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Dear You,
First off, I'm getting too old to write stuff like this. Guys my age should know better than to bitch about their love lives because at my age we should know better than to fall in love. We should know better than to believe in a stupid goal like that. Instead, we should focus on attaining more realistic things--things like that next offer, like that decent grad school, like that girl who's been a bridesmaid in too many weddings and has seen all her friends end up in what society defines as "happily ever after" and is therefore willing to settle down with the number three or number four guy on her little internal list and keep that a secret until the inevitable divorce attorneys get involved. Or--not even that girl, really, what we really should want is the derivatives off that underlying asset--the looks of admiring jealousy from our co-workers and college buddies, the photos she'll tag on instagram of us passed out in boxer shorts with some insipid hashtag like "<3 harmless panda from your cub" or "poor piggy after a hard day of work" (yes, yes, because at our age, when he buys her nice things to make up for talking to the voicemail lady more often than he talks to her it's something to brag about), the brief flashes of orgasmic bliss across an eighty-hour workweek.
But no--this letter isn't to her, it's to you. You're not her. You're. Not. Her. At least that's what I repeat to myself in bed, as I watch continual versions of her leave their perfume trails across my double pillow, the pillow I tell all those versions of her that my mom bought for me so they won't stop and wonder how many versions of her I have actually been with and how many random towels and pillows and stuffed animals and leather bags and tight jeans they have left in my closet, on my bed, across birthdays and Christmases and a pair of "oops I did it again" moments.
Anyhow. To you, even though I've never met you.
I hope money doesn't impress you. I hope you're not that type of girl who says money doesn't impress her but goes on to state that her husband should be successful and generous and respect her enough to make her feel independent (split bills all the way) while still having the raw mojo to be 'supportive' (like editing her thesis at 3AM when he has a 7AM flight or getting her a trail of job interviews at the legal firms his firm pays to do their contractual documentation work or making the right introductions to the right professors whose positions his company or government agency endows). I hope you're not that type of girl because I won't be doing that for you, because I'm dumb as a rock and when a girl tells me she wants to be independent I actually expect her to mean it. I hope you won't bitch at your friends when I tell you I won't do those things, because the walls in my apartment are paper-thin and I can hear what people in my bedroom say on the phone when I'm taking a shower.
Which goes to my second point: I hope you mean what you say. I hope that when you say "in good times and bad" and that when you believe in "sticking up for your friends and family" that it means you'll actually do that. I hope this means you won't tell me that in one breath and then tell me you feel bad for your mom because your mom was so pretty when she was young (like you might be right now) and she picked the wrong husband and your dad is now a jobless high-IQ dweeb with poor social skills predicated on an inability to "manipulate situations to his advantage" but it's okay because I'll never be like that. That's not a compliment because my dad himself is kind of a high-IQ dweeb with poor social skills with no ability to manipulate situations to his advantage and my greatest fear, deep down inside, is that if I end up like him and if hard times hit the person who I thought I loved all my life will take the kids and leave like my mom almost did when I was eight.
I hope you fall in love with me for the stories I tell, not because of the stories others tell about me.
I hope we spend weekends in bed debating whether China, Japan, and the US will go to war in the next ten years or whether WeChat can ever make it out of the Asia market or whether He-3 lunar mining is economically feasible in our lifetimes or whether it's better to read Mo Yan before or after one reads Faulkner and Marquez. I hope I can propose to you by printing the words "will you marry me" in Size 50000 font on the back of my parachute before I jump out of a plane ahead of you, because I promised to you that I would propose in such a way where the entire world would see the proposal but you would have at least 10 minutes to consider it in absolute silence and privacy.
I hope I can teach someone with my nose and your eyes how to ride a bike. I hope we can grow old together on an island somewhere in Puget Sound or on a foggy hillside in Oregon or Norcal, where it's never too cold or too hot and we'll have all the self-made wine we can drink on a patch of beach we own, and the fish are always fresh and in season but we'll still be within a hundred fifty miles of an international airport so my frequent flyer miles are actually usable. I hope that when I shuffle off this mortal coil you'll be holding my hand or vice versa. I hope you'll bug me about converting to your deity for no other reason than to make sure we get the same outcome of Pascal's Wager.
I hope you believe me when I look into your eyes over a glass of Sauternes and tell you these things even though everything about me up to that point has indicated I'm just another suited cowboy dual-wielding other people's money and other people's ideas. I hope when I ask you what you want over a long gabardine pillow you're smart enough to ask me which ex gave me the pillow and then tell me with far fewer words the same thing that I told you. I hope we mean it and we believe each other. I hope we fall in love, even though we both should know better. I hope.
  
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"High IQ dweeb with poor social skills who can't manipulate any situation to his advantage"
I have a feeling this pretty much describes 99% of us here in TL.
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:/ i feel sorry for you.... 
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On February 25 2013 03:46 xOsweetDream wrote::/ i feel sorry for you....
This is the last girl blog I will write.
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If you don't mind asking, how old are you shady? late 20s?
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On February 25 2013 04:16 AUGcodon wrote:
If you don't mind asking, how old are you shady? late 20s?
early 20s
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;;
Though knowing you, this probably won't be the very last girl blog you write. Maybe the last one for a while.
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After reading all your blogs I feel really bad for you and your cynical views on dating. I don't know if you're just unlucky or what, but most girls in the world aren't like the ones you've had experiences with. Maybe you should get outside the fake and poisonous world of high finance/biglaw/consulting if you're really looking for somebody to spend your life with.
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I like reading your blogs because even though they're depressing, they're romantic. ^_^
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On February 25 2013 04:30 iamho wrote:
After reading all your blogs I feel really bad for you and your cynical views on dating. I don't know if you're just unlucky or what, but most girls in the world aren't like the ones you've had experiences with. Maybe you should get outside the fake and poisonous world of high finance/biglaw/consulting if you're really looking for somebody to spend your life with.
Easier said than done, considering 90% of my RL friends orbit in this space
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I know exactly how you feel Shady, I really do. And I too hope such a person exists. I hope... just like you do.
But you know what?
This kind of person is exceedingly rare. In fact the odds that you will meet one in your lifetime and they will be single is almost null. (assuming that you are heterosexual male looking for female, which you personally are)
I know this. You know this. We don't like it. And so we hope..
Somehow I still manage to be phased that no matter how much the tip-top of human intellectuality pushes the boundaries of our collective knowledge, experience and understanding, the intellect of the truly average bloke only seems to decline ever-so-steeply. The internet is getting more and more accessible at faster rates, leading to easy access to an unfathomable and comprehensive amount of knowledge, at our very fingertips, figuratively speaking. And yet all we see is an increasing materialism, consumerism, a tendency towards the shallow and superficial, an overindulgence in cheap entertainment and worthless clutter. And I guess neither you nor I can escape all of that completely, although at least we're aware.
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though.
I feel you though...
On February 25 2013 05:14 ghrur wrote:
I like reading your blogs because even though they're depressing, they're romantic. ^_^
It's sad... I find it quite ironic how it is girls that always complain about some lack of romance, even though it's the genuinely romantic men who suffer the most when they realize that it's an ideal that no matter how satisfying it sounds on paper still does not have much basis in reality, at least not anymore.
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On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though.
There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives.
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On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives.
I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why?
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On February 25 2013 05:51 MasterOfPuppets wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives. I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why?
Because it's easier to fake it?
I mean, I've faked this sort of devil-may-care attitude towards love and it just works. Trouble is, it's fake. I really want to be romantic, I really do. But every time I let my guard down somebody gets hurt. After a while, I just give up.
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Have you tried online dating?
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On February 25 2013 05:51 MasterOfPuppets wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives. I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why?
It is the classic problem where you aim for a Type that is not naturally predisposed to thinking about others in a pensive, intellectual manner. Then you bemoan this lack of your "Ideal Pensive, Intellectual, Philosophical Type" when you are not truly even moving in circles where you can find them.
Shady is the classic example. He dates people associated with the finance world. Hell, are you surprised he finds materialistic girls?
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On February 25 2013 05:54 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:51 MasterOfPuppets wrote:On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives. I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why? Because it's easier to fake it? I mean, I've faked this sort of devil-may-care attitude towards love and it just works. Trouble is, it's fake. I really want to be romantic, I really do. But every time I let my guard down somebody gets hurt. After a while, I just give up.
If they are attracted to you for certain qualities that you purposefully play up, you shouldn't be surprised when they tend to value those "fake" qualities of you more highly than other aspects of yourself. You are advertising yourself as A, B, C. You will attract girls who like A, B, C. Don't bemoan that they don't care about D when D wasn't even in the ad.
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Hehehe, I like the way you put that babylon 
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On February 25 2013 06:03 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:54 Shady Sands wrote:On February 25 2013 05:51 MasterOfPuppets wrote:On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives. I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why? Because it's easier to fake it? I mean, I've faked this sort of devil-may-care attitude towards love and it just works. Trouble is, it's fake. I really want to be romantic, I really do. But every time I let my guard down somebody gets hurt. After a while, I just give up. If they are attracted to you for certain qualities that you purposefully play up, you shouldn't be surprised when they tend to value those "fake" qualities of you more highly than other aspects of yourself. You are advertising yourself as A, B, C. You will attract girls who like A, B, C. Don't bemoan that they don't care about D when D wasn't even in the ad.
Maybe. Good idea, I'll give this a try 
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On February 25 2013 06:03 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:54 Shady Sands wrote:On February 25 2013 05:51 MasterOfPuppets wrote:On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives. I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why? Because it's easier to fake it? I mean, I've faked this sort of devil-may-care attitude towards love and it just works. Trouble is, it's fake. I really want to be romantic, I really do. But every time I let my guard down somebody gets hurt. After a while, I just give up. If they are attracted to you for certain qualities that you purposefully play up, you shouldn't be surprised when they tend to value those "fake" qualities of you more highly than other aspects of yourself. You are advertising yourself as A, B, C. You will attract girls who like A, B, C. Don't bemoan that they don't care about D when D wasn't even in the ad.
I completely agree with you, but I must ask whether or not you truly believe that if he advertises himself as what he really is, there will be many, or dare I say *any* girls interested, at least from his current social circle? Personally I don't believe so, and I definitely don't say this as a diss or anything, it's just that like I said it seems almost nobody cares for this kind of personality and mentality anymore, the one that Shady and quite a few of us here on TL have.
What are the choices? Express your true romantic, philosophical and intellectual self and face infinitesimal odds at finding a like-minded soulmate, or don't, and face the fact that any relationship you might have will not be as satisfactory as it could be, simply because it is built on an image of yourself that doesn't accurately represent who you really are, basically the issue stated in the OP.
Am I wrong? Maybe I am. I hope I am. I want to be wrong. I really do. But deep down inside, I know I'm not wrong.
Who knows, maybe Babylon has some useful insight on this matter... there's always hope. :/
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I completely agree with you, but I must ask whether or not you truly believe that if he advertises himself as what he really is, there will be many, or dare I say *any* girls interested, at least from his current social circle?
If it's not possible to find said girl in your current social circle then most likely you don't have a lot of real friends in that social circle either.
Surrounding yourself with people because you like having them around you instead of believing that you should have them around you is pretty much the first step in that direction. Obviously the "more" you're looking for the more you have to be able to offer yourself. Settling with less than that? Might as well shoot yourself in the knee.
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On February 25 2013 05:34 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 04:30 iamho wrote:
After reading all your blogs I feel really bad for you and your cynical views on dating. I don't know if you're just unlucky or what, but most girls in the world aren't like the ones you've had experiences with. Maybe you should get outside the fake and poisonous world of high finance/biglaw/consulting if you're really looking for somebody to spend your life with. Easier said than done, considering 90% of my RL friends orbit in this space
So why not look for a new environment? From what I gather you seem to be some kind of generic desk analyst/trader guy at a big ibank who is miserable with his life. Most people define you by your career, and if you work somewhere that is notoriously shallow and status-obsessed you will attract women who think like that. I'm sure there's plenty of other options for someone with your background. I hear boutique investment banks are in vogue these days.
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It is more difficult to attract girls who are romantic, independent, thinkerly types simply because romantic attraction is more difficult to cultivate than attraction based on social status or physical appearance. (Of course, neither of these ever hurts, but really, as long as you aren't overweight or unhygienic, you're good to go.) But as you say, he will probably not get much out of his current circle, which means he has to step outside of that zone and find a newer circle.
The hardest part is always finding a way to break into a new "group" of people who can introduce you to others like them. This is extremely difficult after you are no longer in college. I know some people who have done this through OKCupid (after a long time of ignoring "dtf nsa" messages). But if you are in a big city like Chicago, it's not that impossible; you just need to know what locations and which social events to frequent. For example, if you like poetic types, go to something like a slam poetry event or open mic night; yeah, some of the poems will inevitably suck, but the main thing is that many of the people there will appreciate poetry and be willing to talk to you about poetry to a certain extent. And maybe you won't meet a perfect girl there, but you'll meet her friends and mates (whose personalities you will hopefully like!), and they'll maybe introduce you to others like them or invite you to bar nights with each other, so on and so forth, and maybe you'll find a girl you like. And if that crowd doesn't work for you, go find another. So on, so forth.
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I see you decided to go ahead with the blog
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Start dating fat girls. Seriously. Not obese, sort of Kate Upton size++. Actually helpful when moving and you don't have to worry about them as much alone at night.
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Your ideal girl.
http://equityprivate.typepad.com/ep/
You when you get older and somehow turn non asian.
http://epicureandealmaker.blogspot.com.au/
Someone wise once said that we become the 5 people we spend most our time with. If all your time is spent with high finance types..... sure theres alot of brain power there but probably not a lot of soul. Maybe you need to branch outside of finance to search for other people in different fields. Because deep down you know most of high finance is utter bullshit (society does not need our brightest minds figuring out how to design some crazy derivatives, no you are not "allocating capital efficiently" and you are definately not doing god's work-like you'd believe in god if you worked in high finance anyways).
If a diety came down and destroyed pretty much all of it besides basic banking, the world would be a better place.
So maybe you have a love-hate relationship not with these girls but with money. You want big $ because you think women won't be into you otherwise, but when they are into you because of your big $ you feel repelled because you worry that its not you they want but a certain lifestyle they've envision which you don't agree with.
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Sorry about your issues, but I love your writing. The line about pascal's wager really spoke to me.
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http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=399285
I don't really tie in relationships in my blog because it'll bog down the material, but I'll try to link the two a bit.
The main detail I want to emphasize is that your "romantic, philosophical and intellectual self" is not at all tied down to you. When people like you, fall in love with you, fall for you, or just want to be your friends, they usually don't see that, "romantic, philosophical and intellectual self" you talk about.
They see a person that loves himself, and loves talking about things they're interested in, and loves communicating this really intense feeling in their lives because he's happy about himself.
What this means is it is not about your interests, your hobbies, it's about how genuine you are to yourself, and to the girl. Yes, you have to know and avoid the obvious conversation and friend-killers, and not be stupid and keep bringing up a dead husband or something, but that is rarely the case.
Ever wonder why you can have such amazing conversations with the ones you're closest to? You're not afraid of being judged, not afraid of just letting yourself through. Being genuine. And being a genuinely happy, attractive individual. Well centered in life.
And you have to learn to cultivate this genuineness in your character and convey this attractive, self-fulfilled, happy personality to women you meet.
You can hope all you want to meet this amazing person, and maybe you'll meet her and unconsciously lower your standards to fit her, and that's alright as well. And hoping is great too.
But you can't expect to be handed these women in life.
The women you describe are most attracted to guys who don't want these things, because they're on this level above. They're on this level where they don't need a woman to be happy, they don't need these things to be secure in their selves, because they have so much other things going on for them. And women complain they can never tie these guys down.
Our own fears of becoming that "guy" who "settles for less" are our realities, if we don't take the effort to go above who we are now, in every way possible.
You don't have to fake it. You can become it and get the women you want. Just got to keep positive, keep happy, keep looking, keep meeting new women, and keep making yourself better.
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You should try writing a book/short stories and hanging out with some literary types-- you've got a strong narrative voice and talent. Maybe you'll even run into some smart girls who are fans of your writing and appreciate who you really are.
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Just got this in the inbox
Hey ------,
It's been a while. How have you been doing? Hope all is well.
Thanks for the link. That job is in Beijing. I kinda want to stay in Shanghai for a while. But thanks though. I'm still at XXXXX&YYYYY, doing lifestyle PR. And I hate it so much. Luxury/lifestyle isn't my thing. I'm desparately thinking to switch jobs. But I'm trying to be very careful switching jobs/career. Right now, I'm thinking to be a financial reporter or to do financial-related PR.
What's new about you? What are you busy with lately? Have you noticed 名都季刊？It's a start-up mandarin magazine in Chicago. I heard they had a few events for asia start-up crowd. The founder of the magazine used to work at Deloitte. His name is John Robinson.
Btw, I'm planning to visit Chicago in ---------. The purpose of the trip is to settle my divorce. But it will be nice for me to see you. Could I stay at your place? I hope this isn't too forward.
Take care.
Tara
.... =/
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On February 25 2013 12:06 Blisse wrote:http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=399285I don't really tie in relationships in my blog because it'll bog down the material, but I'll try to link the two a bit. The main detail I want to emphasize is that your "romantic, philosophical and intellectual self" is not at all tied down to you. When people like you, fall in love with you, fall for you, or just want to be your friends, they usually don't see that, "romantic, philosophical and intellectual self" you talk about. They see a person that loves himself, and loves talking about things they're interested in, and loves communicating this really intense feeling in their lives because he's happy about himself. What this means is it is not about your interests, your hobbies, it's about how genuine you are to yourself, and to the girl. Yes, you have to know and avoid the obvious conversation and friend-killers, and not be stupid and keep bringing up a dead husband or something, but that is rarely the case. Ever wonder why you can have such amazing conversations with the ones you're closest to? You're not afraid of being judged, not afraid of just letting yourself through. Being genuine. And being a genuinely happy, attractive individual. Well centered in life. And you have to learn to cultivate this genuineness in your character and convey this attractive, self-fulfilled, happy personality to women you meet. You can hope all you want to meet this amazing person, and maybe you'll meet her and unconsciously lower your standards to fit her, and that's alright as well. And hoping is great too. But you can't expect to be handed these women in life. The women you describe are most attracted to guys who don't want these things, because they're on this level above. They're on this level where they don't need a woman to be happy, they don't need these things to be secure in their selves, because they have so much other things going on for them. And women complain they can never tie these guys down. Our own fears of becoming that "guy" who "settles for less" are our realities, if we don't take the effort to go above who we are now, in every way possible. You don't have to fake it. You can become it and get the women you want. Just got to keep positive, keep happy, keep looking, keep meeting new women, and keep making yourself better.
This is really interesting, and it kind of fits in with what I've experienced--the only thing cuter than a guy with money is a guy who has money and a cause. Maybe the reason I have so much anomie in my life is because I've never been able to attach myself to a 'cause' with gusto or see one through to its completion.
I should watch Les Mis.
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On February 25 2013 12:06 Blisse wrote:http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=399285I don't really tie in relationships in my blog because it'll bog down the material, but I'll try to link the two a bit. The main detail I want to emphasize is that your "romantic, philosophical and intellectual self" is not at all tied down to you. When people like you, fall in love with you, fall for you, or just want to be your friends, they usually don't see that, "romantic, philosophical and intellectual self" you talk about. They see a person that loves himself, and loves talking about things they're interested in, and loves communicating this really intense feeling in their lives because he's happy about himself. What this means is it is not about your interests, your hobbies, it's about how genuine you are to yourself, and to the girl. Yes, you have to know and avoid the obvious conversation and friend-killers, and not be stupid and keep bringing up a dead husband or something, but that is rarely the case. Ever wonder why you can have such amazing conversations with the ones you're closest to? You're not afraid of being judged, not afraid of just letting yourself through. Being genuine. And being a genuinely happy, attractive individual. Well centered in life. And you have to learn to cultivate this genuineness in your character and convey this attractive, self-fulfilled, happy personality to women you meet. You can hope all you want to meet this amazing person, and maybe you'll meet her and unconsciously lower your standards to fit her, and that's alright as well. And hoping is great too. But you can't expect to be handed these women in life. The women you describe are most attracted to guys who don't want these things, because they're on this level above. They're on this level where they don't need a woman to be happy, they don't need these things to be secure in their selves, because they have so much other things going on for them. And women complain they can never tie these guys down. Our own fears of becoming that "guy" who "settles for less" are our realities, if we don't take the effort to go above who we are now, in every way possible. You don't have to fake it. You can become it and get the women you want. Just got to keep positive, keep happy, keep looking, keep meeting new women, and keep making yourself better.
I love this post. Fits so well with my own philosophy in interpersonal relationships. Too bad I don't internalise it 100% but I'm getting there.
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Man, Shady, I wish I could tell you what I think.
Edit: I'm gonna do it, fuck it. Here goes:
+ Show Spoiler +
I think what's wrong is that you're not really doing what you love. Whatever your passion may be, I think you should just pursue it. And when you finally start doing what you love, you'll be able to find someone to love because she will define you by your passions and love you for them.
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On February 25 2013 05:34 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 04:30 iamho wrote:
After reading all your blogs I feel really bad for you and your cynical views on dating. I don't know if you're just unlucky or what, but most girls in the world aren't like the ones you've had experiences with. Maybe you should get outside the fake and poisonous world of high finance/biglaw/consulting if you're really looking for somebody to spend your life with. Easier said than done, considering 90% of my RL friends orbit in this space
And you're in your early 20s? Sounds legit. I would feel bad if I didn't think 90% of the stuff you write was made up on the spot. You are always an enjoyable read though.
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On February 25 2013 19:30 d00p wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:34 Shady Sands wrote:On February 25 2013 04:30 iamho wrote:
After reading all your blogs I feel really bad for you and your cynical views on dating. I don't know if you're just unlucky or what, but most girls in the world aren't like the ones you've had experiences with. Maybe you should get outside the fake and poisonous world of high finance/biglaw/consulting if you're really looking for somebody to spend your life with. Easier said than done, considering 90% of my RL friends orbit in this space And you're in your early 20s? Sounds legit. I would feel bad if I didn't think 90% of the stuff you write was made up on the spot. You are always an enjoyable read though.
Given that early 20s means anywhere between 20 and 25, I'm not sure what you mean by this statement.
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great, albeit bittersweet read.
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You don't get my 5 until I see some results.
4 for effort
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I was about to write this in the other blog but maybe if you don't like money minded people maybe you just shouldn't be a magnet for it and rent a smaller apartmenet or something :D
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On February 25 2013 03:17 Shady Sands wrote:
I'm just another suited cowboy dual-wielding other people's money and other people's ideas.
oh man i really really like that line :D
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On February 26 2013 05:09 JieXian wrote:
I was about to write this in the other blog but maybe if you don't like money minded people maybe you just shouldn't be a magnet for it and rent a smaller apartmenet or something :D
I can't, my brother and I jointly own the apartment I live in (we picked it up at a foreclosure auction)
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On February 26 2013 04:09 Harrad wrote:
great, albeit bittersweet read.
Thanks!
On February 26 2013 04:49 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
You don't get my 5 until I see some results.
4 for effort
I will send you pictures of the earth from 10,000 feet above, with my heart resting on naught but a prayer that the girl floating above me will say yes
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On February 26 2013 07:08 snively wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 03:17 Shady Sands wrote:
I'm just another suited cowboy dual-wielding other people's money and other people's ideas. oh man i really really like that line :D
=) Thanks
I got it off a biography of Aristotle Onassis (one of my personal heroes):
Onassis' best invention, however, was the O.P.M. (Other People's Money). This idea wasn't originally created by Ari, even though he was a pioneer in the field. Credit for this innovation goes to Daniel Ludwig, a Michigan businessman. The bank refused a loan that would provide for the conversion of a transport ship into a tanker. However, Daniel had an idea; he could give a guarantee to the bank on an oil tanker that he already possessed, while he could use the profits from his transports as an identity to the bank.
The solution to this problem loan was actually simple and ingenious. Daniel Ludwig by now had perfected this technique, and defined it himself as the O.P.M. He asked the bank for a loan towards the construction of new ships but did not change the way he used the ships he already owned. The loan had to be deferred in different payments in order to permit the banks to be repaid before the new ships were actually built. The loan's guarantee came from the profits of the ships already on the water.
The banks called the operation of O.P.M. "card at double-name," for they possessed a double guarantee on their loans. Ludwig grew rich, but he never became a big ship owner. He invested the money he obtained in different areas, with the notable exception of shipping, and although his fleet was bigger than that of Onassis or Niarhos, did not play an important role in the industry.
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Ugh. Hope. Your blogs and the discussions that ensue are always amazing.
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I hope I can propose to you by printing the words "will you marry me" in Size 50000 font on the back of my parachute before I jump out of a plane ahead of you
Note taken. That is awesome.
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On February 26 2013 08:20 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On February 26 2013 05:09 JieXian wrote:
I was about to write this in the other blog but maybe if you don't like money minded people maybe you just shouldn't be a magnet for it and rent a smaller apartmenet or something :D I can't, my brother and I jointly own the apartment I live in (we picked it up at a foreclosure auction)
It depends on how far you agree with me really.
If you were to take it to an extreme you'd rent a shack, drive a Datsun Sunny, and wear singlets with torn jeans.
I hope you get my point even if you don't agree
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On February 26 2013 23:47 JieXian wrote:Show nested quote +On February 26 2013 08:20 Shady Sands wrote:On February 26 2013 05:09 JieXian wrote:
I was about to write this in the other blog but maybe if you don't like money minded people maybe you just shouldn't be a magnet for it and rent a smaller apartmenet or something :D I can't, my brother and I jointly own the apartment I live in (we picked it up at a foreclosure auction) It depends on how far you agree with me really. If you were to take it to an extreme you'd rent a shack, drive a Datsun Sunny, and wear singlets with torn jeans. I hope you get my point even if you don't agree
I mean yeah, I get it. I think there's a baseline standard of creature comforts most girls aspire to. There's a reason ascetic monks don't get laid.
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Yep, I remember chatting with Paul Gu about this Feb 2012. Glad to see he's pulled it off =)
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On February 26 2013 23:53 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On February 26 2013 23:47 JieXian wrote:On February 26 2013 08:20 Shady Sands wrote:On February 26 2013 05:09 JieXian wrote:
I was about to write this in the other blog but maybe if you don't like money minded people maybe you just shouldn't be a magnet for it and rent a smaller apartmenet or something :D I can't, my brother and I jointly own the apartment I live in (we picked it up at a foreclosure auction) It depends on how far you agree with me really. If you were to take it to an extreme you'd rent a shack, drive a Datsun Sunny, and wear singlets with torn jeans. I hope you get my point even if you don't agree I mean yeah, I get it. I think there's a baseline standard of creature comforts most girls aspire to. There's a reason ascetic monks don't get laid.
hahah definitely =D which was why I said "extreme"
Maybe you should try some "normal guy moderation" and slowly push the boundaries and have some fun with experimenting in the opposite direction, that would be really interesting.
Be sure to blog about it if you do :D
omg the comments are hilarious hahaha
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I have no relationship experience myself so in that regard I cannot contribute to the discussion, but I love your writing! I hope. For you. Take care.
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On February 25 2013 06:03 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 05:54 Shady Sands wrote:On February 25 2013 05:51 MasterOfPuppets wrote:On February 25 2013 05:48 babylon wrote:On February 25 2013 05:37 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Somehow though I find that it's usually guys who tend to be more pensive and philosophical in the manner you describe in the OP. I suppose it's a self-fulfilling self-perpetuating social preconception that girls shouldn't care about anything of that sort... I don't know though. There's a tendency nowadays to think that only "We" think in a certain manner, that only "We" are complicated enough or concerned enough to have these problems when, more likely than not, everybody thinks something along these lines at some point in their lives. I definitely understand where you're coming from. But the obvious question is then: why do the actions of so many others do not reflect this pensive, intellectual nature, and instead only the lack thereof? Why? Because it's easier to fake it? I mean, I've faked this sort of devil-may-care attitude towards love and it just works. Trouble is, it's fake. I really want to be romantic, I really do. But every time I let my guard down somebody gets hurt. After a while, I just give up. If they are attracted to you for certain qualities that you purposefully play up, you shouldn't be surprised when they tend to value those "fake" qualities of you more highly than other aspects of yourself. You are advertising yourself as A, B, C. You will attract girls who like A, B, C. Don't bemoan that they don't care about D when D wasn't even in the ad.
So just an update: I'm heading out tonight to meet a bohemian actress (the real kind, with her own IMDB page lol). Going off the advice here, hopefully this works. Wish me luck!
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EPT![[image loading]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/together.png)
