EPT
MY SCI-FI DREAM
So in this dream, its the future, and I'm on this planet with another friend, and I can't make out his face other than he is younger than me, and he is extremely good looking and confident. But me, I'm just me, a middle aged, out of shape guy who happens to be on some kind of vacation with this friend.
So we're at this night club and suddenly this extremely stunning woman comes into the night club and she is wearing this futurist black shimming dress with her shoulders bare and you can tell she is from a rich and powerful family as the door men just move aside and everyone seems to recognize her. She heads straight for my friend and she basically picks him up in a matter of seconds and she invites us to her estate and then suddenly someone comes up behinds me and grabs me and its another girl wearing the same kind of dress and I look at the girl and she is just absolutely beautiful and she laughs and says, 'ok, I got this one!' and I realize that they are sisters and I'm just speechless as she grabs my hand and we all pile into this black flying limo and then suddenly we're at their estate.
It's huge with these geometric domes as buildings which are connected by tunnels and my friend and his partner run ahead while we are really impressed by what we are seeing. Then I realize that this is the end of the world I feel so lucky that I'm sharing it with this girl, who is flirting with me and showering me with all this attention as if I was a young handsome man again. And she says that there isn't much time left, already these space pirates are attacking and I can see outside the estate that there are these small space ships all trying to blast there way into the estate, but the force fields are holding them back, until suddenly one of the pirate ships breaks through the force field and crash lands on to one of the buildings. Then out pop these space pirates and then out of one of the smaller geometric dome buildings the estates security comes out and the pirates start to laugh at them as they are just so small and pathetic, but then one of them throws these 5 little plastic pellets and they suddenly inflate into these plastic blow up robots and then the robots wrap their bodies around the pirates and they suddenly get encased in this blown up plastic casing.
But the situation is bad, suddenly I know that, it's not that it's the last day of the world, but the world has been abandoned by the government and people have been told to leave as the government's planetary defense grid was being deactivated today and that every bad ass mofo out there was going to come to this planet and take whatever was left behind. But this family was an old mining family and they had decided to stay anyways and protect what they could and most people weren't taking it seriously because the planet was so damn rich and it was massive party/wealth planet.
So the girl I'm with is scared and she looks at me and says she is worried about her sister and that we should go find her and my friend on the estate, and I am still feeling old and run down, but when she asks me to go, I feel the old power in my body coming back, remembering that I once was a bad motherfucker and that even though I am a fat sack of shit now, I still and want to give it a go and be the hero again. Then as I grab her hand and we start to move forward into the darkness, I wake up cause the alarm goes off and I need to catch an airplane. But the dream was as real as if it just happened, so my eyeballs are so dry I can't see shit, so my lap top is still on, so I click open note pad and just type the plot line out.
So for the last 3 days of traveling, I'm been thinking of that dream and how to complete it as a story, in terms of what happens, what is the dream really about etc...
AROUND ASIA AND BACK AGAIN
Well I've had a tough 18 months, like the toughest ever in my life, and I think what has made it so tough is that now I have a family to support as well as my aging parents & in-laws and I'm no spring chicken any more- meaning that there isn't much room to fuck around anymore, I know that if I fuck up this project that I can't just chalk it up as a learning experience, shit needs to get done and so it gets done.
My schedule in the last 4 weeks has been : Philippines, Korea, Macau, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Changsha (Hunan China), Hong Kong, Macau, Hong Kong, Philippines, Korea, Hong Kong, and now back in the Philippines. I am wiped the fuck out, but shit has gotten done.
Of course it has has been all for business, but in Korea my sister-in-law finally got married, my mother-in-law had her 60th birthday (very big deal in Korea), but when I got to Macau, I had the meeting with some old staff that I had trained years ago now when I was senior director of a major multi-national and when I had told them everything I had been through in the last few months, they looked at me as though I was insane, that I what I was saying was totally irrational and crazy - in term of business practices and how things should be done. And trust me when I say, this team had gone through hell and back with me, but what I was describing in what I was doing made it seem as though I had already gone off the deep end as though I had gone into battle with an army survival knife and I was expecting to survive an onslaught of an army division.
THEY ALL THINK I'M INSANE
At that moment, when I tried to explain to them that it wasn't as risky or 'do or die' as it seemed, it was clear that they their former mentor and boss had gone off the rails and was delusional as to what reality was. And its been nearly 3 and half years since I've been gone, they've all grown up, so its not as though I'm in a position to explain anything to them any more. But I realized that I no longer was like them at all, that all the values and procedures that I had so forcefully taught and trained them to be like, it wasn't me at all anymore; that my mentality had totally changed, it was like as though my new understanding and mode of business was no longer something I felt I needed to justify or that this was just a phase for me getting back to the level of my former position but with much more financial incentive. But that I have totally become something else.
To give an example as not to be so ambiguous:
1. Former Corporate MightyAtom on Failure: You can make mistakes, but failing is not an option; just keep at, if you're focused and dedicated enough you can make it.
Current Entrepreneur MightyAtom on Failure: Fuck, it takes balls to just do something and having balls takes a lot of effort and the effort it takes you to convince yourself to drop everything and go do your own business may make you blind to the fact that it really isn't a good time to do a business cause the market is down; so if the time is fucked, and you're competing against established players, you're pretty much fucked even before you start, so you're gonna most likely fail, but the point here isn't failing, or being a failure, rather, it is just about being in the game. As long as are still in the game, you have a chance at grinding it out until you can make a move.
2. Former Corporate MightyAtom on the Power of Stability: Just focus, take it step by step, you have the luxury and power to pick and choice the best deals if you have a strong foundation; build the foundation and then let them come to you.
Current Entrepreneur MightyAtom on the Power of Stability: Forget about the power of stability, cause it is so far away from where you are, you won't be able to derive any power from this position because stability requires an established support system to back you to be able to have some type of set routine or able to simply just focus on a single task. You don't have that luxury here boy, if you're going to look for a source of power that can help you as a new business owner, you first have to take it as a given that there is no stability here, rather resourcefulness is everything. Meaning, you need to be able to barter your skills or time for something better as well as make do with little and crank out a lot. Its not about efficiency because a lot of the times, when you barter, you get the raw end of the stick, like working for free to gain some more understanding or paying for dinner at an really expensive place just to get some advice that may or may not be applicable.
3. Former Corporate MightyAtom on the Power of Strategy and Planning: If something isn't set-up properly, fix it as much as you need to ensure that the results will come out as you expect according the restrictions of time/resources.
Current Entrepreneur MightyAtom on the Power of Strategy and Planning: Seriously wtf, when you run an ultra lean staff and do 5 different positions yourself, the only thing you need to realize is that everything must be simple. Doesn't mean it is easy, but what you need to move to the next levels needs to clear and simple. That you need to boil away everything that isn't essential and just do what will take you to the next step, cause the main thing here is survival until your structure kicks in and then when resources and profits also start to accumulate, then you can shift to strategy, but if you don't live to get there, then wtf do you need to worry about strategy? I'm not saying don't be strategically oriented, but that's about it, as long as you are pointed in the right direction, just move forward is more than good enough at this point.
I guess the main thing though was that I thought that they way I approached things now was 'normal' when my former staff was looking at me as if I was abnormal. And I just realized how much I have totally changed, that I'm not struggling anymore with trying to figure out what it is to be an entrepreneur, but rather simple am one now in a very true sense.
TRANSITION TO CHANGSHA
But going back to the dream, I think it was kinda indicative that I have come to that really new point in my life where I'm no longer in a transition period, but have finally made it. So I think what brought on the dream was really my trip to 'Changsha'. So Changsha is in more of the central part of China, it only has population of 6 million people, so its not even in the top 20 of populous cities in China and its about 1:45 hr straight north of Hong Kong by flight.
It was my first time into the interior of China, so I was a bit concerned, not scared, but I really hate Shenzen and Zhuhai, 2 board cities to Hong Kong and Macau respectively- its just too chaotic for me, but I was extremely pleasantly surprised by Changsha because the airport was so clean and modern and the roads were also very clean and modern- not that much traffic and the people in Changsha were so nice and friendly!
So I was with a Taiwanese and a Shanghainese (of course we were there for a business meeting) and both these guys were complaining non-stop about the fucking hot weather, and the lack of pretty girls, but they loved the food. Me, I couldn't stomach the real Hunan food and the weather was fine for me, I like the sun. We stayed there for 4 days and 3 nights and the first 2 nights we went to a Karaoke and the guys were so upset because the girls weren't pretty that they wanted to fly out to Hong Kong the next day. But what Changsha is famous for is 2 things.
1. They have Hunan TV there, which is the biggest private entertainment broadcaster, so they do shows like American Idol or the Voice, but a Chinese version and it's national. And because of that, they have a lot of talent in Changsha, so when you clubbing there....
2. The night clubs are really exceptional! Not only are they of a good size, great music, great DJ, dressed up people, but since the people in Changsha are so damn friendly, everyone is there just aiming to have a good time so when you're drinking, random people you catch an eye with or people right beside your table, you end up cheering and drinking with and also a lot of people (from what I could see) also bar hop a bit, so you get all this new traffic. The only thing they aren't great at is (aside from the performers), is dancing!
DANCING QUEEN FEEL THE BEAT...
You know, back in 2000 or so, in Korea, when you'd go dancing, people couldn't dance. Sure they could sway to the beat, but people couldn't really dance with style, probably in Korea, it wasn't until Beyonce's hit 'Crazy in Love' in 2003 did the girls really understand what it was to move their hips. Also for the most part, dancing to progressive house never really was anything. But I can remember dancing back in 2002 in Hongdae (the university area) in a kinda of house music club and really standing out just because I knew the songs/mixes and I was part of that progressive house culture back in Canada.
So my Shanghainese friend, who happens to be 8 years younger than me at the strapping age of 30 is a baller back in Shanghai, which is saying a lot. He is very good looking about 6'1 and wears trendy clothes with a pretty good build. But still, Shanghai is still Shanghai, so I don't know how they dance in Shanghai, but I'm told he is considered a pretty good dancer, and so in this club called 'Muse' he gets on the stage to impress the locals and he can basically mimic the dance moves of any song that comes on that has it's own music video dance routine, you know what I'm talking about. But when the song doesn't have something set, he breaks out into some kinda of boy band dance routine, which I'm sure if there were 3 other guys with you, it would look pretty damn cool, but when you're the only one doing it...well I basically laughed my ass off.
At this point my Taiwanese friend basically had given up trying to attract any ladies, I reckon it was because the way he was dressed in a wife beater with his diamond earring. But also a very good looking guy. But me, I was amazingly enough getting all these smiles and glances from the young ladies.
COUNTRY GIRL ATTRACTION
Now, here is the thing, I'm in my late 30's, I'm brutally overweight, like I weight 122kg or 266pounds, at only 5'10. But it seems as though, in the country side, the girls still like big fat guys, you know the old school healthy look (as my Taiwanese friend mentioned, these farm girls think that you'd be great to take home to the farm to pull the plow in case the ox gets sick lol- hater!). So anyway, the Shanghainese and the Taiwanese guys decide to pick up the bartenderess cause she knows how much money they are spending and she herself is pretty hot.
So I've been happily drinking away, enjoying my new found and long lost feeling of being an object of attraction and the Shanghainese guys says to the bartenderess, 'let me show you what dancing is' and he tells me this in English before he talks to her, and I'm like, 'damn this is going to be funny as fuck!' as I look at him with all seriousness and say, 'go for it, show em what you got!' hehe.
So in Muse there are 2 stages, they are both elevated, a small stage which about maybe 8 people could dance on, and bigger one in front of the dj booth where maybe 30 people could dance on (in the club, people are just dancing everywhere which made it ultra cool). So he does his boy band thing and she is smiling, but it seems to be a polite smile as I'm sure she gets guys to try to impress her all the time.
So I'm looking at her and she gives me a smile, so suddenly I feel as though I'm 22 again and I tell my Taiwanese friend, watch this. So I'm this huge hulking massive slug of a man, and I get myself on the mini-stage and I'm just doing some old school r&b moves. And the Shanghainese guy is glad I'm joining him, but I think he thinks, I'm just there to support his act. And then old school progressive house comes on, or at least the beat is right and suddenly I get more into it- up this point, I was just kinda moving around and just keeping eye contact with the bartenderess.
At this point, the Shanghainese thinks it's now to get into the big leagues so he motions to me to go the bigger dance floor in front of the dj cause now he sees a mass of hot women dancing there and I think the fact that he thinks he is the best dancer in Changsha so he's back on the hunt. So I shrug my shoulders and follow him, but the set that the DJ is playing is so good, like good old school and I can't help but really get into it.
As predicted, his dance moves get a mixed response, the girls have never seen anything like it, but the way he dances takes up some space and the girls are really just confused as to if this guy wants to dance with them or he just wants to show off his moves. But as we get deeper into the set, I can feel my body moving like it hasn't moved in more than 10 years (no shit right?), then suddenly the set hits some really sick beats and now I really feel as though I'm 22 again, and I close my eyes and just totally get into the music and bust out the moves I haven't done since I was probably 26 or so (or stopped doing).
PRIMAL DANCING
Thing is, when you are a good club dancer, you have a lot of variation and the better you are, the more you conserve your energy and the more subtle but complex your moves are - meaning that you're not the guy who is breakdancing in the middle of the circle or the guy who is just going full out for an entire song like he took a mix of coke and ecstasy; rather you move completely in response with the song, like you are riding the wave of the song. But, you look pretty good to look at when you're thin or slender because people can see your more subtle moves, but when you're mid-aged fatty like me, I just look like I'm wobbling like jello cause the moves are too subtle.
But this time, I felt primal, I felt I needed to bust out this massive old school raver series of moves that were massive power moves. If I had been sane of mind, there is no way I would have tried to do such things in public because I understand that no one wants to see a fatty bust out some techno moves, but I would say that since the club was so friendly, and over the last couple of days I had received so much attraction from the ladies and my two younger baller friends were at a loss of what to do, I just felt like it was 'old school' time, where back in the day, all my friends would strike out and start to give up, but then I'd get up from my drinks and smokes, bust out my moves and bring a bunch of chicks over to the boys after I hooked up with one the dance floor. I just got into that, and yeah, I rocked it.
"MMM WTF? or WOW WTF!"
I think the first time you see something nutty like this, you're reaction is basically, 'wtf'. Wtf is this guy doing? But once the initial moment of shock is over, if the guy is genuinely good, he just wins you over, its exactly like that dance scene from Napoleon Dynamite (just youtube it). So I don't really care at first cause I'm really just enjoying myself, but when I open my eyes, the people around the stage are like so happy and I switch up the moves (10 years worth of moves haha), they start cheering and I can see my Taiwanese friend at the bar and he is just smiling ear to ear and he's loving it and I can see my Shanghainese friend beside me on the dance floor and he is kinda shocked, like he would have never ever in a billion years though I could bust it like that. So now, I shit you not, girls are taking out their phones and start taking pictures or videos of me, and I'm like, fuck it. I don't think for a second they are taking photos of me because I'm a whale on the beach, but because they are just enjoying the moment. So after about two songs, I fully run out of gas, and I tell my Shanghainese friend to go into the middle of the dance floor and bust out his moves, but he motions me to continue and I motion to him I'm about to have a heart attack. So then I make my way to the washroom where there are couches outside in the waiting area and I pass out from exertion for about 15 mins, and then I tell the boys I'm headed back to the hotel cause I'm light headed.
And when I get back to the hotel, I have one of the best night sleeps I've had in a few years...
BACK TO REAL REALITY
So that trip was about 2 weeks ago, and so I have this dream about 4 days ago now. After a bit of reflection, I reckon that they are related but when I think about when I was in Macau with my old staff, I have realized that I think for all the nuttiness in the last nearly 4 years since I left my cushy fat cat corporate position and struck it out on my own, that I am now, like I was when I was in my 20's, truly 'honestly expressing myself'. I think the dream asked me that question, you think you've changed, but really you just haven't been true to yourself, you maybe be older, fatter and beaten down, but fundamentally, its just you not being you...
Maybe this was something I have been yearning for -being me- and didn't even realize. But I wasn't happy when I was on top of my industry even though I had the trappings of everything. And of course being on the bottom sucks big fat dick too. But now, when things have started to turn around, I'm thinking, maybe they have always been good the last few years, it was just that I couldn't recognize the process was good because I was so stuck in expectations for myself and maybe didn't realize that it wasn't the quest for more money that drove me here, or my ambition but rather the innate need to 'honestly express oneself'.
BRUCE THE MOTHERFUCKING MAN LEE
That term is taken from the man, Bruce Lee; as you may know, its the 40th anniversary of his death, so there are lot of exhibitions going on in HK and there was this discovery channel documentary called, 'I am Bruce Lee' which was insightful in some ways, but as a life long Bruce Lee fan, it was more of a reminder of things and when Bruce was Kato, he says that he wasn't happy, just because he wasn't 'honestly expressing himself' and that he has tried to always sought to really honestly express himself and it was through martial arts that he could do that.
Well, after nearly 4 years, I think or I feel peace to know, that I have finally made that transition back to expressing myself honestly. Two very close friend of mine, Giyom and Smuft, said two things to me about a month ago when we met. And we haven't met for a while, maybe a year which is a long time for us cause I've just been all over the place.
But Giyom said, 'there isn't many people in the world how would take the risk you did with a family and give up the position that you had, and I still don't agree that you should have done that, but it is amazing though in its own way.' and Smuft said later when we met him, 'I miss the old you, we talked about it before with the boys, the guy who didn't give a shit and was so cocky and we'd go to any night club and the first thing you'd do is just get up on the highest point of the dance floor and just break out the moves, you just didn't give a shit and we miss that guy, we know you're still there and you have a family, but its like you are still you, but instead of business being 10% of your consideration, its more like 90% all the time...' But both response weren't in the context of happiness, rather reminiscing.
I'd say, even one month ago, I didn't have the understanding I do now, and I'd say, I pretty much hit the zombie level of just trying to put one foot in front of the other, but in the last 2 weeks a lot of amazing things have happened which have taken over a year to prepare. When shit is so difficult you just endure and you don't want to hope that things will get better, you just live just to make sure each day goes by. But it appears that while the process isn't completely done yet, I feel totally at peace. I feel as I haven't felt like I haven't felt in years, years even before my financial success but when I was simply doing what I felt I should be doing, that is, rocking the dance floor with mad style.
So to the four horsemen I say, that the admiral maybe calling you very soon for some night devastation. ^^
