Hello Guys, this one is a topic that has been troubling me for many years. Especially in my late teens (18~) my mental flaws became really apparent to me.
I started struggling with an anxiety-disorder, had slight issues with OCB, drowned myself in negative thinking and depression.
I really tried to communicate what I felt during that time in this video. I can happily say that today, I am incredibly well off.
I love meeting new people, I became good at socializing and I am generally quite a happy person. Yes, I do have days that I do struggle and that I feel like just staying in my room here and there too. However, I made progress in this area that I could not have dreamed of 3 years ago.
I wanted to make this video as authentic as possible. For all those that struggle with similar issues and can not find the strength to go out there and go about a normal life. I know how it feels to struggle in life, and I thought that maybe - as an insider - I could give you my perspective on what I did and that there is indeed hope for an amazing life for you.
If anyone is struggling with depression, AD (anxiety Disorder), ANTS (automative negative thoughts) and similar mental illnesses, feel free to write me a message personally. I had done so when I saw minigun was struggling with an anxiety-disorder when I was around 18. It really helped me to communicate my issue with someone that knew what I felt, which gave me the strength and hope that I needed to get me to where I am now.
Haha, oh man. That "it's only awkward if you make it so" was spot on for me :D Happened to me 3 days ago, when after a joke went over my head I said something like "good, now it got even weirder :D" and the other person answered "was it before ?" like it didn't even crossed his mind, he was having a casual and normal chat, apparently. It's crazy what we can convince ourselves of.. But I'm on my way out of it (I believe it can be cured, it's just bad habits to get rid of) like you, and your advices match my experience with the process.
Your sound was waaaayyy better on this vid, good enough for me. On forms, to be picky, I'd say the first half was a bit drawn out, your target audience knows what you're talking about, no need to describe it for a minute and a half. Unless this was some sort of catharsis for you, then there was a need ^^
Thanks for sharing man. Speaking as someone who hasn't personally been through this kind of journey but who has watched his sister and two close friends go through similar experiences, I think it's often hard for people that aren't affected by anxiety, negative thoughts or irrational fears to understand what's going on, or how it feels when someone gets into this kind of head space. When seemly normal situations or thoughts automatically trigger fear, panic and a sympathetic response, followed by a feeling of loosing control, negative thoughts and why they can't just take a step back and 'get a grip'
The more we talk about it and the more open we can be about it, the easier it will be for those who suffer from it to seek help, to know that they aren't alone and that there are ways to learn to live with it.
@Cynry: It indeed is crazy. Also, think about how often you worry about yourself - then try to reflect upon that. It's really stupid, as we are basically all so self-centered, yet worry what everybody else thinks about us. It's rarely so that people think about you, when you think they are. (This used to drive me nuts)
About curing, I am not really sure to be honest. Anxiety Disorder can root in chemical imbalances (such as more severe forms of depressions). But even if you feel that anxiety - it most definitely is possible to reframe your mind on it.
sound: Thanks! Really tried to focus on improving what you guys pointed out last time. rest of your critique: I get what you mean, but I wanted to give some more examples of the issue, give perspective of different situations and thoughts that are recurring in your mind if you deal with such issues, thats why that part was a bit longer. But thanks, I appreciate your comment!
@AaBbCc:
Oh yes, it is. It can be incredibly difficult to find sympathy in the behavior of people that are suffering from mental disability or to relate to why they act in a certain way.
From an insiders perspective, It can be tough, when everyone tells you to just "not think so much" or to "not make a big deal" when in reality, they have no idea what you feel inside. This happened to me a lot actually.
I was doing a lot of weird stuff, such as parking my car a lot further away because I felt more secure - and people called me out for it and so on. A lot of people cant really put themselves into perspective. You have a huge anxiety flush and people tell you to "just relax" or something like that.
Even a lot of people that I told about my problems could not relate to it. Especially because from the outside, people would not expect me to have these issues (I hear that every time I talk about it to someone ..) yet in the inside, I really have to power through a lot of crap on a day to day basis.
Im going through social anexiety for a long time, since elementary school (and Im now 19 y/o). It started when I went through verbal abuse, and I basically had nobody at my side. My parents didn't really do anything about it, and I was fighting aganst it either with physical approach, or I tried to ignore it. It is a problem when you're growing up in a conservative and toxic community that went through social & political changes, wars, hate etc. Eventualy that anexiety would grow inside me, and its growing for years. I didn't had any support on that, because nobody took that seriously. And as you said, I played video games on huge level, avoided pretty much anybody and lived in my own world and in my own thoughts. In middle school, I had similar experiences of verbal abuse, but I learned to ignore it, and as well to ignore those people. I've met people who shared similar opinions and thought as me, and it helped me overcome 4 years of middle school. Now in high school, I can' really find people from my class that I could feel comfortable with. Also lately I feel much more depressed than before. I live in such country where everything is difficult, starting from society. And over time I lost passion for anything. I'm not having any plans or ideas for my future. And as someone said, "Worst thing is not to feel alone with yourself, but to feel alone with everyone around", and thats how I feel everyday. I'm living my life with social anexiety in both ways you described. I do overthink everything around me, and as thats with me for years already, I've got used to live with it. And when I think about it, I would like to change something about it, but I can't find anything that would inspire me to do so...
Man, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's almost as if you were talking about me. I do have a lot of episodes in which I feel 'emptyness' as you describe it. No Purpose, loss of passion and suddenly, everything I was excited about becomes meaningless. It's literally the worst feeling you can feel. Depression has been a hard struggle for me too at times, mainly because of that (not knowing where I am going, things losing their attraction etc).
I think the worst thing you can do when you are depressed is stay alone in your room. I know, sometimes I have days in which I just want to go home and be depressed alone, but often it is exactly that that hurts me the most. I have experimented on these days to just 'go out' and force something exciting out of me.
For example, this christmas I was massively depressed. So depressed that I could not feel happy at all - about the presents, family, nothing. I went up to my room, lay down on my bed and thought 'why the hell am I feeling so empty?'. Honestly, the more I come to think of it (with periods of severe depression, followed by periods of incredible excitement and inspiration as If the world was to my feet) I might have bipolar disorder. (Which is basically just what I described..)
Basically, what I meant by 'forcing excitement' was that, for example on christmas, when I this incredible down - I forced myself to still go out and enjoy my evening. My brain and body said 'NO' and I had a huge resistence. But as soon as I was around my friends, drinking and having fun, I was happy. I felt incredible again.
Maybe, it is as simple as taking control. Push through it, until your mind lets go off all that crap. Make the decision that you will not suffer any longer, that you will feel better, then become that.
Lately, as I became more aware of this, I saw a pattern emerge and whenever I feel depressed, I do just that. Call a good friend and go somewhere. Try to do something exciting. Push through the huge resistence, until it blows up in your face and transcends into excitement. It's difficult, but maybe you can try it the next time you feel like shit. Be crazy, innovative, know that it is only chemicals and try to experiment around it, rather than just becoming a victim to your thoughts.
I wish you the best of luck dealing with your AD and your depression bro
Call a good friend and go somewhere. Try to do something exciting. Push through the huge resistence, until it blows up in your face and transcends into excitement. It's difficult, but maybe you can try it the next time you feel like shit. Be crazy, innovative, know that it is only chemicals and try to experiment around it, rather than just becoming a victim to your thoughts.
Well that's pretty much what I'm doing, hoping that one day I will find some purpose in my life and get rid of anxiety and depression. Thanks for response and opinion, I really wanted to hear it though!
Yeah, gotta say finding purpose is what drove real changes this last year for me. I'm actually becoming "extrovert" and I'm thinking less and less about what people think about me. It's not just not caring about the anxiety, the anxiety is not there anymore (well, not for everything, but my levels are pretty much back to normal I'd say) Keep your hopes up, and keep looking !
EPT
