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I'm currently attending California State University Northridge (CSUN) and it's our spring break this week. For many people, they look forward to this time as being a time of relaxation or leisure. These people are planning to hang out with their friends or just stay couch potatoes and watch shows all day. But for the average Starcraft 2 fanatic, free time equates to time spent playing on the ladder and improving his/her gameplay.
However, I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment, as my level of skill, I feel, has been very stagnant. I feel that I've hit a mental block. I play Zerg at a relatively high masters level, playing Grandmasters and taking games from them, but I just cannot seem to break out of this level and finally achieve the goal I've been yearning for since I got into Masters: Grandmaster League. I've been playing Starcraft 2 for over a year (granted, not consistently, to a fault) and I feel that my understanding of the game is mediocre at best. My decision making is far from top notch, and I tend to get flustered very easily.
I know that I haven't reached my peak (if that even exists) and I know what it's going to take to get into GM, but the motivation just isn't there. I want to get the golden star icon, but what for? GM is cool and all, but in the end, I know that it's just going to be something for me to boost my ego. Something that I can show off to my friends. There's no way I can be a Code S player or be as good as Stephano--it's unrealistic and would take an insane amount of dedication and time.
Perhaps this is the exact reason why I haven't achieved GM. My mentality sucks. I hate losing. I'm too competitive. My goals may even be unrealistic. So why do I continue to play? That's a question I ask myself every day. The usual answer is: because I want to be good at something. I'd hate to be old and look back at my young self and see that I haven't achieved anything. This isn't so I can look good for other people, but it's for myself--for self-gratitude.
I know that I'm capable of reaching Grandmaster league. I feel I have pretty good multitasking ability and macro. It's just the mental things, I think, are what hold me back. The strategy, decision-making, ladder anxiety, etc. I find myself constantly losing the mental battle when I lose stupidly and that causes me to become hostile and question myself as to why I put myself through such frustration over a stupid game.
Maybe this is just something that I need to learn to accept. I know it's unrealistic to think I can be the best of the best, play the game professionally or even reach GM. But there's a part of me that really wants to improve and get to the top. I just think it's ironic that this part of me only comes out when I'm watching better players or just thinking about the game away from the computer. This is the game that I turned to when I got to a very low point in my life. This was my drug that helped me get my mind off of the bad things that were happening to me. I dedicated a lot of time to the game when I didn't have my other object to dedicate my time to (a.k.a. my now ex-gf). SC2 is a game that I've spent the most time on in my entire life of gaming, and I'm glad that I chose an RTS to dedicate my time to. However, nowadays, the game has definitely taken a toll on me and has caused me to question the reason I chose it in the first place.
I have an entire week ahead of me. 168 hours to do whatever I please while school is not in session. Should I continue to push and struggle through a mentally-tiring and unforgiving game? Do you think that this is just another trial in my life that I'm going to have to get through and figure out?
 
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You can be, what you want to be. Have you ever heard of the 10000 hours rule ;-)? If your understanding of the game is mediocre you should work on improving it. The very best mechanical player will never get into higher ranks if he doesn't understand how and why certain things do work.
While you call yourself very competetive, I would say that its exactly what you are not if you are easily frustrated. I am very similar to you as in getting frustrated and angry, but truth to be told: don't care about a loss. Every loss is a lesson to you and as long as the reason for that is cancelled the next game, a loss is a positive thing.
Playing a game like Starcraft, 'remembering' is as important as mechanical skill. If you are thinking of possibilities and options your opponent has, you can counter them. If you don't - you die. Knowing maps and especially the opponents race and its capabilities is key. If you feel you don't accomplish anything and have no progress, play Protoss and Terran. If you can - try to only play customs against your very own race to understand how the other races work and try to get a grasp on their timing. How does a Protoss look thats about to push? What behaviour does he have?
You can learn a ton of things, and you make steady progress, just it doesn't show all the time. Its the same in losing fat or gaining fat. Its a slow process and you will not realize it until its 'too late' (in your case, its a good thing). Keep playing and try to do your best possible. If you lose, try to reflect the game. What went wrong? What is the reason for your loss.
- lack of information
- failing mechanics
Those two would be the main reason for a defeat. Usually you are either not informed about what will hit you or while in action you are failing in parts of your mechanics, usually macro because people tend to care too much for their units. You need to have balance. No one can do everything at the same time, but in fast sequences if you are a good player. If you kill 12 marines with 1 roach, good for you. If the Terran did build 53 new marines and 23 marauders in that time, while you did bank 3700 minerals and 1592 gas, boy I don't want to be that roach man.
Try to get balance in your life, try not to play all day - you will get a blockade, you will not be able to understand why you lose and especially try to calm yourself. If you are angry, don't play. Step away from the PC or watch a movie. Its better not to play and have some thought instead of playing angry. If you are tilted you will play worse. If you play / decide to play - your head needs to be in that game - not in the previous one.
Don't push yourself to play, if you don't enjoy it. Sometimes it can help to balance out life, read.. do some sports, come back to play if you feel like playing. Good mentality and health will increase your winrate even if it sounds stupid. Your condition is nothing short of equal to your concentration.
Good luck improving, I'm sure you can do it
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If its not fun anymore , why continue?
I would not continue playing if I didnt find enjoyment in it... And i stopped playing altogether for entire seasons only to come back whenever i reallly wanted to play again.
I am actually in platinum so i Can see the effort You put on the game so far that You dont wanna lose, but if You feel its not rewarding for You maybe You should do other things for a while and relax this spring break . Maybe play only when You feel like playing and not committing to it the entire week...
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If you have the money for it you could consider coaching. A high level GM can easily point out specific flaws in your play and might also be able to correct your mindset somewhat. And it might be fun of course. 
Also, as a relatively high masters, you actually have a pretty high position on the ladder. You could share your knowledge with lesser players. Might be fun also. Moral of the story: Have fun.
Good luck.
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Donnu if they changed it, but in wol you could only become GM within the first month of a new season. Some people who traveled like huk did not become gm in north america, because you simply can`t get promoted after a certain amount of time in a season has passed. Also there are only 200Gms in each region, so Gms frequnetly play vs non Gms, just like you play vs them. If you feel you hit your skillceiling, then maybe it is because you hit THE skill ceiling.
If you wanna look back and have something to show for, go to tourneys pls. Win some money, Stephano and Code-S players only cook with water too, german saying ;d.
If you would put in the time you could be just as good, the question is only, what do you want?!
I would heavily suggest to play in tourneys, online and especially offline!, Even if you win shit, the experiences you will be able to look back on will be worth much more than thinking back and saying to yourself, wow I had a golden star icon...Enjoy your time, grab your balls, put them on the table! :d
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You want to be good at something? Well, reaching Masters definitely means you are good at SC2 by any reasonable definition of "good". You are way above the average. There is plenty of room for improvement, but that doesn't take away anything from you being good at SC2. There always will be room for improvement regardless of how much better you become.
If you're not happy with playing SC2 right now, why not try becoming good at something else as well?
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I didn't read the whole text, but I need to give my opinion now since I'm at work atm.
Motivation is a really important topic from my point of view! And it is so hard to deal with!
When you say "What for? I won't be a pro anyway" I understand you, most of us see the pro players win big tournaments, being beaten in painful defeats and achieve glory here and there.
So, why keep on playing, styduing, practicing if you just can't be at the top of the top?
Maybe you can aim to another direction, like for example Day9 did... you see, Day9 was a pro player of SCBW, but he only won a WCG Panamerican as far as I know (and I guess some local US qualifiers). But now we know Day9 for what he have done for the community of SC! See the point? :D
TL; DR : what about becoming a SC2 'teacher'? I don't think you need to be a pro player (retired) for being a great teacher!
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I think you need to take a break. Do something relaxing with your week off. Hangout with friends. Pick up a new hobby. Just don't force yourself to play when you're not having fun.
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I think anyone who aims to improve his or her skill at something that's not practically improving his or her life has a similar story. I think what adds confusion is that there are actually positive side effects to being obsessed with being a baller on WoW or SC2, or working out or anything. It gives us confidence in a controlled way and that confidence will help us believe we can achieve other things we perceive as more difficult.
For me, the whole dream of magically becoming "pro" and not wanting to give up on it goes a something like this :
- start out amazed at the experience of playing itself. stuff like searching out the opponent and the suspense of seeing how you fare comparison to him has a thrill like gambling. In the beginning you just kind of guess and hope for good results. Begin looking for the one "trick" that you can do everytime. Find out that these tricks are often just too hard to do and not actually how you win.
-begin to associate the game with good times. stay home on a friday, snack on some treats, spend time with other people who you don't have to be presentable for and you' get the feeling of improving yourself in some way.
-start to appreciate good play and want to mimic it. Usually only mimicing on a superficial level until deciding that it is not easy to just copy a good strategy. It takes understanding of the macro and micro.
-starting finding ways to improve, adding to the illusion that its all just step by step process thatyou can figure out if you just spend more time.
-discover the pro scene and see how "cool" it all is. Begin to think if you just watch it enough you will learn to play like them.
-begin to feel a sense of pride in your ability which motivates you to take less and less desirable steps in order to improve. Begin doing disciplined things like watching the game for more than fun and also get the idea that you might have the "talent and the drive"
-watch as a hobbie, which gives you a needed escape from reality just like the game itself did in the beginning. Also get the sense that watching is something un-mainstream that only an unusually obsessed person like yourself would do.
-discover that there is actually no trick anymore and that it is just planned and intelligent work as well as experience. This will take away even more of the "magic" because part of it was the "wonder" and the "dream" that its all possible.
-See that to actually be good requires work with less obvious pay offs ie no logos anymore you start to wonder if there are not better things to do to improve your well being in life.
-discover that yes, a lot of what you like is based on illusions you made when you were a noob.
I think also what drives this cycle is that we are free to attach any high amount of emotional value to a win or a loss but always have behind us this safety net of the consequences being only in game. WHere as an ambition outside of a video game will be likely higher reward but it does not have the benefit of
a) offering an escape from day to day concerns like actually interacting with real people and real things and
b)give us positive reinforcement like points, and the awesome feeling of "pwning"
c) it doesn't hurt as much as a real life failure because we can also cue up the next game hoping that the magic is just around the corner. Thinking the metaphorical triple 7s that we thought were there from day one are just around the corner ready to be learned. Which may or may not happen. Most of us realize that the chances of it happening are not worth the effort at some point, but still find it hard to get rid of that hope...
d) the advantages of talent or instinct that other people are using to win are not always flagrant like in other competitive activities. Like, say a basketball player will be taller, and have obvious physical stamina or a math1337 will be solving problems you can't understand. In sc2 , whether or not there is this talent we can't see it so clearly as in other things. Also we can't see just how vast and hardworking the population might be. We are all just names on a screen in the RTS world.
e) it rewards a fun type of clever and organized thought that a lot of us enjoy. It does this in a less exerting setting too.. IE not in a stressful work place but rather just a relaxed game.
I start to think maybe we love things other than the game that we associate with the game too much to give up on the dreams in game.
Edit - TL DR evetually improvement becomes real life work just like all the things we wanted to escape from in the first place. Then we must decide where and what our goal is. Sounds like you realize your own goal is not the best goal for you righ tnow but don't want to accept it. Perhaps having the dream is too important to you righ tnow. Perhaps because of aspects of your life that you would rather not face (as you did with the girl)
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I appreciate all of your posts!
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EPT
