Hey TL. I might as well make this blog now, and then again later on with what my ultimate choice is going to be, but this blog is about girls and college. More specifically, girls and me going to different colleges. I've been at a crossroads for a while now, and, though I had an epiphany today, something needs to change. Something has to give, whether or not it is me. As a disclaimer, for those who don't know or have not read my blog before this, I am a highschool senior. I've written a lot concerning love, but it has been preoccupying my mind as of late.
Girls and College
My girlfriend is lovely, that is what I tell adults at least. I don't tell them that I love her immensely, or that I have this visceral, deep bond with her. It isn't the love someone feels for their diamond anniversary (thank god, that would be fucking boring), but it isn't a honeymoon phase kind of love either. I'm not going to say that our love is exceptional, I'm going to say that our love is something that I never imagined I could feel. I've always been a passionate person, but mainly I applied this passion to ideas, but not to people. Not like this, at least. It is definitely a crazy, stupid love. Now the fact is that I'm young, and yes I am young enough that most people simply come up to me and preach colloquialism after colloquialism, from, "you are too young to know what real love is," to "it's just puppy love." There are some beautiful contradictions in what I know, and love is one of them. Most people who come up, who make an affront, who seige my castle of harmonious naivety, they are probably just as helplessly clueless about love as I am; of course, I doubt their reasons are similar to mine.
The Girl
Most guys will tell you that they love the Most Beautiful Girl in the World, and I am no exception. By no means is she flawless, she has her days, but she makes me happy. The fact is that I love this girl, and she loves me, we have been through a lot together despite being together for a short time (a year). She isn't just my girlfriend, she is my best friend. Being as honest as I can be, we have gone through what most couples go through over a ten year period: deaths, family being cut out of the picture, all the drama one could possibly not want in a single year. I remember making a promise to my girl, when we first got together, that I would never treat her like "damaged goods." I have never done that, nor will I ever do that. I remember the first time I beat the ever loving shit out of her at checkers, the first time for a lot of things. Hell I remember the first pregnancy scare like it was yesterday, standing out on a warm day in southern California, at a farmers market drinking raw milk, getting a text telling me how what I had thought was over was not over at all, how I might yet be a father at 17, how I bought her a flower in a shell as a present from a region far to our west. I ended up not being a father, as one of my previous blog posts can tell you, but it has been a long time since then, it feels like forever before.
I said she was beautiful girl before rambling on about happiness and couples, and the bullshit naivety that I exude must be overwhelmingly saccharine, but this girl is something special. Yeah, I'm a mellow guy, I'm not assertive, I can't tell anyone off even if I wanted to, and yeah she can get away with walking all over some of the time. I can't say I'm special in that regard, a lot of people are like that, and yet this girl just has this effect on me. It's not hard to describe, but if you've never felt the feeling, that jolt, a stroke pure electricity that courses through you when you see the back of their head, and you know it is them, they can't see you, not until you make your presence known, but damn, you can feel their effect whelling up inside you; if you have never felt it, you have no idea what I mean, but that is ok. She is my first, and what I want to be my only. Yes, we have issues in our relationship, but I can't think of any pair that is just assumed to be together like we are. There isn't anyone else I know in my hometown that can't be described without saying, "And she is his girlfriend." I'm stupid, I'm clouded, and yet, I love that, I love my girl.
The College
As highly as I spoke of my girlfriend, I can't say that there aren't things coming up in my short life that have put stress on the relationship. College is the main one. My girlfriend, like all girls, like all sentient beings, has fears. One of the biggest ones is being abandoned, and, to her, me going to college presents the threat of being abandoned. I can't say that the feel is out-of-wack, because there are going to be a plethora new girls at my college. A spectrum of completely DTF, slutty, don't care about the next girls that are going to inundate whatever college I go to. It won't matter where I go (I haven't chosen yet, I'll write a blog about that when I get accepted), the sheer amount of new boobs and asses, a good amount of which will be purposefully flaunted and uncovered enough for all the guys to see, don't help that fear. I'm not very afraid of me cheating, I'm a guy that latches onto a girl and has this deep and passionate love that really doesn't let up at all. Despite that, I am a guy, and being a teenage guy, that doesn't bode well in her mind. To top that off, she is afraid of being faithful on her end. Now I am not that afraid of this, I'm not fine with her cheating on me, it would be a sever dent in the relationship, and possibly something to make me be unable to trust her whenever I am away. However, she does have a wild streak in her, and I love that about her, I find it really sexy. I like her complexity. I know other guys do too, she is young, wild, and not-free to do as she pleases while she is tethered to me.
growing increasingly, deathly afraid, I can say that with absolute certainty, is what I am of college. I don't look particularly old, my girlfriend is younger than me, and she looks much older than me. IF she wanted to, she could pass for 21 (not an exaggeration, considering people have asked how much older she is than I am). I'm afraid people will just straight up tell me to GTFO, that I look to young. I'm afraid of my girlfriend telling me that it just isn't working and that I, or rather my choice in college, was the reason love died. That said, I'm hoping, expecting, almost knowing I'll get accepted to my dream school. I want to live life the way I want to, but I want to keep my girlfriend in it. I come here asking you all how I can do this, I also come asking whether or not I'm just a hopeless, stupid-fucking-naive romantic and this won't ever happen. She is a beautiful girl, my latina wonder, my best friend, and yet I have this eerie feel that I'll fuck it all up. Thanks for reading TL, any ideas would be more than amazing for me to read.
First off, it's clear that you two are still in high school who truly believe each of you are meant to belong together, as if she is "the one" and you her "the one". A lot of people in your age are in that "stupid fucking naive romantic" relationship as you mentioned. As brunt as it is, your relationship and your girlfriend is nothing special compared to the rest of the under age 18 relationships of other people. You only think that way because you've lived in a bubble with relatively few short years to look back on.
Second off, you're going to college, a phase that will enrich, empower, educate, and maybe change you for better or for worse for the rest of your life. Don't screw the rest of your life over this relationship. There's nothing wrong with being in college and maintaining your relationship with your girlfriend. But everything is wrong if the relationship gets in the way of your education and experience.
My advice? Don't give a shit about how going to college is going to affect your relationship with her. There's nothing wrong to ponder or think about how the future will be with your girlfriend, but it certainly is wrong to think how will college negatively affect it. Just be flexible and realistic. Go with the flow. Take everything as it is. Don't think deep into something that's not deep to begin with.
If you two are still together, great. If not, oh well, that's life teaching you life changes.
u mad bro? This sounds like the biggest troll thread. Be lucky you have a girl bro stop complaining about having a great life and the ability to go to good schools etc. If your girl is so great why don´t you talk to her about this?
If the relationship is as real as you hope it is then college will not get in the way. Live YOUR life and if the relationship can't handle it then the relationship is not meant to last.
As a senior in high school preparing for the college transition, it is natural to think that you have a good idea of who you are and what you want, and to concordantly assign values to particular traits you identify within yourself as well as goals (i.e. I am a passionate lover, I am afraid of cheating, I think I've found the one.). On this day, thinking such things is quite alright. Just prepare yourself for the inevitable; you will change in the coming year, and you will not feel the same about things as you do now. How that change manifests itself is up in the aether at this point, my only advice is that you embrace the possibilities of the future instead of clinging to the comforts of the past. Do not be afraid, life tends to be better if you let it be rather than thinking it be.
On January 12 2013 11:49 n.DieJokes wrote: You hit her? ...
Hey man, he just did what he had to. You know, disciplined his girl+ Show Spoiler +
at checkers.
Well I googled it just to be sure Checkers wasn't some trans-dimensional portal to another dimension where it was all fun in the sun to pound your loved one. It's not
Dude, reread the OP. It does not say what you think it does.
On January 12 2013 11:49 n.DieJokes wrote: You hit her? ...
Hey man, he just did what he had to. You know, disciplined his girl+ Show Spoiler +
at checkers.
Well I googled it just to be sure Checkers wasn't some trans-dimensional portal to another dimension where it was all fun in the sun to pound your loved one. It's not
Dude, reread the OP. It does not say what you think it does.
Just to point out the obvious communication is important.
Try to talk (almost) every day, video chat could be good too.
Try to be together physically frequently. 1 month apart isn't so bad, but > 6 month is pretty long.
Exchange some kind of token representing your relationship before you leave (ring, necklace etc something you can both wear).
What is going to happen when she graduates? Can you attend the same college? I think her first year of college will be higher risk than the last year of high school.
If she does cheat on you, I suggest moving on, the pain will go away with time.
I don't actually hear of many relationships that survive the college years but I do know some students who still talk to their girlfriends on skype from halfway around the world.
you seem really self-aware for your age but nonetheless are your age - you know how the stories go for young love. perhaps it'll work out (i've seen it! amazing shit), perhaps it won't, but either way it's gonna be a bitch. most important thing i think is to not forget the happiness you must also be experiencing right now! cherish that shit. no matter the outcome you have discovered what bliss feels like so early on during your tenure on this planet. congrats already
You're gonna get a lot of flak from people doc. On this site and in your life. People don't have faith in young love. And rightfully so. The stats are against you. However, notice I said that people shouldn't have faith in OTHERS' young love. Not in their own. Only you know your relationship. If knowing it and cherishing it as you do, you truly believe that this is what you want and believe you can achieve it, then god damn it go for it.
I am in college now. My gf is at a different one, 3 hours away. We have been together for nearly 3 years now, since junior year of high school. I know quite a few others at my school in similar situations. It is hard to keep these things alive. But not nearly as impossible as others may make it out to be. It IS done. Obviously I don't know your relationship. I only mean to say that for some it is possible, and to have faith in yourself if you believe that you are one of those few.
Advice I can offer: put in the effort. Do not neglect your girl. I know this seems obvious, but it is all too easy to get caught up in the college life to the neglect of other things. New friends, academics, and independence will occupy much of your time, but make sure to carve up plenty of it for her as well. Regarding cheating, the temptation is there, even for the most committed people in the strongest relationships. Avoiding it is partly a matter of self-control, but also greatly a matter of avoiding situations where it could potentially happen. Studies have shown (sorry I don't have sources but I have read this multiple times) that this strategy is the surest way to not cheat.
Lastly, and most importantly,have faith. You will hear so much doubt from others regarding your choice to persist with "foolish young love." You can't let this get to you. Shrug it off. The second you let those doubts take on in your own mind, your relationship, and your chances to maintain it, weaken tremendously. Evaluate your own situation fairly - but do not pay too much mind to the doubts of others.
I don't know if this is the type of response you were looking for, but this is a type of situation I have been through, and your feelings, hopes, and fears resonate with me. I wish you the best of luck.
EPT
