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So I in recent months am starting to cope with the fact that I will never be popular at something, North american childhood and a generally large ego lead me into adult hood beleving if I tried hard enough at something I would eventually be very good at it, and while to an extent this is true I have realized that I don't have the time anymore or the personality to market myself. At this point in my life I have to realize that going to university and getting a job will allow me more freedom in my life then living in my parents basement working part time, as such I have recently started upgrading my high school classes.
However, this has recently lead to a bigger issue. I still enjoy gaming and don't plan to stop, but for the last 10 years the games I have been playing have been largely influenced by the pro scene and the chance of me "making it" in said game. I started Sc2 early thinking I would ride the lack of a scene to the top but never fully enjoyed the game, I have also begun doing this in Dota 2, I got the idea in my head that "hey, there aren't many streamers and there isn't a huge scene, maybe I can shoe horn into it".
This is where the realization came in, I'm just not cut out to be pro while trying to be pro and life needs to start sooner or later.
The aforementioned problem now is this, I no longer need to play games based on their scene/chance of making it and I have recently discovered that I find League of Legends (this is where Dota players cringe in unison) more fun than Dota. I can jump into a game quicker, the game requires less time commitement, it is more casual in normals and I feel competitive one night I can do a few ranked games, I actually know people who play LoL as opposed to Dota 2 and I just generally have more fun in the fast paced casual friendly environment. But Dota 2 still lingers, I love the art of the game, I love Valve and I love the model they have built for themselves, I really hate that they have no indications of ever releasing a solo ladder as I am primarily a solo player but alas, I can't have it all.
I seem to enjoy the ideals of Dota more than I enjoy playing it, I like the replay system, I love dota TV, I like it being free and all the heroes being free, I enjoy the lack of a set lane meta, I like how complex it is but at the same time these just don't feel FUN from a casual player POV anymore. Riot clearly has a lot of work to do on the client and balancing but that doesn't stop me from gravitating towards it.
So at this point I have an internal conflict, Do I play the game I enjoy playing more on a base level regardless of the faults I can pick out as a Dota player i.e not all heroes being available, older/out of date client, no replays etc or do I play the game whose ideals I enjoy more (Dota)?
I have been cursed with the inability to make my own decisions in life which should be apparent.
 
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Although i highly doubt "I can jump into a game quicker, the game requires less time commitement," queues are 1-2 minutes in lol while 2-3 minutes in dota2 and the games are generally what, 10 minutes? longer, you should play what is more fun to you.
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do what makes you happy. Only you know what makes you happy.
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On March 07 2013 03:38 gaymon wrote:
Although i highly doubt "I can jump into a game quicker, the game requires less time commitement," queues are 1-2 minutes in lol while 2-3 minutes in dota2 and the games are generally what, 10 minutes? longer, you should play what is more fun to you.
The difference is since league in general requires less mechanical skills you can jump in and play without having to focus and still do decent. Also since Dota doesn't have a ranked/normal bracket the main bracket W/L is the only indication of a good player so if you want to climb any type of ladder you have to be trying every game where in LoL the separation from ranked and normals means normal matches are essentially just practice matches that mean nothing so its more of a relaxed environment since the "try hards" stick to ranked, where in Dota the try hards get mixed with the casual players.
do what makes you happy. Only you know what makes you happy.
What do you do when you can't discern between what makes you happy.
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I believe you are stuck in the "trying to be a pro" mindset even though you have made a concious decision not to pursue that anymore. Your' responses are very analytical and they tend to be pro-competition in terms of what you value. It will take a while to abandon the dream of being pro in the back of your mind but once you do, you won't have this dilemna anymore.
But this just poses a new problem: How do you abandon these sub-concious desires that seem to be driving your values?
Well, it will happen slowly. Sorry. The above values were formed by habit and desire. They will have to be changed back the same way.
Some Ideas:
Play with 'local' friends if you can, do not go 'global' when you are gaming. Do not look at global ranks, they do not concern you anymore. If you still want to "improve" because it is fun, break it down to the actual mechanics instead of looking at competetion in the global scene. This is quite confusing as I read it back... so maybe an analogy would help.
Let's say you have been practicing to be a professional fencer. You did this by looking at tournaments and competitons, doing the practice and entering tournaments yourself and comparing all that to see how good you were. Now you can't be a professional fencer for some reason but still enjoy doing it and improving in it. What you would need to change is to only look at local tournaments, practice fencing strokes for themselves and not for the win they would grant you. Basically, improve for the sake of improvement rather than for winning against competition.
Basically, in your mind, you have to allow yourself to reach "pro" level through natural means but never be recognized for it in an official way. This way, you will eventually stop valuing competitive results and start valuing execution solely.
I almost didn't want to post this after typing it as it's not very clear but hope it helps.
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On March 07 2013 04:58 willoc wrote:
I believe you are stuck in the "trying to be a pro" mindset even though you have made a concious decision not to pursue that anymore. Your' responses are very analytical and they tend to be pro-competition in terms of what you value. It will take a while to abandon the dream of being pro in the back of your mind but once you do, you won't have this dilemna anymore.
But this just poses a new problem: How do you abandon these sub-concious desires that seem to be driving your values?
Well, it will happen slowly. Sorry. The above values were formed by habit and desire. They will have to be changed back the same way.
Some Ideas:
Play with 'local' friends if you can, do not go 'global' when you are gaming. Do not look at global ranks, they do not concern you anymore. If you still want to "improve" because it is fun, break it down to the actual mechanics instead of looking at competetion in the global scene. This is quite confusing as I read it back... so maybe an analogy would help.
Let's say you have been practicing to be a professional fencer. You did this by looking at tournaments and competitons, doing the practice and entering tournaments yourself and comparing all that to see how good you were. Now you can't be a professional fencer for some reason but still enjoy doing it and improving in it. What you would need to change is to only look at local tournaments, practice fencing strokes for themselves and not for the win they would grant you. Basically, improve for the sake of improvement rather than for winning against competition.
Basically, in your mind, you have to allow yourself to reach "pro" level through natural means but never be recognized for it in an official way. This way, you will eventually stop valuing competitive results and start valuing execution solely.
I almost didn't want to post this after typing it as it's not very clear but hope it helps.
I do kind of get what you are saying, pros don't get pro by trying to be pro.
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"midlife crisis" while talking about high school classes? hmmm....:p
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Welcome to the LoL subforum, we're a friendly bunch 
Usually when I'm feeling a little down I just make some goals for myself that our reasonable and measurable. Get to it! (could also look into fitness for these kind of things)
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On March 07 2013 05:57 orangeorange wrote:
"midlife crisis" while talking about high school classes? hmmm....:p
I'd have a midlife crisis too if I was a 40 yo living in my parents basement and still taking high school.
Good luck to OP, hope you can find something that keeps your interest.
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On March 07 2013 06:15 Spikeke wrote:Show nested quote +On March 07 2013 05:57 orangeorange wrote:
"midlife crisis" while talking about high school classes? hmmm....:p I'd have a midlife crisis too if I was a 40 yo living in my parents basement and still taking high school. Good luck to OP, hope you can find something that keeps your interest.
27 but yea, when everyone you went to high school with has a family and career it really hits home. Ty for the kind words.
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You should consider an equivalency diploma if there is such a thing in canada. HS courses are a waste of time.
you should also consider that college might be a waste of time, depending on what ur career choice is. Think if you could spend those 4 years(and probably more since youll have to work part time) more productively. A lot of computer related skills can be acquired on you own/by taking selected college courses). Middle managment can be worked into in due time as well.
As far as games go - neither. If by being popular you mean being competitive.
It's just gonna be a constant reminder of not being where you want to be. Stick to single player games. And if you want competition - do a real sport. Triathlons are usually the sport of choice for this type of people. It's a lot easier on your soul when you can feel good and fulfilled just for beating 10 or 20 other people in your local sporting event then having to be 1 in a million(literally) in an online game.
Online games are the most competitive and the least rewarding time spent in the universe - there is no recognition of your achievements on any level except for a couple of dozen people. Out of millions.
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It's all about passion and the love for it. For me it was ice hockey my parents made me gave it up when I was young. I was good too my coaches noticed it. But however my parents didn't see it that way. They didn't think it was a future career for me. They thought it was just an activity to keep kids busy. Still today very dearly I love hockey and still have that burning passion for it. I regret listening to my parents and not continuing it on my own. But it's still something I want to do while I can before I get old. If I have money I would do it in a heart beat. It would be a nice story a grad student also pursuing his childhood dream of becoming a hockey player. Anyways moral of the story follow what you love to do no matter what and enjoy it if you have the passion for it because in the end you'll regret it. Also don't worry about school you're still young you have plenty of time.
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On March 07 2013 06:30 Defury wrote:
27 but yea, when everyone you went to high school with has a family and career it really hits home. Ty for the kind words. Sounds like you have a problem being assertive because you say you can't make your own decisions. So what is this crisis about, picking between LoL and Dota2 or a lack of social mastery? If you want a family you can't wait forever because the women can't wait forever for you. In that regard I think you would be fine with one game, but you have to start putting people first if you want to go the marriage route. If you have to flip a coin between the games do that, otherwise I suggest playing the one that allows you to socialize more with the people you already know.
Ok. Good luck mate, gtfo of your parents' house. Peace.
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On March 07 2013 13:15 hp.Shell wrote:Show nested quote +On March 07 2013 06:30 Defury wrote:
27 but yea, when everyone you went to high school with has a family and career it really hits home. Ty for the kind words. Sounds like you have a problem being assertive because you say you can't make your own decisions. So what is this crisis about, picking between LoL and Dota2 or a lack of social mastery? If you want a family you can't wait forever because the women can't wait forever for you. In that regard I think you would be fine with one game, but you have to start putting people first if you want to go the marriage route. If you have to flip a coin between the games do that, otherwise I suggest playing the one that allows you to socialize more with the people you already know. Ok. Good luck mate, gtfo of your parents' house. Peace.
I don't want a family I just want a steady income. I have no interest in ever having kids. It's mainly putting priorities of getting a real job first. I am doing this by upgrading and trying to get my degree for the most part as I already work part time.
As far as picking between LoL and Dota 2 it's actually a big issue for me because I just don't play either game trying to decide, it's a pretty stupid problem.
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Stop playing video games and take care of business. Once you're out of your parent's house you can enjoy video games again without being wracked by mind-numbing guilt and insecurities.
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As others mentioned, the larger issue at hand is your livelihood, not about which game you should play. Set the number one priority to becoming independent - working for yourself, paying for yourself, and then eventually you'll naturally learn to play for yourself (does that even make grammatical sense? hmmm). In other words, when you become independent, you learn to make best use of the very few spare hours that you have for yourself each day.
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just play whatever is more 'fun' for you. I think dota2 sucks, and greatly prefer LoL, its just a matter of opinion.
Once you get a full time job I bet you won't even care about gaming much. I used to play a lot, but I find myself wanting to play less and less the after work. As previously mentioned, you don't have to go to college/university to find a decent job, only do it if you REALLY want to do it, otherwise you're just wasting more years and throwing away money. Plus the social aspect I imagine will be quite different, having most of your classmates being 10years under than yourself.
If you're just looking for a job, check the canadian job bank to find something in the meanwhile.
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On March 08 2013 04:24 Masq wrote:
just play whatever is more 'fun' for you. I think dota2 sucks, and greatly prefer LoL, its just a matter of opinion.
Once you get a full time job I bet you won't even care about gaming much. I used to play a lot, but I find myself wanting to play less and less the after work. As previously mentioned, you don't have to go to college/university to find a decent job, only do it if you REALLY want to do it, otherwise you're just wasting more years and throwing away money. Plus the social aspect I imagine will be quite different, having most of your classmates being 10years under than yourself.
If you're just looking for a job, check the canadian job bank to find something in the meanwhile.
I actually have a relatively not awful job but only work part time because that's all they will give me and because of school. I actually already completed 3 years of college and got a diploma which lead to my current depression/situation because I spent the next 3 years after that searching for a job in my field (computer programming/web design/graphics design) being told that I can't get a job because I don't have a degree even after making it through 2-3 interviews with the same company it always came down to me or a guy with a degree.
And yea as far as games I think it's time I stop thinking about it and just play whatever I feel like at that specific time.
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On March 07 2013 09:23 TriO wrote:
It's all about passion and the love for it. For me it was ice hockey my parents made me gave it up when I was young. I was good too my coaches noticed it. But however my parents didn't see it that way. They didn't think it was a future career for me. They thought it was just an activity to keep kids busy. Still today very dearly I love hockey and still have that burning passion for it. I regret listening to my parents and not continuing it on my own. But it's still something I want to do while I can before I get old. If I have money I would do it in a heart beat. It would be a nice story a grad student also pursuing his childhood dream of becoming a hockey player. Anyways moral of the story follow what you love to do no matter what and enjoy it if you have the passion for it because in the end you'll regret it. Also don't worry about school you're still young you have plenty of time.
if you got anywhere competitively, you probably would have got weeded out at puberty time. That's when all the huge kids with moustaches when they are twelve start to use their size to force you out of the game. Then the kids whose parents have money buy them a spot on the team. I'm just kidding, it's not like that, passion is important. But like the OP has to understand, in reality its the kids who were absolutely beastly natural athletes who also worked hard eating the right things from a young age despite what anyone tells them who make it anywhere. I played competitive up until age thirteen and my dad was a powerskating instructor and sharpened skates and practically had me with a stick in my hand out of the cradle,
Anyways OP, it sounds like you are in the same boat as a lot of people. You lack free thought. You want to do what is right so you can't admit what you really love.
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On March 07 2013 03:52 iheartEDM wrote:
do what makes you happy. Only you know what makes you happy.
you realize that kind of thinking is being spread by corporations who are hell bent on making $$$ off of you by 'appealing' to your short term emotions.
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On March 09 2013 03:56 Kalingingsong wrote:Show nested quote +On March 07 2013 03:52 iheartEDM wrote:
do what makes you happy. Only you know what makes you happy. you realize that kind of thinking is being spread by corporations who are hell bent on making $$$ off of you by 'appealing' to your short term emotions.
I study and work in a field that I enjoy, and I continue to do it because it makes me happy. Who the hell is making $$$ off me? Which corporations are spreading this?
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lets all do something that makes us miserable, thatll teach those corporate bastards!
STICKIN IT TO THE MAN
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you can do what you 'enjoy' but if you end up being economically screwed because of it (as might be the case for the OP), you have no one to blame it on but yourself.
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On March 08 2013 23:35 Japhybaby wrote:Show nested quote +On March 07 2013 09:23 TriO wrote:
It's all about passion and the love for it. For me it was ice hockey my parents made me gave it up when I was young. I was good too my coaches noticed it. But however my parents didn't see it that way. They didn't think it was a future career for me. They thought it was just an activity to keep kids busy. Still today very dearly I love hockey and still have that burning passion for it. I regret listening to my parents and not continuing it on my own. But it's still something I want to do while I can before I get old. If I have money I would do it in a heart beat. It would be a nice story a grad student also pursuing his childhood dream of becoming a hockey player. Anyways moral of the story follow what you love to do no matter what and enjoy it if you have the passion for it because in the end you'll regret it. Also don't worry about school you're still young you have plenty of time. if you got anywhere competitively, you probably would have got weeded out at puberty time. That's when all the huge kids with moustaches when they are twelve start to use their size to force you out of the game. Then the kids whose parents have money buy them a spot on the team. I'm just kidding, it's not like that, passion is important. But like the OP has to understand, in reality its the kids who were absolutely beastly natural athletes who also worked hard eating the right things from a young age despite what anyone tells them who make it anywhere. I played competitive up until age thirteen and my dad was a powerskating instructor and sharpened skates and practically had me with a stick in my hand out of the cradle, Anyways OP, it sounds like you are in the same boat as a lot of people. You lack free thought. You want to do what is right so you can't admit what you really love.
How do you get around that lack of free thought though, how do you get to that point in your life where you are able to admit what you really love. This is my biggest struggle to be completely honest, I am 100% reliant on the opinions of others to make my decision. The only things I know for sure are
1) I don't like partying/drinking anymore so I stopped
2) I enjoy gaming as a past time
3) I enjoy coding/working with computers
The specifics elude me on a daily basis and I constantly hear "do what makes you happy" "other peoples opinions dont matter do what you love" but I think a lot of people don't realize, at least for me, the problem is I don't know any more than you do what I love.
It's a shitty problem that I am struggling to find a solution for.
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EPT
