EPTSTALINGRAD IS NAMED AFTER JOSEPH STALIN!!! #MIND=BLOWN #GASP #sever irate albino ostriches working on a pickle plantation. But oh no, here comes the overseer; Barrak Obama! (I don’t know, nor care to know, how to spell his first name) Oh no, Obama is beating Poor Sally Lou with a trout! Larry the ostrich jumps in between Obama and Sally to protect her, but this only enrages Obama. Obama whips the trout at the head of Larry and makes direct contact, Larry blacks out.
Larry awakens to see the smiling face of the girl he’s known since childhood. Larry scans her with his beady red eyes, she’s developed quite nicely, her feathers have grown long, and her beak is as strong as iron. But now as no such time for sexy thoughts, Larry had had enough of this place. “SQUAK! SQUUUUAK! SQUAAAAK!” This roughly translates to, “Laronda, I’ve had enough of this horrid place, I’m running away!”
“But you can’t!” yelled Laronda, “If you do you’ll be hunted like a filthy Jew!” (Anti-Semitism is still a thing even in universes where Jews don’t even exist)
Larry looked down at the ground, weighing his options, “I know, but I still have to try.”
Laronda looked distraught, but she gave it some thought, heaved a heavy sigh and said, “Well, I suppose there’s no stopping you. But for tonight, let me try and give you a reason to stay.” Laronda struts over to Larry and places her head in between his legs. *6 hours of terrifying bird sex noises later* Larry arose from the bed, he knew after a night like that he truly would miss her, but this place was too horrible for him to stay. Larry packed his bag, snuck out the back door, and dashed towards the forest.
Larry ran as fast as his weird bird legs could move, but he could still hear them behind him. Larry wasn’t so much afraid of what they’d do to him if he was caught, but what they might do to Laronda if they somehow found out about last night. Larry jumped over a large log in the middle of the path, but a stray branch he had missed caused him to trip, and soon they had surrounded him. Obama hovered over Larry, So Larry, thought you could just leave my plantation without my permission eh? Well I think I’ll just have to make an example of you!” Obama slammed his axe against Larry’s throat, causing an explosion of blood and fathers. Larry was now just another nameless victim of Obama…except he did have a name, it was Larry. The End.
Here are two links to other extravegent text messages I have sent:
Texting a girl I don't know, part 1: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=439148
Texting a girl I don't know, part 2: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=443930
