-CoW
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Belgium8305 Posts
June 23 2007 00:29 GMT
#1
No more finals for this little slugger! This means I can finally escape my busy agenda of studying for four hours every day and smoking weed for the remainder of it. Therefore, I can present you with the last installment in the Art of Posting series. By ending this series, I don't mean to imply that any of you have gotten any better at posting (because you haven't, and never will). I've simply already covered just about everything relevant. Too bad, because I was thinking of padding it up with a few more chapters and renaming it "The Holy Bible". Could've made some sweet extra cash before the nuns figured out it was about the Goatse man instead of Jesus and myself instead of God.

CHAPTER 5: GENERAL POSTING PROFICIENCY


Alternatively known as all of the shit I neglected to mention before. Much like a container of dildos at an orgy, this will serve to fill up any holes that may have been left unaddressed.
With this last batch of information, you should theoretically be able to start constructing Worthy Posts. Of course, this is much akin to handing a monkey a set of schematics and a hammer and expecting it to build the Taj Mahal. It might look promising for a second, until the monkey just grabs the hammer and starts wailing on his peers. Either way, it's win-win.

+ Show Spoiler [Part 1] +
Part 1: Keeping your name out of the Ban list

The sheer length of the Automated Ban List shows how tricky it can be to stay afloat on the stormy TL seas. Although the previous chapters of this series should already provide ample protection to keep you from getting shanked, it's still worth explicitly discussing.
Essentially, it's all about leniency. The longer you manage to survive in this roach motel, the more Asshole Credits you gain. You can use these credits to buy a banworthy post that will be tolerated by the staff. Just know that your credits will run out sooner or later.
What is sometimes criticized as "postcount elitism", is in fact a reward to those who have proven themselves worthy.

+ Show Spoiler [no dont] +
On June 12 2007 20:21 some baby with like six posts wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 12 2007 20:02 A Staff Member wrote:
can I get a w00tw00t


no


You cannot deny a staff member his w00tw00t and expect to get away with it with your measly six posts. Other things you should not attempt:
- starting a thread unless you're sure it's about something completely new
- flaming anyone (and I do mean anyone)
- procreating
- making eye contact with established posters

+ Show Spoiler [Click here to claim your free Playstat…] +
On June 12 2007 16:57 a lil nub wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 12 2007 16:56 a high postcountin' nigga wrote:
i want a cup of virgin's blood with one ounce of cream and a single, withered tea leaf on top


yes sir right away sir *acquires cream and tea leaf through great effort and suffering, stabs self in stomach for virgin's blood, offers cup with dying breath*


This is the Internet as it should be: a meritocratic caste society. *sits atop throne of nub skulls, sips cup*


+ Show Spoiler [Part 2] +
Part 2: Becoming More Than Tolerated

Now that you know how you can keep your ass on the premises, let's see how you can actually be liked. I know, it sounds incredible, but everything's possible on the Internet (they don't have to put up with your odor and that annoying way in which you pronounce the word "ownage").
The failsafe way of being liked on TL is contributing. Just write a five page dissertation on why Reach is the Asian Superman and be sure to include lots of statistics and words like "Shinhan". You'll have so many tongues up your asshole, I guarantee you'll never have to buy toilet paper again in your life.
Alternatively, you can try being funny, although this will fail more often than not.

+ Show Spoiler [danger will robinson] +
On June 23 2007 09:05 some weeny tryin tah be funny wrote:
you shuold micro your zeals into her hive perhaps?? hahah sneakz0r teh lings into the exp im not even makin sense anymore

*chuck norris reference*


Don't be that guy. Try coming up with original stuff. Instead of posting a picture of a cat with a hilarious "my pen0r isnt teh workingz!!" caption, construct a few words of your own. It's not all that hard.

+ Show Spoiler [yes this] +
On June 23 2007 09:17 a very nice boy wrote:


This will get you popular in no time, and all it takes is hours of grueling labor to garner the empty affection of an anonymous Internet crowd. Piece of mothafuckin' cake.


So, this was the final chapter in the Art of Posting series. I hope you guys enjoyed it and picked up some Posting Skills somewhere along the way (although I'm not quite sure where, exactly).
I'm not sure what I'm going to use this blog for next, but I'll probably think of something.
Always remember, kids: ~it's not a good post till somebody quotes u~

Meretriciously yours,

The #1 Poster

*****
Moderatorfollow me on twitter if u think ur so tough @BooyaCow
Cpt Obvious
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
Germany3073 Posts
June 23 2007 01:02 GMT
#2
first.
Nobody ever reads signatures of people like me, do they?
Cpt Obvious
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
Germany3073 Posts
June 23 2007 01:02 GMT
#3
I'm still improving, am I?
Nobody ever reads signatures of people like me, do they?
ilovezil
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States4143 Posts
June 23 2007 01:07 GMT
#4
On June 23 2007 09:29 vGl-CoW wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 23 2007 09:17 a very nice boy wrote:
<detailed analysis of every boxer game ever broadcast, interspersed with pictures of naked women>





This will get you popular in no time, and all it takes is hours of grueling labor to garner the empty affection of an anonymous Internet crowd. Piece of mothafuckin' cake.



Dude...those words are so true! :o

Wisdom and hilarity. What can't you do?
IntoTheWow
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
is awesome32274 Posts
June 23 2007 01:31 GMT
#5
hahahahahahah

awesome.

Long live the #1 poster. For i r intothewow i approve thy message.
Moderator<:3-/-<
dementus
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Singapore1151 Posts
June 23 2007 01:46 GMT
#6
niiiice!

does the final, unwritten chapter (how to reach the pinnacle in posting) entail writing a guide to posting, thus cementing one's status as a great poster and receiving endless e-fellatio/adoration?
"I couldn't stop myself from having unreal macro and sick timing senses."
vGl-CoW
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Belgium8305 Posts
June 23 2007 02:12 GMT
#7
On June 23 2007 10:46 dementus wrote:
niiiice!

does the final, unwritten chapter (how to reach the pinnacle in posting) entail writing a guide to posting, thus cementing one's status as a great poster and receiving endless e-fellatio/adoration?



hm... the force is very strong in this one
Moderatorfollow me on twitter if u think ur so tough @BooyaCow
Cpt Obvious
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
Germany3073 Posts
June 23 2007 03:52 GMT
#8
over ninethousand?
Nobody ever reads signatures of people like me, do they?
Hot_Bid
Profile Blog Joined October 2003
Braavos36374 Posts
June 23 2007 09:25 GMT
#9
haha nice
@Hot_Bid on Twitter - ESPORTS life since 2010 - http://i.imgur.com/U2psw.png
Hot_Bid
Profile Blog Joined October 2003
Braavos36374 Posts
June 23 2007 09:25 GMT
#10
On June 23 2007 12:52 Cpt Obvious wrote:
over ninethousand?

hahahaha point proven
@Hot_Bid on Twitter - ESPORTS life since 2010 - http://i.imgur.com/U2psw.png
dementus
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Singapore1151 Posts
Last Edited: 2007-06-28 03:24:52
June 28 2007 03:23 GMT
#11
christ, had no clue that many /b/tards were on these forumz..
"I couldn't stop myself from having unreal macro and sick timing senses."
tomatriedes
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
New Zealand5356 Posts
July 02 2007 03:07 GMT
#12
The only approprate response to such a great post would have to be- 'LOL!!!!"
or to put it more succinctly- 'ROFLZZZZ!!!!!!!!!'
McBeef
Profile Joined May 2007
Australia64 Posts
July 05 2007 00:20 GMT
#13
sicker than sars

i walk away a better poster, and somewhat less importantly, a better man
pango forever
omgbnetsux
Profile Blog Joined April 2004
United States3749 Posts
July 30 2007 00:43 GMT
#14
I think instead of forcing people to read the ten commandments, we should make them read Cow's blogs.
JensOfSweden
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Cameroon1767 Posts
Last Edited: 2007-07-30 01:36:38
July 30 2007 01:36 GMT
#15
nm
<3 Nada [On and off TL.net since 2002
Night[Mare
Profile Blog Joined December 2004
Mexico4793 Posts
November 10 2007 00:38 GMT
#16


you should really do one of this haha.
Teamliquidian townie
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