|
Hello fellow TL members.
I am HammerKick, a french gaming lover. I'm 17 years old. You may have seen me either in Dota 2 or on the LiquidDota forums, hanging around in LR threads and in the Strategy section, or even in the Starcraft LR.
But I would like to talk about a serious topic.
For people who know me and who enjoy talking about what we love with me, you guys probably didn't expect that, but I am autistic with the Asperger Syndrome. And I would like to tell you a lot of things about me and my difficult life when I was young.
The first topic I would like to talk about is this : being autistic and going to school in France is HARD AS FUCK. I'm not kidding, it may surprise most of you because it is a known handicap in other countries and is handled pretty well, but in France, autism is treated like shit, especially by psychanalysts. Because yes, there is psychoanalysis in France, and it is actually huge. The problem is that they actually make our problems even worse, by telling shit facts about autism (autism comes from the incest of your mother : seriously, wtf?) and by actually treating them the bad way.
I'd like to talk about a thing we call in French « Hôpitaux de jour », in english that means Day Hospitals.
Some of them are decent. Some of them are actually controlled by psychoanalysists (dunno if you call them like that in France).
They stay there, they learn them things by the wrong way, and there are even abusing them.
For example, a thing called « Packing ». You ask the child to retire his clothes and you put him in a bed with sheets that have been recovered by cold water. For them, it is a way to help the autistic children retrieve a conscience of his body and to obtain a look, a sound or a word.
The main reason these fucktards are actually huge in France is because autism is an almost unknown thing. Parents that are panicked because their child is different don't know what to do, so they try to find people, and guess who are recommenced ? Yes, psychoanalysists, because psychologists are rarer, and they have no idea what to do. And they believe them, because of ignorance. In fact, ignorance is a big factor in psychoanalysis, because the psychoanalysist doesn't even know what the fuck he's talking about. Funny, right ?
I'm talking about this because I've been concerned by this: in kindergarten, I had a completly dumb teacher the first year, that got me fired out of the school for two months, until the town hall of my city has found someone to stay with me in school to help me do things I couldn't do by myself and to make sure everything goes well. Won't tell you much about him, but I kept him until I was 12 years old. I was 3 at this point. 11 straight years. It was a "school life assistant".
I had another one for three years after that, in college (in France, college is after sixth grade, for four years, then it's high school). Had one for the first year of high school who was bad, then I could stay alone last year, and everything went well.
It has never been easy for me, but I've been lucky to have a mother who focused herself on making sure I could go to school. Thanks mom, I wouldn't be here without you (I mean, she had to make sure I could be born first, but I'm talking about school, you know :D).
I'd like to say good job to USA and other big coutries for being able to handle autism properly. France has a lot to learn.
Now that it is done, I'd like to talk about gaming.
Playing video games has been a big part of my evolution as an autistic child. First of all, I've learnt how to contain myself in some situations. As the time passes, when I start raging, I always find a way to calm myself. And that learnt me how to also do it in real life !
Secondly, friends. Playing video games allowed me to make shittons of friends. My Steam friendlist is almost full. When I started playing Dota, I've found friends. Already had a bit amount of people I've met before with who I played with. Then it started to grow. I became better at the game, people started to see that I was a pretty good person to play with, and this is a pleasure to play Dota with friends.
But what's the thing I realized in the days ? Well, before playing Dota, I was way too scared and shy to speak in a TeamSpeak with people. In real life, I would stay alone during school breaks, not playing with other children, thinking about video games or other things I liked (food for example hehe).
Today, I'm totally confident in myself and I join a ts without even wondering about the fact that people may not want to talk with me and that I may be insulted. Because yeah, flaming is a thing in Dota, and as day passes, I've learnt how to deal with it.
Playing video games also allowed me to learn english, and because of that, I can talk to you.
Today, I'm going into the last part of high school, in a technologic category called STI2D (in French, Sciences et Techniques de l'Industrie et du Développement Durable, Sciences and Technics of Industry and Durable Developpement). I've met people who likes gaming as well, and now I even have friends in real life.
Now, my studies are going well.
But most of that wouldn't have been possible without gaming. If I wasn't in gaming, I would still be a shy piece of shit who wouldn't talk to anybody. If I wasn't going into Dota 2 or Starcraft 2, I wouldn't have met so many nice people that learnt me how to make true friends.
Thanks gaming for what you've done in my life.
I'd like to have your opinions about what I said, and to discuss.
See you in forums !
|
Hmm. I'm not very familiar with autism, so could you describe briefly how it affects you then?
And you said you have gained confidence via gaming. Does this mean you are no longer autistic?
|
On August 05 2015 02:32 DucK- wrote:
Hmm. I'm not very familiar with autism, so could you describe briefly how it affects you then?
And you said you have gained confidence via gaming. Does this mean you are no longer autistic?
I don't have much time to answer precisly, but I can answer quickly the second question.
Autism is a handicap. You're born as an autist, you stay autist. There's no cure. But as time passes you assume it.
|
On August 05 2015 03:11 HammerKick wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2015 02:32 DucK- wrote:
Hmm. I'm not very familiar with autism, so could you describe briefly how it affects you then?
And you said you have gained confidence via gaming. Does this mean you are no longer autistic? I don't have much time to answer precisly, but I can answer quickly the second question. Autism is a handicap. You're born as an autist, you stay autist. There's no cure. But as time passes you assume it.
So if say I were to meet you in person now, would I be able to tell that you are an autist?
|
On August 05 2015 03:20 DucK- wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2015 03:11 HammerKick wrote:On August 05 2015 02:32 DucK- wrote:
Hmm. I'm not very familiar with autism, so could you describe briefly how it affects you then?
And you said you have gained confidence via gaming. Does this mean you are no longer autistic? I don't have much time to answer precisly, but I can answer quickly the second question. Autism is a handicap. You're born as an autist, you stay autist. There's no cure. But as time passes you assume it. So if say I were to meet you in person now, would I be able to tell that you are an autist?
A few years ago, you could probably have a doubt by the way I talk to you and I feel
Today, it's invisible
|
America isn't necessarily all that great about dealing with Asperger's kids either. Teachers are unionized and all the policies are put in place to make sure the teachers have an easier time... this includes making sure teachers and other students never have to seriously deal with any kids who are a little bit challenged.
|
On August 05 2015 03:49 HammerKick wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2015 03:20 DucK- wrote:On August 05 2015 03:11 HammerKick wrote:On August 05 2015 02:32 DucK- wrote:
Hmm. I'm not very familiar with autism, so could you describe briefly how it affects you then?
And you said you have gained confidence via gaming. Does this mean you are no longer autistic? I don't have much time to answer precisly, but I can answer quickly the second question. Autism is a handicap. You're born as an autist, you stay autist. There's no cure. But as time passes you assume it. So if say I were to meet you in person now, would I be able to tell that you are an autist? A few years ago, you could probably have a doubt by the way I talk to you and I feel Today, it's invisible
Interesting. I'd say the internet is a great thing for people with low confidence or introverts etc, because it allows them to express themselves while hiding behind the screen. I'm an introvert myself, and I found that the internet and gaming (MSN as well) had helped me build up my confidence in interacting because I actually will interact with people. It certainly helped early on when I had difficulties in getting pass that initial stage of making friends, where you actually need to start the social interaction and knowing someone. Now I have no such issues anymore.
You say that you stay an autist though. How does the handicap affect you now?
|
On August 05 2015 03:53 Yacobs wrote:
America isn't necessarily all that great about dealing with Asperger's kids either. Teachers are unionized and all the policies are put in place to make sure the teachers have an easier time... this includes making sure teachers and other students never have to seriously deal with any kids who are a little bit challenged.
This isn't true. In places where it is, it has nothing to do with teachers unions. Federal regulations require students with special needs be placed in the least restrictive environment. Districts can skirt the rules by misclassifying students or just lying to parents. If anything the policies make the teachers' jobs harder.
Source: I'm a teacher and have had students on the autism spectrum and others with various handicaps.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Least_restrictive_environment
|
God bless video games and the internet. Interesting information about autism in France. Happy you made friends.
|
my friend is an autist he literally played 600 games of sniper and dropped to below 2k mmr 
|
For people who know me and who enjoy talking about what we love with me, you guys probably didn't expect that, but I am autistic with the Asperger Syndrome
You honestly don't strike me as someone who has suffered a mental condition until i read this blog. And in fact even though online interaction and real life social interaction is not similar. I honestly thought you are completely normal and highly sociable (cause you seem to have good grasp of humor and etc i know that's prolly not the metric).
Btw i'm not familiar with autism and pretty sure just knowing the concept may not help me to understand but i'm curious how long before you made friends and constantly socialized with them ? i mean not online friends and are your friends aware that you have autism ?
Interesting read. This is why i like visiting the blogsection i had interesting reads like your blog and for example fencar's blog about being homeschooled.
I'm happy that you had a better situation now if not you had completely bypassed that hurdle of your life.
As for me regarding gaming for certain i learned to read/write english more from tv shows + cartoons + video games. than school itself (cause the education in my country is godawful trust me) .
|
If people stopped using labels, maybe they'd notice how similar people really are...
And maybe some day people will stop labeling themselves, too.
+ Show Spoiler +
Everyone has needs and capabilities, most have expectations, interests, ideas and wishes. When someone's needs aren't met, they develop wants. When their wants aren't met, they will rebel or withdraw; when their expectations aren't met or they find themselves (or others) incapable, when they cannot pursue their interests or when no one shares theirs, they will likely experience frustration. When feeling threatened, people will do what they consider defending themselves, they might attack or withdraw...
The prime goal of every organism is to survive. Their efforts in doing so might be ill-suited, misguided, woefully ineffective, plain harmful or all of the above. But it's hard to find 'the correct approach', if such a thing even exists. Most people will try to maximize their resources, many will also try to maximize theirs by minimizing others'. Power/influence, food, social support,... they're all important resources.
TL;DR: Do what you can to survive; (almost) everyone else does exactly the same, even if their actions seem to aim at something else. Sometimes the most annoying foe can become an ally if they notice you can work together to reach your respective goals.
|
I worked in some IMEs a few years back and even if i agree that there still a lot of work to do in france for autism & handicap its not as bad as u say, and a lot of progress were made recently (at least for children, its a different story for adults). from experience its not any better in others countries.
Anyway im glad you found your way.
GL
|
On August 05 2015 04:15 DucK- wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2015 03:49 HammerKick wrote:On August 05 2015 03:20 DucK- wrote:On August 05 2015 03:11 HammerKick wrote:On August 05 2015 02:32 DucK- wrote:
Hmm. I'm not very familiar with autism, so could you describe briefly how it affects you then?
And you said you have gained confidence via gaming. Does this mean you are no longer autistic? I don't have much time to answer precisly, but I can answer quickly the second question. Autism is a handicap. You're born as an autist, you stay autist. There's no cure. But as time passes you assume it. So if say I were to meet you in person now, would I be able to tell that you are an autist? A few years ago, you could probably have a doubt by the way I talk to you and I feel Today, it's invisible Interesting. I'd say the internet is a great thing for people with low confidence or introverts etc, because it allows them to express themselves while hiding behind the screen. I'm an introvert myself, and I found that the internet and gaming (MSN as well) had helped me build up my confidence in interacting because I actually will interact with people. It certainly helped early on when I had difficulties in getting pass that initial stage of making friends, where you actually need to start the social interaction and knowing someone. Now I have no such issues anymore. You say that you stay an autist though. How does the handicap affect you now?
It's still a difficulty I have to handle, but it's not that much of an issue anymore.
On August 05 2015 16:34 goody153 wrote:Show nested quote +For people who know me and who enjoy talking about what we love with me, you guys probably didn't expect that, but I am autistic with the Asperger Syndrome You honestly don't strike me as someone who has suffered a mental condition until i read this blog. And in fact even though online interaction and real life social interaction is not similar. I honestly thought you are completely normal and highly sociable (cause you seem to have good grasp of humor and etc i know that's prolly not the metric). Btw i'm not familiar with autism and pretty sure just knowing the concept may not help me to understand but i'm curious how long before you made friends and constantly socialized with them ? i mean not online friends and are your friends aware that you have autism ? Interesting read. This is why i like visiting the blogsection i had interesting reads like your blog and for example fencar's blog about being homeschooled. I'm happy that you had a better situation now if not you had completely bypassed that hurdle of your life. As for me regarding gaming for certain i learned to read/write english more from tv shows + cartoons + video games. than school itself (cause the education in my country is godawful trust me) .
It took me a while to get real friends.
Almost ten years I think.
|
Wow, I had no idea about how ASD is regarded in France. I looked it up briefly and it sounds absolutely awful. Real horrifying dark ages stuff.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17583123
http://thinkingmomsrevolution.com/exclusive-education-autism-treated-france/
http://www.care2.com/causes/autism-in-france.html
It's great that your mum has been supportive. I have a dear friend who is on the spectrum (also Asperger's), and I don't think it caused her very severe difficulties in her early life but it led to a series of breakdowns in her early 20s, which is when she was diagnosed. I don't know all the details as it's quite private but she's told me her mother helped her a lot and I know she has a very good relationship with her family. She and her family are Spanish, but she's lived in the US and UK for longer than she has Spain, and had just finished a degree at a London University when things turned rough for her. I'm really glad these negative attitudes are apparently unique to France in the EU and don't extend to British medical practice or Spanish or any other culture.
I began to suspect that I may be on the spectrum as well after considering my restricted interests, repetitive behaviours, and social difficulties throughout my life. I also had kind of a breakdown last year which is when I started thinking about this. I haven't gone for a diagnosis yet but may do so in the future. The thought is a bit scary as I'm 29 and ASD is usually exhibited and diagnosed in childhood, but if things get bad for me again I'll probably go through with it.
Anyway, big surprise, both of us are into videogames and other general nerdy stuff. I've personally turned away from forming long-lasting relationships online after a bad experience in my teens but it's definitely been an important interest for me. I think the repetitive nature of videogames themselves can be quite appealing and calming to people with ASD, and while people who socialise around games are obviously not necessarily going to be on the spectrum they will often be introverted to some degree which I think is likely easier to deal with as well.
|
I had to learn a bit of psychoanalysis because the teacher was a huge fan of this shit, as we could have learnt from different perspective. The problem in France is that Freud's work is still heavily used and highly rated whereas he was just the pioneer. He had some great hindsight on some mental mechanics but totally missed the point for a lot of stuff (I don't know how to translate it better). Things are getting betetr though, maybe the innovators are not here but we are slowly learning their methods.
It's nice you finally managed to live more peacefully with yourself. That's the most important part about it.
|
Thankyou for sharing Hammer, I'm glad to see things are working out for you 
|
UPDATE!
The situation is the same but it's improving! Government is starting to know and understand how psychoanalysis is bullshit.
I have finished high school and i'm entering an informatics school. Got my final exam, the baccalauréat with an average mark of 16.3 ("Very Good" appreciation which is nice when finding further studies).
Thanks for all the posts!
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
