EPTI was talking to my roommate last night about music and I asked him, “have you heard of ‘Teleport 2 me’?” and he responded with,
“I have no idea what the fuck that is” so naturally I told him he had to listen to it so I put it turned it on. If you haven’t heard it here is a link,
Now at the end of he said it was a good song but then he brought up how he missed his girlfriend and that she was all he really needed in life. My first inclination was to call him out on it and say,
“Well what about you family? Can they just die and you’re cool with that as long as she is around.” But I didn’t and instead let the statement stand could I tell that he actually really missed her. After an awkward pause he said,
“What do you need to be happy?” and I replied with,
“I don’t really know honestly.”
“Well all you really need is that computer of yours to be happy.” This statement really got me thinking because, granted I spend a lot of time playing video games and reading stuff on TL but I felt like there was more to my happiness then just that. But here is this guy who I’m pretty good friends with whom I literally spend almost everyday with in the same room who thinks that I just need a computer to be happy. It got me thinking about what makes me truly happy and when I was the happiest.
A lot of people equate happiness around whether or not they have a girlfriend or something really working out for them. My dating history really isn’t the most extraordinary thing out there and can be summed up fairly easily. I dated one girl on and off throughout middle school and then another girl my freshman year of high school from about October to about mid January, we did hook up one more time sophomore year but never since. Since then nothing, not really even an attempt on my part to get something different going but still nothing. I went from having 4 successful years of dating to what is now 4 unsuccessful years of being single. During all that time I was playing video games and during the first years I was dating girls I was playing WoW pretty much pretty much everyday. I stopped playing WoW after mid sophomore year and haven’t played since. It’s interesting because the stereotype to would be the opposite of this but apparently I was much more attractive to girls during my World of Warcraft days. Here is a recreation of me playing WoW minus the actual appearance of the guy.
I began to think about why haven’t I had a serious, deep connection with someone for so long. So I looked at how I have changed since my last relationship. Well one I have stopped defining myself around whether or not I have a girl but here I am seeking reason for not having a girl. Two, I have become a lot more thoughtful around peoples feelings because honestly I used to be a huge ass to people, probably still am but nearly as much as I used to be. Three, I’m more intelligent than I used to be or at least I hope I am. This list went on for a while but the main point is that I only thought about the positives in terms of myself. It’s hard to really think about how you’ve changed negatively overtime. One of the things that came up though was that I’m less open to new people now. I used to be constantly meeting new people but now I’m happy with not meeting new people just because of my natural seclusion. Once I came up with this I realized I’m naturally in seclusion almost everyday and maybe that’s my problem.
I stopped there, though, because I should really be trying to define my happiness around whether or not I have a girlfriend. It should be really just about me and at the end of the day I can easily say that I’m not happy with my current life. Its not because I’m at a college that isn’t right for me, it’s because I have been using gaming as a substitute for happiness. It has been a temporary happiness for me, something that I have used as a temporary salve for my true issues. Which brought me to a conclusion that I need to make some serious changes, I don’t know what those changes are yet but I look forward to implementing them.
P.s. I apologize I fell into the wall of text mode again but I will figure out how to make this work out better! Any thoughts or comments all of you are encouraged to post them. Have a great day guys.
Naw I know what you meant, just felt like messing around there 
