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It was a fun 3 months.
A few months ago I decided to go full time into esports. I had done the math and while I didn't think it was realistic to make tons of money casting StarCraft 2 full time, I had found a potential pathway to break even financially. It was a convenient time where I was quitting my current job as a software developer and was getting a consistent flow of job opportunities. I wasn't going to be saving money but the idea that I could hit break even living in a city like San Francisco was amazing to me. It wasn't a guarantee but it seemed realistic. I loved StarCraft and I loved being a part of this scene so even if I was going to take a ~75% paycut, I wanted to see how far I could go as a commentator.
Some other time I might write up about the experience of being full time. What I learned, what went well, what didn't, and how it compares to a "normal" job. I have a lot of thoughts on all of those things but this post isn't about that. It's about what changed from my original aspirations and why I gave up on my dream of being a full time esports commentator.
Reason 1: Self Confidence
If you've ready any of my prior blogs you'll know I have pretty major self confidence issues when it comes to casting. Some of it I think comes from reasonable sources. The gap between community casters and premier casters is pretty large and there is very little room for gradual development in the scene to jump the gap so it's easy to feel you haven't quite cleared it when your first opportunity is suddenly on the big stage with casters who all have been on there for at least 5 years.
Some of it comes from the mentality I developed to try and improve: everything is my fault. This is the mentality I take when it comes to playing StarCraft and is one I think the community reinforces a lot to non pro players. If you lose for any reason in StarCraft and you're not at the absolute top(often even if you are at the absolute top), then it's because you made a mistake not because of balance or some other factor. I took this stance with my casting very early on because I wanted to improve. "It's never my co-caster's fault, I just am not bringing out the best in them," "production flubbed a transition, I must not have given them a clear enough build in to it", etc. I know logically it's not always true but I'm a person of extremes and I have a really hard time doing balancing acts. I was afraid without this mentality I would become someone that blames others for my mistakes and didn't step up to improve. This mentality is great for improvement but when everything is your fault, you certainly feel like you fail a lot and I definitely don't feel like I get to take full credit for things going well.
As much as I hate to admit it, part of my self confidence issues also come from dealing with people who hate my casting. It's easy to say to get thicker skin, and I used to think I had thick skin. Honestly I really believed I did. I realize now that it wasn't actually the case though. The reason hateful comments and whatnot didn't used to bug me in the past was because no one had ever said anything to me that was worse than my existing opinion of myself. This mentality took me a really long way but I started to realize throughout last year that having 0 self confidence was not a long term solution. Since 2017 I've had mental breakdowns where I've convinced myself I didn't deserve the opportunities I got and would do drastic things like blocking and unblocking all the premier casters on twitter to force them to unfollow me, effectively trying to actively sabotage and destroy things I valued as "punishment". I saw a therapist about this stuff and worked on it a lot throughout last year and this year.
But all of this has been the case for a while. What changed in the past few months?
I think being full time has caused me to stake more of my life into this. There's no excuse of "I'm working with the time I've got" and a lot more concerns about my ability to do well affecting my financial situation. Beyond that, I think my two clearly messed up philosophies mentioned above started to backfire. The "everything is my fault" philosophy wears you down over time and constantly reduces your self confidence when you feel like you're only winning 3 out of 100 battles. The "your words don't bug me because I already have a worse opinion of myself" attitude is so obviously unhealthy but only started to backfire because I realized I actually need to develop some self confidence to become a better host and commentator. I realized though that this defense was an all or nothing defense against criticism and I could only mentally tolerate the hate if I had absolutely zero self confidence or a lot of it. Having only a small amount left me defenseless and this was exacerbated because the comments weren't just from random people. I would find this stuff in various twitch chats or discords being spoken publicly by other casters or players. And that really hurt.
Images of some negative feedback I got removed since their use was being misinterpreted.
This stuff wore on me and in case you haven't noticed, my mind doesn't judge internally based on my successes but rather my mistakes. It's especially hard to see players hate on your casting and I gradually got the impression that many of the European players greatly dislike it and think I'm a pretty terrible commentator. Not to say these comments are wrong or unjustified given I already don't think my commentary is very good, but it hurts to read nonetheless. But that's my problem, not theirs.
I should note I never saw or felt any of this from other casters on the big stage and want to remove any potential speculation that the other casters were trying to edge me out or anything. Every other big stage caster/host has been nothing short of supportive and helpful to me from ZombieGrub, Maynarde, PiG, InControL, Nathanias Artosis, Smix, you name it. My problems came from me and I don't fault players for thinking my casting was bad because it likely came from a place of honesty and I can't be upset with them for that. They know the game far better than I do and if my casting frustrated them or made them feel I was sub-par, they had their reasons for it.
Regardless my self confidence did not hold up and the additional stresses of the past few months made me feel worse about all of it. I will also admit that trying to consistently stream and laddering in StarCraft 6 days a week did not do much to add to my self confidence or lower my stress levels. I've always joked with my friends that the best motivator for me to work out is to have a really bad ladder session because it can make you feel so terrible that working out suddenly looks really appealing as a small semblance of confirmation that you didn't fail at least one thing today. I tried to stay in a positive mood for my streams but things gradually got the better of me.
Reason 2: Family Illness
This section is going to be shorter because I don't want to discuss the details of this too publicly but it's a major and important part of the decision so I wanted to at least address it. A few weeks ago one of my family members was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of cancer. I am trying to stay positive but the reality of the situation still drags on my thoughts on a daily basis. Besides having an obvious effect on my mood going into broadcasts or streams, it's made my schedule erratic, needing to take a week at a time off from streaming to help my family take care of them or just to spend time with them in the event that things don't work out. I've already had to turn down multiple paid opportunities due to an overlap with dates on a surgery or other and my stream has gone from being nearly every day to maybe 5 days in the last 17, not to mention I entirely changed my normal stream time so that I could commute 1.5 hours each way to see them 3-5 days a week.
Needless to say, this has a significant impact on my ability to do my job and I was not even able to watch most of WCS Spring because I was in the hospital that whole weekend. My family was still supportive of me pursuing things and were extremely accommodating of my schedule but I value them too much to sacrifice them for some opportunities.
Reason 3: Finances
I have to be somewhat vague on this part because of various NDA's and respect for other commentators. In reality, if it only affected me I would publicly post how much I made for every casting opportunity because I think it would illuminate how tough it is to be a commentator in esports compared to the amount of work you have to put in. I took something close to a 75% pay-cut but still felt I could barely scrape by in full time esports. Unfortunately a combination of reason 2 causing me to turn down some opportunities, not getting as many opportunities as I had originally expected this year, and difficulties with streaming caused my original financial plan to fail.
Much of my financial planning was based on a hope that I would, similar to last year, get the opportunity to be a part of every WCS studio broadcast this year as I had for the entirety of 2018 and all of 2019 up until the end of WCS Winter. As seen in the last season and upcoming season of Challenger, this won't be the case. I had also hoped to negotiate up prices for some of the opportunities I've gotten but things did not work out as I had hoped.
My last hope was that I could consistently stream and grow but as Reasons 1 and 2 began to happen, my stream quality degraded and with it so did my numbers. I was under no illusion of things like sub gifts inflating my subscriber count but even viewership numbers significantly fell and I realized I am simply not that interesting of a person. In order to retain viewership I had to constantly come up with new gimmicks to keep interest outside of a select small group of wonderful people who surprised me every day by showing up.
I still felt for a while that if I could focus on commentating events on my stream I could get by as it was the one place I still felt I had some of my original energy and enthusiasm while not having to be the focus of the stream. Sadly one of my realizations was that while running events does result in higher viewership, financially it is almost always worse for me than a very personal stream. This probably has to do with my commentating style that focuses heavily on the game over chat, having to run some of those events with a delay, etc. but financially it was far easier to justify regular streams over commentating streams.
Lastly, I was planning to move soon due to my current roommate getting married in the near future. Instead of moving somewhere that would not only be cheaper, but possibly provide additional work opportunities in casting, I decided it made more sense to stay close to family for Reason 2, albeit at a large cost. For those not familiar with San Francisco rent, it is not uncommon for a 1 bedroom apartment with a solid internet plan and not in a very shady part of the city to cost an upwards of $3,200 to $4,000 a month. This cost increase was a large blow the financial dream of not losing money every month that I knew I couldn't come back from.
The Future
If I'm being honest I'm not entirely sure what the future holds for me. I know I'm going back to doing software development full time and I can safely say that it was never something I quit because I didn't enjoy it. I honestly do love doing it so the fortunate thing for me is that I'm not being forced to go back to a career I hated. As for esports, I still have some obligations to fulfill and I'm going to put in the due time to ensure I still do justice to those respective events. You may see me stream every so often, doing some events like the NA Apprentice or some random team games with other streamers but I will no longer be keeping a regular streaming schedule.
After that, I don't know. Maybe I'll go back to my old life before I went full time and continue to passionately enjoy StarCraft on the side, still trying to improve and indulging in my love for StarCraft esports as I always have. Maybe knowing a full time life is not realistic for me will be a big demotivator, not knowing what I was building up to personally and I'll slowly stop being involved entirely. Maybe I will find something inbetween and embrace how much I enjoyed the North American StarCraft scene in particular and simply focus on that and let the rest of the world handle itself. I’m not gone yet but I do need to figure out where I want to be in the scene now.
Time will tell because right now I can't. I want to thank everyone who helped me on this 3 month experiment as a full time esports commentator and everyone who has supported me in the 8 years I've been a commentator. I especially want to thank ZombieGrub, Maynarde and Olimoley for being my rocks in the scene and hopefully lifelong friends who have dug me out of terrible spots more times than I could count.
And last thanks to the NA Starcraft scene for being a source of genuine joy the past 8 years. At my lowest points the thing that kept me in it and kept me going were things like Cheeseadelphia or Kings of the North. Those were the events that reminded me why I wanted to keep going. It was pure, unadulterated joy in seeing those bright young kids struggle to improve at something they deeply enjoyed, despite the odds being against them and the balancing act they had to pull as students and employees. So many of those guys found their way, their own way to solve problems and embraced what they loved about the game while creating a spectacular atmosphere of fun around their games and the events. I will love my memories of the WCS and IEMs, but to me the ones I'll remember decades from now will be the ones in those little rooms in Philadelphia where my problems seemed to disappear and everyone around me was a friend.
Happy Starcraft'ing everyone.
 
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thanks for the insight into the situation, Feardragon, and thank you for your contributions to the SC2 scene.
Best wishes for future endeavors
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Ravi your work has not only touched the lives of people from across the world but it's also paved the way for the growth of countless players and the scene as a whole. You represent all the great and good things that can come from individuals with passion, dedication, and a kind heart. Your future is a bright one and I know you will find success in whatever you set your mind to.
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You > Rifkin, that's all.
GG Bro, loved watching your stream, and personally, I actually like your commentary. I really enjoyed watching you and Zombie commentate together, you both were always so entertaining.
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Ravi you were one of the best friends I had in the scene while I was still around. I know we've only gotten to chat sporadically now but it was always still fun to get to talk and work with you every once in a while. Sucks to hear about everything that was going on, hope for the best for your family.
and I realized I am simply not that interesting of a person
The internet is tough and sometimes even the interesting folks get hidden away to the depths of the Twitch directory. You're a super fun guy as well as positive and sometimes the internet doesn't want that. But also it's okay to be unhappy sometimes so don't think you're doing anything wrong man.
Feel free to hit me up if you want someone to talk to, I may be busy but I'm always down to make time to help a homie out.
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Best of luck man and I hope we will still see you around, definitely enjoyed your positive vibe and impact on the scene!
Regardless of the reasons you mentioned, going full time in esports with sc2 in 2019 was always gonna be extremely hard especially living in San Francisco. Who knows if WCS is even a thing in 2020. I still think it's awesome you tried, but being a software dev while still enjoying starcraft on the side doesn't sound too bad!
Also fuck cancer and all the best to your family.
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Ravi you're an awesome caster and one of the most passionate people in e-Sports that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, hanging out with, and getting to know. I'm sorry for the family illness and for casting not going as planned. It's hard out there, especially in a niche scene like starcraft... the potential for growth is just so small and the odds are stacked against you. That along with the most toxic people in the scene (like rifkin and ptitdrogo) being rude is no easy thing to get through.
Losing you would be an immense blow to the North American scene, but I want you to do what's best for you. You've done so much for everyone else in this scene that you need to take care of yourself. Love ya man
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Basetradetv/Rifkin always whine on stream about how people grief him for his casting and channel, and then goes around to post a wall of text to back stab one of his friends and co-commentators. YIKES. If you want to give your friend constructive feedback, do it privately and in a nice way, don't post a passive aggressive wall of text, that's just shitty.
Keep your head up FearDragon. You are a great caster and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do after this  .
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It was fun to see you streaming and be able to pop in when it was a regular thing. I'm glad you at least got to give it the old college try. Glad you're at least going back to something you love!
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sad to hear, good luck in whatever exactly is next! hope things turn out well
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Sorry to hear about the tough times especially family illness. Keep your chin up man. You've had an awesome positive impact on the sc2 scene and nothing can undo that. Much love
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Sorry about the bad news in your family.
I always liked you even though I didnt's see all that much from you, mostly due to time zone issues. You seem to be a very genuine and nice person. Good luck in the future!
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Hey Ravi, I always enjoyed your time on the casting desk, your banter with InControL and ZombieGrub, and I loved your dedication to smaller events. I remember seeing you helping out in the live BTSL finals in Vancouver and thought it was so cool that you were supporting that fun little tournament.
I'd like to offer this perspective on your time in Starcraft esports: please don't think of this as being a failure. To become a professional Starcraft commentator without being a former pro is one of the hardest things to do, with some of the longest odds for any career I can think of. Yet you did that. You succeeded. You were a full-time professional Starcraft commentator, on the world stage, and you did a great job.
Best of luck with everything.
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Had to register just so I could post something! I always enjoyed your casting, it felt very fresh to have someone "new" pair up with the old dragons who've been there for so long in the bigger casts. I can really understand the whole feeling of not judging yourself by your wins but by your losses, a trait I've got myself I think (imposter syndrome, yaaaay) but you've felt so positive so I'm sad to hear that you've been having to hide that all this time.
As for pros, I've heard them say some seriously slaying comments about commentators level of game knowledge (Nerchio can dish it, I remember), but the whole Rifkin thing just reeks of some sort of envy. Last time I saw that guy he was casting the B- or C-stream at Homestory Cup where he managed to greet the audience by holding his arm straight forward up in the air too, until Zombiegrub got him to lower it. In Germany.
I really hope you bounce back soon and that your family gets well! Take care!
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![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/mfkMLmm.png) Just posting the full comment of Rifkin, He stated that he felt like WCS & Crew seemed like they are just showing up to work, and not much effort being put in on the whole. Wasn't singling out Feardragon, only that a recent example of it, including Incontrol basically telling Feardragon to shutup, made him fully articulate it. and ask what other people thought about it. Not just shamelessly "backstabbing" a friend.
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United Kingdom12022 Posts
Hey Ravi, I know that I barely know you but the short time I met you last year I really enjoyed. You're an awesome guy and from the casting I actually caught (not that I watch all that much SC2 unfortunately) I thought you did an amazing job.
I'm really sorry to hear about your parent, I lost my Mum at the beginning of this year so I know it's not easy. I hope that you get dealt a better hand and everything works out in the end and always try to look on the bright side - it may seem impossible at times, but it helps. Do the best you can to stay strong for your family and spend as much time as you can with them as I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
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I just want to say that your commentary, for me, has been one of the high points of the past season of SC2 I watched, really enjoyed it, as well as your contributions to The Pylon show. Thanks for everything!
Good luck with the future! I know a stranger on the internet cannot say much really, but if anything I do think that this level of introspection and self-reflection is super important and will lead you to a positive future
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Wish you and your family all the best
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Canada8988 Posts
Goodbye Ravi, thanks for everything you did all theses years, it's been a blast and I hope we get to see you back soon.
Good luck with your next projects!
Obligatory pointless drama
+ Show Spoiler +On June 04 2019 04:07 Tend wrote: Just posting the full comment of Rifkin, He stated that he felt like WCS & Crew seemed like they are just showing up to work, and not much effort being put in on the whole. Wasn't singling out Feardragon, only that a recent example of it, including Incontrol basically telling Feardragon to shutup, made him fully articulate it. and ask what other people thought about it. Not just shamelessly "backstabbing" a friend. I don't get how Rifkin of all people would decide to rant about others casters, I would have thought if someone knew how caster "criticism" can get how out hand it would have been him...
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I honestly think software engineering will be better for you, it's hard to do esports for a long time and should be much better for your mental health. If I may ask, what is your specialty in software engineering?
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Ravi, the esports community is lucky to have had people like you. Thanks for sharing your story and your passion throughout the years. Taking the leap you did takes courage-- being vulnerable about it takes even more. From the sidelines, I've always thought you were doing great! Sorry to hear about your family-- best wishes. I hope you remain as kind to yourself as you have been to the community as you build confidence in life.
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I like you, feardragon. And I hope you'll find your way back to the scene some day.
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Some thoughts from a person who doesn't like/dislike you in particular, so maybe my objectivity can help (I'll try to express myself as well as I can, not being english my main language).
1- As someone whose job sometimes includes treating it, F*CK the cancer. Hope all goes well with your family.
2- When I think about you as a caster/host, based on Challenger and WCS events basically, two things come to my mind: the vast amount and honest love you have for Starcraft, and the lack of strong character. In my opinion Incontrol, Nathanias or Zombiegrub are casters with an "aggresive" or pretty forward character when it comes to do their job, and when paired with them, your soft character becomes even more clear.
Also that "soft" sense of humor clashed with theirs, making it sometimes a little uncomfortable to watch you interact with them (I'm not refering to that "bulling" bull**it, I now you're good friends).
You seem like the kind of person I cannot picture in any other attitude than being nice and kind and smiling. And this is not a bad thing in life, but when it comes to being a public figure I think you need to have a stronger character.
3- Proplayers and casters will say that stuff about you, just as people say the same things about them all the time. It sucks but it is the way it is. And here it comes the same thing I mentioned earlier: strong character. I guess when it comes to being a caster/public figure in esports (young internet audience = LOTS of inmature idiots and trolls, even in a "mature" game like SC2) you need to develop a very thick skin. Either you can aproach the "I dont give a fuck" attitude (like Artosis, even the "0 communication" like Tasteless), or just take all that shittalking and try to deal with it in the best way possible (like the vast mayority does, including Incontrol, ZG, Maynarde, etc.).
4- About your self-confidence issues: you said professionals have helped you. I don't think the best way to reinforce this is to expose yourself to thousands of trolls and 13yo-behaviour idiots in Twitch, Reddit, etc. Maybe a good thing to build up that self-esteem is to step away from being a public figure for a while, until you feel more confident about yourself. Anyway, I'm not a psychologist so this is a personal opinion (like all the rest I guess).
Having said all this, I do think you are the most SC2-loving caster in the scene, I do think you have helped the NA scene A LOT, and I hope you find succes/hapiness in whatever you decide to do in the future.
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On June 04 2019 05:13 Nerchio wrote:
I honestly think software engineering will be better for you, it's hard to do esports for a long time and should be much better for your mental health. If I may ask, what is your specialty in software engineering?
As a fellow software engineer, this. There is a certain skillset required to do software, and it does not have much overlap with the skillset demanded by commentating or esports. And with all due respect to everyone involved with the scene, I personally could never make the transition from software to Starcraft. Not only is it a hugely different environment, the cost-benefit calculation simply doesn't add up. The mentioned 75% pay cut is only the tip of the iceberg; when considering all the benefits, perks, stock options, career growth, etc, it's not even remotely close to pragmatic. Most definitely not while living in SF.
I can deeply empathize with the woes of Bay Area housing. Have you considered moving closer to San Jose? SF prices are straight up ridiculous and many large companies have offices between the two cities. You might be able to work at the same place and just commute from the opposite direction. San Jose prices aren't great, of course, but something in the $1500-2000 range is not uncommon, assuming you have roommates. If you get lucky you might find a place in Sunnyvale or Santa Clara for around the same. I've heard that San Mateo and Redwood City can be reasonable as well. The Bay is a big place.
Best of luck in life and Starcraft.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51449 Posts
Hope your family member makes a recovery and you don't get to stressed out, thanks for the entertainment and what you have done for the scene, wish you well Feardragon!
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I have appreciated your passion and everything you have given to the scene, good luck in the future!
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Thanks for everything Feardragon! Could always count on you to be there for commentary for any event, big or small. Hope all goes as well as possible with the family, will blink DT the ladder tonight for you!
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I see myself in you. That same voice telling me everything is my fault. I've had to marginalize sc2 because I couldn't stop hating myself if I lost to a low mmr player. But abrupt endings inspire slow beginnings.
Get in there Ravi.
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Your passion is great and fills a much needed spot in the scene. It's always a pleasure tuning into an NA event with you casting it as you really bring knowledge & passion to it. I do hope you return to the scene like before you were fulltime as you contributed tons back then too.
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Gl hf bro. Im sure it wont make you feel better but there isnt a caster out there.. Tastosis included that idiots havent posted thoughtless negativity about. PS not being an interesting caster doesnt make you not an interesting person bro.. Personally havent seen u cast but its easy to get the literal entire e world turned against you for saying one wrong thing at a big event.. sorry about your fam hope you get some better luck with that.
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Ravi I'm sorry to hear about your family I hope everything can start improving on that front.
I've always considered you a friend even though I fell out of the scene for 2 years it was great to come back and hang out and work with you at Cheeseadelphia in December. I hope that we will be able to hang out at more Cheeseadelphia events in the future.
I want you to know that I think you were really brave to try and take the plunge and go full time. Just like you that was always the dream when we started casting back in WoL. I'm sad to hear things didn't work out the way you had hoped and wish you all the best in everything you do in the future <3
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i enjoy your casting. depression is a bastard...pro-tip... use profanity when something upsets you.
try it...
watch..
fuck ptitdrogo
fuck rifkin
see... feels better amiright?
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United States1434 Posts
Cool. I've always wondered what it's like getting involved in the e-sports industry and this was an informative and enjoyable read! Hope you do well with your future pursuits, feardragon. o7
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that's all right. watching a stream is the same as having sex. I don't like this professional stuff too much. if you wanna make a living out of it, you are poised to create new content nonstop. and at one point you are producing videos on youtube, because you have to and not because "wow that cool stuff and it would be fun to make a clip about it". and oftentimes you have seen those videos in a pretty similar fashion before. sometimes i hear on streams "my new video goes up at..." ...I don't blame anyone for that but it feels so unnatural... like a routine. i really prefer those streamers, who are only doing it for fun. they don't care to much about numbers and just do what they think is fun.
and i want my girls to hop on cause they wanna have fun... not to earn money and do their business stuff. so do your fulltime job and if you find the time stream a bit. i will be there!
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feardragon might not be the top SC2 caster, but I don't even always want the top casters. SC2 should cover a large field, of players, of casters. I like feardragon not overhyping matches. Insteading showing how he cares about the game, and players.
About the criticism, I remember Tastosis got a lot. Sometimes, there were some valid points I think, but I saw a lot of uninformed, over-the-top critique, sometimes even today. It took years or the casting archon's omnipresence to cement the current standing of being generally accepted as good.
Players are not always known for being well spoken. Drogo's comment is probably meant as hyperbole, written in an angry state. Maybe it is also a power game, wanting to get more positive recognition from a caster. Or it is just expressing contempt for a non-top caster, again as a kind of power game.
But the player is not who the caster works for. As audience member, I like to have a range of options. This includes feardragon.
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Ravi,
You can have love for a game without it consuming you. What is fortunate for you is that you have an education/career to return to. Many casters/former pros don't have that safety net in case SC2 viewership dries or something bad happens.
We have a lot in common. I am an Indian from the East Coast, and so I do what East Coast Indians do-- medicine. You do what West Coast Indians do-- tech. I value my family above everything else and my parents have had some recent health scares, but nothing on the order of pancreatic CA or whatever your parent has. I love StarCraft, and I watch and play it every day. But at the end of the day, I know it is and always will be solely for recreation, not to make a living. Last year, two pros made more than my salary (Serral and Maru). You should go back to tech and realize that with your additional earning potential, you can either try to achieve FIRE and then play/comment for fun, or you can pursue the standard Indian path (ie, marriage and kids). And if you are planning on staying in the Bay Area long term, I don't think it would be feasible as a full time commentator.
Finally, don't ever mind the haters. They will always be there. And they will always meme, because it's way cooler to meme hate than to meme love. TBH, your casts never once bothered me. [That said, I end up muting 99% of casts, including Tasteosis, since most of the stuff talked about in any cast is garbage that has no relation to the game. I tune in for StarCraft, which I get from the production tab and minimap, not stand up comedy.]
TLDR - I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I agree that taking a break from StarCraft and focusing on family and finding a new job is the right thing to do.
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That’s sad to read. My best wishes for you. You rocks!
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Best of luck. This was an awesome experience that I think you will be really proud of later on when (as we all do) you transition into a different life.
Wishing you and your family the best.
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just wanted to say i always appreciated what you had to offer to the scene and never had a bad thought about your style or anything. Sad to see you go - hope you can find your happiness.
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I'm sad to hear that the confidence part and illness in the family was a part of this, but I kind of figured the finances would be a bigger and bigger factor over time once I knew you went full time.
It's hard to replace that 'grown up job' income. But I get why you thought it was worth a shot at it.I did something similar in 2013 when I was between jobs anyway and took a shot on joining a shitty start-up that went under in a few months. Was fun to try and then i just moved on afterwards and went back to esports being a hobby i put money into instead of trying to make money from.
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I found the videos in the past relatively entertaining. I haven't watched NA starcraft in the last almost 2 years because I can't stand the casting as a whole. The lack of knowledge that everyone has is just astounding. Life is tough, you deal with it, you move on. Wax on, wax off.
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I've been watching more non-Korean SC2 lately and your casting was definitely one of the things I enjoyed about it. That statement by Rifkin is just plain pathetic. As a general rule, never punch down. This just reeks of jealousy. It's a shame that in esports, being an ass is still synonymous with "having a personality".
Life-wise, you're probably making the right choice anyway. SC2 won't be able to sustain any but its most prominent players and casters for much longer anyway. Plus, everyone gets older. Somehow I'm having a hard time imagining the current set of casters still doing this in their 40s. Everyone will have to move on with their lives at some point.
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On June 04 2019 04:07 Tend wrote: Just posting the full comment of Rifkin, He stated that he felt like WCS & Crew seemed like they are just showing up to work, and not much effort being put in on the whole. Wasn't singling out Feardragon, only that a recent example of it, including Incontrol basically telling Feardragon to shutup, made him fully articulate it. and ask what other people thought about it. Not just shamelessly "backstabbing" a friend.
Looks precisely like shameless backstabbing to me. That he'd speak that way about a fellow caster is simply astonishing.
@feardragon you're alright man. Shit talk from people like that should be taken as a compliment and nothing else. Just shake it off and focus on soldiering through these challenges life's serving up for you. Just hang in there man, you'll come out stronger on the other side and awesome things will start happening again.
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I'm going to miss being able to see you every day, but I'm not so selfish to acknowledge the fact that you have to take care of yourself and your family first. If assholes want to treat you poorly for doing what you love, it's because they don't have the courage to do it themselves.
You took a risk and in my opinion you knocked it out of the park and I'm sorry that you don't feel that way. I'm glad you have other fulfilling work to go to, even though I'm disappointed in this community for continuously being toxic and chasing people away, while simultaneously wondering why it's not growing the way they want it to.
Whenever you stream, as long as I'm not at work I will make sure to tune in, and I'll be happy as long as you're happy.
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Much respect to you for having the balls to attempt to go full-time and following your dream. Seeing the direction that Blizzard has been going with regards to their esports program(s), I think you've made a good decision to call it at this point. Going full-time for three months is really a unique life experience and you'll be able to look back on it fondly in the future.
Honestly, just bringing positive energy is way more important to casting than nailing every technical detail about players' builds and strategies. You'll never be able to impress people like Ptitdrogo with your in-game insight, and that's fine. Most viewers are like, Diamond and below, and they won't care for the super in-depth analysis that Twitch chat GMs are yearning for.
Just look at this GSL game. PartinG cuts Probes to go for 13 Gate fast Adept rush in game 1, and the commentators completely missed it. A Twitch chat GM like myself would probably yell at them for days for this mistake, but somehow I don't think they or the rest of the Twitch chat cares too much. They're drawn in by the atmosphere created by the casters, just casually watching and not dissecting every word they say. Everybody makes mistakes, and when I look at your casting as an entire package, it's well above average for me.
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I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best.
For what it's worth, you were my favorite member of the WCS challenger cast. Even if you could not make the full-time SC2 dream happen, I hope we'll still get to see you at many future events!
How anyone can keep a Starcraft ladder stream fresh 6 days a week is beyond me, but I liked your gusto and your antics and I enjoyed dropping by your stream every now and then.
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Family first, but you have to Dream. Dream big until the day u die. Don't let anyone kill it.
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Just popping to say that I genuinely admire you for being able to make this decision and articulate it so well. It's very easy to get sucked into giving your all, sacrificing your mental health, finances, personal happiness, relationships, etc, for something that is ultimately not going to be worth it--and really, very few things are worth that kind of sacrifice. It may seem like choosing to prioritize your family and personal wellbeing over a difficult, near-impossible dream is wimping out, being a loser, justifying the critics, etc, but it's really not. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to do, or at least the thing that takes the most courage and wisdom.
Good luck with your efforts in the future, & I hope to still see you around the scene. Who knows, you might find you enjoy it more now that there's less immediate pressure riding on it.
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damn I've always defended Rifkin on here and reddit (and twitch) but what a fucking douche for calling Ravi out like that. dude, seriously rifkin??
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Rifkin... there is a reason I don't watch BasetradeTV. Comments like that, the joke he made about ZombieGrub's breasts in his statement about her leaving, ect...
He is a classless individual.
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There may be people (some serious maybe but I would bet mostly trolls/bullies) who speak negatively about your casting but I think that many more people enjoy it and appreciate your contribution the Starcraft community. That said, I think you have made the right decision and I hope things will go well for you.
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Rifkin is really the last person who should complain that someone doesn't bring depth to a cast. Rifkins immaturity speaks for itself, as does the fact that he hasn't been invited to cast a major tournament in a long time... this guy has a lot to learn, not just about Starcraft.
For what it's worth, I never wss the biggest fan of feardragon either (personal preference, not because I think he's not a good caster) but I totally respect him pursuing his dream and calling it quits when he felt he had to.
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On June 04 2019 09:33 BronzeKnee wrote:
Rifkin... there is a reason I don't watch BasetradeTV. Comments like that, the joke he made about ZombieGrub's breasts in his statement about her leaving, ect...
He is a classless individual.
Whatever his intentions were, I think he crossed the line of constructive criticism and devolved into roasting feardragon when he said "adds nothing of value" and "cheap labour?" Hopefully he apologizes
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United Kingdom20276 Posts
On June 04 2019 09:49 Anc13nt wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2019 09:33 BronzeKnee wrote:
Rifkin... there is a reason I don't watch BasetradeTV. Comments like that, the joke he made about ZombieGrub's breasts in his statement about her leaving, ect...
He is a classless individual. Whatever his intentions were, I think he crossed the line of constructive criticism and devolved into roasting feardragon when he said "adds nothing of value" and "cheap labour?" Hopefully he apologizes
He rarely does. This is one more incident on a huge chain that goes back years.
--
Best of luck Feardragon~
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Thank you for sharing your story. All the best for you in the future.
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Rifkin is the new Avilo; someone I once supported and eventually grew to dislike.
Rifkin even complains about complainers on stream WHILE a game is being played out. Unprofessional. You can be edgy, you can be fun, but you can't rain on all your viewers experience for the acts of a vocal minority that don't like you.
He talks a lot of crap but I don't see his stream doing things any differently than any of the other online tourneys. In fact, it's worse because of the negative personal dramas.
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feardragon, I'm happy that you got to try it out. Its an amazing thing to be able to say that you casted Starcraft in front of thousands of people. You can't get to such a position by accident.
It's great that you have a career to fall back on. I'm happy that you gave yourself that safety net.
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?36923 Posts
Thread has been removed from Community News and has been Spotlighted to the front page instead.
EDIT: NVM. We’ve decided that it belongs in CN.
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I’ll just start by saying regardless what you do from now on, you have and will always have my respect. I have to admit I rarely post on here, but have lurked for years and have to say that was a hard read. I won’t say much on the family or finance issues, any one of those issues could easily crush a person, but all combined is really a gut punch. All I can do is comment on SC2.
I’ll be honest and say that good casting is what got me into Starcraft 2 eSports. The days of Nath and Rotti together were some of the best times. The games are sometimes amazing, but anyone can watch a reply or match but it’s the commentary that really adds a presence and drama to an event, so don’t under sell the impact you’ve had. We’ve unfortunately lost more good casters than we’ve gained, so when you, Maynarde and Zombiegrub started appearing more it was nice to see the caster lists were growing. I liked your approach to things in the casts but it’s only fun if you’re enjoying it too.
You compare things in life to SC2, so in terms of confidence, I’ll just say this; Strive, but don’t compare yourself to the Serrals, don’t compare yourself to the GM’s, don’t even compare yourself to your opponents. Compare yourself to you. If you’re better now, than you were 3 leagues ago, then even if you’re only winning 3 out 100 battles, you’re still winning some amazing games far beyond the reach of other people. I thank you for all you’ve done, hope things improve on all fronts and hope you take all the time necessary to gain what you need.
Happy Starcraft'ing too. GG wp.
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Power to you for sticking with it as long as you did; I can't imagine even trying without an incredibly thick skin. Establishing yourself in places with such ready comparison to others that already have sounds like a feedback nightmare.
If confidence was a real reflection of ability, most people would have far less. Tackling that contradiction full on as you clearly have takes courage, and you've a right to be proud of it whatever anyone says. I admire you tremendously for sticking to your guns and facing everything about that in the way most of us can't.
Best of luck to you and your family!
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Dude, you got your chance to shine and I'm so proud of you. I totally understand point 3, it's the same reason I and Buddha quit.
The thing is, you'll always be remembered no matter what as someone that persevered and MADE IT among the people that tried and that is definitely something to be proud of.
All in all Ravi, do what you what you gotta do, but I'm happy for you no matter what challenge it is you're taking on next!
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@Ravi: Thank you for making Sc2 casts more professional. I hope it has a lasting effect.
You should really claim some confidence / points from the many times you brought the cast back to where it was planned to be & add the missing infos while your "co-caster(s)" made fun of you.
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I always liked your casting man, good luck in your future.
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Wow. Feardragon must be salty as hell to drag up some super old criticism and lob it as a bomb on his way out.
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Thank you for everything you've done for StarCraft, you rock. I wish you and your family good luck and strength. I always enjoyed watching you on the events, you always had something good to say. I liked what you brought to the casts. Best of luck!
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On June 04 2019 12:19 Boggyb wrote:
Wow. Feardragon must be salty as hell to drag up some super old criticism and lob it as a bomb on his way out.
I would be surprised if anyone were not salty about that.
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It sucks that it usually takes for a post like this for people like me to respond.
Still, I just wanted to say that Ill miss your casting.
There is so much more to casting than just game knowledge, and as long as you contribute other things to the cast I think thats great. And especially this last year I really enjoyed your casting, and I felt you really were finding your roll.
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I have to say that I never particularly enjoyed your casting as it did seem very vanilla, monotone and a bit lacklustre in terms of ingame knowledge, but I could definitely see the tremendous amount of effort and work you put into everything sc2 as well as your burning passion for the game and its community. So here's a big thank you for your efforts even though I would not consider myself a fan.
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Hopefully we will keep seeing you in SC2! I have always enjoyed your casting!
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Dont let people who are worse at the job tell you how you are doing!
Imho your casts are good except for one thing: You lack the confidence to speak your mind from time to time. Which does not mean you are not interesting. It means for some reason you cant get the interesting thing out. Keep in mind, you are talking to a bunch of nerds on a nerdy nerd forum. Most of us know the feeling all too well.
If you mange to handle that better, you will be an awesome caster. Or whatever the hell else you wanna do.
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I always enjoyed your casting Feardragon. It's sad that it didn't work out.
I hope you'll be well !
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Hey Feardragon, I wish you best of luck for yourself and health and recovery for your family!
Just want to say that from my perspective there are not many casters, that are actually better than you.
Obviously Tastosis play in another league, but then there are really only Rotti, Pig and maybe Tod left worth mentioning. They all profit from their progamer experience and great game knowledge and have decent casting skills.
Maynard lives off his great voice and good casting skills, combined with decent analysis.
Zombiegrub obviously has great game knowledge but only recently stepped up her actual casting to a decent level.
Incontrol and Nathanias live of their aggressiveness and eccentricity.
I think you have really good casting skills, but probably could improve more on the on-the-fly analysis section. Other than that I think a lot of it is eccentricity, confidence and conveying that you have fun to add that extra entertainment value.
But no matter what anyone says: you are a good caster.
And you are always polite and respectful, which is to be admired.
Maybe you can keep the casting/streaming going every now and then on a for fun basis?
*Edit: forgot maynarde
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Netherlands4511 Posts
You wouldn't have made it as far as you did if you didn't have quality. Thanks for your dedication and all the work you put into the SC2 scene these past couple of years, hope to still see you around when you're ready.
Hoping your parent will have a good recovery.
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Sorry to hear about your family! I'm also sad to hear that full-time SC2 didn't work out but I hope that we'll still see you around. To me you were probably the biggest reason that Challenger took such a huge step forward last year. (Along with the other casters and crew of course but you're the one that first comes to mind when I think of challanger)
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Thanks for everything Feardragon. Hope you manage to channel all that passion into a different career and be happy doing so.
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I actually made a comment once, because i felt very bad for feardragon who was cocasting with incontrol. I like incrontrol. I think he can be the most creative, funny, hilarious caster out there. But in that particular situation for me it felt like feardragon was a bit overwhelmed, maybe a bit anxious. I could tell that he was struggling in that moment. Incontrol did not try to help him regain stability, he didnt use his superior selfconfidence and expertise to take over or whatever. He just began making jokes about what feardragon was saying, pointing out what he was doing wrong critizising pretty much everything that came out of feardragons mouth. For me it felt like a public shaming or a verbal beatdown in front of an audience. I dont know the context so i dont claim to be right here. But i think sometimes you have the chance to help someone to stand on his own feet by giving him a hand or you can push him away and make him fall. I wish more people would decide on giving a hand. Also if there is reason for critique: Do it after the f....ing cast.
Anyway... Good luck, feardragon. All the best for your and your families health, your next job and everything else.
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I hear the screaming crowd : FEARDRAGON ! FEARDRAGON ! FEARDRAGON ! FEARDRAGON ! FEARDRAGON !
Feardragon, thank you for your contributions to the SC2 scene.
Best wishes for future
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On June 04 2019 19:03 Liquid`Ret wrote:
You wouldn't have made it as far as you did if you didn't have quality. Thanks for your dedication and all the work you put into the SC2 scene these past couple of years, hope to still see you around when you're ready.
Hoping your parent will have a good recovery.
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I'm very sad to hear this, but thank you for your honesty. It's not easy to open yourself up to your community like that.
I wish you all the best for your family and your own mental health. You definitely chose to put the right things first.
I also hope you do not see this end of your Starcraft carreer as a failure. From my perspective, it has been a huge success. I know this is hard to see, especially when you suffer from issues with self-confidence, but you've made it! How many people think about becoming professional streamers and casters but you are the first one in a long while to break into the scene and make it all the way to casting premier tournaments. You didn't make it this far because people felt like being generous, if you're selected to cast WCS it is because you have the right skills to do it. I could certainly list many things you brought to the WCS Challenger cast where you complemented your more experienced co-casters and brought things to the table that they did not. Likewise, you mention the support you received from your fellow casters and hope you know that it's not just because they're your friends but because they genuinely believe in your abilities and that your right place is as a caster.
Nevertheless, separating your hobby from your professional life is probably the best decision to handle the issues in your life. Hopefully it does help you to develop a better mental relationship with Starcraft again. I certainly would love to see you involved in some way with NA events in the future again.
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I thought you improved a ton during your time professionally casting. A few days ago I tuned into your stream; you were solocasting an event and I was very impressed by how much better you had gotten.
btw if you are goign to do software engineering, don't be afraid to utilize the big programming thread here: https://tl.net/forum/general/134491-the-big-programming-thread
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Your willingness to acknowledge your lack of confidence issues is the first stepping stone to improved self confidence. There are more steps you'll need to climb. However, step one is complete.
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I enjoyed the casting for the most part. Was it perfect? No not at all but overall i was just happy to have a tournament to watch. I feel like casting is a very tough thing to do....one that I know I would be horrible at. Maybe it wasn't for you feardragon but you had the fortitude to try it and that's the takeaway here. Congrats for realizing what is important in your life and what you want to do / are good at.
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On June 04 2019 15:45 Anc13nt wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2019 12:19 Boggyb wrote:
Wow. Feardragon must be salty as hell to drag up some super old criticism and lob it as a bomb on his way out. I would be surprised if anyone were not salty about that.
Sure, but it is unhealthy to be that salty still so longer after the fact. You can also debate whether it is ever healthy to try to get revenge on those you feel have wronged you.
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I commend ANY caster for SC2.
But for you, I commend greatly, cause you've been around for so long, and you are loved. Do not let the trolls get you down.
You down the trolls.
<3
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I am so happy that you don't have to go back to something you hate, that is a relief.
The thing that got lost in communication and surprised me the most in your post is that you are actually passionate about SC2. Your passion I guess got overshadowed by your self doubt, which is really sad. My oranges to your apples: I love skateboarding, I am terrible at it (no, no self confidence issues, objective observation), but when people walk by they cheer me on or start up a conversation with me, I assume because my love for it just shines. So I thought passion always shines through, saddening that it didn't in your case. :-(
I wish you all the best, I hope you really enjoy the opportunities that are left to cast, there shouldn't be pressure so let us bath in your light!
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you discuss self confidence quite a bit.
The "your words don't bug me because I already have a worse opinion of myself" attitude is so obviously unhealthy but only started to backfire because I realized I actually need to develop some self confidence to become a better host and commentator. I realized though that this defense was an all or nothing defense against criticism and I could only mentally tolerate the hate if I had absolutely zero self confidence or a lot of it.
On June 04 2019 02:11 feardragon wrote:
II saw a therapist about this stuff and worked on it a lot throughout last year and this year.
I recommend this book.
https://www.amazon.ca/Raise-Your-Self-Esteem-Action-Oriented-Self-Confidence/dp/0553266462
This is not a book you passively read straight through. It is a work book. Building greater confidence requires new ACTIONS and new BEHAVIOURS. Confidence and Self Esteem is something you build over time. It is the reputation you acquire with yourself.
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feardragon > Rifkin, R talks about his dick all the time and it’s fucking infantile and alienates all nonmale viewers.
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I personally very much enjoyed you as a caster. After reading about more of your journey, I feel inspired by what you've done.
Not many people in life ever set out to do exactly what they want to do, and you did (and you achieved it!) It's amazing to me that you took that big of a pay cut to experience the things you wanted to, bravo. That takes a lot of strength and focus. If you can set your mind to something like that and make it, I imagine you can do just about anything you want.
I hope these posts can shine some light on all the positive impact you've made. You could totally write an esports book 
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44 Posts
The Internet will always find fault in anyone, but here's something I wonder about: Have you tried to pick out the constructive bits out of the hate? It seems to me that what most people don't like about your casting (and this isn't to say that most people don't like your casting) are the puns. Maybe you think your puns are great and maybe you strongly believe that puns should be made on stream, but just by watching the reaction on twitch chat I think it's obvious that many (maybe most) viewers don't think your puns are very good.
p.s
I'm really sorry to hear about your parent's health, man. Full health to your family.
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On June 05 2019 02:15 Jathin wrote:
Good luck with your future endeavors.
You had the great misfortune of being paired with Incontrol as a co-caster. The average age of your audience is ~15, so of course the "feedback" you were getting is that they preferred him over you. Wow, what a great accomplishment to be a group of internet trolls' hero. Must take a lot of skill. At least you tried and failed at something worth trying and failing at.
You'll do better in the real world with a more mature audience.
A bit dickish, but not inaccurate
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
Jathin still mad about the 2v2 — just say something nice to Ravi without being an idiot. 15 year olds being the sc2 demo?? What lol
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dont let haters get you down. keep in mind these people are losers who have never risked anything or put themselves out there. its much easier to be a nobody in your parents basement talking trash online than to make something of yourself
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Bro you will always be a winner, it's all about the struggle and the battle, and the consistency. You were always very nice, polite, and professional. These are highly valuable traits that open doors in life.
Also, do not take at heart when someone barks that there is something you cannot do. You can do anything, if you put in the consistency, day in and day out, relentless work, into it. Hard work makes the difference, that's where your attention should be focused on, instead of the opinion of others.
feardragon = FIGHTERdragon
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feardragon, I believe over the last few years the quality has improved and you've achieved much.
Confidence comes from a wealth of experience being able to trust yourself to deal with anything that happens. Being open to criticism of a constructive nature is fine, but over sensitivity will crucify you. No one is immune to such things.
In regards to family stuff, that blows. I know how that feels. Do what you feel is right for you. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
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On June 05 2019 02:15 Jathin wrote:
Good luck with your future endeavors.
You had the great misfortune of being paired with Incontrol as a co-caster. The average age of your audience is ~15, so of course the "feedback" you were getting is that they preferred him over you. Wow, what a great accomplishment to be a group of internet trolls' hero. Must take a lot of skill. At least you tried and failed at something worth trying and failing at.
You'll do better in the real world with a more mature audience.
The mature audience would turn on him for his super unprofessional move to take shots at people while leaving.
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Thank you for all your contributions!
I remember the first time I saw you on a stream a long while ago I was wondering who would volutarily listen to a guy like that. Your constant improvement was a joy to witness and at some point you basically became my favorite face on WCS NA. I always appreciated that you exuded dedication and genuine passion everytime you were on a stream. Your departure will be a loss for sc2.
That being said, I believe that for you personally going back to software development is the right choice. Just make sure to not look at your full time casting career as a failure, but instead remember that you have positively affected people around the globe.
I wish you all the best for the future and thanks again for being one of the outstanding members of the community!
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Man, this was quite hard to read. It paints a depressing picture of the sc2 pro-scene, and its future, like if SC2 esports was a stock, i would be selling right now.
The "criticism" from Rifkin is rich, since I constantly have to watch his content on mute.+ Show Spoiler + I wish i could say he "adds nothing of value" to the games, but it's a lot worse than that. Still, I was trying to hold back, I havent posted anything negative about him, since i did appreciate the work he put in in organizing all these smaller events or secondary streams.
Feardragon, Ravi, I love you for these sincere words, and wish you nothing but the best. I am 100% convinced that this experience can help you in your old career. Most software developers dont get ahead because they're that much better than their competition, they get promoted or approached with better opportunities, because besides being good at coding they can communicate, and network better, and organize their shit better than their peers.
Low self-esteem and anxiety are very real and very serious things, and there isnt much better solution to them than tackling the problem head on, being aware of it and not letting them win by conceding without trying.
Im convinced that being exposed to this highly competitive, and sometimes toxic environment made you stronger, and the fact that you could say "fuck it, let's try, whatever comes out of it" could be a solid foundation to build self-esteem in the future. An overwhelming majority of people dont have the balls to do it.
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I only hope the best for you. I think you really are too hard on yourself, but I understand why you feel you must leave. I've also had to largely cancel my life for a loved one with cancer. Try to find joy where you can, and know that a lot of us (especially those who love puns) really appreciated you.
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I loved your WCS Intros, they were very original and fresh.
Your passion and bravery in pursuing your dreams despiste many odds are inspiring. Take it easy and best luck for you and your family.
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"but even viewership numbers significantly fell and I realized I am simply not that interesting of a person"
Bro........just cause youre not doing great on twitch doesn't mean you are not an interesting person. Are any of the pros we love watching all THAT interesting of people??? They mainly just play starcraft...not that interesting! but many are high level GMs and that is going to be more fun for an sc player to watch than a lesser skilled player, and it sounds like you have way too much life stuff going on to worry about being a GM in SC.
Just please dont let random starcraft nerds have any effect on the view of your self worth. What does rifkin do besides sit his fat ass in his gaming chair all day???? Like who would EVER aspire to be like rifin? LOL..there no insult he could say that would change the fact that Id much rather be me (or you) than him. I enjoy moving my body around way too much for that
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Sorry to hear your leaving the StarCraft 2 scene. Wishing you best of luck in your future!
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On June 05 2019 04:27 Boggyb wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2019 02:15 Jathin wrote:
Good luck with your future endeavors.
You had the great misfortune of being paired with Incontrol as a co-caster. The average age of your audience is ~15, so of course the "feedback" you were getting is that they preferred him over you. Wow, what a great accomplishment to be a group of internet trolls' hero. Must take a lot of skill. At least you tried and failed at something worth trying and failing at.
You'll do better in the real world with a more mature audience. The mature audience would turn on him for his super unprofessional move to take shots at people while leaving.
You're the only talking about it, does that mean you're the only mature one?
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a 75% paycut . . .and you could break even??. Im a software developer, im not sure how good you are but im quite high up in my role. Taking a 75% paycut will mean my lowest paid employee would be getting less than someone on minimum wage working the same hours. What SE/D are you doing? Looking at where they live mortgage and bills is all they could do. forget any disposable and a car and this is going off someone making around 40 - 60k doing what we as im sure you know junior roles.
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Feardragon is such a nice person and I'm sad to see him leave like that, SC2 needs every warrior like him.
I kind of agree with Rifkin's post though, but it's not just Feardragon, almost every caster who was never a real pro gamer would be in the same category, Rifkin himself too! That's why his post seems bad.
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Hey Feardragon, thanks for all the content! Loved your stuff!
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Well, gl in the future.
That said, I really disliked your casting (wcs winter/qualifier were terribles) and I am sad seeing this community using you in order to be toxic on other valuable members. (Rifking/Incontrol)
Edit : saw the reddit thread, quite ashamed to be part of this community.
User was warned for this post.
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So sad to read this, for multiple reasons, your family situation, your lack of confidence and for this community that can be real shitty sometimes.
I really liked you both as a commentator and as a personality in the scene, I enjoy how grounded and humble you are and you always bring a lot of interesting discussions to the table.
I totally agree with your youtube video on caster criticism, there is different styles and all of them have fans. Personally I love the analytical starcraft focused ones like Apollo(the god), Artosis and Demuslim, they are my favorites. On the other hand I don't enjoy Incontrol at all, but thats just me, it doesn't make his casting bad nor does it mean he is worse than any other caster. Different viewers want different things from the casters and no one can make everyone happy, thats why its good to have two casters with different style in the same stream.
Sad to see you go Feardragon and I sincerly hope I keep seeing you around in the community but if not good luck with everything. Thanks for the enjoyment you've given me over the years!
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Rifkin's comments are definitely interesting, but they really don't apply to Ravi. Ravi's the best caster in NA in my honest opinion.
I really don't care about Rifkin's opinion anyways when all he does is whine about money on his stream, lol.
Lets be honest he is just jealous you got the job and not him.
I am often disappointed when casters like Incontrol and Tasteless think their personality can carry their casting. Like, I have seen a caster that didn't even know the patch notes.. Like whaaaat? I've actually seen this happen multiple times. Their bosses need to fire them or make them work harder. They should be working 8 hours a day like the rest of us if they want similar pay... I'm so sorry that you had to take such a large pay cut to cast Ravi. Please keep posting part-time.
Can't wait for this thread to start another "caster feedback" topic on the pylon show for the 5th time.
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As the famous Swedish author Verner von Heidenstam wrote in his poem Åkallan och löfte (from 1899): "Det är skönare lyss till en sträng, som brast,än att aldrig spänna en båge." which roughly translates to "It is better to listen to the string that breaks, than to never have drawn the bow".
Of course, poets are rarely sober and Verner may well have been high as kite when he wrote that, but those are pretty good words to live by for really important things in life. If you wouldn't have tried to go full time caster you would surely have regretted that for the rest of your life. Now you tried, and it didn't work out as you had hoped, but you tried, and no one can take that away from you!
I hope you and your family will be able to stabilize and take a third to use SC2 lingo. Take care and good luck with whatever you undertake in the future!
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On June 06 2019 04:27 youngjiddle wrote:
Rifkin's comments are definitely interesting, but they really don't apply to Ravi. Ravi's the best caster in NA in my honest opinion.
I really don't care about Rifkin's opinion anyways when all he does is whine about money on his stream, lol.
I am often disappointed when casters like Incontrol and Tasteless think their personality can carry their casting. Like, I have seen a caster that didn't even know the patch notes.. Like whaaaat? I've actually seen this happen multiple times. Their bosses need to fire them or make them work harder.
You're really all over the place with this one.
1. You find Rifkin's comments interesting
2. you dont care about Rifkin's opinion, fuck him anyways right?
3. You throw shade at Incontrol for being uninformed about the game, where in this specific situation (taht was referenced in this topic) the problem was how supposedly Incontrol-Ravi dont interact well together, since Incontrol knew what was happening in the game, cuz he read the situation correctly, and kinda jokingly told FD off, who didnt catch what was going on.
On June 06 2019 04:27 youngjiddle wrote:.
Can't wait for this thread to start another "caster feedback" topic on the pylon show for the 5th time.
4. After you complain about the casters, you complain how there is too much talk about caster feedback
Pull yourself together, son
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I'm pretty sure the intent of Feardragon's post was something other than starting a toxic "fuck Rifkin" thread.
Feardragon, if you're still reading, I'm really sorry about your struggles. The scene will be lesser without you. I think you made the right decision, especially with regards to your mental well-being, and I hope when you reflect on your experiences you don't feel as though you failed. Good luck to you and your family.
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On June 06 2019 05:01 Geo.Rion wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2019 04:27 youngjiddle wrote:
Rifkin's comments are definitely interesting, but they really don't apply to Ravi. Ravi's the best caster in NA in my honest opinion.
I really don't care about Rifkin's opinion anyways when all he does is whine about money on his stream, lol.
I am often disappointed when casters like Incontrol and Tasteless think their personality can carry their casting. Like, I have seen a caster that didn't even know the patch notes.. Like whaaaat? I've actually seen this happen multiple times. Their bosses need to fire them or make them work harder. You're really all over the place with this one. 1. You find Rifkin's comments interesting 2. you dont care about Rifkin's opinion, fuck him anyways right? 3. You throw shade at Incontrol for being uninformed about the game, where in this specific situation (taht was referenced in this topic) the problem was how supposedly Incontrol-Ravi dont interact well together, since Incontrol knew what was happening in the game, cuz he read the situation correctly, and kinda jokingly told FD off, who didnt catch what was going on. Show nested quote +On June 06 2019 04:27 youngjiddle wrote:.
Can't wait for this thread to start another "caster feedback" topic on the pylon show for the 5th time. 4. After you complain about the casters, you complain how there is too much talk about caster feedback Pull yourself together, son
It's fine if you don't understand what I said, I'm not talking about Incontrol-Ravi team-up.
Anyways the last part I was right.
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I think this is great because now you will again have time for Useless Facts, right? That was my most favourite content in the history of SC2
Jokes aside, thanks for the insightful post, you seem to be just a fine bloke with a passion, good luck in whatever you choose to do!
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the casting in sc has got a bit meh for me over the last 2 years, dont take it too personal FD, you cane in late to an old boys club. Rotti is still hands down a class act, but with all the others doing that stupid ooooohhhh sound artosis does and kind of minicing each other . . its sounds stupid to me, if rotti aint casting that mute button is on.
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I think your passion for sc2 was coming across very clearly and i think you have done many great things for the scene. I wish you all the best in the future!
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Doesn't seem like you had the best attitude to do full time.
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No matter what, thanks for all the hardwork.
Stay close to the scene, there's always a spot for you
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Rifkin can't handle that Zombiegrub is casting WCS with you. Hes mad and jealous. Dont give up!
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tbh this may not be in line with what people wanna hear but I think you made the right choice to stop casting personally. Most of the events you casted solo like NA Ladder Heroes struggled mightily in viewership. Theres other events too of course but i could never help but think if someone else was casting they wouldve received more viewers.
However your Useless Facts series & focused fluff material was always super popular.
Nobody can question the effort you put into SC2, but not everybody has to be a caster either. If you choose to do SC2 content in the future, perhaps working on that other material would be more rewarding for yourself & entertaining for the scene you surely love. There's a void there with that kinda content & people always got a kick out of it. Just my opinion. GG
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Hopefully things balance out in the next few months/year so if its something you want you can be a little more active again. It is too bad twitch (and I guess the internet in general) is so negative. Its easy to be critical from a distance.
I guess I'm part of it because what I have to say is slightly negative against other casters. I would feel like you would save the cast when it would be you Nate and ZG. You bring professionalism that those two seem to lack at times. WCS is less without you!
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On June 04 2019 17:56 SharkStarcraft wrote:
I have to say that I never particularly enjoyed your casting as it did seem very vanilla, monotone and a bit lacklustre in terms of ingame knowledge, but I could definitely see the tremendous amount of effort and work you put into everything sc2 as well as your burning passion for the game and its community. So here's a big thank you for your efforts even though I would not consider myself a fan.
Why not just say the first half of your last sentence and leave it at that?
Same for everyone else with similar comments.
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Heya Feardragon,
I have to say the moments I really enjoyed your casting was when it was about the NA scene. One could see you feeling confident there it gave you like a shimmer and you ascended in your casting there.
I actually liked your approach of a more analytical type of casting at times, I guess a lot of the casting is about hyping which is something I find less interesting but I guess its considered the better casting.
I loved when you gave insight on the players you knew better than anyone. The insecurity you showed at times did hurt you to a point although I think that your cocasters could have helped you there by like trying to work more with what you said but I guess that is very very hard compared to goofing up about it a bit so I don't blame them.
I hope your family member gets rid of the beast that I really learned to hate over the years.
I really think that concentrating on the niche that is the NA, scene might be a good catch for you and if you feel you have the time to expand your knowledge maybe you can become an expert of yet another region.
I feel you can do great casting if you have the confidence you have when talking about the NA guys.
Wish you the very best!
Oh and I am aware this might be inappropriate but for me rifkin is the worst caster in terms of casting but also as personality everything about him feels wrong and when I tried to watch his stream I felt rebuked and just had to turn off no matter how high quality the games might have been.
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United States4883 Posts
Can relate.
Had some success casting when StarCraft: Remastered first came out but had to sideline it due to finances and personal strain. StarCraft is a game that forces you to break yourself down and face all of your demons...unfortunately, it can also have the side effect of completely destroying your sense of self-worth. I ended up taking a huge step back and only play games super casually now, but I think it's been a big help for me.
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Northern Ireland23928 Posts
I empathise entirely with much of Feardragon’s musings, and as a general aside caster bashing has always been something that irritated me anyway.
It’s a terrible loop. I’m not as lacking in self-confidence (or at least used to be anyway).
If you want to be good at something, especially something creative or subjective you need feedback, instead you get shredded by people who basically just insult you with a preface of ‘this is intended as constructive criticism’ and you can either just get your confidence destroyed in trying to get that feedback, or cut it off for your mental health and then have no useful feedback to go off with and improve. Except maybe you’re now actively doing something [i]worse[\i] than before because you’ve lost confidence in your initial approach.
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i liked your casting feardragon but i respect your decisions to do something else with you life ! thank you for casting you really did bring a lot of laughs for myself.
and you're definitely better than that guy who builds battlecruisers...
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Hi, dear feardragon,
I know you are a very busy person, and I certainly don't want to get those extra seconds of your life you'd spend on reading this post. In fact, given that reason no. 2, I feel almost ashamed writing this and "wanting" you to read this.
Unfortunately, I can't really help practically with the reason no. 3 (I honestly can't, I live in a small city in Russia and $4000 is what most people make annually here, sometimes even less). And much to my regret, I don't have anything to offer with regard to the reason no. 2, aside from prayer and best possible wishes for your family member. Regardless, I still hope this tiny bit of positive energy will find its way to help — from literally the opposite side of the world — in a small way (no matter how naïve or lame or whatever it may sound).
I do think, however, I understand the reason no. 1 — and there must be a reason that this reason sits at the top and is the one you've been the most elaborate about. I don't feel like I can in fact be the only one who can affect your opinion of yourself (aka "self-confidence"), partly because I read this story and it kind of "clicks" with me. However, I simply hope my little feedback will make you feel better about yourself, again, in a small way. And just to extend on my hope, I further believe that all those small positives will eventually win over the negatives — and we will be seeing you again.
Just to provide you with a bit of a context:
- I've only started watching StarCraft videos 7 days ago on YouTube, and the first series I've seen was MaSa vs Scarlett TvZ of WCS Challenger NA Season 2, commented by you and Nathanias.
- I've no previous exposure to any kind of ESports whatsoever (but I do love StarCraft though, ever since SC1 and Brood War).
- Just to clarify: I've never watched any Esports series before in my entire life.
And so I absolutely fell in love with these series — solely because of your commenting style, period.
Over the course of just these 6 days (yeah, right, 6 days, not months, not years!) I've watched numerous other matches with lots of different commentators — and no, you are in fact the best. You are the one who is capable of bringing those new people, like me, on board, and infecting them with the passion. You seriously have a gift.
Now of course I'm not a pro SC2 player, not even on any of the leagues — and will never be, because coincidentally I'm a full-time software developer myself, have 2 kids and simply don't have time and energy I can commit to that — no matter how badly I would otherwise want it to happen. However, I would like you to realize that you don't really make these videos for pro players, other commentators and so forth. It's the ordinary people like myself who watch them — and we don't really leave any reassuring comments anywhere (because, quite ironically, we don't want to be bullied by those cool cats, trolls and all other sorts of internet characters). And on behalf of such people please allow me to say: thank you. Thank you for your passion, your commitment, your tolerance to the cruel community members, all your aspirations and all your hard work. I really want you to know that your work has really changed my life, a bit, in a small way.
I really hope we will see more of you in future: something tells me this is not over.
Until then, best of luck to you and your family.
Your big (new) fan,
Boris
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I really, really dislike your handle. But I thought your casting was actually pretty good.
It seems a shame and a genuine loss for the community, but hey, you gotta look after number one first. I think most of us can agree that if your mental health and financial security is at risk then it is far from reasonable to expect you to do anything other than what you have decided.
Good luck in your future endeavours Ravi, and if you do come back, please change your handle lol.
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Hey Feardragon, I'm watching your current casting on ESL and it doesn't line up at all with your sentiments here. You're a great caster, as everyone here in this thread can already attest. I did a google search to learn about your history with the game and this is the first result. What a crappy google result!
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EPT
