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The Book of Elfi

Blogs > [UoN]Sentinel
Post a Reply
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-06 04:22:03
February 06 2014 04:21 GMT
#1
In the beginning, Elfi created the pylon and the gateway. Now the APM counter was declining and nearly empty, darkness was over most of the minimap, and his cat Pekka was hovering over the keyboard.

And Elfi said, "Let there be gas," and there was gas. Elfi saw that the gas was good, and sent three probes into each geyser to harvest it. Elfi called the first three probes "for core", and the other three probes "for stargate". And there was the occasional e-click, and the occasional "not enough minerals", the first minute.

And Elfi said, "Let there be a pylon between the structures to separate structure from structure." So Elfi made the pylon and separated his gateway from the core on the other side. And it was so. Elfi began his first zealot. And there was the occasional e-click, and the occasional "not enough minerals", the second minute.

And Elfi said, "Let the nexus in the main produce a mothership core, and let a mothership core appear." And it was so. Elfi rallied the mothership core to his ramp, and the new probes he put on minerals. And Elfi saw that it was good.

Then Elfi said, "Let the core research warp gate: gateways to eventually transform into warp gate and bear units with attacks, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The core researched warp gate, a second gateway went into construction to bear units with attacks according to their kinds. And Elfi saw that it was good. And there was the occasional e-click, and the occasional "not enough minerals", the third minute.

And Elfi said, "Let there be a stargate to make phoenixes and punish expansions, and let them serve as scouts to mark enemy buildings, units, and researches, and let them be units in the airspace of the map to defend the base." And it was so. Elfi made two phoenixes - the phoenix to show his chosen tech path to the enemy, and the oracle to die to enemy stalker pressure. He also made a hallucinated phoenix. Elfi set it in the base of the enemy next to his real phoenix to deliver more scouting information, and to confuse the enemy as to which phoenix was the real one. And Elfi saw that it was good. And there was the occasional e-click, and the occasional "not enough minerals", the fourth minute.

And Elfi said, "Let the phoenixes use all of their energy, and let them fly above the mineral lines across the base of the enemy." So Elfi hit the G key and clicked on things in the mineral line, according to their kinds, and lifted the stalker instead of the probe. And Elfi saw that it was good, since it gave his oracle free rein to shoot the probes. Elfi blessed them and said, "Vittu." And there was the occasional e-click, and the occasional "not enough minerals", the fifth minute.

And Elfi said, "Let my base produce units according to their kinds: the zealots, the stalkers that blink across the map, and the sentries, each according to their kind. And it was so. Elfi made the sentries according to their kinds, the zealots according to their kinds, and the stalkers that blink across the map according to their kind. And Elfi saw that it was good.

And Elfi said, "Let us expand while attacking, while making air units, so that I may simultaneously achieve everything and optimize the use of my eighty actions per minute on my zealots, and my sentries, and over all the stalkers that blink across the map."

So Elfi expanded to his natural in his main's image, in the image of his main he expanded there, nexus he created there.

Elfi blessed it and said to it, "Be fruitful and deliver probes, fill the mineral line and empty it. Remind me to take both assimilators to that I may hide probes from attacks in them. Allow me to build more zealots and sentries and stalkers that blink across the map.

Then Elfi said to Pekka, "I give you every expansion on the face of this whole map and every building powered by my Artosis pylon. They will be yours to control. And to all the units of the map and all the phoenixes in the sky and all the sentries that blink across the map, everything with the tag "elfi" on it, I send to the enemy base to attack." And it was so.

Elfi saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was the occasional e-click, and the occasional "not enough minerals", the sixth minute.

Thus the base and the buildings were completed in all their vast array.

By the seventh minute Elfi had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh minute he left to go take a dump and left Pekka in charge. Then Elfi blessed Pekka and made him holy, because he had just entrusted the winning of at least 100 WCS points to his cat.

****
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
nunez
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Norway4003 Posts
February 06 2014 05:10 GMT
#2
and he said unto the dark templar: take thee a young probe for a sin offering, and a sentry for a burnt offering, with a lot of energy, and offer them before ELFI.
conspired against by a confederacy of dunces.
MysteryMeat1
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States3291 Posts
February 06 2014 05:25 GMT
#3
And elfi saw tha it was good.
"Cause ya know, Style before victory." -The greatest mafia player alive
Corazon
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States3230 Posts
February 06 2014 06:26 GMT
#4
AMEN
Grubby's #1 Fan
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
February 06 2014 08:21 GMT
#5
The one true E-God.
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
y0su
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
Finland7871 Posts
February 06 2014 10:48 GMT
#6
Let us all bow our heads and thank the Elfi, Pekka and holy templar.
MtlGuitarist97
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States1539 Posts
February 06 2014 11:14 GMT
#7
You're all just heretics of the Church of TaeJa. We shall burn you at the stake!
Dapper_Cad
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United Kingdom964 Posts
February 06 2014 11:57 GMT
#8
I now like Elfi.
But he is never making short-term prediction, everyone of his prediction are based on fundenmentals, but he doesn't exactly know when it will happen... So using these kind of narrowed "who-is-right" empirical analysis makes little sense.
WGT-Baal
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
France3351 Posts
February 06 2014 12:01 GMT
#9
Blessed be you, sentinel, for you are the prophet . And Elfi is our God, amen!
Horang2 fan
Heartland
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
Sweden24580 Posts
February 06 2014 14:45 GMT
#10
This was amazing. How is this not a featured blog?
Lorning *
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
Belgica34432 Posts
February 06 2014 14:48 GMT
#11
Amen. This is amazing
Community News
TL+ Member
Laurens
Profile Joined September 2010
Belgium4539 Posts
February 06 2014 15:21 GMT
#12
Where is the plot twist that Elfi is blind?
Daswollvieh
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
5553 Posts
February 06 2014 15:40 GMT
#13
On February 06 2014 15:26 Corazon wrote:
AMEN


Amen.

5/5
Heartland
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
Sweden24580 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-06 19:43:48
February 06 2014 19:40 GMT
#14
We all know that Elfi = Life and thus also (Z)Life. I have heard some theologians think that they are one and the same person, or two seperate ones. Which one is the true path, and who must be burnt at the stake for having the wrong idea?
iHirO
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United Kingdom1381 Posts
February 06 2014 19:41 GMT
#15
I had a go...

[image loading]
GraphicsThis is for all you new people: I only have one rule. Everyone fights. No one quits. You don't do your job, I'll shoot you myself. You get me?
GreenMash
Profile Joined August 2012
Norway1746 Posts
February 06 2014 19:54 GMT
#16
Elfi is the only god. All hail his cat
I love hellbats
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
February 06 2014 20:15 GMT
#17
On February 07 2014 04:41 iHirO wrote:
I had a go...

[image loading]


Oh my Elfi, I love this so much
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
Wingblade
Profile Joined April 2012
United States1806 Posts
March 25 2014 00:05 GMT
#18
So since Elfi is god, Welmu should be the christ. Since he was the savior of the ATC and defeated the evildoers of the Bounty Hunters?
PartinG fanboy to the max, Rain/Squirtle/Dear/Scarlett/Bbyong are cool too. I don't always watch Dota2 but when I do I have no clue what's going on. GOGO POWER RANGERS
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