EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/HFiZwAr.png)
My last days in LYGF were filled with dread. Between the inability to get any clarification on payments or reimbursement, we had a member stirring a lot of drama with some clear fallacies. The longer I stayed there the more I actually started to despise the game in general. You see part of me knew that I was going to be shafted. There were a lot of promises but things never seemed to pan out in general. The only people who actually did something weren't even on the team, basetrade.tv and sc2replaystats.com were really good in trying to help members.
Basetrade.tv hosted really fun show matches and sc2replaystats created a custom overlay + stream app that links replays to my chat.
My final day was pretty stressful. Tensions were high and I was getting pretty fed up. Finally I told them that something had to be done or I would be forced to take action. At this stage they implied wasn't even full filling my contract so there was no real obligation. I got pretty mad fast considering I spent a few hundred dollars on equipment with a promis for reimbursement, let alone that when I joined I stated that it's hard for me to smaller tournaments since I have a wife and child. It's a lot easier to set days aside for the big things like WCS ( which I nearly qualified for twice!).
At this stage I was furious I immediately informed them that I was through with the drama and the broken promises, I left LYGF. I tried to play a little bit after but I ended up closing the stream, took a few moments and tried another game. Yet... it was poison. I couldn't play. It was like there was this block, this taste of toxins in my body each time I tried to touch the game. My children though where having the time of their life playing in the other room. I decided that maybe it was time to move on and made my retirement post. How could I try to play professionally when I couldn't even load the game up without feeling disgusted by it's entity.
I believe 3 weeks later I was being contacted by a lovely couple who ran tournaments in Utah asking me to go in the upcoming in march and a comicon event in april. I remember saying i'd come and watch but I don't think i'll play. After a little bit of chatting a few hours they convinced me to come and play. On march 8th was the first tournament. I can't recall loading the game since I quit. I was so nervous about embarrassing myself in front of all these people. Especially the more we got set up! Terran players coming up saying hi, good luck we hope you win. A few pictures and I was hooked. I got so shaky sitting the lobby against the first opponent. I haven't practiced... oh god i'm going to embarrass myself. 3... 2... 1... Loading screen and I can't get the keyboard just right. The screen is a little tilted I have so much to adjust and now I have to split my scvs.
I'm not sure what happened, I don't know what caused me to do it. Did I not care anymore? Why was I playing this strategy? I hadn't practiced it before, I hadn't tried it at all. Some crazy mass reaper widow mine play and the first opponent falls. Second game and down he goes. I felt such a rush outside of the game but every time I entered it was second nature, instinct. I didn't think about how to play, I just reacted to my opponent and eventually I found myself against IVD.Zingzing. This man played like a beast. I was so confident in my tvz and he crushed me 2-1. After moving to the losers bracket and beating NDGAME.Spectre I came back to IVD.Zinzing. The first set was 2-1 in my favor and then 2-0. I couldn't believe I won, the ride back I didn't believe it. I slept like a baby.
When I woke up I was back to normal. I had no desire to play or even load the game. I was happy I won! yet I supposed the taste of toxins stopped only temporarily. A few weeks before comicon I decided to force myself to at least practice a little. The opponents will be harder and I don't want to make a fool of myself. After this one last tournament I can be done and move past this phase of my life. For 2 weeks I practiced 4 or so hours a day. At first I hated it but after a few days it turned out to be alright. I just wanted to get it over with.
Come comicon I thought I was dying. My chest kept throbbing and I wanted to leave. I remember calling my wife saying I'm not sure why I'm here, I should leave before it's too late. She convinced me to stay. "Try to have some fun, you might regret not even trying." So I did. I got to chat with incontrol and the other players which helped relieve some nerves.
The games were starting, I was up next and at first it was zingzing vs spectre. I've beaten both I can do it again. I've practiced hard and I'm ready for them. Yet my first opponent I knew nothing about. I heard he was studying me and browsing through my replays. Dam I made them public didn't I. How was I going to mech against someone who has been studying my style? 3... 2... 1... and the game starts. Yet again I started playing. It was as if I never skipped a day of practice. My mechanics were some of my best. I could read him perfectly, I was so focused and expanded like crazy. He came for the counter attack, too many drops he's coming! EMP, tank fire, I hold! The game goes mine. Frost and the game is panning out the same. Drops on his mineral lines but wait he's moving across the map. Quick lift my third and hide behind my double supply depo wall. he's going to break me i'm terrified but he never came in. Was I safe? He moved back home. I grabbed my third and eventually had a massive siege tank hellbat army. I positioned behind his natural 3rd top right and he tried to surround me from both sides of the choke point. I was stuck but he couldn't break me he had to retreat and I knew the game was mine. I had won. The rest fell in line.
Now spectre was up and i was confident. I knew I could win. 3... 2... 1... and I broke, I shattered. I couldn't remember my build order. I was choking just like WCS against Nony. I couldn't keep it up I was making mistakes and I was crushed hard. Game 2 and I take a deep breath. Just relax. 3... 2... 1... and I even the score. We found ourself with a 2-2 tie and one score to break it all. I read a double reaper opening and opened up tech lab marauder. but how do I follow it up?! I would be insane going mech from here I have nothing. I start stim. We trade across the map back and forth with siege tanks and marines. I keep trying to go for the throat and push up the side of his base but he repels each time. Finally he crosses the middle at a faulty angel and I crush his army. I move to his base and I could feel it. I smiled and my heart was racing. I had won, down goes his units, I'm dropping in his main and GG!
Polt was my final opponent. I expected to just be crushed but the games were really close. On heavy rain I could smell blood when I repelled his push that I saw previously used on the pro side of the bracket. I knew he had nothing and I did a very un characteristic mech push to counter. I knew if I mis stepped his medivacs and flanks could easy end the game but I went for it. Polt fell and the room goes silent but everyone is cheering. I turned to my side to see incontrol with a massive grin and with what I believe was a thumbs up. I was floating. I didn't last much longer against polt. I did have a near 50 minutes match on alterzim with crazy back and forth action to where at once stage I was actually ahead! But the titan was too much.
It was over, now finally after many months I can stop. I'm not sure if this joy this relief was because the polt games were over or my starcraft lifestyle was.
I woke up the next morning with starcraft loaded and breakfast at my desk. I asked my wife if she was going to try to play but she said no. I don't think you should stop playing. I guess she was right. The weeks I spent just taking care of the apartment and doing all the homely things I guess I didn't really feel anything. I wasn't sad, I was just a space doing what needed to be done. I sat down and qued. The game is ready and the screen loads.I smiled, for what seemed like a long lost part of my life coming home. I was happy once more.
