Long time no blog,
Teamliquid is always dear to my heart, but to be really frank, my lifestyle has fully caught up with me and I haven't really had enough energy to even think about writing anything.
SOME BORING EDUCATIONAL COMMENTS
But one book I'd like to recommend is Sapiens, 'A brief history of humankind'. The author, Yuval Noah Harari, presents a lot of interesting view points and theories, like some really eye opening concepts, (but as aside, the author has a bad habit of throwing in one liner examples to associate that their point is confirmed by some common cultural knowledge, but many of those one liners tend to be very off - not to take away from how good the author's main points are- just annoying). Did I really get a lot out of the book, yes. Am I annoyed by some things in the book where the author seems to reaching a bit out their expertise, yes. But of course, I'm annoyed because I am quite experienced in a couple of those fields, so obviously I'm going to be a lot more critical.
But in terms of really organizing some strong themes, it's really a great book, and you can tell the author is really trying to give as much as a balanced view as possible. Of course, he does put forth his own judgement on many of the things he presents, in that way, it doesn't always read like a straight-up history/science narrative - BUT- it's worth the read.
Well he has TED talk, it's not exactly a summary of the book, but it gives a good introduction to his concepts.
WHO WE ARE, LIKE REALLY WHO WE ARE
For me, what I got out of it, is a framework of what makes humans human. And it's nothing we ever really question/ask, because I think the most basic form that we question about our identity is our gender or culture, but for the most part, if we're lucky, we don't need to question that, but of course in questioning, what does it mean to be human, it gives a lot of perspective. The book really hits this off in saying, 'look, we think we're humans and then there are the animals, but at one point in history, there were many types of 'humans' and it's just that we as homo sapiens were the survivors.' And if you can accept that, then thinking of ourselves as one of a few other co-existing human species, then we can start to question, well then, how are we different/special/unique or not different/special/unique.
But warning. For those who are very fundamentally into one religion or another, it can be a hard read, as he really deals with a lot of religious truths head on, and personally as someone who is of a faith, I think some of his opinions were superficial,
But some points like the maximum close connections a person can have to manage things by personal relations alone is 150 persons, and the role of the cultural myth in creating (and our ability to create such myths) such as country we are from and what we collectively believe in, -and that myth is what allows humans to cooperate beyond the 150 person level, -make a lot of sense to me.
Ok boring stuff, I know, but I wanted to share.
JAN 26th, 2017 LUNAR NEW YEARS EVE
More exciting things..so on the eve of lunar new years, in Korea, while I was drinking for the entire week, on the eve, I was drinking with my father-in-law and 2 of my other brothers-in-law and we drank just 4 bottles of soju, in about 30 mins or so (it's not much for old guys), but anyway, I've been flying 90 regional flights a year for the last 2 years (again), as business has picked up, but I had a massive allergic reaction and was rushed to the hospital and nearly died as I couldn't move and wasn't able to breath, nearly at all.
So we're drinking and I start to feel ichy, then i notice after 10 mins I have hive rashes along my belly and back, so I pop 2 antihistamines and take a cold shower for 10 mins, but in the shower, I start to lose my ability to swallow, so I tell my wife, lets go to the hospital - and so I take 5 mins to get ready, but then suddenly, I can't breath at all, and it feels as though I'm so tired, like I haven't slept for a week and my legs give out. Needless to say, I freak out, and tell my wife to get the car, and so instead of an ambulance, one of my brother-in-laws drive me to the emergency.
Well, it takes us 10 mins to get there and by the time we get there, I can barely breath, like, it's just like nothing is working, and they put me on the hospital bed, ask my weight and then jam an adrenaline shot in my left thigh and ...nothing happens, I still can't breath.
THEY TOLD ME DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
So I know, that something should happen and then the doctors are just looking at me. Keep in mind that this is lunar new years eve, which is our main new years, and so you have these kiddie doctors in the emergency room, like 22/23 year old kids. So I'm like, 'fuck, it's not working' and I'm looking at these blank faces, and I'm omg, shit, I could really die here'. So then I yell at them, i can't breath, do something else, and then they are like, just take a deep breath, and I'm like, 'look you fuckwits, I can't take deep breaths, because nothing is working', but really I didnt' say that, because I was dying and I was using all my energy to tell them that I can't fucking breath, and I'm looking at their retarded faces and they are looking at me, like, 'obviously this man is breathing fine to yell at us', but I'm like mustering all my energy to yell I can't breath, because I feel like I'm gonna pass out and die any second now because I'm surrounded by young idiotic doctors.
I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE WHEN I'M WITH YOU
So then they stick a ventalor in me, and I spit it out and I'm like, 'fuck, this ain't gonna help me breath, I don't have lung problem, I have an alergic reaction issue that is shutting down my entire body' but of course I don't say that, I'm like, still saying, 'i can't breath you motherfuckers', (nah, I didn't say the mother fucker part, but I was thinking it.
Then I'm like, fuck this, and I tell my wife, I should throw up, because, it may have to do with something I ate, which I had told the doctors, then the doctors tell me that they will give me medicine so I don't throw up, so i don't choke on it, and I'm like this time 'don't fucking give me that, are you dumb, I told you it may be something I ate,' So then they get some plastic bags and I tell them to seat me up. Keeping in mind, that the first shot has allowed me not to get worse, but I still am light headed because I can basically just do a half puff of breath at this point. But I can't make myself throw up, I have an IV in my right hand and some other Iv in my left arm, so I'm like, fuck, I dont' want to put my finger in my mouth because it will be messy and I'm gonna fuck my my iv - but none of the doctors are helping me. Just staring at me.
FUCKING STICK ME ALREADY
Finally the dumb fucks, stick me with another adrenaline shot about 10 mins later, this time in the right leg, and the nurse is like, 'this may hurt so just be aware' and I'm 'I'm fucking dying, just stick it in already (seriously wtf, they said that too for the first one as well)' and... no effect as well. And I'm like FUCK MY LIFE, I'm gonna fucking die surrounded by these fuckwits. I so I'm thinking, did I leave enough money for my kids, who is going to close out the few contacts I have pending, and I'm like, no, and no one, and I'm like, fuck, it's too early to die. FML, I can't die like this, I got to much shit to do still. And then feel as through my body is trying to puke, so I force myself to sit up more, and then I motion to my wife, get me the bag, and then sudden I puke out 4 times, and it comes out like as if the food in my stomach was just blended like porridge. There is no smell of bile or anything disgusting at all, and it looks like porridge, and I realize that the food wasn't being digested at all in my stomach, that everything had basically shut down, and then suddenly, I could immediately breath again, and I look in 4 deep fucking breaths, and I'm like, ok, I fine now. And I look over to my wife and my parent-in-law and I'm like, 'I'm fine, it's ok now'.
The senior resident finally comes by, I guess cause he knows he aint going to get in shit now, cause I didn't die. and says, that it's lucky I got here when I did, cause if I had gotten there 10 mins later and wasn't breathing, then it would have been likely that I would have died cause the first epi-shot didn't have any effect and I would have been unconscious by that time etc. So I'm like, thanks asshole good to know. Of course I didn't say that, but I thought it. lol, after all you can't be swearing at those trying to save your life, even if they are fuckwits and you have to figure it out yourself...
NOT GOING OUT LIKE A PUNK
So they do a blood test on me, by taking out blood from both my wrists and the blood tests come back that I have no allergies/other organ failure indicators (liver, kidneys etc) and my blood test comes back perfectly healthy except that I have high cholesterol. And I ask my wife, 'did you think I was going to die?' and she says, ' no, I was quite frightened, but I knew you weren't going to die from this, it's not the kind of thing that a person like you would die from.' and we laugh, and then 14 hours later, I was on a plane to Canada to move my wife and kids there.
REBIRTH OF THE ATOM
After I was released from the hospital, I have to say, that my mind was extremely clear, as if I was much younger. And in someways almost dying on new years eve, made me feel as though this new years was a completely new year. I was unable to drink for a month or smoke because my body was quite weak, and i was scared to eat anything for a day, but nothing has really changed since that day except that I take things a lot more slower. I still get all the work done, and I still fly 2 or 3 times a week, but I don't push myself, that if I feel weak, I let myself recover more. But I decided that I'm going to work just 3 more years like the way I work now. I'm not retiring in 3 years, but rather, I may change my entire field of occupation then. Maybe I wont' make it past 3 years, the way I'm working, but I am living much healthier, but the work load, well, it hasn't really eased up.
AIN'T PUSSYING OUT YET
But I think I can make it for 3 more years and of course I have made work changes like getting 2 executive assistants, which I thought for the longest time was a such an unnecessary cost and frill, but now, it makes my life easier. They think I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world and I'm like, 'listen you mid-twenties know-it-alls. For you kiddies you only know the word procrastination and you think every time I delay something I'm procrastinating, but when you have wife, 2 boys, work in 4 different countries and have 12 senior staff and 6 major projects all going on at the same time, I need time to think and strategize how it all comes together and some times that takes time even if something is due, well fuck it, I'll get it done when i am sure it's done right and I have put enough time into thinking about it, until then, fuck off, and I'm not procrastinating.' And then they look at each other and say, 'You're making excuses and still procrastinating!' and I'm like, '-sigh-', so shut up already you young punks'. ^^
8 or 40+
I'm less than a decade away from 50 and I still play dota2, overwatch and civ6 (I hate civ6 btw, I feel it is sucking my soul from me cause it's so fucking slow) and I get comments like, ' you must be old cause your reaction time sucks,' and I'm like, 'fuck you I'm 12 years old and I'm a genius' and then the players are like, 'oh bullshit, either you're like over 40 or you're 8 years old cause you're so slow to react), and I'm like, ' ok I'm 10, but I'm still smarter than you' lol.
As for business. it's good. I can't share much details as always, but I'm working now mainly in China and I'm still no where near wealth or rich or respected, but I can say, that the last 7 years has been the most difficult, and the most humbling of my life and while on the health and money metric, I'm pretty fucking negative, on the understanding of business, myself and life, I think I qualify to start a cult or at least can be a recognized guru of some sorts - in terms of really having lived life without regrets and faced everything head on. And I know that I have reached some type of achievement because I absolutely, in no matter what situation, no longer feel any stress whatsoever, zero, nada.
I mean, I can feel stress exists, but it doesn't affect me at all - no anxiety or sleepless nights or racing heart beats-, even though my former self, even 3 years ago would be freaking out. Maybe it's numbness, or age or I'm now fully delusional, but I think, insofar as you can have the answers to life (or at least my life), including the flexibility/room to grow, well, I think I have reached the peak at 43. I am fully at peace with whatever, and I am ready to fully rage and be happy that I am raging and accept that too, I think I finally became 'one with the universe'. At least in my own mind. ^^