|
Hi there, I come here seeking advice for when i will be faced with a certain situation. I have some options from which I can pick and I'm leaning towards one of them but I want to hear your thoughts.
Heres the context:
So there's this girl, lets call her L. She is part of a small group that I am a part of that was made around 3 years ago. This group would hang out together and play video games and eat korean/chinese/japanese food all together and all was well. But then, L peaks my interest and as I get to know her better the more I like her. After some time, I admit to myself that I like her, and goddamn did I fuck up. I tell her things that i told no one else and she does the same but at a very smaller scale. Eventually I try to stop myself multiple times from talking to her as much but i seemed to always get pulled back for some goddamn reason. I eventually tell her my feelings knowing well enough that she does not view me the same way. (Trying to get myself to stop liking her) That doesnt work at all. (Yay go brain)
Skip in time a couple of months and college starts soon for us. I decide to go to a different one that the rest of the group (save another girl, she also goes somewhere else, but wtv). Before college, I try my luck one more time and from there we will decide how we will continue our complicated relationship. It ends up with me walking away quite sad, having decided to completely erase her from my mind. (p.s: Very hard to do since she meant quite a lot to me. P.P.S : Had a dream about her something like 3 months after I "erased" her existence. I woke up in like half tears and bit myself so hard I drew blood, actually really hard to do, not enough for a scar, but i had a bloody half circle on the top of my hand for 2-3 days.)
So then, now being in winter vacation, one of my guy friends part of this group starts up a group conversation so that we can all go eat lunch and shit. Everyone will attend including L. I do not have a reason not to go so i gotta go. (No one else part of this group knows what happened between us, well I hope :/ ) So we have all settled on a date and I'm wondering how should I act since I'm going to see her again, after having "erased" her.
I came up with 3 options;
1) Passively ignore her, meaning I wont talk to her or look at her and shit, but I will say hi once we all meet up. (This is the one I'm intending to utilize)
2)Hardcore ignore her, meaning I will try to ignore her existence the whole time. (The group will smell something suspicious if I do this and I do not wish to tell them at all)
3)All the summarized (with some parts cut out) ordeal above never happened and act happy to see her and shit
Any suggestions and/or thoughts?
Thank you, MDFrostbite d^_^b
  
|
|
|
do #3. The best play would be to treat her as a normal friend and if there's another girl there, act interested in her.
btw your guys' relationship is not complicated. Boy+girl are friends, boy starts to like the girl, the girl doesn't like him back. happens all the time.
|
Just go with the flow. If you cause unnecessary drama and problems with your friends that will make things worse. Don't just ignore her because everybody will notice and it will cause problems. Have fun. That's the intention of this. Stop overthinking and have fun. Finally, college changes a lot of things as people grow up and mature. It'll be fine. YOU GOT THIS QURLIE.
|
I'm in a similar situation  hard to know, you can't just pretend nothing happened either...
I've concluded with:
The most mannered thing is to be yourself, and treat her the best possible way and respecting her choise. (everything is as awkward as you let it be)
The most childish think you could do is ignore her totally to "punish" her, even though this is the most tempting one.
Gotta do the right thing
|
Do choice 3 definitely if you can. At least try. Erasing someone won't work, but I think if you try to treat them like a normal friend, it actually might start to feel like they are just a normal friend. It takes a while and is hard to do, but I think it is worth trying.
|
Try to put yourself in her shoes and think about how she would want you to act, and also think about the rest of your group of friends and try not to make things awkward for them and their get-together. Don't be selfish. I know that might be hard to hear but trust me, the worst thing you can do is make things awkward not only for her and you, but for the rest of your friends who want to hang out and have fun.
|
|
|
Act natural. Be chill. There's nothing to be afraid of, nothing that should intimidate you or make anything awkward outside of what your brain decides should do that, and quite frankly, I hate listening to that guy.
So go there, be yourself and note her reactions. If she is really awkward around you, then respect her boundaries. Don't try to force anything, if she wants space because she feels really awkward then give her that space.
If she doesn't act really awkward around you then continue with being yourself and acting natural. If that is hard for you, then crack a joke or something as a sort of icebreaker to break the bad mood and override it with something more carefree and casual. If done correctly, the change in mood should simultaneously communicate to L that it's all water under the bridge and help you chill and forget about the history. If it isn't done correctly, don't freak out and continue being chill, but pull back just a titch because, once again, you can't force anything. If you're ultra-calm and don't give a crap doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. They may give a crap and find your lack of giving a crap disconcerting.
On another note, acting is overrated. If you arrange things so that you don't have to act, then you perform a thousand times better in the social arena. Also, acting can sometimes suck the fun out of things because the acting will put up an emotional barrier between yourself and others.
|
I think a much more accurate word here would be "behave" instead of act. The last two posts talking about how acting is bad, I think you guys might want to look at it that way. How should he "behave?" That's a better word to use because it's not a question about him being fake or not himself anymore. He just wants to know what kind of behavior is appropriate in the situation.
|
Why do people who write girl blogs always feel the need to hide their crush's name? The people who know you, are already aware of your feelings (or after seeing this blog, they'll pester you until you spill), and they people who don't know could care less.
Anyway, imo, you're putting too much pressure on yourself and this situation. You liked this girl a lot, you tried, she said no, you're dealing with the feelings and moving on. Honestly, at this point you've already done more than most guys would have. You just have to take her off of whatever pedestal you had put her on, realize that while you're attracted to her, there are TONS of other girls able to captivate your interest even more so, and don't sweat it anymore.
Know that you're a catch. Know that you've got a lot to offer. Know that you're attractive. Know that you're desirable.
Don't think these things. KNOW THEM. You are. We all are. Get it into your head, and start believing it. Once you have that sort of perspective, people will take notice, including L.
But if you enter into this situation with some sort of silly pre-made notion of feigning apathy, it's gonna stink to high heaven and everyone will know you're putting on a front.
|
@Fumanchu its for the anonymity, cant just reveal the names of people online and shit, its like you call yourself Fumanchu and not wtv your real name is, and why i call myself GalDiator (Gladiator was already taken, not really sure how name changes work or else id be called MDFrostbite)
So the general consensus is option number 3, I do not really want to do this because once I promise something (to myself) its rare that I take it back, so ill take half the advice and just be myself.
Thanks guys. Much appreciated. ／人◕‿‿◕人＼
|
Lalalaland34495 Posts
One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is that you should preemptively recognise that you are going to be hyperaware of your interactions with her. You are going to overthink everything and worry about every little thing that happens between you two. This is normal; do not beat or work yourself up over it. Simply recognise and acknowledge that your brain is going to go into overdrive about it, and try to let it go. It won't stop you from functioning normally.
Good luck. ^_^
|
hi, sorry i ask, but you are asking advice without telling us what to advice for...?
did you really erase her and you want her to stay erased?
are you asking how to best get to her from this point on?
or are you asking how to get back at her?
or last but, not least, are you asking how to get back to normal
?
i'm hoping you are aiming at the latter..
however, i'll play the target and give you the truth.. there is no such thing as normal
i feel you have two choices:
decide that you can deal with it
decide that you can't
the good news is you don't have to chose for real, you will do stuff regardless of that choice
the bad news is that love will trump anything everytime
good luck
|
Behave like a normal and sociable human being. Do the best you can in the meantime to reinforce the idea that it's not going to happen, that trying to make another confession isn't going to work, and accept that? If she has some reason for not wanting to be with you, then what else is there to do? On the off chance that she gives it a go, she's not going to be really invested in it, and things would get even uglier.
If you obsess over ignoring her, that's more time you're wasting being invested in this girl beyond friendship. You're doing yourself a disservice. Take this as an opportunity to prove to yourself that you can make things right with your group of friends and exercise some self-control.
|
Just don't do number 2 whatever you do
|
You're in college now and so are your friends including L; it's a new stage of your and their life. You guys are meeting just to have a good time and catch up all the while everyone goes on with their own ambitions and plans in life, probably knowing that in a few years, everyone one of you will probably never meet like this again.
Yet this problem borne out when you were a teenager and non-adult is still brooding in you. Compared to what they're meeting for and everyone now being an adult in one of the most important stages of their lives, this issue is trivial and shouldn't be developed further.
Behave, not act, like yourself. Enjoy the company. Acknowledge and socialize with L as if you never brought your previous feelings up, as if you're over it. Don't push her into what you've been thinking. Get on with life.
|
I don't mean to be rude but you sound super emo and way too in your own head. Bite yourself over a girl you've had a passive crush on because she doesn't like you back? just lol man... And no you don't have to go if you don't want to see her. Tell your friend "I don't want to go because I don't want to see that girl."
From your post, all I've seen is a lot of indecisiveness and fear. That's probably the #1 reason you're having trouble getting girls to like you. They want Maori warriors who eat their enemies' hearts while laughing about it, not a guy who tries to eat himself because he's sad.
|
#3 is the best option. But whatever happens the situation will remain awkward with her. But hey might as well enjoy it as much as possible.
The problem with all this is that you invested yourself way too much emotionally for no reason. Been there myself around the same age, live and learn.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
