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Read part 5 here: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/370875-beijing-blues-part-5
![[image loading]](http://macnicolasset.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Beijing.jpg) Never wait until the airport to say goodbye.
Going back to a place you've been to does things to your memories. Colors which bleed, fade, and run now come back layered with smells, like synesthesia.
There are only two people in the world I've known to smoke pall mall cigarettes. One was me, in college, a single pack over a month. The other was Helen. Every time I see her cherry red lipstick in my head, I smell them.
Li set up Helen's 30th birthday party. I made up an excuse not to go. He took her to 1949, this French interpretation of Peking Duck that I'm finally no longer impressed by. I probably started my habit of ignoring texts that night. Eventually, the level of crazy in them escalated back to threats of the balcony variety.
"I'm now 30. I live on the 30th floor. I once promised myself that I would either be married by the time my age equalled my floor, or I would leave my apartment via the window."
And then the bombshell.
"I found out about Lee's daughter. I'm going to finish this cigarette, ask him about her, and then..."
That's how I found myself on a cab in Beijing traffic, waving my last 200 RMB at him in the universal gesture of "hurry the fuck up".
Her door was unlocked, and she sat on the balcony, one bare foot on the ground, one heeled foot dangling in midair. Her back made a perfect burgundy silhouette against the polluted night sky. When she saw me, she smiled. I smelled Pall Malls.
She put down her phone. "How was my English?"
"It was okay. Get off the balcony... are you crazy?!"
"I found out something else, for you."
"What's that?"
She held up her phone again. It was a picture from the first night I'd gone to her place to teach English. The red walls and black couch suggested KTV; the people in it were Sylvia and her boss at the other PE fund, lips locked, hands in intimate places. (Now that I think about it, her then-boyfriend had probably sent her that picture.)
I remember this vague smile on my face, then the pall malls choking me into tears. She leaned in and we hugged. She said it was okay, asked if I needed wine.
We chatted for a bit. That night, she said two things that have stuck with me since:
"We all want to find someone that makes us feel young, but all that these new people do is make us feel very old, very old."
"Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't let go of the one who really loves you."
Helen and I met once, briefly, a few years later, where we exchanged pleasantries but didn't talk much. She's still single, as far as I know.
Li wound up marrying a childless divorcee. They had another kid together. His ex-wife ended up getting institutionalized.
I stopped replying to Sylvia's texts, told her dad that I had to cut the internship short. But we'd gotten the same flight, and it cost $250 to swap a ticket.
So we met in the line at the gate. Her face scrunched up and her cute button nose got cuter, but I still did it. We said our goodbyes and had an uneventful flight home.
Still, never say goodbye at the airport. It really slowed things down and pissed off the people behind us.
It's been six years since that spring and summer in Beijing. My college classmates and I are now the age that Helen was in the story. I now know how she felt. (I still don't know how Sylvia felt. I don't ever really want to know.)
We're all one foot on the balcony. But falling in love... that means you have to go two feet off the ledge. And then, the only way you can stay alive and float is to hold onto each other.
 
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United States10328 Posts
wow it's back?
edit: and it's over. I guess I should reread the first five again...
edit: reread. it's a lot shorter than I remember, haha, but I guess that's a good thing 
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This blog serie has to be the best I have ever read. I love your writing~
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Thanks for finishing this series! <3
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Ah, I remember how I refused to read any more blogs from you back then until I finished this series... Always waiting for something that never came.
I guess it was a kind of 'in the making' last part after all these years.
Good read
Edit: Any chances to see you and TG as part of a blog series?
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Holy shit. I remember reading this back in '12.
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TLADT24920 Posts
I can't believe I waited 3.5+ years to get the conclusion to this story ;; Still, I'm glad that you wrote it after all. Great writing as usual and the ending wasn't that unexpected. Texts can be quite scary depending on who they are from lol.
Only problem I see with this late blog is that my interest has waned from when I first read the story. Time kills all interest at times.
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Always a fan of reading these and your writing!
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On April 15 2016 12:33 BigFan wrote:
I can't believe I waited 3.5+ years to get the conclusion to this story ;; Still, I'm glad that you wrote it after all. Great writing as usual and the ending wasn't that unexpected. Texts can be quite scary depending on who they are from lol.
Only problem I see with this late blog is that my interest has waned from when I first read the story. Time kills all interest at times.
For sure. That's how I feel too - if memories were photos... the color has drained in some places but become heightened in others.
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TLADT24920 Posts
On April 18 2016 03:00 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On April 15 2016 12:33 BigFan wrote:
I can't believe I waited 3.5+ years to get the conclusion to this story ;; Still, I'm glad that you wrote it after all. Great writing as usual and the ending wasn't that unexpected. Texts can be quite scary depending on who they are from lol.
Only problem I see with this late blog is that my interest has waned from when I first read the story. Time kills all interest at times. For sure. That's how I feel too - if memories were photos... the color has drained in some places but become heightened in others.
nice analogy, agree. I do hope you'll continue write such stories though. I do remember how excited I was to read each release and so long as the next story is written as well, I'm sure I'll read it too.
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3358 Posts
wonderful writing man, hope you're doing well.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
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lol just found this today and read the whole thing. I spent my childhood in Beijing, so it's uh... a very different view of the city, but really nice writing and share of experience (regardless of how much of it is real :p).
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China6329 Posts
This triggered my fear of heights.
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i remember this series, they are great. thx!
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On April 18 2016 04:51 BigFan wrote:Show nested quote +On April 18 2016 03:00 Shady Sands wrote:On April 15 2016 12:33 BigFan wrote:
I can't believe I waited 3.5+ years to get the conclusion to this story ;; Still, I'm glad that you wrote it after all. Great writing as usual and the ending wasn't that unexpected. Texts can be quite scary depending on who they are from lol.
Only problem I see with this late blog is that my interest has waned from when I first read the story. Time kills all interest at times. For sure. That's how I feel too - if memories were photos... the color has drained in some places but become heightened in others. nice analogy, agree. I do hope you'll continue write such stories though. I do remember how excited I was to read each release and so long as the next story is written as well, I'm sure I'll read it too.
I agree with all of this. Great analogy, and more stories please!!
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EPT
