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(NOTE: This is not a blog about how my life was ruined because I didn't wear protection. Rather, it's a discussion about contraception and my own experiences with the matter)
Always use a condom.
It's a phrase commonly heard whenever there is a discussion about anything related to sex. Caught an STD? How could you be so stupid, always use a condom. I mean, it's so easy. Just use a condom, and you'll never have to worry about unwanted pregnancy and STDs. There really is no good reason not to use one, right?
People are always quick to judge people for not using a condom. It's especially easy for two groups of people: First, women, who often do not feel much of a difference between sex with or without. Second, men who have never had sex without a condom, and thus cannot compare the two. They rarely stop to think: why would someone have sex without a condom on? And to be honest, why would they. They are practising safe sex, and are happy doing so.
My experiences
Allow me to explain my side of the story. I'm a 25 year old guy. I've been in a relationship, which lasted a four years, and ended four years back. She was on birth control, and we never used a condom. At times, when she had forgotten to take her pill, we would use a condom. However, this often led to me losing my erection while putting it on, or I would just not climax during sex. Not much fun for either party, so from then on we would just resort to "other stuff" in those kinds of situations.
After the relationship ended, my trouble with condoms became a huge problem for my sex life. I would occasionally take a girl home, but that never ended well. When I used a condom, either I would have erection problems, leaving both of us unsatisfied, or I would simply not climax, which would lead to a lot of frustration for me. I tried using different kinds of condoms; extra thin, latex-free, extra lube. Nothing solved my problem.
So I began looking for alternatives to condoms. However, it turns out that there are none. Condoms are the only thing that protects against STDs, and since most girls do not mind using one, they will always require you to wear one. Even when they are on birth control. And I cannot blame them: it's the smart thing to do.
What now?
At this point, I've all but lost interest in picking up girls. I have to make an effort to sway a girl, only for the night to end in inevitable frustration. And going up to a girl saying "Hey babe, are you on birth control, STD-free, and OK with not using a condom? If so, wanna come home with me?", well, that doesn't really work either. Although I must admit I haven't tried it yet.
It seems like casual sex just isn't going to work for me. I'll have to find a girlfriend again, who is on birth control, and is OK with not using a condom. However, one does not simply "find a girlfriend", and these requirements, which are not immediately apparent, make it even more difficult.
The point is this: I've gone four years without good sex. Condoms have caused me endless frustration, and if I get an opportunity to have sex without using one, I will gladly do so and accept the risks. The phrase "Always use a condom" is easy to say for some, but do realize that for others the choice to use one may not be as clear.
If you've read this far, first of all, thank you. And second, please comment with your thoughts and your own experiences. I'd very much like to read them.
  
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Why don't you practice jerking off with a condom? Whenever you're in the mood, just put one on and try to get yourself to finish. Keep doing this until you feel comfortable you could do it irl.
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I dont use condoms in the relationship im in now and when i have used one on occasion ive struggled to climax at times too.
Ive always thought it to be a blessing since it usually means i can go for over an hour. If i ever get divorced the women will love me. Whats the issue with the girl finishing you off using oral / her hands though?
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NOTE: This is not a blog about how my life was ruined because I didn't wear protection.
I was totally hoping that was the case 
EDIT: Apparently it's the exact opposite. I'm sorry to hear that
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Thanks for the comments guys!
On July 26 2014 02:08 MtlGuitarist97 wrote:
Why don't you practice jerking off with a condom? Whenever you're in the mood, just put one on and try to get yourself to finish. Keep doing this until you feel comfortable you could do it irl.
I have done that, and I do finish when I masturbate with a condom on. But unfortunately, it does not translate into climaxing during sex. At least, not for me.
When you masturbate you can control the pressure, which doesn't happen during sex. And normally that wouldn't be a problem, since there's the warmness / wetness to help out. But condoms take that away, and that results in me being unable to climax.
On July 26 2014 02:22 Capped wrote:
I dont use condoms in the relationship im in now and when i have used one on occasion ive struggled to climax at times too.
Ive always thought it to be a blessing since it usually means i can go for over an hour. If i ever get divorced the women will love me. Whats the issue with the girl finishing you off using oral / her hands though?
Well yes, the women I have had sex with love the fact that I can last forever. But for me, it's just not the same. That feeling of delaying your climax, switching to some other position, build up again, and then explode at some point... it's just not there. I keep going until I'm bored and then I stop. That's not the way it's supposed to be.
And well, in my experience, girls you take home for a night do not feel like giving head. At least not for the 15+ minutes it would take me to finish. And being finished off with her hands is nice, but that doesn't really do it for me. I mean, I already do that often enough myself.
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On July 26 2014 02:38 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +NOTE: This is not a blog about how my life was ruined because I didn't wear protection. I was totally hoping that was the case EDIT: Apparently it's the exact opposite. I'm sorry to hear that
Haha, I know. Sorry to have wasted your time with a total lack of drama 
Well, I have never used one of those. However, I cannot image it feeling much better than a regular condom. After all, you still miss out on the warmth/wetness of the vagina, which is the main problem with condoms.
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Maybe start training you PC muscle to hold your erections longer to overcome the problems of putting on the condom?
Maybe also start working out in general and go sunbathing or something to increase your testosterone level.
Finally maybe it helps to watch less porn and jerk off less to increase sensibility and libido?
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Yeah or just get a fuckbuddy who is ok with having sex without condom. no need for actual gf.
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try different condoms, they are actually different
i think i like durex over trojan ultra thin =/
good blog btw!
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On July 26 2014 02:54 Khenra wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 02:38 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:NOTE: This is not a blog about how my life was ruined because I didn't wear protection. I was totally hoping that was the case EDIT: Apparently it's the exact opposite. I'm sorry to hear that Haha, I know. Sorry to have wasted your time with a total lack of drama
I wish I could have been more helpful but giving advice in this situation is pretty difficult. If you want to be hooking up with near-strangers, you need the protection. I'm fortunate enough to be in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend and we've worked all the contraception stuff already, so I've never had this issue.
Maybe it's primarily psychological? I'd consider looking up ways to trick your mind into...uh... getting turned on? :/
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Yes use a condom. I had a similar problem. What it all came down to for me was being able to practice penetration and endurance, and posture in the legs.
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I find wanking to be more worth my time than chasing little ladies and use a rubber with them. Gonna have to find me a respectable lady again...
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On July 26 2014 03:20 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:
Maybe start training you PC muscle to hold your erections longer to overcome the problems of putting on the condom?
Maybe also start working out in general and go sunbathing or something to increase your testosterone level.
Finally maybe it helps to watch less porn and jerk off less to increase sensibility and libido?
I don't think you can train a muscle to sustain your erection. It's just about blood flow I believe. Anyway, the last couple of times I didn't have problems staying erect, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.
Masturbating less definitely works. I mean, if I were to not touch myself for 2 weeks then sure, I could climax with a condom. But the thing is that I do not have a steady sexual partner, so I cannot really predict when it's going to happen. And I really don't want to stop masturbating for that long every time I have sex. I've tried ~3 days without masturbating before sex, without results.
On July 26 2014 03:33 Piste wrote:
Yeah or just get a fuckbuddy who is ok with having sex without condom. no need for actual gf.
True, but no luck so far. The girls I know are either not on birth control, or they want you to use a condom anyway.
On July 26 2014 04:16 Cambium wrote:
try different condoms, they are actually different
i think i like durex over trojan ultra thin =/
good blog btw!
Thanks! Yeah, I've tried some different ones, and there's definitely a difference. But I haven't found a kind that works yet. In the end, it's all the same "showering with a raincoat on" feeling.
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Have you tried abstaining from porn and masturbation to make things quicker in an actual encounter?
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On July 26 2014 04:16 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 02:54 Khenra wrote:On July 26 2014 02:38 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:NOTE: This is not a blog about how my life was ruined because I didn't wear protection. I was totally hoping that was the case EDIT: Apparently it's the exact opposite. I'm sorry to hear that Haha, I know. Sorry to have wasted your time with a total lack of drama I wish I could have been more helpful but giving advice in this situation is pretty difficult. If you want to be hooking up with near-strangers, you need the protection. I'm fortunate enough to be in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend and we've worked all the contraception stuff already, so I've never had this issue. Maybe it's primarily psychological? I'd consider looking up ways to trick your mind into...uh... getting turned on? :/
Well, I thought it was psychological at first. But during the past few months I've been sleeping with a beautiful woman that I have a very special connection with, and even then it just doesn't happen for me. I can hardly express the frustration. It's the reason I ended that affair (along with the fact that she doesn't want to be exclusive, but that's something for another blog). Thanks for your comments though!
On July 26 2014 04:29 BlaineLogan wrote:
Yes use a condom. I had a similar problem. What it all came down to for me was being able to practice penetration and endurance, and posture in the legs.
Interesting. Well, I believe that for me the problem doesn't lie there. I've had enough practice, both with and without condom, and it just the stimulation to the penis that's lacking.
On July 26 2014 04:40 Djzapz wrote:
I find wanking to be more worth my time than chasing little ladies and use a rubber with them. Gonna have to find me a respectable lady again...
Here here, brother. I guess we're in a similar kind of boat. Good luck finding that lady.
On July 26 2014 05:48 Chocolate wrote:
Have you tried abstaining from porn and masturbation to make things quicker in an actual encounter?
Longest I've tried is about three days, that didn't help. I've abstained for longer, but then I didn't get lucky, so I cannot report on the results
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On July 26 2014 05:44 Khenra wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 03:20 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:
Maybe start training you PC muscle to hold your erections longer to overcome the problems of putting on the condom?
Maybe also start working out in general and go sunbathing or something to increase your testosterone level.
Finally maybe it helps to watch less porn and jerk off less to increase sensibility and libido? I don't think you can train a muscle to sustain your erection. It's just about blood flow I believe. Anyway, the last couple of times I didn't have problems staying erect, so I've got that going for me, which is nice. Masturbating less definitely works. I mean, if I were to not touch myself for 2 weeks then sure, I could climax with a condom. But the thing is that I do not have a steady sexual partner, so I cannot really predict when it's going to happen. And I really don't want to stop masturbating for that long every time I have sex. I've tried ~3 days without masturbating before sex, without results. Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 03:33 Piste wrote:
Yeah or just get a fuckbuddy who is ok with having sex without condom. no need for actual gf. True, but no luck so far. The girls I know are either not on birth control, or they want you to use a condom anyway. Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 04:16 Cambium wrote:
try different condoms, they are actually different
i think i like durex over trojan ultra thin =/
good blog btw! Thanks! Yeah, I've tried some different ones, and there's definitely a difference. But I haven't found a kind that works yet. In the end, it's all the same "showering with a raincoat on" feeling.
There is no easy solution. Cutting back on masturbation is your best bet (or finding a trustworthy partner). It doesn't just have to be never, just less often can help. Also I would suggest toning down the type of porn. Wherever you fall on the 'hardcore' scale consider taking it down a few notches. This should help reinvigorate the part of your brain that should be getting excited just from getting her naked and at your disposal.
That should help continue your success with maintaining an erection and get you closer to climaxing. As for the general sensation, there are some creams that you can use to increase sensation but they also increase the risk of the condom failing for one reason or another. Otherwise, you pretty much are stuck playing STD roulette or finding someone you trust.
EDIT realized I was talking to the wrong person but the info was the point and generic enough
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On July 26 2014 05:53 Khenra wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 04:16 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On July 26 2014 02:54 Khenra wrote:On July 26 2014 02:38 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:NOTE: This is not a blog about how my life was ruined because I didn't wear protection. I was totally hoping that was the case EDIT: Apparently it's the exact opposite. I'm sorry to hear that Haha, I know. Sorry to have wasted your time with a total lack of drama I wish I could have been more helpful but giving advice in this situation is pretty difficult. If you want to be hooking up with near-strangers, you need the protection. I'm fortunate enough to be in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend and we've worked all the contraception stuff already, so I've never had this issue. Maybe it's primarily psychological? I'd consider looking up ways to trick your mind into...uh... getting turned on? :/ Well, I thought it was psychological at first. But during the past few months I've been sleeping with a beautiful woman that I have a very special connection with, and even then it just doesn't happen for me. I can hardly express the frustration. It's the reason I ended that affair (along with the fact that she doesn't want to be exclusive, but that's something for another blog). Thanks for your comments though! Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 04:29 BlaineLogan wrote:
Yes use a condom. I had a similar problem. What it all came down to for me was being able to practice penetration and endurance, and posture in the legs. Interesting. Well, I believe that for me the problem doesn't lie there. I've had enough practice, both with and without condom, and it just the stimulation to the penis that's lacking. Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 04:40 Djzapz wrote:
I find wanking to be more worth my time than chasing little ladies and use a rubber with them. Gonna have to find me a respectable lady again... Here here, brother. I guess we're in a similar kind of boat. Good luck finding that lady. Show nested quote +On July 26 2014 05:48 Chocolate wrote:
Have you tried abstaining from porn and masturbation to make things quicker in an actual encounter? Longest I've tried is about three days, that didn't help. I've abstained for longer, but then I didn't get lucky, so I cannot report on the results
I made it for about three weeks one time, and though it didn't end with me getting lucky, it did make things MUCH faster. If I were you I'd try it for 1-2 weeks at a time. It might help
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Thanks for the comments guys!
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EPT
