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Blogs > Epishade
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Epishade
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States2267 Posts
February 28 2014 19:28 GMT
#1
Dear Diary:

3/1
It’s been 32 days since I first locked myself in the bathroom, unable to get out. My rations have started to run dangerously low. Unable to pay my bills, the water was shut off. The toilet no longer refills and I grow thirsty.

3/2
It finally happened. The mini-fridge I keep in the bathroom has run out of Hot Pockets to microwave. I fear that if I’m not found soon, I’ll have to start digging into my emergency stash of Buttersticks. I was going to save those for a special occasion, but, unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of waiting for that anymore.

3/3
Tired and hungry, I laid down to rest only to be awoken by Henry, my pet rat, gnawing at my feet. I have no idea how he got out of his cage or how he was still alive, but I realized this precious opportunity that I could not afford to waste. Hunger was a problem, but Henry was a solution. I quickly scribbled down a message for help on some toilet paper and stapled it to Henry before throwing him out the window. I hope to God Henry finds someone and rescues me.

3/4
The phone I had installed next to the toilet rang today, but it was just another prank call from Jeff so I hung up. Does he not understand my predicament, such that he refuses to offer help and instead mocks me?! Does he not comprehend the torment and suffering I have endured throughout this nightmare? What impudence! I turned on the tv to clear my head. When Henry finds help and I’m released from this prison, Jeff’s going to get a VERY unfriendly note in the mail!

3/5
It appears that Henry has been, thus far, unsuccessful in locating help. I found out later, using my laptop and the tracking device I had implanted in Henry, that he was still outside my window. “He’s formulating a plan of action!” I thought. But alas, this was not the case. As I peeked out the window, I saw my old friend, bloody and lying dead on the sidewalk. My heart wrenched and I started tearing up. Nobody passing by even thought to check on poor Henry’s condition. I threw curses and epithets at them for their inconsiderance, but this only served to hasten their walking pace. With Henry gone, I knew my chances of ever being found were slim, at best.

3/6
This will be my last entry, diary. The toll that Henry’s death has taken on my health, along with the lack of nutrition has rendered me too weak to survive another day. My health has declined significantly and I fear that I haven’t much time left for this world. If anybody finds this online diary entry, tell my story. Tell my story about the man who died because society couldn’t take it upon themselves to help him out during his greatest time of need.

***
Pinhead Larry in the streets, Dirty Dan in the sheets.
MichaelDonovan
Profile Joined June 2011
United States1453 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-28 19:39:54
February 28 2014 19:36 GMT
#2
How a minifridge full of hot pockets continued to function without electricity is a great mystery.
How you created an online diary without paying either your internet bill or your electricity bill is also a mystery.
How you managed to post entries from a week into the future is yet another.
vOdToasT
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Sweden2870 Posts
February 28 2014 20:05 GMT
#3
On March 01 2014 04:36 MichaelDonovan wrote:
How a minifridge full of hot pockets continued to function without electricity is a great mystery.
How you created an online diary without paying either your internet bill or your electricity bill is also a mystery.
How you managed to post entries from a week into the future is yet another.


I think the idea is that Epishade is sharing the story of the guy who was stuck in a bathroom. He isn't the guy who was stuck.
If it's stupid but it works, then it's not stupid* (*Or: You are stupid for losing to it, and gotta git gud)
Epishade
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States2267 Posts
February 28 2014 20:08 GMT
#4
On March 01 2014 04:36 MichaelDonovan wrote:
How a minifridge full of hot pockets continued to function without electricity is a great mystery.
How you created an online diary without paying either your internet bill or your electricity bill is also a mystery.
How you managed to post entries from a week into the future is yet another.


Rofl, hadn't even thought of that. I wrote this a while ago and thought it would be more relevant if I changed the dates to today. It'll make sense in a week anyways.

I guess those are some pretty big plot-holes. Thanks for pointing them out. I'll have to fix them when I revise my story and add it to the list.

Pinhead Larry in the streets, Dirty Dan in the sheets.
Omnishroud
Profile Blog Joined November 2013
1073 Posts
February 28 2014 20:12 GMT
#5
You never mentioned the electric shutting off, only the water. Very feasible that it hadn't been shut off.
Omni = Capped (RIP TL Account) - LoL EUW: Capped92 - EU Bnet: Capped#1137 - Steam: Capped92
Epishade
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States2267 Posts
February 28 2014 20:43 GMT
#6
I suppose, but I can definitely make that more clear in the next revision.
Pinhead Larry in the streets, Dirty Dan in the sheets.
Saechiis
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Netherlands4989 Posts
February 28 2014 21:00 GMT
#7
WTf is this?
I think esports is pretty nice.
hp.Shell
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2527 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-28 22:31:39
February 28 2014 22:30 GMT
#8
"I had to drop my quill and go squat on the windowsill for a while!" ★★★★★ — Raddmiral
These blogs are confusing, but it works. It works so well I had to drop my quill and go squat on the windowsill for a while. Well acting like The Thinker didn't help me much but I just laughed. Then Bill came with my tea and I had to ask Sharon if she was done licking the envelope. The book people won't get my paper if she doesn't!
Please PM me with any songs you like that you think I haven't heard before!
pebble444
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Italy2503 Posts
February 28 2014 22:37 GMT
#9
my conclusion: she left me some months ago.
"Awaken my Child, and embrace the Glory that is your Birthright"
JohnChoi
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
1773 Posts
February 28 2014 23:52 GMT
#10
woah this dude is in the future
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