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Hey Guys, DJWilma here!
Okay so I wanted to talk about a serious issue I have that is holding me back from a lot of things. My "fear" of Imperfection. Let me give you some background. It might get personal
I'm the youngest of 5 kids, and ever since I was young, my father always told me I was going to me the successful one because by then my elder sister had already given up on University (shes 18 years my senior), and neither of my other 2 older sisters were showing a whole lot of promise.
Both my older brother and I scored high on IQ testing when we were young (which I really didn't put much weight on), but my brother has really bad A.D.D. I am not talking give the kid pills and he will be fine, he had a counsellor and doctor he would go see often because it was that bad. So since I was young a lot of weight has been put on me to succeed.
Getting to my highschool years, I never tried (not even going to class), because I never cared, and when I did try, I was always top of my class. Graduating highschool, my average was shit, and my folks wanted me to go to university, so I took a year, retook my courses, brought my average up to 98%. Got into university, and did the same thing I did in highschool, stuff I liked I excelled, stuff I didn't I didn't try (until recently where I feel I matured, and now a third year honors student).
Now to the delema. I have been working in the music industry for a couple years now. Doing mixes and working on the more business end with my company. I work on my own music when I have time, but I always get to a point where its almost done, or is done, and I never release it to the public. I do this because I don't think its good enough for how much work I put into it. It's not perfect. All the other artists in the company say its good, and I should release, but there is always something I want to change, and never end up releasing it.
TL;DR: Always expected a lot from myself, so when I work hard on something, and its not perfect, I never want to show anyone.
I want to know if any of you guys have similar problems, and what you did to help fix this anxiety with imperfection.
  
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I'm one of the older-sibling failures, so I'm not really concerned at this point. I've lowered everyone expectations low enough so that even trivial stuff seems amazing to my family and friends.
Also, I don't think you need "tl;dr" for something this short, or for anything in general. If people don't want to read what you wrote they should just go fuck themselves.
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The best way to get over this, in my experience, is to actually show people your super-rough stuff before you've even had a chance to clean it up. If it is really the fact that you think your stuff isn't good for the time you put into it, then this should feel easier for you, because you have less invested in it at an earlier stage. If you do this enough, you should start building up a tolerance for showing people your creations, which will hopefully trickle into showing people your more polished pieces.
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Actually, I'd suggest not to focus on ONE mix at all. Focus on iterating. The best way to get over this is to SLAM out mixes, over and over and over. What you will find (with tight timetables) is that your product improves by miles, while you simultaneously get over any fear you had of showcasing your work due to the fact that you are manufacturing such a high quantity of stuff.
Set yourself tight timetables - think of each mix like an assignment for school - it's not "when it's done it's done." It's - when the due date comes, this shit is done. Over. And then you work on SOMETHING ELSE (again with tight timetables), and if you want to, eventually you can remix an old work with a (AGAIN) tight timetable.
If you give yourself infinite time to work on a mix, you're going to take infinite time to finish it. Slam this shit out, and you'll improve by miles. Iteration is the key to success in any endeavor  .
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For someone so smart its a little sad that you spelled dilemma wrong...
+ Show Spoiler +jk fuck spelling.
In all seriousness I've had this problem as well, the best way to get over it is to say fuck it and release it. The faster you can get feedback the faster you can improve. This exact same thing happened with some of the writing that I have been doing lately(or trying to).
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On May 17 2013 15:02 ILuMiNaTe wrote:For someone so smart its a little sad that you spelled dilemma wrong... + Show Spoiler +jk fuck spelling.
In all seriousness I've had this problem as well, the best way to get over it is to say fuck it and release it. The faster you can get feedback the faster you can improve. This exact same thing happened with some of the writing that I have been doing lately(or trying to).
LMAO, that actually had me going at the beginning
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"A poem is never finished, only abandoned." — a poet. The progenitor can suffocate his progeny with his expectations. Past a point, he must turn them loose and only watch.
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Write more so that you have mountains of bad and then go look for the gems inside. It's important to get used to theme creation, sonatas, and solo improv as you write more and more. I suggest focusing on sonatas, and yeah slam them out.
When I started I just sort of slammed notes on the keyboard. Of course that's absurd.
Listen to what the muse is saying, but don't take too long. Later on, if you hear something you really like, perhaps you can take her on a date and develop the relationship.
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I have exactly this problem with music, except with performance. Would be interested to hear answers on this too.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
I have this problem with everything I do, I just blame it on some incredibly strong inner vanity I must have.
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TLADT24920 Posts
I think best way to get over it is to release it to the public. What's the worst that's gonna happen? People don't like? Release it on here first and get people's opinion to see what they think etc... then you feedback to fix it and eventually, do the release and such.
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A lot of people have this problem. I think it comes from a need to prove yourself, which is okay. The thing is that at a certain point, the need to prove yourself becomes a hindrance. If people dont accept you for who they are, it simply is their problem, not yours. It's more important that you believe in yourself. Noone is perfect, and noone delivers perfection. So why should you have to prove yourself to be perfect?
Perfection is a bitch. She's always lurking around the corner and calling out for you, but she doesnt let you catch her ever. The tricky thing is that other people seem to be making out with percetion all the time, but this is not true. It just looks like other people are having their fun with perfection, but the one they are having fun with is actually not perfection, just acceptence. Acceptance is very good looking, and she looks a lot like perfection, but she likes to cuddle a lot more and she also farts because she might be lactose intolerant
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. It's easy to say reality is the same for everyone. If you notice something as a mistake, you notice the mistake as very real. However that doesnt mean that everyone notices that mistake. And a lot of people might accept what you view as a mistake as a piece of beauty. If you are telling a story through your music, you should not be telling a story of how perfect everything is, because that is boring as crap. You should be telling a story with ups and downs in it. A story which people can identify themselves with. And when you're telling a story, how you tell it or interpret it can differ a lot based on how you are feeling at that specific moment. And why would one telling be better than the other? They're just different, but equally flawed, and equally perfect.
And for people making up a lot of excuses for failure, that is okay. But most of the excuses you come up with, are simply excuses. And generally you are very aware of the fact that you just came up with excuses to dodge responsibility, which makes you unhappy and stressed. To avoid stress, try to avoid the trap of blaming other stuff and coming up with too many excuses, because in the end you're only deceiving yourself.
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As a fellow musician, your music is never going to sound perfect. My favorite band Thrice in an interview once said that they had the same problem recording their album The Alchemy Index because they wanted everything to be perfect, but eventually you have to let it go. It will never be perfect, and if you want people to hear you, then you have to let them hear your flaws. You may get some of the best feedback from people at large, you never know.
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I refused to stream because I was so scared how my play would be viewed. I had over 10+ smurfs because I couldn't handle the idea of being bad or having to practice and losing as my persona. When I'd beat some of the best in the world I thought I still sucked and made excuses for why I won. I tried very hard to fake it but I never got over it, you've been shaped this way over a long period of time and it will take some time to build that confidence. I would take a step back and review your life to see if you are confident with other things I.E your personality/looks/intelligence/hobbies and just slowly build yourself up! Also Therapy if you have the money :3
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Perfection isn't something you just do. Striving for perfection is an iterative process. By not releasing your work and coming to terms with its successes and flaws you rob yourself of an important conclusion. This disallows you to reflect on your past state and move on to the next iteration in order to supercede your past work.
It's all about making mistakes and learning from them. Iterative process. Think of it like this: you should not strive for immediate perfection, because that's an idealistic and impulsive goal. It's so unrealistic because everyone as a human is flawed, and any attempt you make will have those flaws built in. The best you can do is anticipate and learn to work around and minimize flaws until those imperfections are negligible. What you should strive for perfection in is the iterative way of growing and improving at the best possible rate you can. What are your priorities? Think about this, and then put it into action.
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On May 17 2013 21:46 Meborg wrote:
A lot of people have this problem. I think it comes from a need to prove yourself, which is okay. The thing is that at a certain point, the need to prove yourself becomes a hindrance. If people dont accept you for who they are, it simply is their problem, not yours. It's more important that you believe in yourself. Noone is perfect, and noone delivers perfection. So why should you have to prove yourself to be perfect?
Perfection is a bitch. She's always lurking around the corner and calling out for you, but she doesnt let you catch her ever. The tricky thing is that other people seem to be making out with percetion all the time, but this is not true. It just looks like other people are having their fun with perfection, but the one they are having fun with is actually not perfection, just acceptence. Acceptance is very good looking, and she looks a lot like perfection, but she likes to cuddle a lot more and she also farts because she might be lactose intolerant
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. It's easy to say reality is the same for everyone. If you notice something as a mistake, you notice the mistake as very real. However that doesnt mean that everyone notices that mistake. And a lot of people might accept what you view as a mistake as a piece of beauty. If you are telling a story through your music, you should not be telling a story of how perfect everything is, because that is boring as crap. You should be telling a story with ups and downs in it. A story which people can identify themselves with. And when you're telling a story, how you tell it or interpret it can differ a lot based on how you are feeling at that specific moment. And why would one telling be better than the other? They're just different, but equally flawed, and equally perfect.
And for people making up a lot of excuses for failure, that is okay. But most of the excuses you come up with, are simply excuses. And generally you are very aware of the fact that you just came up with excuses to dodge responsibility, which makes you unhappy and stressed. To avoid stress, try to avoid the trap of blaming other stuff and coming up with too many excuses, because in the end you're only deceiving yourself.
excuse me
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Have you ever read the article "The Power and Peril of Praise"? It's about how too much praise for being smart as opposed to trying hard can cause people to think that intelligence is a fixed trait, thus they see failure as proof of stupidity rather than a chance to improve. They become afraid to fail and take risk and would rather stick to things that they get only praise for:
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
Since Thomas could walk, he has heard constantly that he’s smart. Not just from his parents but from any adult who has come in contact with this precocious child. When he applied to Anderson for kindergarten, his intelligence was statistically confirmed. The school is reserved for the top one percent of all applicants, and an IQ test is required. Thomas didn’t just score in the top one percent. He scored in the top one percent of the top one percent.
But as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness that he’s smart hasn’t always translated into fearless confidence when attacking his schoolwork. In fact, Thomas’s father noticed just the opposite. “Thomas didn’t want to try things he wouldn’t be successful at,” his father says. “Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn’t, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, ‘I’m not good at this.’ ” With no more than a glance, Thomas was dividing the world into two—things he was naturally good at and things he wasn’t.
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EPT
