EPT
- Blog. -
Been a little while since I've written anything, silence in this realm of my universe, at least when I'm writing about anything not StarCraft related, is generally a good thing. If I've got my shit in order I don't feel the need to obfuscate anyone's day with my personal bullshit. If I'm a bit perturbed, I'm going to whale away. If you've read any of my most recent blogs you've probably wanted to puke due to the nauseating overflow of emotion with little background information. So its a different approach, a bit more forthcoming approach, at least for the time being in the new year.
I'm not invulnerable to the assessment and planning moments that accompany this month, just resistant to expressing them for everyone to see, so I'll spare you the excruciating detail that we could all get into and keep things general. 2012 on a whole was a year of reckoning so to speak for myself, coming to terms with everything going on, specifically stuff I neglected for some time before. So in a respect I had jumped the gun on the new year and started planning things differently some time ago.
I never smoked heavily, or even moderately (like maybe 1-2 packs a month) before, but the decision has been to cut all consumption period. I'm not going completely dry as far as alcohol is concerned, but getting drunk is out of the question for me. No judgment to be had on all you guys and girls who like to drink heavily, (enjoy and have a good time responsibly) this one was a personal health decision that I came to the realization was non-negotiable. Casual beer or three on a given night, all's well, four or more is not happening for me. There are other areas I'm working on change, but as they've yet to be realized I'll remain vain and not mention them all. I'll give you the one morsel - furthering my own (un)employment is paramount. One part-time job isn't satisfying my needs.
Getting serious about my habits, deciding what had to go, and following through has had a huge impact on how I go about my everyday business. I smoked my last cigarette last Friday, so results are pending, but I have little doubt I can stop as I partook so infrequently and I've regularly gone months without smoking in the summers past.
The implications of significantly reduced alcohol consumption were far more interesting to myself, and I've been pleased so far. I've actually been going out to parties, bars, etc. far more than I have in the last five or so years, and I've actually felt more satisfied now not drinking to a point of intoxication than I have in the past. By that I mean, there may be moments during a given night I would be enjoying myself more if I was drunk, but as far as waking up the next morning, and the next after that, moods are better, and acute head pain is pleasantly absent. Self-esteem is better as I'm more aware of my surroundings and how my peers are reacting to me as the night goes on. It's important to note that it was the shift in mindset + less alcohol that has precipitated this though.
So things have been better and there is clear improvement. That's not what this blog is about though. This blog is about that moment everyone has when a good thing is brought into jeopardy by an unforeseen variable. That moment where shit gets complicated, your brain feels 10 pounds heavier, like it is physically sinking back there behind your eyeballs. I'll call it the prolapse of the prefrontal cortex. It's these moments that we fucking hate sometimes, but at the same time we live life to encounter. Risk vs. Reward. Do I? Don't I?
![[image loading]](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/58/Head_mri_animation.gif)
Visual approximation of my brain at said moment. WTFAMIRIGHT?!?
They come and go in an instant. Like a bruise they appear on your psyche shortly after and say, "Hey! You realize you may have made a huge fucking mistake back there right?" You aren't sure if that voice is right, or if it will pay off, only time will tell. It's been a while since I've had a moment like this, and I forgot how much of a fucking rush it is. For better or worse, it's good to have chips in the pot again. I hope everyone here can relate. Cheers, and good luck in 2013 TL. Prolapse away.
- Music. -
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/sV6vb.jpg)
- Poem. -
Teach
by p4NDemik
Show us how to play.
Those swings used to seem so safe,
But the links all rusted.
Broken, reforged, not trusted.
Show us how to play.
Teach
by p4NDemik
Show us how to play.
Those swings used to seem so safe,
But the links all rusted.
Broken, reforged, not trusted.
Show us how to play.
Poem titled on August 12th 2015
