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Active: 27631 users

The Pitchfork Preserver, May 5

Blogs > heyoka
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Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-08 21:51:55
May 06 2013 00:21 GMT
#1
The Pitchfork Preserver

Twitter At The Speed Of Print


Azubu Employee Assures Family, Friends, Company is Definitely-Not-Scam

David Campbell, devoted Azubu employee, was seen yesterday gathering his friends and family "just to let them know that Azubu is definitely not a scam". The company, which first began sponsorship of esports leagues and players last year, is "totally real," he assured. The meeting included citing their two business forays with a social media network and streaming platform, which are "absolutely actual things."

When his mother inquired about his duties and responsibilities on a day to day basis, David said his time is largely increasing company synergy, building the brand organically, and managing client relationships. "I'm really busy," he added, "ensuring we are able to grow at this crucial time in our operations."

The assembly concluded with a promise of refreshments, to be revealed at a later date.



Sundance Sends Robot Back In Time To Terminate Event Admin

Following confusion in MLG match times this week, the CEO was reported walking through a luminous ball of pulsating energy with a bionic being discussing taking care of business. Sundance expressed to the media that he is from a time where he "gets it" and that steps need to be taken to prevent 'The Great Reckoning'.

When approached for comment the cyborg declined, saying only that next time he will be available.

HasuObs Victorious After Opponent Dies Of Exhaustion During Nine Day Game

The post-game autopsy revealed Bly's heart failed on day five of the marathon game, though HasuObs continued play for four more days until ESL was notified of Bly's passing. 'I thought I just needed a little more time to complete my composition, I'm sorry to hear of my opponent's passing," HasuObs told reporters in a press conference following the match.

Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."

Empire Destroys Alliance Teamhouse With Giant Laser

(Z)Moon wrongly implicated in complex ploy.


GomTV Announces Six Flags GSL

Following seasons of HOT6 GSL and Mango Six GSL, today GomTV announced they would be partnering with Six Flags for their next event. Representatives of the national amusement chain told fans to look forward to new booth technology allowing competitors to produce and control troops while enjoying stomach-wrenching undulations of the tilt-a-whirl and flagship 'Mega Wedgie' attractions.


At A Glance

· Stephano Gives Smug Look While Contemplating Next Shenanigan

· Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man

· Organ Planning ID Change to Harpsichord




This update brought to you by WaxAngel, HawaiianPig, stuchiu, me, and whoever else I stole ideas from


****
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
Myles
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States5162 Posts
May 06 2013 00:23 GMT
#2
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."


Too good. I lost it there.
Moderator
StarVe
Profile Joined June 2011
Germany13591 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 00:29:46
May 06 2013 00:25 GMT
#3
Haha, funny stuff, good job.

Like a StarCraft Onion or something.

"At a Glance" definitely the best section.
SunsetSC2
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia148 Posts
May 06 2013 00:25 GMT
#4
This is art. More, please
*pew* *laser shield* || @Sunset_SC2
TL+ Member
shz
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Germany2687 Posts
May 06 2013 00:29 GMT
#5
Oh god. Haha.
Liquipedia
fenrysk
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States364 Posts
May 06 2013 00:32 GMT
#6
5/5 i lost it at Six Flags GSL. brilliant.
http://fenrysk-art.deviantart.com
pPingu
Profile Joined September 2011
Switzerland2892 Posts
May 06 2013 00:38 GMT
#7
So that's what Goody has been trying to do for years...
Firebolt145
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Lalalaland34486 Posts
May 06 2013 00:45 GMT
#8
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."


Ahahahahahaha gold
Moderator
slowbacontron
Profile Joined October 2012
United States7722 Posts
May 06 2013 00:45 GMT
#9
Amazing!

2/5, barely mentioned heyoka.
jjakji fan
leo23
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States3075 Posts
May 06 2013 01:19 GMT
#10
very good I like it 5/5
banelings
Jaaaaasper
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
United States10225 Posts
May 06 2013 01:21 GMT
#11
5/5 This must continue!
The t-zain line was gold
Hey do you want to hear a joke? Chinese production value. | I thought he had a aegis- Ayesee | When did 7ing mad last have a good game, 2012?
StarStruck
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
25339 Posts
May 06 2013 01:23 GMT
#12
Wax is on top of it. Good to know. Stealing ideas since 2002.
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
May 06 2013 01:26 GMT
#13
Fuckin' brilliant.
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
WalkinDead
Profile Blog Joined February 2013
88 Posts
May 06 2013 01:30 GMT
#14
jaedong in shame chair! haha right along with Bisu (not including his pvz)
Waxangel
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
United States33309 Posts
May 06 2013 01:30 GMT
#15
fu, I wanted to write the Bly-hasuobs piece
AdministratorHey HP can you redo everything youve ever done because i have a small complaint?
Dodgin
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Canada39254 Posts
May 06 2013 01:40 GMT
#16
this is the most ESPORTS thing I have seen in recent time
Ben...
Profile Joined January 2011
Canada3485 Posts
May 06 2013 01:49 GMT
#17
This is so good.
"Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide" -Tastosis
tree.hugger
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Philadelphia, PA10406 Posts
May 06 2013 01:57 GMT
#18
Definitely not a scam.
ModeratorEffOrt, Snow, GuMiho, and Team Liquid
shizaep
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Canada2920 Posts
May 06 2013 02:01 GMT
#19
You should start printing these
Well Played!
You mean I just write stuff here and other people can see it?
turdburgler
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
England6749 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 02:16:52
May 06 2013 02:16 GMT
#20
everyone hating on azubu, when there are so many more bad businesses in esports that we know so much about to hate on.
GMarshal
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States22154 Posts
May 06 2013 02:27 GMT
#21
This is fantastic ^_^
Moderator
Ero-Sennin
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States756 Posts
May 06 2013 02:32 GMT
#22
You.... are a wonderful person... and I love you for this.
Luck makes talent look like genius.
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
May 06 2013 02:55 GMT
#23
On May 06 2013 09:23 Myles wrote:
Show nested quote +
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."


Too good. I lost it there.


All props for this goes to stuchiu, who said it in a chat. It's by far the best line there.
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
DenTenker
Profile Blog Joined March 2013
United States606 Posts
May 06 2013 03:02 GMT
#24
Well done! 5/5
If your all in didn't work, you didn't pull the workers.
Chairman Ray
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States11903 Posts
May 06 2013 05:36 GMT
#25
Hahaha, i loved the piano comment
TheEmulator
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
28085 Posts
May 06 2013 05:43 GMT
#26
0/5

+ Show Spoiler +
jk 5/5
Administrator
Jacmert
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
Canada1709 Posts
May 06 2013 05:46 GMT
#27
LOL. I started off thinking, "ha ha, ok, this is decent I guess."

and then I kept reading and couldn't stop laughing :D
Plat Support Main #believe
looknohands119
Profile Joined March 2010
United States815 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 05:50:19
May 06 2013 05:48 GMT
#28
If this little publication doesn't become a regular thing, I'll probably have to throw my wheelchair out the window of my fourth story apartment onto an unsuspecting passerby. For the safety of those completely innocent bystanders, I emplore you to not let that happen.
"The kingdom of the heavens is buried treasure. Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?" - Jon Foreman ('Your Love Is Strong' - Spring EP)
Mothra
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States1448 Posts
May 06 2013 05:55 GMT
#29
lol too good...
CreatorGX
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States121 Posts
May 06 2013 06:27 GMT
#30
"Organ Planning ID Change to Harpsichord"

Everything before this was just whipped cream atop of this cake. Never stop this. I cannot stress enough how much I love this. (<3 comes pretty close) Good job.
http://creatorgx.blogspot.com/
KadaverBB
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
Germany25657 Posts
May 06 2013 06:39 GMT
#31
Brillian :D
AdministratorLaws change depending on who's making them, but justice is justice
Eeeegor
Profile Joined April 2005
Australia809 Posts
May 06 2013 07:03 GMT
#32
Haha, amazing stuff!
Day9 Made Me Do It
Meatloaf
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Spain664 Posts
May 06 2013 07:23 GMT
#33
this is so awesome lol. Good Job!
MHT
Profile Joined August 2010
Sweden1026 Posts
May 06 2013 08:04 GMT
#34
hahaha godamn the Hasuobs part!
Nirel
Profile Joined September 2011
Israel1526 Posts
May 06 2013 08:19 GMT
#35
Wow this is GOOD! please make it a regular thing
kollin
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
United Kingdom8380 Posts
May 06 2013 08:21 GMT
#36
HAhaha fantastic
DusTerr
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
2520 Posts
May 06 2013 09:22 GMT
#37
will read again
soiii
Profile Joined July 2011
Germany266 Posts
May 06 2013 10:38 GMT
#38
Enjoyed this very much :-)
Flossy
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States870 Posts
May 06 2013 10:47 GMT
#39
More plz. 5/5
etternaonline.com
GaNgStaRR.ElV
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada535 Posts
May 06 2013 10:53 GMT
#40
Nice but don't really get the AZUBU digs.....
BlueFlames
Profile Joined February 2011
Germany1756 Posts
May 06 2013 10:59 GMT
#41
This was a greate read. 5/5
ejozl
Profile Joined October 2010
Denmark3343 Posts
May 06 2013 11:27 GMT
#42
Empire+Alliance+Moon reference is not getting enough credit
SC2 Archon needs "Terrible, terrible damage" as one of it's quotes.
s.a.y
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
Croatia3840 Posts
May 06 2013 11:34 GMT
#43
Awesome :D

We need more of these
I am not good with quotes
Ragnarork
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
France9034 Posts
May 06 2013 12:07 GMT
#44
This is epic haha !

Love the ThorZaIN line !
LiquipediaWanderer
Blezza
Profile Joined June 2011
United Kingdom191 Posts
May 06 2013 12:12 GMT
#45
this gave me a good laugh 4/5, nice work defo need more of these!
Winners race > Other race I don't play > My race. How Twitch chat work in tournaments...
Leefang
Profile Joined July 2010
42 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 12:42:34
May 06 2013 12:42 GMT
#46
I call Encore XD

Hope these become a monthly edition :D!
Cyro
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United Kingdom20284 Posts
May 06 2013 12:43 GMT
#47
This is awesome :D :D
"oh my god my overclock... I got a single WHEA error on the 23rd hour, 9 minutes" -Belial88
HornyHerring
Profile Joined March 2011
Papua New Guinea1058 Posts
May 06 2013 14:07 GMT
#48
There used to be a guy named InfestedArchon writing pieces similar to this.
oh, hai
Delphiki
Profile Joined October 2012
Philippines1955 Posts
May 06 2013 15:01 GMT
#49
Hope you do these more often!
Methy
Profile Joined November 2010
United Kingdom74 Posts
May 06 2013 15:06 GMT
#50
Oh wow...

I really feel everyone is majorly overlooking 'Empire Destroys Alliance Teamhouse With Giant Laser
(Z)Moon wrongly implicated in complex ploy.'

*AMAZING* reference :D
<3 Nony
Oukka
Profile Blog Joined September 2012
Finland1683 Posts
May 06 2013 15:13 GMT
#51
This was just too good, when do we get the next part?
I play children's card games and watch a lot of dota, CS and HS
GulpyBlinkeyes
Profile Joined October 2009
United States1449 Posts
May 06 2013 15:40 GMT
#52
"Stephano Gives Smug Look While Contemplating Next Shenanigan" is perfect. Such a flawless Onion-style headline.

Fantastic work on the whole thing!
Aesop
Profile Joined October 2007
Hungary11284 Posts
May 06 2013 15:42 GMT
#53
"Organ Planning ID Change to Harpsichord" really got me in the end. Nice piece.
ModeratorNon veritas sed auctoritas facit legem. | Liquipedia: Don't ask me, I'm retired.
a3den
Profile Joined April 2012
704 Posts
May 06 2013 16:12 GMT
#54
Very nice, I want more :D
Adebisi
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Canada1637 Posts
May 06 2013 16:17 GMT
#55
This needs to be a regular thing.
ftjust
Profile Joined October 2010
Sweden43 Posts
May 06 2013 16:20 GMT
#56
"· Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man"

priceless
Kazeyonoma
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2912 Posts
May 06 2013 16:22 GMT
#57
rofl nice
I now have autographs of both BoxeR and NaDa. I can die happy. Lim Yo Hwan and Lee Yun Yeol FIGHTING forever!
Shinespark
Profile Joined June 2011
Chile843 Posts
May 06 2013 16:26 GMT
#58
Jaedong lost to a white man...

It's so funny and so hurtful at the same time, but you'll come back, Jaedong! Show them that class is eternal!
"I, for one, welcome our new Korean overlords."
mrRoflpwn
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States2618 Posts
May 06 2013 16:28 GMT
#59
On May 06 2013 10:57 tree.hugger wrote:
Definitely not a scam.

Long live the Boss Toss!
yawnoC
Profile Joined December 2010
United States3704 Posts
May 06 2013 16:35 GMT
#60
5/5 It was the little things that really put this over the top
GG - UNiVeRsE is the best player in the WORLD
Kaelaris
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United Kingdom788 Posts
May 06 2013 16:35 GMT
#61
I can confirm the piece regarding Bly and HasuObs is NOT made up - I was close to suffering from brain Haemorrhage whilst casting the game in question.

RIP in Pieces Bly :<
CommentatorESL Commentator ♞ Facebook.com/Kaelaris ♞ Twitter.com/Kaelaris ♞ Youtube.com/Kaelaris ♞ Twitch.tv/Kaelaris
Olli
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
Austria24417 Posts
May 06 2013 16:36 GMT
#62
LOL this made my day.
Administrator"Declaring anything a disaster because aLive popped up out of nowhere is just downright silly."
Plansix
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
United States60190 Posts
May 06 2013 16:53 GMT
#63
Six Flags and GSL - "told fans to look forward to new booth technology allowing competitors to produce and control troops while enjoying stomach-wrenching undulations of the tilt-a-whirl".

Nearly spewed my lunch onto the screen at work. Well done.
I have the Honor to be your Obedient Servant, P.6
TL+ Member
FakePseudo
Profile Joined January 2012
Belgium716 Posts
May 06 2013 16:53 GMT
#64
5/5 Great read, although I didn't get the treat to watch Hasuobs-Bly
I am the 0.0007% /forum/viewpost.php?post_id=17208334|| Big Black Women Vocals Is Like Porn to my Ears ||San Antonio Spurs|Boston Celtics||#1EZToss Hater;
DavoS
Profile Blog Joined October 2012
United States4605 Posts
May 06 2013 16:59 GMT
#65
Hilarious, I love the bit about the robot
"KDA is actually the most useless stat in the game" Aui_2000
ChriS-X
Profile Joined June 2011
Malaysia1374 Posts
May 06 2013 17:11 GMT
#66
Organ Planning ID Change to Harpsichord


oh god my insides
ggofthejungle
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Romania392 Posts
May 06 2013 17:57 GMT
#67
Someone please make a compilation of links that are being parodied here
zul
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Germany5427 Posts
May 06 2013 18:33 GMT
#68
Imagine Jaedong in his chair. XD
keep it deep! @zulison
Rustug
Profile Joined October 2010
1488 Posts
May 06 2013 18:42 GMT
#69
If HasuObs and Thorzain should ever meet on the field of battle.... God help us all... It will be the 80 Years war all over again.

+ Show Spoiler +
For reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eighty_Years'_War
Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not. 파이팅! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ"
llIH
Profile Joined June 2011
Norway2142 Posts
May 06 2013 18:43 GMT
#70
Cool! :D
Olex
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States135 Posts
May 06 2013 18:46 GMT
#71
Browder to Compete

In a surprise forum post, notable Blizzard figurehead Dustin Browder announced his intention to play in the as-yet-rumored Blizzard Cup open bracket. This marks an important change in Blizzard's long-time public stance, disallowing employees to actually play Blizzard games. A random player, Browder reports that preparation goes well, "There's a whole lot of room for development in the meta-game, right? Players are using just some of the tools in the arsenal but at the pro level we're just not seeing what our internal testing suggests should be the most stable playscape. I'm going to change that." Browder's manager and long-time bridge partner, David Kim, also provided this statement, "Yeah, we haven't seen Dusty in the office for a few weeks now. His away message on skype has been "I HAVE FOUND THE SECRET AND IT IS INDESTRUCTIBLE" for the last couple days and he's blowing through company keyboards. We're concerned, but his fierce competitive spirit is unmatched. Team Blizzard on the prowl, I guess."

Unforgiven

Since his defection to League earlier this year, Marcus "DJ Wheat" Wheat has been struggling to retain his position in the Starcraft community as slightly-older-dude-your-dad-can-relate-to-at-MLG. When asked about his original switch in a Skype interview, Wheat was unapologetic; "You gotta go where the money is, man. Look, I haven't done anything wrong by providing for my kids. MiniWheat's gotta eat." He understands however, as we all do, that League's emergence is short-lived. Recently, Riot announced that streams seem to have peaked, averaging just 400,000 concurrent viewers per hour, per event. As the ship abandons you will see other personalities continue to return, and even redefine themselves as true-blue SC2 fan boys. "I'm getting a Kerrigan tattoo on my bicep. Frankly, honestly, I've been thinking of getting it for a while. I fucking love SC2, man. I love it. It's the best. It's the only game. I love you guys, really. Please. I love you." The interview was cut short due to an upcoming League of Legends Tournament.
Bugs in amber
iMOOrtal
Profile Joined March 2013
Canada144 Posts
May 06 2013 18:55 GMT
#72
Wow, that was sooooo entertaining. Please make more of these!!
Nine to Five? Or, Five to Nine?
felisconcolori
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States6168 Posts
May 06 2013 19:16 GMT
#73
On May 06 2013 09:23 Myles wrote:
Show nested quote +
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."


Too good. I lost it there.


Ditto. This post is epically wonderful, and should be, if not already, spotlighted the hell out of - it's hysterically funny.
Yes, I email sponsors... to thank them. Don't post drunk, kids. My king, what has become of you?
DidYuhim
Profile Joined September 2011
Ukraine1905 Posts
May 06 2013 19:21 GMT
#74
I didn't get the Azubu company thing
JustPassingBy
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
10776 Posts
May 06 2013 19:31 GMT
#75
This needs to become a regular! 5/5
Shellshock
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
United States97276 Posts
May 06 2013 19:39 GMT
#76
Haha hilarious. Hopefully there will be more ^^
Moderatorhttp://i.imgur.com/U4xwqmD.png
TL+ Member
LuckyMacro
Profile Joined July 2010
United States1482 Posts
May 06 2013 19:47 GMT
#77
Make this a regular thing please? <3 <3 <3
KalWarkov
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Germany4126 Posts
May 06 2013 19:50 GMT
#78
god the hasuobs thing with the thorzain line is so awesome, i cant stop laughing :D
DiaBoLuS ** Sc2 - Protoss: 16x GM | Dota2 - Offlane Immortal | Wc3 - Undead decent level | Diablo nerd | Chess / Magnus fanboy | BVB | Agnostic***
Rainman5419
Profile Joined January 2011
United States92 Posts
May 06 2013 20:05 GMT
#79
Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man


Bahaha this whole article was pretty funny.
Member of UNT CSL, Season 5 CSL Champs! "The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching." -John Wooden
mcmartini
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Australia1972 Posts
May 06 2013 21:21 GMT
#80
5/5 would love to see more of these as everyone before me has stated also. Keep up the good work guys
I just want to say I have 370 APM - Liquid'Tyler SotG 14-12-2011 "I mean it's too bad you can't be paid to be, you know, a chicken shit fucking whiny bitch on the internet or we would have lots of rich community members" Nick "Tasteless" Plott
MadProbe
Profile Joined February 2012
United States269 Posts
May 06 2013 21:36 GMT
#81
+ Show Spoiler +
On May 07 2013 03:46 Olex wrote:
Browder to Compete

In a surprise forum post, notable Blizzard figurehead Dustin Browder announced his intention to play in the as-yet-rumored Blizzard Cup open bracket. This marks an important change in Blizzard's long-time public stance, disallowing employees to actually play Blizzard games. A random player, Browder reports that preparation goes well, "There's a whole lot of room for development in the meta-game, right? Players are using just some of the tools in the arsenal but at the pro level we're just not seeing what our internal testing suggests should be the most stable playscape. I'm going to change that." Browder's manager and long-time bridge partner, David Kim, also provided this statement, "Yeah, we haven't seen Dusty in the office for a few weeks now. His away message on skype has been "I HAVE FOUND THE SECRET AND IT IS INDESTRUCTIBLE" for the last couple days and he's blowing through company keyboards. We're concerned, but his fierce competitive spirit is unmatched. Team Blizzard on the prowl, I guess."

Unforgiven

Since his defection to League earlier this year, Marcus "DJ Wheat" Wheat has been struggling to retain his position in the Starcraft community as slightly-older-dude-your-dad-can-relate-to-at-MLG. When asked about his original switch in a Skype interview, Wheat was unapologetic; "You gotta go where the money is, man. Look, I haven't done anything wrong by providing for my kids. MiniWheat's gotta eat." He understands however, as we all do, that League's emergence is short-lived. Recently, Riot announced that streams seem to have peaked, averaging just 400,000 concurrent viewers per hour, per event. As the ship abandons you will see other personalities continue to return, and even redefine themselves as true-blue SC2 fan boys. "I'm getting a Kerrigan tattoo on my bicep. Frankly, honestly, I've been thinking of getting it for a while. I fucking love SC2, man. I love it. It's the best. It's the only game. I love you guys, really. Please. I love you." The interview was cut short due to an upcoming League of Legends Tournament.


lol this is pretty good. u guys should make a 2nd issue.
Special Endrey
Profile Joined June 2010
Germany1929 Posts
May 06 2013 21:37 GMT
#82
thank you for this
This signature is ruining eSports - -Twitter: @SpecialEndrey
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
May 06 2013 21:59 GMT
#83
On May 06 2013 20:27 ejozl wrote:
Empire+Alliance+Moon reference is not getting enough credit


I'm glad someone enjoyed it, I fear I labored too much on the Moon thing and it never quite came together.
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
RiceAgainst
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States1849 Posts
May 06 2013 22:04 GMT
#84
Hilarious!!! Haha, we want more!!!
AnachronisticAnarchy
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States2957 Posts
May 06 2013 22:08 GMT
#85
On May 06 2013 19:53 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
Nice but don't really get the AZUBU digs.....


One day, Azubu came out of nowhere and invested more money into esports than almost anyone else. Since then, they have continued contributing enormous sums of money to various parts of the scene, for no obvious gain. Furthermore, despite being active for years, we know nothing of import about them.
Nothing.
It got to the point where people were making jokes about Azubu being a front for some drug lord who really likes Starcraft 2.
"How are you?" "I am fine, because it is not normal to scream in pain."
deth2munkies
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States4051 Posts
May 06 2013 22:23 GMT
#86
That's no (Z)Moon...

I gotta admit, this was awesome. I get the feeling I'm missing a few things given I haven't watched SC2 in a year or so
ejozl
Profile Joined October 2010
Denmark3343 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 23:15:01
May 06 2013 22:36 GMT
#87
That's no (Z)Moon...


It's a (P)Trap


Edit: TY guy underneath
SC2 Archon needs "Terrible, terrible damage" as one of it's quotes.
slowbacontron
Profile Joined October 2012
United States7722 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 22:47:59
May 06 2013 22:45 GMT
#88
On May 07 2013 07:36 ejozl wrote:
Show nested quote +
That's no (Z)Moon...


It's a http://www.teamliquid.net/tlpd/sc2-korean/players/618_Trap


Edit: Not sure, how to apply wikipage, like you did :D

Use the hydra icon above the text box! (P)Trap

Also, if you press the Quote button in the upper right corner of his post, you'll be able to see exactly what he wrote and have a convenient way to reply.
jjakji fan
Darkdwarf
Profile Blog Joined December 2012
Sweden960 Posts
May 06 2013 23:06 GMT
#89
Awesome :D
Teams: IM, Jin Air, Invictus || Players: Maru, GuMiho, INnoVation, Ryung, sOs, Squirtle, NaNiwa, Has, Zoun, Life, Rogue, Dark
Antimatterz
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1010 Posts
May 07 2013 00:03 GMT
#90
So good, empire vs. alliance thing haha
"HotBid [11:45 AM]: i dunno i kinda like the big muta shooting smaller mutas out"
Oiseaux
Profile Joined May 2011
United States676 Posts
May 07 2013 00:06 GMT
#91
On May 06 2013 20:27 ejozl wrote:
Empire+Alliance+Moon reference is not getting enough credit


I'll admit I didn't get it until I saw this stringing everything together.

For sure this needs to be a regular thing.
"[S]o be ready to kiss a few donkeys with glued-on paper horns during your unicorn hunt." -Some stupid 4x4 magazine
Draxtier
Profile Joined April 2011
Canada10 Posts
May 07 2013 00:27 GMT
#92
I wasn't expecting much, but this was actually really funny.

Moar plz.
Aerisky
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
United States12129 Posts
May 07 2013 00:40 GMT
#93
This...this is just beautiful.

Thank you so much for bringing this too us, just laden with little funny things XD
Jim while Johnny had had had had had had had; had had had had the better effect on the teacher.
Pimpmuckl
Profile Joined March 2011
Germany528 Posts
May 07 2013 01:26 GMT
#94
Nomnomnom. 'S Scho Taschty, love it!
twitter.com/pimpmuckl
Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3820 Posts
May 07 2013 02:44 GMT
#95
lol not bad
caradoc
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Canada3022 Posts
May 07 2013 04:07 GMT
#96
Terminated :D
Salvation a la mode and a cup of tea...
kochanfe
Profile Joined July 2011
Micronesia1338 Posts
May 07 2013 04:17 GMT
#97
OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME! xD
"The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long." - Lao Tzu
kochanfe
Profile Joined July 2011
Micronesia1338 Posts
May 07 2013 04:24 GMT
#98
On May 07 2013 03:46 Olex wrote:
Browder to Compete

In a surprise forum post, notable Blizzard figurehead Dustin Browder announced his intention to play in the as-yet-rumored Blizzard Cup open bracket. This marks an important change in Blizzard's long-time public stance, disallowing employees to actually play Blizzard games. A random player, Browder reports that preparation goes well, "There's a whole lot of room for development in the meta-game, right? Players are using just some of the tools in the arsenal but at the pro level we're just not seeing what our internal testing suggests should be the most stable playscape. I'm going to change that." Browder's manager and long-time bridge partner, David Kim, also provided this statement, "Yeah, we haven't seen Dusty in the office for a few weeks now. His away message on skype has been "I HAVE FOUND THE SECRET AND IT IS INDESTRUCTIBLE" for the last couple days and he's blowing through company keyboards. We're concerned, but his fierce competitive spirit is unmatched. Team Blizzard on the prowl, I guess."

Unforgiven

Since his defection to League earlier this year, Marcus "DJ Wheat" Wheat has been struggling to retain his position in the Starcraft community as slightly-older-dude-your-dad-can-relate-to-at-MLG. When asked about his original switch in a Skype interview, Wheat was unapologetic; "You gotta go where the money is, man. Look, I haven't done anything wrong by providing for my kids. MiniWheat's gotta eat." He understands however, as we all do, that League's emergence is short-lived. Recently, Riot announced that streams seem to have peaked, averaging just 400,000 concurrent viewers per hour, per event. As the ship abandons you will see other personalities continue to return, and even redefine themselves as true-blue SC2 fan boys. "I'm getting a Kerrigan tattoo on my bicep. Frankly, honestly, I've been thinking of getting it for a while. I fucking love SC2, man. I love it. It's the best. It's the only game. I love you guys, really. Please. I love you." The interview was cut short due to an upcoming League of Legends Tournament.

Pretty funny but not gut-busting like the OP
"The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long." - Lao Tzu
Jeremy Reimer
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada968 Posts
May 07 2013 05:40 GMT
#99
Holy crap, I am laughing uncontrollably at the OP. Please make more of these!
"Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere." -- Carl Sagan
Like classic sci-fi and space opera? Check out my author page on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Jeremy-Reimer/e/B007CMQGI4/
Fluffboll
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden516 Posts
May 07 2013 08:27 GMT
#100
This is great, love it! :D
You need to construct additional pylons.
Brindled
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States508 Posts
May 07 2013 08:42 GMT
#101
Please please please make this a regular thing.
Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ʻĀina i ka Pono @TL_Brindled11
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66155 Posts
May 07 2013 11:11 GMT
#102
· Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man


fucking lol'd
POGGERS
achan1058
Profile Joined February 2012
1091 Posts
May 07 2013 12:50 GMT
#103
Forget Six Flags. We need six-parties talk GSL, complete with North Korea, of course.
StillRooney
Profile Joined April 2010
Sweden106 Posts
May 07 2013 13:39 GMT
#104
Hilarious, I laughed so much at this, thank you!
dudecrush
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada418 Posts
May 07 2013 14:58 GMT
#105
This was great. Especially the Thorzain comment.
forgehammer
Profile Joined August 2011
United States79 Posts
May 07 2013 19:29 GMT
#106
That made my day. I came for the ThorZaIN and I stayed for the Moon.
[F_]aths
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Germany3947 Posts
May 07 2013 19:31 GMT
#107
BWAHAHAHAHAA. Really good ideas included.
You don't choose to play zerg. The zerg choose you.
Olex
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States135 Posts
May 07 2013 20:02 GMT
#108
On May 07 2013 13:24 kochanfe wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
On May 07 2013 03:46 Olex wrote:
Browder to Compete

In a surprise forum post, notable Blizzard figurehead Dustin Browder announced his intention to play in the as-yet-rumored Blizzard Cup open bracket. This marks an important change in Blizzard's long-time public stance, disallowing employees to actually play Blizzard games. A random player, Browder reports that preparation goes well, "There's a whole lot of room for development in the meta-game, right? Players are using just some of the tools in the arsenal but at the pro level we're just not seeing what our internal testing suggests should be the most stable playscape. I'm going to change that." Browder's manager and long-time bridge partner, David Kim, also provided this statement, "Yeah, we haven't seen Dusty in the office for a few weeks now. His away message on skype has been "I HAVE FOUND THE SECRET AND IT IS INDESTRUCTIBLE" for the last couple days and he's blowing through company keyboards. We're concerned, but his fierce competitive spirit is unmatched. Team Blizzard on the prowl, I guess."

Unforgiven

Since his defection to League earlier this year, Marcus "DJ Wheat" Wheat has been struggling to retain his position in the Starcraft community as slightly-older-dude-your-dad-can-relate-to-at-MLG. When asked about his original switch in a Skype interview, Wheat was unapologetic; "You gotta go where the money is, man. Look, I haven't done anything wrong by providing for my kids. MiniWheat's gotta eat." He understands however, as we all do, that League's emergence is short-lived. Recently, Riot announced that streams seem to have peaked, averaging just 400,000 concurrent viewers per hour, per event. As the ship abandons you will see other personalities continue to return, and even redefine themselves as true-blue SC2 fan boys. "I'm getting a Kerrigan tattoo on my bicep. Frankly, honestly, I've been thinking of getting it for a while. I fucking love SC2, man. I love it. It's the best. It's the only game. I love you guys, really. Please. I love you." The interview was cut short due to an upcoming League of Legends Tournament.

Pretty funny but not gut-busting like the OP


Thanks, just some one-offs inspired by them. Love stuff like this, and I forgot to say it my post but, great job overmasters : P
Bugs in amber
GoodSirTets
Profile Joined June 2012
Canada200 Posts
May 07 2013 21:23 GMT
#109
top lel
High Diamond/ Low Masters :^)
MCDayC
Profile Joined March 2011
United Kingdom14464 Posts
May 07 2013 21:33 GMT
#110
This was amazing
VERY FRAGILE, LIKE A BABY PANDA EGG
GhandiEAGLE
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
United States20754 Posts
May 08 2013 00:02 GMT
#111
Empire Destroys Alliance Teamhouse With Giant Laser
(Z)Moon wrongly implicated in complex ploy.

LOL
Oh, my achin' hands, from rakin' in grands, and breakin' in mic stands
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
May 08 2013 02:10 GMT
#112
On May 07 2013 20:11 konadora wrote:
Show nested quote +
· Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man


fucking lol'd

Possibly the best thing I've seen today xD.
User was warned for too many mimes.
ZigguratOfUr
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
Iraq16955 Posts
May 08 2013 04:48 GMT
#113
To be honest, I'd probably watch a game of Starcraft 2 with both players on a pirate ship ride. They would have to macro and micro despite their stomachs sinking repeatedly, and they would have next level strategies such as attacking when your opponent is falling, as well as suiciding your army to finish the game no matter what since you are feeling too sick.
doner0
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States233 Posts
May 08 2013 05:28 GMT
#114
the hasoubs one was really solid with the thorzain quote afterwards
magicmUnky
Profile Joined June 2011
Australia280 Posts
May 08 2013 10:21 GMT
#115
10/10 would bang
AnomalySC2
Profile Joined August 2012
United States2073 Posts
May 08 2013 14:32 GMT
#116
Pretty funny.
Kasu
Profile Joined April 2011
United Kingdom345 Posts
May 08 2013 15:19 GMT
#117
Haha awesome, nice job!
Proseat
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
Germany5113 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-08 19:31:33
May 08 2013 19:26 GMT
#118
TheOnion-level entertainment! Would read again!

Since this is supposed to look like a newspaper, perhaps the header logo needs to be a little bigger. Also, some of the formating still gives off Word document vibes. xD Maybe also pick a non-white, paper-colored background?
The Rise and Fall of SlayerS -- a timeline: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=378097
Zorgaz
Profile Joined June 2010
Sweden2951 Posts
May 08 2013 20:42 GMT
#119
''HasuObs Victorious After Opponent Dies Of Exhaustion During Nine Day Game''

Haha cracked me up xD
Furthermore, I think the Collosi should be removed! (Zorgaz -Terran/AbrA-Random/Zorg-Dota2) Guineapigs <3
cLAN.Anax
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
United States2847 Posts
May 09 2013 01:11 GMT
#120
Very nice!

Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man


Lolwut?! X-D
┬─┬___(ツ)_/¯ 彡┻━┻ I am the 4%. "I cant believe i saw ANAL backwards before i saw the word LAN." - Capped
kubiks
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
France1328 Posts
May 09 2013 02:59 GMT
#121
Insta 5/5
Juanald you're my hero I miss you -> best troll ever on TL <3
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland24853 Posts
May 09 2013 04:09 GMT
#122
Line about Hasu is most epic haha
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
netherDrake
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Singapore1831 Posts
May 09 2013 09:31 GMT
#123
this is too good
SC2 player for Flash eSports. twitch.tv/nether_drake, https://twitter.com/bryan_sum, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bryan-Drake-Sum/468389706519567
Targe
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United Kingdom14103 Posts
May 09 2013 11:25 GMT
#124
The Pitchfork Preserver


Hahaha
11/5/14 CATACLYSM | The South West's worst Falco main
Sumahi
Profile Blog Joined January 2012
Guam5609 Posts
May 09 2013 12:22 GMT
#125
I loved this. The dig on Thorzain and Hasuobs still has me chuckling.
Startale <3, ST_July <3, HongUn <3, Savior <3, Gretorp <3, Nada <3, Rainbow <3, Ret <3, Squirtle <3, Bomber <3
DnCL
Profile Joined May 2013
86 Posts
May 09 2013 13:48 GMT
#126
Oh this is awsome I really love this style. Hasuobs game the best, will the VODs be posted ?
]343[
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States10328 Posts
May 09 2013 14:03 GMT
#127
lol at the "empire destroys alliance teamhouse"
Writer
[]Phase[]
Profile Joined September 2010
Belgium927 Posts
May 09 2013 15:30 GMT
#128
haha I love this
snively
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States1159 Posts
May 09 2013 20:27 GMT
#129
jaedong lose to white man?!?! CHAIR OF SHAME
My religion is Starcraft
akhaddd
Profile Joined March 2013
United States1 Post
May 09 2013 21:12 GMT
#130
haha cool
_SilverSurfer_
Profile Joined October 2012
United States41 Posts
May 10 2013 07:32 GMT
#131
Jaedong in shame chair killed me. So good, keep these up.
Electric slide! :D
Aveng3r
Profile Joined February 2012
United States2411 Posts
May 10 2013 16:51 GMT
#132
stephano gives smug look while planning next shenanigan lolololol
I carve marble busts of assassinated world leaders - PM for a quote
Fyrewolf
Profile Joined January 2010
United States1533 Posts
May 10 2013 17:06 GMT
#133
This blog is pure gold. 5/5

Especially the part about moon being wrongly implicated, that was pretty ingenious.
"This is not Warcraft in space" "It's much more...... Sophisticated" "I KNOW IT'S NOT 3D!!!"
EnumaAvalon
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
Philippines3613 Posts
May 11 2013 04:04 GMT
#134
Hahaha! Nice piece on Hasu!
(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rolling. They hating.
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
May 11 2013 04:47 GMT
#135
Is there some joke about 6 Flags GSL I'm missing?
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
nukkuj
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Finland403 Posts
May 11 2013 08:45 GMT
#136
Hahaha, so good! :D
Lazzi
Profile Joined June 2011
Switzerland1923 Posts
May 11 2013 10:50 GMT
#137
The Hasu thing is just awesome! And the Thorzain's comment is even better! Keep it up.
It's good to be back
Wordsmith
Profile Joined January 2012
United Kingdom93 Posts
May 11 2013 13:24 GMT
#138
The Onion is great man, what are you saying! :0
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
May 11 2013 19:09 GMT
#139
On May 11 2013 13:47 Jerubaal wrote:
Is there some joke about 6 Flags GSL I'm missing?


They had HOT6 and Mango6 sponsor them, why not more companies that have six in the name?
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
CaptainPlatypus
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States852 Posts
May 12 2013 00:08 GMT
#140
On May 12 2013 04:09 heyoka wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 11 2013 13:47 Jerubaal wrote:
Is there some joke about 6 Flags GSL I'm missing?


They had HOT6 and Mango6 sponsor them, why not more companies that have six in the name?

Motel 6 GSL incoming.
Psychonian
Profile Joined March 2012
United States2322 Posts
May 12 2013 00:11 GMT
#141
Genius, 5/5
Trans Rights
Jintoss
Profile Joined November 2011
Hong Kong117 Posts
May 13 2013 03:38 GMT
#142
13/10 More please
We are the blades of Aiur
evaunit01
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States512 Posts
May 13 2013 07:32 GMT
#143
this is great!
Gamertag: William T. Riker - My life for Aiur!
Elitios
Profile Joined February 2012
France164 Posts
May 17 2013 05:54 GMT
#144
Are there more of these planned? It's very funny :D
dirtydurb82
Profile Joined December 2012
United States178 Posts
May 19 2013 02:30 GMT
#145
Jaedong shame chair? WP...
"The only way to grow E-Sports is to tell the truth." -Richard Lewis
Crownlol
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States3726 Posts
May 20 2013 16:59 GMT
#146
On May 06 2013 11:16 turdburgler wrote:
everyone hating on azubu, when there are so many more bad businesses in esports that we know so much about to hate on.


That's sort of the point... we don't know anything about Azubu.
shaGuar :: elemeNt :: XeqtR :: naikon :: method
Jade
Profile Joined January 2011
Poland289 Posts
June 06 2013 15:52 GMT
#147
Aaaaand it was true !
@KRN_Jade "Patience is a small price to pay for perfection."
Alryk
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States2718 Posts
June 06 2013 22:21 GMT
#148
Is there more?
Team Liquid, IM, ViOlet!
Proseat
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
Germany5113 Posts
June 22 2013 21:05 GMT
#149
Revive for relevancy. HasuObs vs ThorZaiN at HomeStory Cup VII at the moment. o_O
The Rise and Fall of SlayerS -- a timeline: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=378097
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