|
A good friend of mine just had her first grandchild today. I felt happy for her, but also twangs of envy and shame because I probably won't be having children. It was always an assumption for me that the end of a good life was having a family, providing them with love and security, and dying knowing that I and my ancestors will live on through children. As I've seen more of the world I realize that that doesn't happen for everybody, and that for many it is not even a goal (this was shocking to me when I first encountered it).
Now, even knowing that I don't have the ability and means to care for kids, and not wanting to give up my freedom raising them, there is still a strong feeling inside me that I want to have kids. I feel guilty that my aging parents do not get the (well deserved) joy of gran children. I still feel unreasonable pity towards those who die childless, even by choice. Few of my beliefs from childhood have survived to my 30s, yet this one still persists... that my life is a pathetic waste if I take all the love and resources that were poured into me, and just die with them. It's not as though I am some genius or philanthropic benefactor to humanity who leaves other (perhaps greater) gifts for the world than well raised children. Perhaps I would be among the many terrible parents, or be unlucky and father a monster; then remaining childless may be the best thing I can do. But I feel like that's just trying to console myself by predicting a future that absolves me of my failures, selfishness, and lack of ambition.
|
A good friend of mine just had her first grandchild today. I felt happy for her, but also twangs of envy and shame because I probably won't be having children. It was always an assumption for me that the end of a good life was having a family, providing them with love and security, and dying knowing that I and my ancestors will live on through children. As I've seen more of the world I realize that that doesn't happen for everybody, and that for many it is not even a goal (this was shocking to me when I first encountered it).
Now, even knowing that I don't have the ability and means to care for kids, and not wanting to give up my freedom raising them, there is still a strong feeling inside me that I want to have kids. I feel guilty that my aging parents do not get the (well deserved) joy of gran children. I still feel unreasonable pity towards those who die childless, even by choice. Few of my beliefs from childhood have survived to my 30s, yet this one still persists... that my life is a pathetic waste if I take all the love and resources that were poured into me, and just die with them. It's not as though I am some genius or philanthropic benefactor to humanity who leaves other (perhaps greater) gifts for the world than well raised children. Perhaps I would be among the many terrible parents, or be unlucky and father a monster; then remaining childless may be the best thing I can do. But I feel like that's just trying to console myself by predicting a future that absolves me of my failures, selfishness, and lack of ambition.
you have just adeptly explained why some men get women pregnant and then escape lol.
why don't you have the ability and means to care for kids?
|
On February 20 2016 14:20 Kalingingsong wrote:
you have just adeptly explained why some men get women pregnant and then escape lol.
why don't you have the ability and means to care for kids?
I have just enough income to care for myself. Then there's the whole emotional side to caring for a helpless being. I barely trust myself taking care of a cat.
|
Glad I never had the biological desire to have kids. I might adopt a child in need someday but I highly doubt it. Also, life isn't about being a fucking asset to society. I'm not saying to become a parasite of society but you can shape your own life and enjoy the things that you enjoy doing. No reason to be ashamed of not being a genius or whatever.
|
if anything, your self awareness is a good thing. do what makes you happy on this, not your parents, gf, etc, and adjust accordingly if necessary. if you're not there yet, wait til you hit your 30s and see how much the pressure goes up on this!
|
you still got a good 30 years in you yet mate
|
If you really can't afford it you can always donate to a sperm bank.
|
Have you ever thought about semen cryopreservation? Do it now, as long as you are full of sap! 
|
Good luck with that battle. Your still in time so you can always decide to turn your life around if you really want to.
|
There is no reason for any guilt, you owe nobody nothing. Your parents decided to have you, it's not your fault, because you had no say in it, and you are not anyhow in debt to the world for that. That's really the first thing people need to understand about this topic. There is FAR more than enough people in the world, making new ones doesn't do any service to the humanity.
|
On February 21 2016 16:58 opisska wrote:
There is no reason for any guilt, you owe nobody nothing. Your parents decided to have you, it's not your fault, because you had no say in it, and you are not anyhow in debt to the world for that. That's really the first thing people need to understand about this topic. There is FAR more than enough people in the world, making new ones doesn't do any service to the humanity.
additionally if you look at conception from a legal perspective it can be considered illegal/immoral since two parties with legal capacity are creating a third party which can't physically give consent to creation, nor can it legally give its consent to be created.. I've always wondered if it would be possible for someone born into an extremely shitty life or household to sue their parents for being irresponsible when creating them.. i mean you're legally bound to whoever birthed for for a good while before you can change anything..
|
On February 20 2016 14:12 Glowsphere wrote:
I felt happy for her, but also twangs of envy and shame because I probably won't be having children. It was always an assumption for me that the end of a good life was having a family, providing them with love and security, and dying knowing that I and my ancestors will live on through children. As I've seen more of the world I realize that that doesn't happen for everybody, and that for many it is not even a goal (this was shocking to me when I first encountered it).
Now, even knowing that I don't have the ability and means to care for kids, and not wanting to give up my freedom raising them, there is still a strong feeling inside me that I want to have kids. I feel guilty that my aging parents do not get the (well deserved) joy of gran children. I still feel unreasonable pity towards those who die childless, even by choice. Few of my beliefs from childhood have survived to my 30s, yet this one still persists... that my life is a pathetic waste if I take all the love and resources that were poured into me, and just die with them. It's not as though I am some genius or philanthropic benefactor to humanity who leaves other (perhaps greater) gifts for the world than well raised children. Perhaps I would be among the many terrible parents, or be unlucky and father a monster; then remaining childless may be the best thing I can do. But I feel like that's just trying to console myself by predicting a future that absolves me of my failures, selfishness, and lack of ambition.
You felt envy, so maybe a part of you wants children for the sake of having children?
The others seem more from external pressure to be honest.
|
so maybe a part of you wants children for the sake of having children?
I approve holeheartly of this post
|
|
|
Thanks for your thoughts everyone.
fluidrone: No one in my life at the moment. I guess you're right that it is premature to think about kids before girlfriend. I have little faith in the institution of marriage because I see the seeming majority of them either ending or making both parties miserable. Marriage is a man made thing, but having kids seems higher to me, like a commandment of nature that we share with all plants and animals. It sounds funny, but I almost feel like it's blasphemous not to produce and rear offspring. Thanks for your thoughts, and I enjoyed/agreed with your rant about the temple of consumerism.
|
Dear mr. Fluidrone:
You are an Idiot and now i will explain why:
You call every single person in this thread to have 12 years old and have a low IQ. Well i am 27 and my IQ is in the normal rates. Your statement is racist and prejudice. Now, if i where to say, that you, are acting like a 12 year old in this blog, that would be an intelligent statement. But i do not. Cause contrary to you, i don' t judge people i don' t know, and i don' t just walk into a room and start insulting everybody in it just cause i think its wrong what they are saying.
And now about the post in question:
Children for having children in my language, means exactly what you wrote in your statement. biological reasons.
Circle of life. Spiritual completion. Highest form of art. Greatest Journey. Whatever you want to call it.
So you haven' t understood yet the message.
And now for your post:
You seem angry and frustrated towards the world. Maybe you just finished reading "Brave new World" or 1984. Maybe you are seeying around you a world that you do not want your children to grow up in. Maybe, you started to become aware of the world you live in, right after you started to have children. Maybe your only regret is that you had to prioritize family over work when that happened. Whatever the case, offending other people instead of working on yourself will not help your case. Sure you can vent. But otherwise use your energy towards other things. How you act determinates how people act around you.
You are unhappy, deal with yourself, work on yourself, change what you can change and accept what you can' t.
Don' t insult the whole world around you. Someone who lives with selfness love doesn' t post in that kind of way.
|
A fluidrone post needs to be taken as what it is - a fluidrone post  No need to be insulted or call him an idiot, he just has his own style and if you can look past it, there are interesting things in what he's saying (provided that you can comprehend them).
Anyway, fluidrone, I disagree. A vast majority of my friends have kids or plan to. The social pressure is still on having kids, it's the "normal" thing to do, and it's true the more the lower you go in society. At least in my social circle (usually people with university education), it's not considered outright evil to not have children. Your point that the society is bullying someone to not having kids is absurd and it's still pretty much exactly the opposite. Maybe you are right and there are people who would like to have children, but choose to make money instead to be able to get more stuff, but are we really going to concern ourselves with people that stupid?
However there is nothing selfish about not having children and no obligation to do so. My hypothetical children do not exist if I do not decide to have them, I am not hurting a non-existent person by not making it exist, that would be quite a mental twist to thing otherwise. And to anyone else, I have absolutely zero obligation to turn my whole life upside down, just because they feel there should be as many humans as possible. You having children doesn't make you a better person, get over it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
