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My 2nd College Essay Blog... (sorry)

Blogs > birdkicker
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
birdkicker
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States752 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-16 03:52:43
October 16 2013 03:50 GMT
#1
Okay... so you guys might remember my post a few days ago about myself debating whether or not to write about E-Sports in my college application essay...I decided against that because the topic is way too big for 500 words to explain.

Anyway... I talked to a stranger yesterday. He is a UC San Diego student... and he gave me some ideas. First off, here is the prompt I need to address:

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Here is how the conversation went:
Him: and for your 2nd prompt
any ideas for that yet
i'd probably write about League of Legends and being within the top whatever % of 30 million players
something like that
or starcraft or cod
whatever makes yous tand out
bìrdkicker (9:19): i was a grandmaster in starcraft
Him (9:19): and you cant put on your application
Lol holy fuk
what is that
bìrdkicker (9:19): lol
Him (9:19): top 200?
bìrdkicker (9:19): yes
Him (9:19): play with TLO and ****
bìrdkicker (9:19): when i was in 9th grade
Him (9:19): yea
write about that
thats really good
bìrdkicker (9:19): uh.. i played idra, incontrol, scarlett, whole bunch of people
Him (9:19): yea
write about that
bìrdkicker (9:19): Im worried that the readers have no idea
what im talking about
Him (9:19): thats actually a VERY good
nah
they will
bìrdkicker (9:20): and t hey will just label me as some nerd that plays video games
for fun
Him (9:20): nope
write about how
well
if you're a good writer you can make anything soudn gr8
period
think about it
9th grade
playing with top players in the WORLD
whom make it a profession
comparable to being a 9th grader
playing with NBA players
it's just an accomplishment
it relates to the person you are because
you practiced
your way to the top
bìrdkicker (9:21): but the reader has no idea what esports is, so wouldnt they think that the players who play this professionally
Him (9:22): Lol
it doesnt ******* matter
you're not writing indepth about the game
youre not saying
oh blah blah
zerglings
blah blah
hydras
blah blah thor makes me gr8 and a good student
bìrdkicker (9:22): yeah but if i didn't know anything about esports and im just another ignorant person, I'd think that professionals in esports is just another nerd who got good at a game and is playing it for a living
idk o_o
Him (9:23): then you shouldnt be going to college
where its a liberal place
full of open-minded people
if you're going to judge others that way
being in the top 0.01% of any game sport or whatever
is ******* accomplishing
bìrdkicker (9:24): you're right, sorry about that... I just think that I should view the admissions reader as a complete stranger... they can be liberal, ignorant, w/e thats why I thought of appealing to them in a more
standard way
Him: (9:25): standard = rejection
bìrdkicker (9:25): but i see where you are coming from... I think I'll write about starcraft
Him: (9:25): you should write about starcraft
lol

So... Y/N for starcraft essay? I was GM in Season 3. I think the youngest north american player to hit grandmaster... pokebunny was older than me by one year.

Also, I altered and improved my first essay from his advice, which talked about my struggles with a language barrier between me and my parents.If anyone could be kind enough to give me their input on it, just tell me and I'll PM the essay to you... I don't really want to bother the guy more because he sounds like a busy person and I don't even know him that well.

*
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States45525 Posts
October 16 2013 04:03 GMT
#2
Can you tie this essay in to your future major or profession in any way? You want it to be relevant to why you're applying to college.

If you can, then sure, why the hell not.
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
birdkicker
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States752 Posts
October 16 2013 04:22 GMT
#3
On October 16 2013 13:03 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Can you tie this essay in to your future major or profession in any way? You want it to be relevant to why you're applying to college.

If you can, then sure, why the hell not.


UC personal statements don't ask for major/future profession unless if you are a transfer student. I am an incoming freshman. I think the goal with this essay and what the person wanted me to do is to basically tie starcraft into some good qualities thats relate to it, such as my ambition (my friends didnt think I can do it, but I was determined to get it), perseverance, and my ability to work my way up from ground up. I think this all shows a characteristic of someone who is determined to fight through struggles (college) to become successful and someone who is independent-minded, which I think can be attractive to colleges.
babylon
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
8765 Posts
October 16 2013 04:58 GMT
#4
On October 16 2013 13:22 birdkicker wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 16 2013 13:03 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Can you tie this essay in to your future major or profession in any way? You want it to be relevant to why you're applying to college.

If you can, then sure, why the hell not.


UC personal statements don't ask for major/future profession unless if you are a transfer student. I am an incoming freshman. I think the goal with this essay and what the person wanted me to do is to basically tie starcraft into some good qualities thats relate to it, such as my ambition (my friends didnt think I can do it, but I was determined to get it), perseverance, and my ability to work my way up from ground up. I think this all shows a characteristic of someone who is determined to fight through struggles (college) to become successful and someone who is independent-minded, which I think can be attractive to colleges.

It's never harmful to tie it into the future if you can. Forward-thinking people are usually attractive to colleges.

Okay, that being said, the problem is that there are a ton of topics that can be used to illustrate the exact same points, and those other topics won't carry with them the negative connotation that video games possess. Starcraft can certainly make you "stand out," but not necessarily in a good way. If they got an essay about someone being bullied for being fat and then persevering in losing a ton of weight vs. youngest GM in Starcraft for one season -- well, which one do you think will get the nod?

I don't mean to be discouraging -- I also wrote about a video game in my application back when I applied -- but if you're going to write about Starcraft, make sure that it leads somewhere ... different to balance it out. Somewhere that'll make them sit up and go, "Oh, I never thought about it that way."
packrat386
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States5077 Posts
October 16 2013 05:00 GMT
#5
I still feel like you're going to have to do so much explanation for them to get why this means anything more that "I'm good at computer games" . For context, I tried to write an essay several times about my experience in debate (one of the top teams in the country my senior year) but the topic is too obscure to really write about in 500 words.

Another thing you may want to consider. Its kind of hard to write an essay about such a long term event like being in GM and have it not just sound like a documentary. You want the essay to have a sort of "plot" and it might be difficult to do that without getting specifically into games.

Lastly, this sort of depends where you're applying and for what program, but the general opinion of video games is not that great. Most people simply don't see them as a pastime that takes effort and dedication to succeed at and will write it off as basically the equivalent of playing a lot of mario. Unless you can be pretty sure that the people who are reading these are relatively young and open minded, I'd say its a better bet to go for something else.

Of course, all of this depends on you having a something else. If you've really got no other major achievements to write about then this might be the best option, but I'm guessing you wouldn't be asking if you didn't think there was probably a safer choice.
dreaming of a sunny day
krndandaman
Profile Joined August 2009
Mozambique16569 Posts
October 16 2013 05:54 GMT
#6
--- Nuked ---
itsjustatank
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Hong Kong9172 Posts
October 16 2013 06:52 GMT
#7
if you have to ask if its a good idea, you probably aren't capable of pulling it off in the first place.
Photographer"nosotros estamos backamos" - setsuko
Cam Connor
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
Canada786 Posts
October 16 2013 07:05 GMT
#8
College admission essay is a great chance to not write about video games
post to be
TL+ Member
SCC-Just
Profile Joined August 2009
United States38 Posts
October 16 2013 07:08 GMT
#9
You should probably show that you are more interested in other subjects rather than in video games.
Whatson
Profile Blog Joined January 2012
United States5357 Posts
October 16 2013 07:09 GMT
#10
I don't think having a major part of your essay be "I was really really good at computer games and I spent a lot of time playing" will help you out very much (unless it's related to your future career)
¯\_(シ)_/¯
krndandaman
Profile Joined August 2009
Mozambique16569 Posts
October 16 2013 08:30 GMT
#11
--- Nuked ---
c0ldfusion
Profile Joined October 2010
United States8293 Posts
October 16 2013 12:29 GMT
#12
On October 16 2013 16:05 cam connor wrote:
College admission essay is a great chance to not write about video games


Not gonna lie, many moons ago when I was applying for college, I wrote an essay about a Warcraft III match for one of my safety schools. I had a lot of fun writing that essay actually and wish I had used it for some of my reach schools where I was ultimately rejected anyway.

Moral of the story: wrote from the heart, still got in.
Vegetarian Wolf
Profile Joined May 2010
China434 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-16 12:38:53
October 16 2013 12:36 GMT
#13
i promise you your wc3 essay wouldnt have gotten you in anywhere that you didnt get into off the rest of your application

here let me tell you something i heard from a friend who worked in MIT admissions office for a couple of years

do you think you're special or unique or eye catching for writing about video games? you're not. hundreds of applicants write about it every year (at MIT, which might be reflective of its applicants' demographic, but the point stands), there is nothing fresh or exciting or novel about it lol

if it's a good essay on its own merits by all means submit it, but don't make the assumption that subject matter will do you any favors
Awooo...
c0ldfusion
Profile Joined October 2010
United States8293 Posts
October 16 2013 12:40 GMT
#14
On October 16 2013 21:36 Vegetarian Wolf wrote:
i promise you your wc3 essay wouldnt have gotten you in anywhere that you didnt get into off the rest of your application

here let me tell you something i heard from a friend who worked in MIT admissions office for a couple of years

do you think you're special or unique or eye catching for writing about video games? you're not. hundreds of applicants write about it every year (at MIT, which might be reflective of its applicants' demographic, but the point stands), there is nothing fresh or exciting or novel about it lol

if it's a good essay on its own merits by all means submit it, but don't think the subject matter will do you any favors


No I agree, I don't think it would have mattered one way or the other. My point was actually that you might as well write what you want to write to make the application process less painful.
Vegetarian Wolf
Profile Joined May 2010
China434 Posts
October 16 2013 12:42 GMT
#15
On October 16 2013 21:40 c0ldfusion wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 16 2013 21:36 Vegetarian Wolf wrote:
i promise you your wc3 essay wouldnt have gotten you in anywhere that you didnt get into off the rest of your application

here let me tell you something i heard from a friend who worked in MIT admissions office for a couple of years

do you think you're special or unique or eye catching for writing about video games? you're not. hundreds of applicants write about it every year (at MIT, which might be reflective of its applicants' demographic, but the point stands), there is nothing fresh or exciting or novel about it lol

if it's a good essay on its own merits by all means submit it, but don't think the subject matter will do you any favors


No I agree, I don't think it would have mattered one way or the other. My point was actually that you might as well write what you want to write to make the application process less painful.


well, is his goal to have an enjoyable application process or is his goal to improve his chances of getting admitted...?
Awooo...
Cam Connor
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
Canada786 Posts
October 16 2013 12:47 GMT
#16
This is a question that really CAN make an applicant stand out with a really good essay, and being the asshole who played a lot of video games isn't going to be the thing that gets you into the school you want to go to.
post to be
TL+ Member
Cam Connor
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
Canada786 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-16 12:54:03
October 16 2013 12:52 GMT
#17
If you want to tAlk about video games, use it as a means, not an end. Interested in finance and stocks and trading? "My interest in fast paced video games that require precise and timely decision making helped lead me to exploring areas I could replicate this in my real life. I found this in trading stocks, And have been managing and trading a portfolio for 5 years now, with overall positive returns of ___."
That type of shit, use it to frame something, but don't use it as the skill itself.

Of course you want to put more effort into writing it well than I did just now, but it seems as if you're still on the content decisions rather than the writing decisions.
post to be
TL+ Member
c0ldfusion
Profile Joined October 2010
United States8293 Posts
October 16 2013 13:09 GMT
#18
On October 16 2013 21:42 Vegetarian Wolf wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 16 2013 21:40 c0ldfusion wrote:
On October 16 2013 21:36 Vegetarian Wolf wrote:
i promise you your wc3 essay wouldnt have gotten you in anywhere that you didnt get into off the rest of your application

here let me tell you something i heard from a friend who worked in MIT admissions office for a couple of years

do you think you're special or unique or eye catching for writing about video games? you're not. hundreds of applicants write about it every year (at MIT, which might be reflective of its applicants' demographic, but the point stands), there is nothing fresh or exciting or novel about it lol

if it's a good essay on its own merits by all means submit it, but don't think the subject matter will do you any favors


No I agree, I don't think it would have mattered one way or the other. My point was actually that you might as well write what you want to write to make the application process less painful.


well, is his goal to have an enjoyable application process or is his goal to improve his chances of getting admitted...?


I don't want to delve too much into this but we don't know anything about this kid other than he posts on TL, plays SC2 well and wants to write about it for his admission essay.

In this context I think we can agree that, yes he can write about SC2 provided that he writes it well. If he feels more strongly about another subject matter, by all means.
catplanetcatplanet
Profile Blog Joined March 2012
3835 Posts
October 16 2013 14:36 GMT
#19
I already responded in the first thread, but I found this ironic

"if you're a good writer you can make anything soudn gr8"

careful who you take advice from lol
I think it's finally time to admit it might not be the year of Pet
Ettick
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States2434 Posts
October 16 2013 16:18 GMT
#20
I don't generally advocate writing for a specific audience, but this is one of the cases where that's necessary.
Essentially, don't write about anything that a middle aged woman won't like and you're fine.
If you can make playing SC2 sound interesting to a middle aged woman, go ahead and write your essay about that.
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