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Northern Ireland22213 Posts
I kinda get what you're feeling. I go by the mantra of "memories can make you sad, but they can also save you."
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You should show her your first blog...
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On August 15 2013 10:16 Entirety wrote:
You should show her your first blog...
Show who?
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The preacher's daughter.
You laid out your thoughts and feelings so clearly there that I don't think you have to worry about complications - for example, you wrote that you are lucky to be blessed with your wife. And the preacher's daughter will understand that.
On the other hand, if you never tell her any of this, won't you just regret for your entire life?
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On August 15 2013 10:27 Joedaddy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 15 2013 10:16 Entirety wrote:
You should show her your first blog... Show who?
Your wife.
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You've made your bed and now you're going to lie in it like a man.
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Oh man, this is the kind of thing that convinces me that one of these years I should get really drunk and talk to this girl of my past just to get a final resounding rejection. I don't want to grow old with anything anything like this hanging over me.
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Why are you sad, exactly?
Letting go is more therapeutic than anything else could ever be.
If you remember something with sadness or regret, or a weight in your heart, then you haven't truly let go.
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On August 15 2013 11:44 Entirety wrote:
The preacher's daughter.
You laid out your thoughts and feelings so clearly there that I don't think you have to worry about complications - for example, you wrote that you are lucky to be blessed with your wife. And the preacher's daughter will understand that.
On the other hand, if you never tell her any of this, won't you just regret for your entire life?
Out of respect for my wife, and the preacher's daughter who is now married, I would never do that. In my mind, that would be as much of a betrayal as committing adultery. Like the one poster said, I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. I'm trying.
This whole "thing" has been the source of a lot of pain in my life. I want to get over it, but its been 10 years already. This blog and the last have been like me writing in a diary. I just felt like telling someone, even if they're strangers on the internet, would somehow lessen the hurt.
The whole thing sounds pretty pathetic when I look at it from the reader's perspective. Grown man crying about love lost~ having a pity party. The only thing I can say is that I'm a person, not unlike any other average Joe, who is having a hard time dealing.
On August 15 2013 13:04 Qwyn wrote:
Why are you sad, exactly?
Letting go is more therapeutic than anything else could ever be.
If you remember something with sadness or regret, or a weight in your heart, then you haven't truly let go.
I'm sad because I'm scared of dying an old man without living a life filled with the kind of passion and love I could have if I'd made better choices earlier in life.
I want to experience this with my current wife. I love her completely and unconditionally, but its still very different than what I experienced with the preacher's daughter.
I want to truly let go, I just don't know how to do it.
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I think you have the same issue a lot of people do. They meet someone who has a profound effect on them, then they lose them to other circumstances, then they want them back. Honestly the best thing to do is to distance yourself from all things having to do with her and focus on your girl. People can love more than one person, but people can only be with one person if they want a serious relationship, focus on your girl bro, she's golden according to your last blog.
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Regret of what could never be is not something that is unique to love. In this way, I can connect to you.
Don't regret the past. Your life is too short to be swallowed by what could have been. You owe it to yourself, and your wife, to satisfy what you want in the NOW. You can't find that in the past. You're wearing rose-colored glasses; what you're feeling right now are not the feelings you had with the preacher's daughter - they are feelings which stem from regret and reminiscence. REGARDLESS of activity.
And this all stems from the fact that we all have only one life to live. Keep this in your mind at all times. Do not do so with sadness in your heart. If you move forward in acknowledgement of your own strength and the knowledge that you have only one life to live, and that you made the best choice you could with what was available to you - then you should never look back on your past with regret.
When I regret, I regret NOT what I could have done with my time, but that I did not appreciate the time that was given to me.
You can find the passion that you once had with the preacher's daughter, but you will NOT find it in the past. That is not simply passion - that is a longing for wonder and the great unknown that is in all human beings, dampened by the fact that we only have one life to live.
Your little secret will likely die with you, unless you feel an inclination to tell your wife. As should regret and sadness. You didn't "miss an opportunity." You made your choices, unique to only you and made in strength, and you should move forward with only the present and the future in mind. Move forward and make a future with your wife and family. Why regret what you had when you could make the most of what you have right now? Life isn't static. We don't navigate the same course forever, nor should we. And though you might compare, a living, breathing human being isn't a memory.
So respect your wife, respect your future, and respect your ability to find what you think you lost. But stop looking for it in the past. Find it in the now.
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I loved your last blog, I actually at a start thought it was just a fake one since it was quite dramatic.
you should be older and more mature than me so I can't give you too many ideas.
Personally I think there is something that you wanted to do with her and you regret never doing it.
If you can't let go, then maybe see her one more time is a good solution.
I am sure maybe you will realise she has changed, or she has already gone over you, or maybe simply seeing her one more time can let you know why you never moved on completely.
I think there is just something that makes you can't move on to see her differently.
After a few years of breaking up with one of my dream girl, I met her again, I realised why I fall in love with her in the first place and why the break up was inevitable and why we can't work out now and just moved on
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Committing adultery? I think not.
At least have a heart to heart talk with her... otherwise, the story is too sad 
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I think most of what you feel for the preachers daughter is an idealized adolescent love. The fact you never really got to get to know her feeds into the myth. Most of us get the chance to see our first romance through, where we learn how and why something was not meant to be. Your relationship with her was circumstantial and ended as such. It probably won't help you, but you should realize that your perception of who she is little rooted in reality. You are very lucky to have someone like Andrea. In your story I feel most sorry for her. There are few things in life more chronically painful, than never being sure the person you are with really loves you, really as much as you love them.
Most of this stuff belongs in your other blog, but thread necro is frowned upon.
Also good luck. The key to happiness is learning to be content with what you have. Human beings are intolerably dissatisfied. We can never have what we want, if only because we always want more even if we have it.
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i have similar dreams. is it really a curse for you and god to know such beauty
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On August 15 2013 13:19 Joedaddy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 15 2013 11:44 Entirety wrote:
The preacher's daughter.
You laid out your thoughts and feelings so clearly there that I don't think you have to worry about complications - for example, you wrote that you are lucky to be blessed with your wife. And the preacher's daughter will understand that.
On the other hand, if you never tell her any of this, won't you just regret for your entire life? Out of respect for my wife, and the preacher's daughter who is now married, I would never do that. In my mind, that would be as much of a betrayal as committing adultery.
You were setting up a date with the preacher's daughter just days before you found out your then gf was pregnant. You were about to break up with her.
You still obsess over someone other than your wife, a full decade after you last dated her. Not only is it dick to your wife, it's also irrational and weird. How do you even know what she is like now??
Certainly, since you're so obsessive over this woman, you should not have any contact with her. It's not stick your penis in someone else adultry, but it is really, really shitty to have that kind of 'friendship' with someone. It's really, really shitty to be in a relationship with someone when you feel that way about someone else.
I assume you won't think of divorce for religious reasons or you would have done it, but the quickest way to set your kid up for lots of bad relationships in the future is to stay in an unhappy marriage. Your kid will absolutely pick up on that. Staying together for the kids is a misguided attempt at being noble.
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On August 15 2013 15:57 mothergoose729 wrote:
I think most of what you feel for the preachers daughter is an idealized adolescent love. The fact you never really got to get to know her feeds into the myth. Most of us get the chance to see our first romance through, where we learn how and why something was not meant to be. Your relationship with her was circumstantial and ended as such. It probably won't help you, but you should realize that your perception of who she is little rooted in reality. You are very lucky to have someone like Andrea. In your story I feel most sorry for her. There are few things in life more chronically painful, than never being sure the person you are with really loves you, really as much as you love them.
Most of this stuff belongs in your other blog, but thread necro is frowned upon.
Also good luck. The key to happiness is learning to be content with what you have. Human beings are intolerably dissatisfied. We can never have what we want, if only because we always want more even if we have it.
This.
You never really knew the "preacher's daughter" very well. You didn't get to see all the shit that would piss you off about her. That you don't like. That maybe makes it a good thing that you didn't end up with her.
Because your relationship with her ended with her the way it did, you only see the "good" side of her. There are probably a lot of things you wouldn't really like about her. You might also want to consider the amazing loyalty of your wife, as that is a pretty attractive thing, to me at least.
I mean... the whole religious thing is a massive turn-off for me, but that is just me. Wow, that letter. Holy crap, I'd run from that. I get that she is a preacher's daughter, and was raised that way. I guess if you are religious, it wouldn't matter.
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