|
On U.S Involvement in Syria
BIEBER: I don’t think the government has any place in these matters. Personally I like Cocoa Puffs but I’m glad to live in a country with so many choices.
OBAMA: That’s a joke right? Why would I take the time to talk to some kid about cereal? It’s Syria - a country in the Middle East with an oppressive dictator responsible for the deaths of thousands.
BIEBER: Of course it’s a joke, gramps. Also I don’t know what any of those words mean.
OBAMA (sighs): Bad guy kill nice people. And it’s not ‘gramps,’ ‘Mr. President’ will do.
BIEBER: Then just, like, bomb his house. Problem solved Señor President. Bam!
OBAMA punches out BIEBER.
On the 2012 US Presidential Election
BIEBER: Even though Romney is obviously the Batman, I wanted you to win.
OBAMA: Well I do appreciate that. Sorry for punching you in your stupid face, I guess. May I ask why you supported me?
BIEBER: I just figured as long as the most powerful man in the world is black, white people get to be cool. Being black in America is just such a huge advantage! It’s more likely you can become a basketball player, rapper or KFC franchise owner.
OBAMA: I’m trying really hard to not take that as incredibly racist but I don’t think it’s possible. You should probably stop talking now.
BIEBER: Okay. Understood, my n***a.
OBAMA punches out BIEBER.
On Capital Punishment
BIEBER: I think we can find a middle ground between life in prison and execution. Like, what if every week each criminal had to play beer pong with a dragon. And instead of beer it’s, like, lava or something. But really alcoholic lava. So they might die of alcohol poisoning, you know?
OBAMA stares blankly at BIEBER for about 10 seconds.
OBAMA: Coming from someone who has worked closely with Joe Biden for 5 years, that’s easily the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. For more reasons than I’m even capable of processing.
BIEBER: Shut up. Name one!
OBAMA (fingers curling into a fist): You can’t tell the President to shut up... And how about we start with dragons?
BIEBER: What about them? Not dangerous enough? How about dragons with knives? But, like, really alcoholic knives.
OBAMA (nose now bleeding): There’s no such thing as dragons.
BIEBER: Bullshit. I’ve seen pictures.
OBAMA: … Not all pictures are of real things.
BIEBER: Shut up.
OBAMA punches out BIEBER.
On Gun Control
BIEBER: Guns should just release the sound of a clown horn. Suddenly what would have been a terrible tragedy like Newtown becomes a hilarious circus.
OBAMA twitches heavily for a moment. Visibly pushed over the edge, he shoots BIEBER. After the shot, the gun releases the sound of a clown horn and OBAMA giggles a bit.
+ Show Spoiler [Boring Stuff] +I'm normally not one to cop out of a joke but for fear of legal implications I should mention that this is obviously fictitious! Also I've been told that to properly pimp out my work, I need to plug my twitter like it's my job. So get at me, @BibbitMack
 
|
The problem with this joke is that it expects me to take Obama seriously.
|
In all the time you've wasted writing this, you could have jerked off at least twice!
|
|
|
I concur with MDJ, get to jerkin or get to workin on some better material.
|
Whats with everyone hating on justin bieber?
Like I get that his music isn't the best, but still, its just annoying having people constantly tell everyone about how much they hate him. Its worse than people bandwagoning a band and talking about it non-stop about how its music is better than everyone elses.
|
On May 19 2013 16:25 sluggaslamoo wrote:
Whats with everyone hating on justin bieber?
Like I get that his music isn't the best, but still, its just annoying having people constantly tell everyone about how much they hate him. Its worse than people bandwagoning a band and talking about it non-stop about how its music is better than everyone elses.
Yeah allthough im pretty sure the real bieber hate train was going on a year+ ago, people seemed to have chilled a bit since. Still completely baffling to me how so many people go out of their way to proclaim their dislike for something so harmless as a popular artist.
|
On May 19 2013 18:07 nttea wrote:Show nested quote +On May 19 2013 16:25 sluggaslamoo wrote:
Whats with everyone hating on justin bieber?
Like I get that his music isn't the best, but still, its just annoying having people constantly tell everyone about how much they hate him. Its worse than people bandwagoning a band and talking about it non-stop about how its music is better than everyone elses. Yeah allthough im pretty sure the real bieber hate train was going on a year+ ago, people seemed to have chilled a bit since. Still completely baffling to me how so many people go out of their way to proclaim their dislike for something so harmless as a popular artist.
The problem is that the more people hate on him, the more famous he becomes. People always say shit like "I can't believe people listen to Justin Bieber when there is music like this" in Youtube comments. I find it incredibly annoying that people need to bring him up everywhere, and then they wonder why he's so famous.
|
Baa?21242 Posts
I've read some unfunny blogs, but this one takes the cake in terms of the effort expended to funniness ratio.
|
Just went through some of your blog post. Very funny. When are you doing a SC2 strategy guide like you did for SC1?
|
On May 19 2013 18:11 Animzor wrote:Show nested quote +On May 19 2013 18:07 nttea wrote:On May 19 2013 16:25 sluggaslamoo wrote:
Whats with everyone hating on justin bieber?
Like I get that his music isn't the best, but still, its just annoying having people constantly tell everyone about how much they hate him. Its worse than people bandwagoning a band and talking about it non-stop about how its music is better than everyone elses. Yeah allthough im pretty sure the real bieber hate train was going on a year+ ago, people seemed to have chilled a bit since. Still completely baffling to me how so many people go out of their way to proclaim their dislike for something so harmless as a popular artist. The problem is that the more people hate on him, the more famous he becomes. People always say shit like "I can't believe people listen to Justin Bieber when there is music like this" in Youtube comments. I find it incredibly annoying that people need to bring him up everywhere, and then they wonder why he's so famous.
When the real bieber hate train was going on, I was just like, why bother? Same hate train that happened with Nickelback, 3-doors down, etc. (Especially The Calling LOL). Mostly though, he has come to represent what meaningless song lyrics are. For people like me, if you compare a song like Sublime's Badfish whose lyrics have nuances and take a bit of discerning to figure out, Bieber's Baby is just the repition of that word over and over again, which leaves nothing to the imagination. I'll admit though, spending time hating on the dude is just silly. What gets me though is how polarizing he is; he has legions of #cut4bieber fans and just about the same amount of people who want #killthebiebs.
|
On May 19 2013 15:43 Jerubaal wrote:
The problem with this joke is that it expects me to take Obama seriously.
Which is everyone besides people in the US?
|
United States24495 Posts
On May 19 2013 18:23 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
I've read some unfunny blogs, but this one takes the cake in terms of the effort expended to funniness ratio.
Nah this one is only a 3.0 or maybe 3.5 on the EEFR.
|
On May 19 2013 18:23 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
I've read some unfunny blogs, but this one takes the cake in terms of the effort expended to funniness ratio.
True but harsh. You should have let it slide because Bibbit's work is usually so good :p.
|
United Kingdom14103 Posts
Anyone else getting tired of all the Bieber hate? :/
|
On May 20 2013 00:20 micronesia wrote:Show nested quote +On May 19 2013 18:23 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
I've read some unfunny blogs, but this one takes the cake in terms of the effort expended to funniness ratio. Nah this one is only a 3.0 or maybe 3.5 on the EEFR.
Micronesia would know.
|
United States24495 Posts
On May 21 2013 03:54 Kamille wrote:Show nested quote +On May 20 2013 00:20 micronesia wrote:On May 19 2013 18:23 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
I've read some unfunny blogs, but this one takes the cake in terms of the effort expended to funniness ratio. Nah this one is only a 3.0 or maybe 3.5 on the EEFR. Micronesia would know.
2.5
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
