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I'm still in complete shock from what happened today, and just feel like putting it in words would help a lot. I'm sorry if it gets a little long, but a full explanation is necessary.
To start, I am a 22 year old male who just graduated with a business degree. I wrote my past (and first) blog post mentioning getting into law school, and will be attending in September. To sum things up, things have been pretty good in my life so far. Just under three years ago I went to work at a sleep-away camp that many of my close friends had attended as kids, but I did not because I played competitive baseball in the summers. Anyway, my baseball career was over and so I decided to work there because my friends did and it was always a good time.
It was that summer, at the age of 19, that I met my first true love. I was a bit of a late bloomer, and quite honestly I was so busy with sports and video games growing up that I never had much of an interest for chasing girls. Anyway, that summer I fell in love with, let's call her Amy, and it felt great. The only down side was that we didn't live in the same city (kids/staff came from cities all around the area to attend), and we were about 2 hours apart. We were both working on our undergrad degrees and agreed that we would try and make it work.
Not only had I never been in a serious relationship before, but I had definitely not been in anything long-distance. Nevertheless, things went flawlessly. Sure, there were many lonely nights when we first had to move back home, but we saw each other on many weekends and holidays and things were great. That next summer we returned to camp where we were together all summer long, and I managed to go on "exchange" to a school in her city that next school year! Living in her city was even better, and that next summer we again returned to camp for the summer. This past september, she attended teachers college in my home city, which not only worked out for us as a couple, but it was the best program being offered for her at the time so it seemed perfect.
This past school year also went very well....as the last two and a half years had. Fast-forward to last month. She had been accepted on a month-long trip to Israel, which I had been on three summers ago, and because I was graduating I planned a trip with one of my best friends to go around Europe. I got home from my trip and she still had about 2 weeks left on hers when I started to notice a change...
I would say that overall, our relationship has been as smooth as I could have imagined. Barely any fights, arguments, or anything. We have similar life-styles and plans for the future. Because of this, I always trusted and loved her more than anyone else. But in the past two weeks of her trip, I could sense a change. Excited texts changed to simple, one word answers. Long discussions turned to quick hellos and good byes. Something wasn't right.
Fast-forward to last night. She got home late after a full day of traveling, and even though I offered to drive in to spend the weekend, she insisted on driving in to my city. She had never once drove in....I have a car, but she doesn't, and so she usually took the bus or train. I knew something was up.
Then she showed up at my doorstep without a bag...just a purse...and I knew my gut feeling was for real. She needs a break. Her month long trip gave her lots of time to think, and she isn't sure staying with me is the best for her in the long run. I will be attending school about 5 hours away in september, for three years, and although she is applying for work at home and around where I will be, I guess that is one of her worries.
I broke down. It is now the night of the event, and my heart just feels....wrong. For three years, we have been perfect for each other. In her own words, "the last three years have been the absolute best", and she still loves me....so why? Why do you need time? What is it about me that has turned you away? You even said that it had nothing to do with me...that you just need some time alone, and I completely respect that...but...why?
I've surrounded myself with my supportive friends and family, but every here and there that feeling just pops up and I completely break down. I'm not a big crier, but I think I've cried more today than the last ten years of my life combined. I'm not angry at her, I don't hate her, and I understand that she could very well just need some time to realize some things. She also swore that it wasn't because of any fling or person, and I trust her 100%. I just can't wrap my head around why...after all we've been through, after all the fun times we've had together....why?
To add insult to injury, we are both already signed on to work at camp again, and I'm not going to pretend like it won't be extremely awkward. Once again, I'm sorry this post went on so long...I just wish I could understand why...
  
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On June 01 2013 10:57 schach wrote:
I've surrounded myself with my supportive friends and family, but every here and there that feeling just pops up and I completely break down. I'm not a big crier, but I think I've cried more today than the last ten years of my life combined. I'm not angry at her, I don't hate her, and I understand that she could very well just need some time to realize some things. She also swore that it wasn't because of any fling or person, and I trust her 100%. I just can't wrap my head around why...after all we've been through, after all the fun times we've had together....why?
95% certainty that is a lie
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From how trusting our whole relationship has been thus far I'd be even more surprised if she lied about that...
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From your perspective of course you think that but as soon as I read the 1 month trip and "texts became 1 word answers" I was thinking, "Oh man, she met someone there."
Now the break could be because she feels guilty, or she wants you to get mad at her so she can get mad at you and break up and use that as an excuse.
Or she really could just be going through a time where you don't fit into the bigger picture anymore.
It really seems like you guys are done. I mean you can try and fight for it but if she's going to be wishy washy and act weird after those 3 years were great, something fishy is up. You seem like a nice down to earth guy, you can find someone great out there. Don't think she's your be all end all.
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On June 01 2013 11:53 Ero-Sennin wrote:
From your perspective of course you think that but as soon as I read the 1 month trip and "texts became 1 word answers" I was thinking, "Oh man, she met someone there."
Now the break could be because she feels guilty, or she wants you to get mad at her so she can get mad at you and break up and use that as an excuse.
Or she really could just be going through a time where you don't fit into the bigger picture anymore.
It really seems like you guys are done. I mean you can try and fight for it but if she's going to be wishy washy and act weird after those 3 years were great, something fishy is up. You seem like a nice down to earth guy, you can find someone great out there. Don't think she's your be all end all.
Thanks for the input. If she actually cheated on me, I really would've expected her to tell me by now, especially since she drove the two hours just to have a 15 minute conversation with me. If she lied, then we're done for good, but I still (maybe foolishly?) believe she didn't. We've never played those stupid mind games and I don't think she is starting it now.
That being said, I just can't make sense of this whole situation and it could very well be the case. I guess time will tell. I've made no attempts at contact with her, and I'm guessing I should wait for her to initiate?
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In my personal experiences "a break" is what you say when you want to break up with someone but still care about them and don't want to hurt their feelings. Sad to say but it's probably over, it's time to move on, there are other wonderful people out there to meet. The best thing to do now is to spend time with your friends, they will help you get thru this.
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On June 01 2013 11:32 eSen1a wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2013 10:57 schach wrote:
I've surrounded myself with my supportive friends and family, but every here and there that feeling just pops up and I completely break down. I'm not a big crier, but I think I've cried more today than the last ten years of my life combined. I'm not angry at her, I don't hate her, and I understand that she could very well just need some time to realize some things. She also swore that it wasn't because of any fling or person, and I trust her 100%. I just can't wrap my head around why...after all we've been through, after all the fun times we've had together....why?
95% certainty that is a lie
I'd bump it up to about 99%. Her coming with only a purse and it all sudden like this, plus the time she had to "think" is incredibly suspicious to me.
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She might genuinely care about you but long term, strong commitment is not something you can expect everyone is prepared for. Many people have to learn to be independent and learn to live well on their own before they are willing and, most importantly, able to be in a committed relationship. Life long commitments are intense agreements and, if there's anything to be happy about, it's that she didn't lead you on longer (engagement, marriage, kids) before realizing this herself.
Be happy that she's finding her own way because that's the only way anyone can be happy, anyhow. You now have to try to forget, and that's not easy. You can do it though. Godspeed, buddy.
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On June 01 2013 18:57 syst wrote:
She might genuinely care about you but long term, strong commitment is not something you can expect everyone is prepared for. Many people have to learn to be independent and learn to live well on their own before they are willing and, most importantly, able to be in a committed relationship. Life long commitments are intense agreements and, if there's anything to be happy about, it's that she didn't lead you on longer (engagement, marriage, kids) before realizing this herself.
Be happy that she's finding her own way because that's the only way anyone can be happy, anyhow. You now have to try to forget, and that's not easy. You can do it though. Godspeed, buddy.
Very helpful response. I guess the real problem I'm having is trying to decipher why this happened...just a month ago, she was asking me about moving in together if she found a job by where I'll be going to school. And now this. It's tearing me apart just trying to figure out what happened, and I don't know what to do
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if anything ask her for more details as to what went on. considering you guys had a smooth relationship she should be open to tell you. open communication should still work out ^^
regardless, don't hold her back and don't let her hold you back. bounce right back up when you feel like you can, and until then, go take some time off, watch some starcraft, play some games, get drunk with some friends. when you feel like you can start to stand up again, do your best.
TL is here for you.
just learn what you can from the experience, cherish the 2.5 years of good times, and maybe down the line when you're both over the feelings you can talk about it over a beer.
cheers.
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hey neighbour...I too know heartbreak true. It just happens and i think you ought to keep the memories of the good times but also look at what the relationship might have cost you. I had a relationship that made many of my dreams come true, but later i realized the cost of those dreams. I was so happy i ignored why my "dreams" made me want to escape reality in the first place. Now i can see I have a lot of growing that that relationship was impeding.. but bless her heart and soul-sigh.
In other news, thats awesome that you went to israel and europe. I feel like i've been nowhere! oh to travel 
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Ireland94 Posts
Sory to hear this man, I can't even imagine what your going through, mostly because I've never had a girlfriend, I'm a bit of a late bloomer also. I often wonder if relationships are worth it when I hear stories like this. Hope I didn't sound too negative saying that.
I'd recommend the song Yesterday by guns and roses for this situation, It might make you feel better, just listen to the lyrics and you'll see what I mean Best of luck!
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thanks all. The suggestions and support has been much appreciated
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EPT
