Unfortunately, a single month isn't enough time my man. You can't expect real results that fast.
I understand your impatience, trust me I do because it's the main reason I don't even start doing some of the things I should be doing.
Just keep it up, and don't sweat that you don't feel ready to go out with this girl. The fact you're so anxious about all of this probably means you shouldn't be forcing yourself into dating situations anyway. Keep doing the work, get results that you can actually feel and I think you'll be in a better place to actually start putting yourself out there.
Fuck online dating though I agree. I know it works for a lot of people, but I personally can't stand it. Waste of time for anyone that has the courage to talk to girls in real life in my opinion.
On June 25 2019 04:29 winlessplayer wrote: 166 cm for 69 kg (5ft5 for 10 stones 11 pounds).
Ah okay. You're not in a terrible place then. 5'5" is short enough for a decent number of women to be taller than you, but it's not that bad. As a shorter guy myself, I think it almost hurts more with guys...you just dont have as much natural presence as a guy who is 6'3". Doesnt mean you cant develop that presence.
With women, there are a few who will just disqualify you for being shorter than them. That's not that many though, I've slept with and/or dated women taller than me plenty of times.
Weight isn't that bad either. You could easily be looking not chubby in a few months, and you could look downright fit in 6-9 months of solid progress. Perhaps 4-6 months to shed 15kg, then spend 3 months eating good and lifting in the gym and you'll look athletic and ripped (not big by any means, but not skinny and with good muscle definiton).
That is the saddest I've read today and I was thinking exactly in the same way. I could eat like shit for 3 weeks and be very fat, but I need 6 to 9 months to look fit...
On June 26 2019 04:26 winlessplayer wrote: That is the saddest I've read today and I was thinking exactly in the same way. I could eat like shit for 3 weeks and be very fat, but I need 6 to 9 months to look fit...
The kind of eating youd have to do from looking fit to looking fat in 3 weeks would be stupid. I'd say, without just be ridiculous, the fastest you could realistically get to looking "fat" from being athletically in shape would be 1-2 months to look chubby, and 3-6 to look bonafide fat.
Also, realize by 6-9 months to look "fit", that fit is in the upper 5% of all bodies. So that's like running a mile in maybe 5:20. I dont know why its depressing to think you can look fantastic in well under a year. That's a pretty nice timeline. And in just 2 months or so you could be looking better than the average person.
Unless you're thinking of this 6-9 months process as somehow very unpleasant or very hard. If you are....you won't succeed. Maybe you can willpower it that long, but eventually old habits come back and in 2 years youd be out of shape again.
You need to figure out how to eat healthy and how to get some exercise in ways that are pleasant for you. Getting in shape shouldn't be a chore or unpleasant, especially the exercise part.
Losing weight always means a little restriction so its never 100% pleasant, but it shouldn't be every day "fuck I hate eating like this it's so miserable and so hard and I always deprive myself".
Sustainable, lifestyle change is the name of the game. Long term success if impossible without it. When you find your personal formula, none of this change is noticed nor does it feel difficult. It just kinda....happens.
If you start changing your diet to incorporate more fruits, vegetables, legumes and nuts, you'll notice you actually start craving these foods and junk food will be less appetizing to you. Thats the thing when people raise the 'Id rather enjoy my life and eat tasty junk food than be healthy' argument: once you adjust to a healthy diet, that will be the food you enjoy!
I've cancelled my gym membership, I'm not yet sure I'll be there in 5 weeks, and frankly I don't have any will power to go to the gym for 4 months to look just slightly better.
Maybe if I get to stay here for longer I'll reconsider it, and that's not even sure.
I'm not a sporty type, going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week is a huge dedication from me, if it doesn't yield results after a month, I'd rather not get any results at all, ever.
And that wouldn't solve anything dating wise, it was a delusion to believe just getting a better body would solve my romantic life.
I've gain a bit of an admiration for lean/fit/muscular people though, I understand what I could give and knowing that this is far from being the start of enough just make me realise how dedicated these persons are.
And doing all the exercises so badly, I'm probably more putting myself at a risk of injuries rather than making any progress, I've had some weird pains here and there and I'm sure those are not just "soreness", it may have been small injuries.
Now to decide whether I'll stay online dating or not... I can't bring myself to stop, but it's hurtful to be in such a desert, I have no other way of meeting women since I've stopped drinking, and even when I was drinking the pubs I went to had no single ladies anywhere to be seen...
On June 27 2019 06:14 winlessplayer wrote: I've cancelled my gym membership, I'm not yet sure I'll be there in 5 weeks, and frankly I don't have any will power to go to the gym for 4 months to look just slightly better.
If you feel like you need willpower...you're doing it wrong. You're also probably thinking of the gym as "hard" or "uncomfortable" or "painful". Those words don't motivate quite alot of people. If they don't motivate you, don't do those kind of trainings. You do NOT have to train hard at the gym at all to get solid results that put you in the top 5-10% of guys. You just have to be consistent, going once or twice a week of a light weight training session, and maybe 3 nice and chill cardio sessions each week. They don't have to be long or hard.
Most likely, you;re working out for 45' to 60' (or more) and feeling like those sessions are challenging. That's just way harder than you need to be going for results.
I'm not a sporty type, going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week is a huge dedication from me, if it doesn't yield results after a month, I'd rather not get any results at all, ever.
Don't go to the gym then. Go out for a hike in some hilly terrain, maybe even a walk. Try riding a bike. Go swimming. Just be active. If you're trying to tell me you don't enjoy ANYTHING active, then I'm calling you out on your bullshit. The body literally needs activity to function correctly, and we are designed to enjoy some physical activity (again, this does not mean you must go hard. This activity can be very light).
And that wouldn't solve anything dating wise, it was a delusion to believe just getting a better body would solve my romantic life.
Complex statement. It would make a HUGE difference in your online dating life. It's utter delusion to believe it wouldn't. If you're on tinder right now getting very rare matches, primarily with landwhales or very unattractive girls, a good body along with one or two professional pictures would take you from there, up to consistent matches with girls that are at least of average attractiveness, with occasional cute girl matches.This assumes you're face is a little below average. If you're an average looking guy, or slightly attractive, then you'd be getting likely 2-10 cute matches a day.
For online dating a good body, shown in a tasteful way, makes a HUGE, trans-formative difference.
In person, it will make a mild difference. It will absolutely help you, and it will be noticeable (in part because it dramatically increases how your face looks). It won't make it "easy" like it almost will online, but you'll be ahead of at least 50% of guys, and most average guys don't struggle to find girlfriends.
What it won't fix is if you have issues with confidence, awkwardness, etc. Those you have to fix on your own. Obviously, it also won't help at all with relationship management, which is a whole different ballgame.
I've gain a bit of an admiration for lean/fit/muscular people though, I understand what I could give and knowing that this is far from being the start of enough just make me realise how dedicated these persons are.
Most of them are dedicated, but probably not nearly as dedicated as you think. It doesn't take THAT much dedication to reduce your junk food and spend a few hours a week doing light activity.
If you mean the guys that have the commercial "perfect" six packs, then yes a shitload of dedication, along with uhh...vitamins....goes into that.
And doing all the exercises so badly, I'm probably more putting myself at a risk of injuries rather than making any progress, I've had some weird pains here and there and I'm sure those are not just "soreness", it may have been small injuries.
No, you're not. There are only a few exercises you can really hurt yourself with. Squat, bench, and deadlift. Neither of those are incredibly difficult to learn good technique. There are lots of videos out there by people like Alan Thrall or supertraining (Mark Bell) that can easily teach you the basics of good technique. If you start light, and focus only on technique you are extremely unlikely to injure yourself.
I guess the bottom line here is you have been given a TON of advice here in this thread....and have basically ignored it. I, and others, have literally talked you through every concern, and shown you how to make it a nonissue. You then continue to act like it's somehow "hard" or "takes willpower" despite being shown explicitly otherwise.
What you're basically saying is:
On June 25 2019 06:17 winlessplayer wrote: I'm very unhappy with where I am now. I'm out of shape, am having zero luck finding anyone and feel miserable because of that, and generally don't like my life. Despite that, the misery of eating a little better and going for a 30' walk three times per week is MUCH greater than the misery of continuing to be fat, alone, unhealthy, and having my body start to fall apart in my 30s and 40s.
That's bullshit, and you know it. You know you can change if you want, and you know you would be much happier if those aspects of your life were going better. It's utterly baffling that you choose to be an unhappy, unhealthy, unsuccessful person and ignore all the excellent advice you've gotten.
On June 27 2019 14:47 winlessplayer wrote: I've posted a week ago, let me process everything.
Also, it is not baffling, I need to hate myself and be unhappy to function, it is my fuel.
Well that is not a healthy state of mind. But it is possible to change that over time. It starts with things like exercise; it's seriously a wonder drug. It will boost your confidence, self-image, physical and mental health.
If possible I would also suggest some therapy, which can also do wonders in helping you adjust your self-image.
On June 23 2019 04:38 Subflow wrote: IF you want to loose weight, you have to do cardio. Thats the way to burn your fat effectively in the long run. I highly recommend cycling to you. But do it in the nature, not in the gym! And always eat enough and healthy (the right mix between Fats, carbohydrates, proteines and vitamins, also drink A LOT of water, because you will be sweating a lot when doing cardio) This way you build up stamina und you can train harder and for longer periods of time. After 1-2 months you can start to eat a little bit less, so when your training, your body will start burning your fat deposits very fast. Always stop eating when you feel full. Avoid artificial sugars. Eat raw vegetables, Fruits, if you still have appetite. But the most important thing to give your Body enough time to build up stamina, before you start loosing weight.
Awww, man! This guy gave actual real advice.
Seriously though, yes this is the way to do it. Ketosis works really fast but you can’t excercise at the same time without a lot of risk. Usually, the people capable of doing it don’t actually have to anymore, and do it more for 1. Religious reasons or 2. To improve brain function for a little bit when facing a problem.
I am ill equipped to advise here due to having the opposite problem most of my life: underweightedness.
On June 24 2019 08:06 L_Master wrote: How short? I'm 5'7" and it's never slowed me down at all. I have a couple guys 5'4" on my cycling team and they do fine as well. Guys make height out to be a big deal, but it really isn't. It's one factor of many, but how you look face/body and your social skills are significantly more important.
i have an uncle on my mother's side of the family who is 5'4". he was a massive stud "back in the day".
He drove a modified Camaro Z-28. funny as hell. related to everyone of every age. I used to screw myself into the ground trying to hit his curveball. great golfer... great curler. ( Curling is a thing in Canada). When I was 12 he showed me how to create my own part time weekend job that paid about $40 for 4 hours work back in 1999.
i'm 6'1"... obviously he is still 5'4". In my eyes he is a 10 foot tall giant. He is just an all around great human being.
yea i agree. i know a guy who is 5'7 and in good shape and has slept with over 100 women while being in his late 20s (wouldn't recommend btw). he has great confidence although that lifestyle comes with consequences. my point is, dont let height get you down about your success with women. id say focus your attention on bettering yourself with working out and dieting and you'll increase your own confidence naturally which will correlate with dating success.
On July 02 2019 02:53 castleeMg wrote: yea i agree. i know a guy who is 5'7 and in good shape and has slept with over 100 women while being in his late 20s (wouldn't recommend btw). he has great confidence although that lifestyle comes with consequences. my point is, dont let height get you down about your success with women. id say focus your attention on bettering yourself with working out and dieting and you'll increase your own confidence naturally which will correlate with dating success.
.... I hear you. I know what you say.. as I come from there. I am sure others reading your message do too. I have good news for you - it is possible, perfectly possible to have what you want. It is not due to luck... chance, not faith or some other rubbish - it is YOU. And sorry, but being ripped really isn't the answer. You gotta study it friend You gotta take it seriously... as if your life depended on it. You shall find hidden secrets and mysteries that shall remain as such for the vast majority of men. If...... you seek to really know women. If you seek to have a girlfriend, before long she will have YOU, and your life will be - as you rightly guessed - even worse than now :D Fool........ you want to fuck, you don't want security. Don't worry, I mean fool in a good way.. we're all fools brainwashed from culture, just each to various different extends. If you seek to be attractive as a lover to women the path is one...... and interesting. If you seek to be a potential boyfriend......... you shall get lost, trust me.. you will. As for the practicals... I know girls like fit guys, but they like even more guys that turn them on. LEARN IT.. it's not a rocket science... it's pretty much 100% about confidence. The confidence that if one girl is not up for it, the next one will be.. and if not her the next.. and the next.. and the next. Come on.. be honest you want to fuck...... just admit it, and step on solid ground. Then........ you shall make progress. Forget about all your conditions, these exist only in your head... women don't have those. Women (just like men) are animals.... learn how human animals mate.... how the female menstrual cycle works... read evolutionary biology.... dare to talk about sex with ANY woman you know (oh.. they love it!!!!!!).
Friend....... you really have it backwards (and that's fucking good news!!! ) - you think you gotta be ready, and then you'll get pussy. NO. You go and jump in the world of women... you tell them you like them, tell them they are attractive, tell them you realize that there are 3 BILLION of them..... so you got options... you got plenty of options. YOU be the man, and compliment them. A compliment is not the act of begging for sex... a compliment is a statement - that you are a man and she is a woman. Do it sincerely.. and I reckon 9 out of 10 women will blush and smile back at you, cos women know. They can tell bullshit.. and they can tell courage. You step up and be a man... and you'll be recognized as such. You DON'T need anything more, you have it... you fool. Of course you have it. Just go and do it.
EPT
