Diablo 2 Lord Of Destruction Battle Report 10

“ARRRGH, EMILIO, what are we doing here!?!” Emilio looks at me like I’ve lost it. I don’t deny his suspicions. Act 3 has been hell so far. The jungle midgets and wildlife have not been very pleasant to meet. Peaceful natives my ass. Nevertheless, Emilio and I continue searching endlessly for organs to sell on the black market. I asked Emilio what was our next target.

“We need Khalim's Heart from the sewers,” he tells me.

“Goddammit. The sewers!? What was he doing in there!?”

I put aside my anger and started down my path on the Organ Trail, which eventually led us to the ruined village of Lower Kurast.



A bunch of ape monster demons quickly popped out of a nearby house and started charging us.



I stood by some Tiki-torches and a campfire, hoping the light would frighten them away. All my knowledge of ancient ape monster demons that I learned in school turned out to be useless though. These ape monster demons had evolved to the point where they didn’t care about fire hot!

“They’re coming straight at us!” I yelled at Emilio. Emilio was unfazed. He quickly leapt into action and took care of the problem as quickly as it came up.



Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, BEES!


And walking trees from Lord of the Rings!


We managed to get away somehow. I won’t lie though, it was pretty hectic… I pulled off some amazing jukes, such as this one, where I jump to safety just in the nick-of-time!




“That was close!”

Emilio and I managed to locate an entrance to the sewers, and hopped on in.


I hate sewers now…

It was filled with all kinds of undead beasts and monsters. We met everyone’s favorite enemy in there again: The exploding undead skeleton midgets. Luckily for me, my large bank of stamina allowed me to outpace Emilio enough for the little asswipes to focus their attacks on him instead.



Unfortunately, through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I was somehow left stranded on an island in the middle of the sewers with some dead midgets to continually stab and poke at me.


I want to get off Mr. Bone’s Wild Ride!

"Emilio, save me!" I shouted, but it was no good. Emilio was stuck outside of the island.

"Swim to me, Emilio!" Emilio looked down at the 2-foot-deep shit and piss river dividing us and shook his head.

"Nah bro... can't swim..." Damn! I should have known! I decided to just leap off the island instead, so Emilio wouldn't be drowning in shit. I tripped and landed in the river, though, and had to pull myself back out. Emilio stood by, holding off some enemies at bay while I was doing all the work climbing back up. When I got up, I scolded Emilio for his lack of helping me.

"I get no respect around here!" I told him as I wiped my hands on his robes. Emilio apologized, and I made sure that he knew the respect flowed both ways around here.

After that mishap, we still had some looking to do. We needed to find the heart, and we came across a sewer lever in our path.


I bet nobody’s ever flipped the Sewer Lever before!

I flipped the sewer lever and some stairs opened, and some toilets flushed. I was instantly reminded of Sentinel with his witty toilet humor.

As I flipped the switch and ran to the stairs, I was attacked by bats, dropping down from the ceiling!

"RUN EMILIO!!" I yelled. Emilio took the hint and started chopping away. The electricity bats rushed in for me and Emilio, and I knew I had to quickly run down the stairs to get to safety.



The sewers basement was an even worse dump than the first floor. Undead littered the hallways, and Emilio took quite a beating.




Luckily, we didn't have to spend much time here. I found the chest and opened it to get Khalim's Heart right away.



"Thank goodness they put their treasure right next to the entrance!" I told Emilio.

I picked up the heart and could feel the love.

"Emilio?"

Emilio didn't answer. I looked on the ground before me and saw Emilio's body amid a tall reviver-mummy.

"Emilio!!!" I shouted.



I made my revenge by punching the undead murderer of Emilio in the gut.

"Take that!" I yelled as I teepeed back to town to revive Emilio. "That'll show him!"

I went back to my stash and grabbed Khalim's organs, hell bent on rebuilding a newer, stronger Emilio infused with the energy of Khalim.

"We have the technology!" I said to Deckard Cain, who urged me to stay a while and listen.



In the end, I found out that we actually didn't have the technology because Kurast is a dump with no electricity, running water, or food.

"I guess Asheara could revive Emilio instead..."

To be continued...