EPT
A galaxy full of spoilers awaits you in the rest of the post.
For once, let’s start with the worst part of the movie. Guardians of the Galaxy is loaded with sexist bullshit and it pisses me off. First of all, Gamora and Nebula are the only two important female characters in the movie and neither are the badasses they should be. Yes, they get a few scenes to beat the crap out of people, but they spend the rest of the film fawning, prone, or subservient. In fact, both are “owned" by Thanos and "rented out" to Ronan the Accuser, which is literally objectifying. Pathetically, they aren’t the only “kept women” in the film because The Collector keeps two more: one as a slave and one in a cage. “But those are bad guys! Of course they do evil things!” True, but even the protagonist, lead, and good guy, Star-Lord, opens the movie by leaving a woman with whom he had sex, carelessly puts her in a life-threatening situation, and then tosses out “I honestly forgot you were here” with a delivery that indicates the line is supposed to be funny. He then proceeds to build (thankfully unfulfilled) sexual/“romantic?" tension with Gamora for the rest of the movie for no particular reason. Unfortunately, this is status quo for Hollywood, but this one particularly bugs me after how well Marvel and Scarlett Johansson portrayed a strong Black Widow in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. One of the best parts of that movie was the power, independence, and characterization that showed Black Widow was Cap’s peer rather than his sidekick or love interest. Gamora, on the other hand, requires rescuing throughout the movie, contributes less than the rest of the crew, and spends half the movie looking at Chris Pratt in awe. Also, while Johansson's Black Widow is definitely sexy, she’s not nearly as sexualized as Zoe Saldana's Gamora, upon whose butt the camera appears to have an unerring fascination. Listen, Marvel (and everyone else), I know that, as a 25-year-old straight man, I fall directly within your target demographic. You know this too. You know that I’m coming to your movies no matter what. So stop trying to pander to me like this because A) it’s insulting that you think that this is the depiction of women I want to see in your films, and B) you shouldn’t be pandering to me because I’m already on board. Instead, try pandering to all the comic-book-loving young women who should be seeing empowered female characters in your films. You’ve done better before, so do better now.
Sigh. Rant over.
The rest of Guardians of the Galaxy is fucking phenomenal.
Each and every wacky character in Guardians of the Galaxy is absolutely incredible. Not only were they all hilarious, but the movie did an amazing job building an emotional connection between each of the Guardians and the audience. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get tired of watching Chris Pratt Chris-Pratt around, and he does so marvelously as Peter Quill. He’s equal parts bumbling, hilarious, and badass, a description which also applies to the movie as a whole. Gamora is plagued by the aforementioned issues, but Zoe Saldana did what she could with the material and admirably played the role of the alien assassin. I wasn’t sure what to think about Dave Bautista and his muscle-bound madman, Drax, but the perpetually-literal murderer not only brought incredible fighting to the movie, but contributed some of the film’s best lines. Lee Pace’s Ronan the Accuser looked amazingly terrifying, and while there wasn’t much opportunity to delve into his character, he was still a great rival for the Guardians. Even the secondary characters were hilarious and memorable, from Glenn Close to Michael Rooker to Josh Brolin (who will eventually be an awesome Thanos) to John C. Reilly. The absolute stars of Guardians are Rocket and Groot, two CGI characters who are also the most relatable members of the massive cast. Bradley Cooper’s Rocket is perfectly executed, a testament to both his voice acting and the incredible CGI team that brought the rodent rascal to life. Vin Diesel’s Groot is the most human character in the movie, which is insane because he’s a digitally-doodled Ent with a four-word vocabulary. Tying together the plethora of characters is a dynamite script that only stops being hilarious when it decides to be genuinely poignant. I guarantee that no other cast of characters this year will entertain you like Guardians of the Galaxy’s.
Much like the characters, Guardians of the Galaxy’s presentation is out of this world. The dangerous and mysterious reaches of space have never been so colorful, fantastical, and inviting as in Guardians. It’s singular setting is the absolute antithesis of the dark, gritty superhero city and it could not be more welcome. Furthermore, I can’t properly describe how incredible Rocket and Groot not just looked, but acted. Those two creatures set a new standard for how computer-generated characters should appear on screen and how they should interact with their fellow actors. Unsurprisingly, Guardians was also filled to the brim with the ship flying, laser blasts, and excessive explosions we’ve come to expect in our summer blockbusters, although Guardians turns them all up to 11. Despite all the movie’s visual feats, the best part of Guardians of the Galaxy by far is the pop-rock oldies soundtrack that fits into Guardian's alien setting better than anyone could have expected. Peter Quill’s 1980s Walkman is both a character in its own right and the thread that binds all the wayward weirdness of the movie together. Without its classic soundtrack, Guardians would probably still be good, but it wouldn’t be great. Add that to some of the best special effects I’ve seen to date and it’s hard to imagine that anyone could dislike the sights and sounds of the Guardians’ galaxy.
The plot of Guardians of the Galaxy is not especially noteworthy. It’s a decent enough vehicle for the stellar characters, and it serves as an effective origin story. What’s exciting about the movie’s narrative is what it means for future Marvel movies. It’s an impossibly long way off, but the foundations for the Infinity Gauntlet storyline start to develop in Guardians of the Galaxy, which is incredibly exciting to watch. Marvel may make many mistakes, but their ability to create a universe-spanning story over a series of films is second to none. The events alluded to in Guardians of the Galaxy are very far away, but every glimpse I get of them makes me excited for the future.
If you love superhero movies like I love superhero movies, go see Guardians of the Galaxy. Hell, even if you don’t particularly like superhero movies, Guardians will still be a great ride. It’s easily my favorite action movie of the summer. Of course, you’ll need to wade through the sexist depictions of women littered throughout the film, but still there’s lots of value in the movie once you get past all the problematic bullshit. In spite of the movie’s problems, you won’t find a summer action flick with more character, humor, and coolness than Guardians of the Galaxy.
You can find this long-winded pedantry and lots of other stuff at the N3rd Dimension.
