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A personal look back at 2012

Blogs > Vindicare605
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Vindicare605
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States16100 Posts
December 31 2012 08:59 GMT
#1
2012 is nearly over, and in retrospect I have to say that I am relieved for it to finally be ending.

It's ironic that in the year in which there was much hype regarding prophecies of misunderstood ancient cultures of an impending apocalypse that 2012 came to me with some of the most trying experiences of my life. In many ways, the Mayans were right, events took place within this year that will forever change how I live my life, an era of small proportions has shifted hands and I can only look forward from here.

It was in this year that I had to say goodbye to the two most important women that will ever be a part of my life. First was my Grandmother Beatrice, who passed away at 93 after a long fought battle with Cancer and other ailments. Her passing a reminder of the inevitability of life, that even the strongest amongst us will eventually perish to leave our legacies behind. As I say that, I can assure anyone reading this that my Grandmother exemplified everything that it could ever mean to be a strong person of character and principle. The lessons I've learned from her have shaped who I am today and the kind of person I hope to become one day.

The other woman I've had to say goodbye to was my Mother, Sylvia. A woman of similar strength to her mother Beatrice who passed away after long fought battles with addiction, depression and anxiety. Not a day goes by that I do not think of not only her life, but also what her passing means to me as a man now forced to face the world without my cradle in which I was born.

In many ways, I long for 2013 as it marks the end of one of the toughest years of my life. But at the same time, I am afraid to look over that hill not knowing what is waiting for me on the other side. I have lived through tests that I never thought I'd ever have to face and I faced them back to back and came out alive on the other side. Now what? What's next for me? These are the sorts of questions that race through my mind going forward.

I begin a new chapter in my life, with challenges and rewards that are as of yet unknown to me. All I do know is that I am entering this chapter wiser, and stronger than I entered into 2012 with. Bring on whatever 2013 is going to bring! I am ready.

aka: KTVindicare the Geeky Bartender
Bagration
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States18282 Posts
December 31 2012 17:22 GMT
#2
Sorry to hear of your losses this year.
Team Slayers, Axiom-Acer and Vile forever
LastWish
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
2015 Posts
December 31 2012 22:00 GMT
#3
Intriguing.
Your grandmother loss has that much heavier influence on you than that of your mother's.
And she was 93... I can hardly imagine how strong of a importance/influence she could have been to you for the past decades.

Take care.
- It's all just treason - They bring me down with their lies - Don't know the reason - My life is fire and ice -
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
December 31 2012 22:13 GMT
#4
On December 31 2012 17:59 Vindicare605 wrote:
In many ways, the Mayans were right, events took place within this year that will forever change how I live my life,

The Mayans made no statement about the events that could affect your life over the course of an entire year.

I'll drift a little bit away from the thread's topic to talk about something interested about our strange concept of years. Not long ago my friend and I talked about how awesome it would be to not have to sleep - to not have to waste a third of our life in bed doing nothing, when there are so many great things to live for. It occurred to me (I'm sure others have thought of this before) that the worst thing about not sleeping would be the loss of what we perceive as an "episodic" life so to speak, in that we wake up in the morning and it's sort of a new beginning, even though way may not directly think of it as such every time. I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be Round 8579*, the 8579th day of my life.

However, it's strange that we do the same thing with years. I dunno. Cheers.

*: Calculated with excel, but it's probably more like 8550-ish because I skipped a few nights and some sleep cycles felt more like naps.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
Vindicare605
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States16100 Posts
January 01 2013 13:38 GMT
#5
On January 01 2013 07:00 LastWish wrote:
Intriguing.
Your grandmother loss has that much heavier influence on you than that of your mother's.
And she was 93... I can hardly imagine how strong of a importance/influence she could have been to you for the past decades.

Take care.


The losses are both heavy, and it's not really possible for me to say that one is more significant than the other because as of now they really sort of blend together.

In a lot of ways, it creates an added level of frustration because I'm unable to truly cope with them separately and I feel like I'm not giving them their due respect as part of the grieving process because they have to share it.

I would not say my grandmother's passing has had a heavier influence, rather I describe what kind of person she exemplified as a way of distinguishing her from the kind of grandparent that one never sees and passes without any real connection being established other than a formality. She was a true mentor the kind I had a personal relationship with despite the vast difference in age.

My mother, she was my mother. I don't think I really need to go into detail of how significant she was to my life growing up, I think that goes without saying as most of us have at least somewhat of a relationship with our mother. So I didn't feel like I needed to go into detail of how significant her passing was to me, I think even just mentioning it is enough to illustrate what kind of year 2012 has been.
aka: KTVindicare the Geeky Bartender
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