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I'm currently in high school. Sadly, I got no Christmas gifts this year. I began to recall the days from primary school when my presents were amazing. In the first grade, I recall I received so many toys. I got a massive lego set, a huge train set, and a variety of other presents. In the second grade, I was given a nerf gun and numerous other gifts. Gradually, my gifts became more utilitarian, and also lower in value. For instance, I received a cheap timex watch for my 6th grade birthday. By junior high, my parents had begun to just give me money. 7th grade I was presented with 40 dollars. In the 8th grade, I was presented with 20. Then in the 9th grade, my mother gave me an ordinary handkerchief as my gift. And in the 10th grade, I got nothing. Now I am in the 11th grade, I got nothing as well. I don't get anything for any other occasions such as birthday either.
Consequently, my material possessions are pretty dilapidated. While my peer's annual gifts have increased in value, mine have decreased. Now my peers have iphones, luxury vehicles, expensive apple computers, and luxury clothes yet I have few if any of these items.
I have a bicycle that weighs well in excess of 40 lbs as my transportation, some sort of 90's nokia phone as my communications device, and a 2006 laptop which acts as my portable mp3 player.
However, my family is certainly not destitute. They themselves have nice stuff. My mother has a plethora of luxury handbags. They own countless apple devices and my dad is contemplating the purchase of a 5000 dollar bicycle.
This leads to my psychological dilemma. Do I have the right to be pissed with my parents for not giving me shit? Understandably, my very posting of this blog will make readers immediately reply
"THEY GIVE YOU FOOD, STFU YOU SPOILED BRAT."
or
"JUST GET A JOB IF YOU WANT STUFF!"
But I hope this blog can transcend the mere notion of wanting stuff.
My parents argue I get nothing because "Other parents give their children stuff because they just want to make the children leave them alone. They buy their children these possessions so they don't need to care about them." But I'm not convinced. How is my parents' refusal to purchase these indeed somewhat unnecessary items a symbol of love and appreciation? I'm confused as fuck. While Chinese culture paints me as the spawn of satan for desiring any more than what my parents have given, I can't see why I'm held to such strict standards while others are not.
 
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Calgary25980 Posts
That's really strange. Try talking to them directly? My family stopped giving gifts recently because we were just tired of finding things for birthdays and Christmas... I think my youngest sister would have been around your age at the time we stopped. But they announced "we're not going to get each other anything this year, is that okay?"
Did you get them anything? If not, why not?
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I've seen this happen, but I haven't experienced it for myself (way too spoiled). I would say it's perfectly acceptable to want shit and if I were in your position I would try to get a source of income asaply.
EDIT: I noticed that this blog entry directly contradicts an older one:
I've been using an ipod touch 4g to listen to music, play games, and check my email for a while. I'm relatively satisfied with it, but the recent introduction of a plethora of well priced devices from google has prompted me to possibly upgrade. I'd like to first note that I'm too cheap to buy a data plan, if I get anything it will be used with only wifi. Considering I can sell the itouch for 130 dollars, a 300 dollar nexus 4 would cost me only 170! A nexus 7 would only be 70 dollars! So I'm essentially deciding between a nexus 4, a nexus 7, or not upgrading. The nexus 4 is amazing, but I feel like 8gb is kind of small and might not suite my needs. I have an 8 gb ipod touch, but I've pretty much filled it up and would like a bit more memory. The 16gb one is a bit expensive. ): The nexus 7 is at an amazing price point, and it is a lot more functional than the ipod touch. However, do you think I can listen to music on it while walking to school? It might be too unwieldy at 7 inches. If only google made a cheap phablet with expandable storage. Judging from the usage I've described, do any of you guys have a suggest? Do any if you guys have any experience with the nexus 4/7?
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United States10328 Posts
my family celebrates Christmas, but we haven't given/received any gifts on Christmas for like 8 years now
I don't really feel entitled to any sort of Christmas gifts, though... if I receive something nice from my parents/relatives, it's usually on some arbitrary day
maybe my family is just weird...
Anyway, if you want stuff, yeah I'd find a job.
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On December 28 2012 13:22 Loser777 wrote:I've seen this happen, but I haven't experienced it for myself (way too spoiled). I would say it's perfectly acceptable to want shit and if I were in your position I would try to get a source of income asaply. EDIT: I noticed that this blog entry directly contradicts an older one: Show nested quote +
I've been using an ipod touch 4g to listen to music, play games, and check my email for a while. I'm relatively satisfied with it, but the recent introduction of a plethora of well priced devices from google has prompted me to possibly upgrade. I'd like to first note that I'm too cheap to buy a data plan, if I get anything it will be used with only wifi. Considering I can sell the itouch for 130 dollars, a 300 dollar nexus 4 would cost me only 170! A nexus 7 would only be 70 dollars! So I'm essentially deciding between a nexus 4, a nexus 7, or not upgrading. The nexus 4 is amazing, but I feel like 8gb is kind of small and might not suite my needs. I have an 8 gb ipod touch, but I've pretty much filled it up and would like a bit more memory. The 16gb one is a bit expensive. ): The nexus 7 is at an amazing price point, and it is a lot more functional than the ipod touch. However, do you think I can listen to music on it while walking to school? It might be too unwieldy at 7 inches. If only google made a cheap phablet with expandable storage. Judging from the usage I've described, do any of you guys have a suggest? Do any if you guys have any experience with the nexus 4/7?
Initial post claims only tech avail is 90s cell phone, and 06 laptop (though other posts you've made state you bought a laptop recently; and sought tech help).
Can't take this post seriously with obvious contradictions.
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At least you get no gifts (from your parents). I wish I was that lucky. I get gifts that are vague afterthoughts. I would rather have nothing.
I'm 18 and last year I got a RC car, this year I got a RC helicopter. What the hell? This crap is useless. They know my interests and yet they give this crap I'll never use.
Oh and on my birthday it's worse.
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On December 28 2012 14:05 iTzSnypah wrote:
At least you get no gifts (from your parents). I wish I was that lucky. I get gifts that are vague afterthoughts. I would rather have nothing.
I'm 18 and last year I got a RC car, this year I got a RC helicopter. What the hell? This crap is useless. They know my interests and yet they give this crap I'll never use.
Oh and on my birthday it's worse.
oh shit sry dude lol, don't worry im sure your family loves you
@OP you shouldn't weigh your parents love on whether or not they buy you good gifts, it should be based on other things, if you are just venting about how u don't get anything on christmas well im sure there's a huge club you can join because you are certainly not the only one
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The problem here is that your parents have found a cop out that suits them as to why you should receive less. The issue isn't christmas, the issue is that your parents have found a hole to dig themselves into in order to dodge the question of material gifts when they need to awkwardly dodge it and allow themselves to get what they want when they want it. I'm not saying theya are bad people, but they are human, and humans do things like this because they want something that otherwise they couldn't get. I think the thing here is to ask yourself
- What do I want
- When do I want it by
- Is what I want worth the turmoil that this coming conversation could cause (allllllliteration)
if it is, then do so. If not, I want you to realize that it is ok to ask for presents when you need them, especially if you have a good case for it; important! -> remember that when you ask for a luxury good, it is rarely something you need unless it is at a discounted price (this is because luxury goods make life easier but don't enable certain activities with rare exception). I feel for you OP. I've gotten terrible gifts for Channukah for years, but Channukah isn't about gifts (actually we are supposed to gamble and give money) so I'm all good.
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my family stopped the gift-stuff yome years ago.
we are all grown up and no1 wnts to fight his way through the crowds in the citeis to look for presents.
so we came up with some ideas:
1) trash-gifts (more or less)
we pick a letter from the ABC, lets say P, and all the gifts we took from our stash have to start with that letter.
can be really funny, esp when you try to dodge the letter-rule by calling items in a different way (snow = crytal water)
2) upcycling
sounds cheesy but is really awesome.
pick some old stuff and try to build it into sth useful.
its a challenge to your own creativity and the results can be really awesome.
check google for upcycling-communities and pictures.
from my experience, this 2 ways are much more fun than anykind of presents.
maybe the joy when you receive a real present is bigger in the first few moments, but usually the other gifts are more useful in the long run.
if you apply this to very young kids it might help to prevent them to be spoiled and see xmas as a gift-mas.
(for me as an atheist, xmas is no religoius event, its about the family, come together again and have lots of fun, good food and some nice days before all of us scatter over whole germany again)
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In my personal opinion, yea your parents are misguided and/or selfish. Some people are like that, sadly.
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You do seem like an entitled brat, no offense.
I can give you a million reasons why you shouldn't feel that way. And I can relate, because I grew up in an Asian background as well.
I don't honestly don't understand anyone who is confirming your belief that you are entitled to get nice things from your parents just because they can afford it. I think they are leading you down the wrong road.
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Gift-giving, in the wrong kind of family, can become a proxy war where monetary gift value becomes an expression of superiority and the act of giving lavish posessions completely displaces affection or closeness.
Your parents are right.
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in addition to the other statements,
when you get a gift, you will value it in a different way.
when you _earn_ sth you will notice its real value.
monetary and personal value...
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Fatfail,
You seem rather confused based on your post. Specifically you seem to equate the lack of gifts on holidays and special occasions to some how mean your parents don’t love you as much as they did when you were younger. Their rationalizations that other people give gifts to buy their children's love or to avoid them while it makes sense, it lacks empathy and is a over generalization.
“Do I have the right to be pissed with my parents for not giving me shit?” – Your parents lack of empathy towards you is causing you to be angry. You have the right to feel whatever you want to feel. The question is will you feel guilty afterwards. There is a lot of “pop” psychology books on the market these days that equate the lack of meeting early childhood development needs to later adult dysfunction. Specifically in your situation, you are at the stage where you are learning to develop intimacy.
As some people pointed out, it is time to assert yourself and determine what you really need and ask for it, or ask for help getting it. I got a lot of my parents older technology and learn to use it and repair it when it broke. Since it seems you are more envious of your dads technology, why not assist him with his purchases, reading of the instructions, and helping him repair and maintain his technology?
You are also at the point where you should explore what intimacy means, specifically in your culture and in other cultures. You might have to do some research and it could be the basis for a senior high school project. If you think this is a bit touchy feely, it is, but a lot of todays successful journalist and artist explore cultural differences and how it affects them and others.
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Yes, you have no right to be angry over not getting gifts. It just makes no sense to be angry in that situation unless they promised you gifts and you didn't get them (an entirely different story). Even if you give out gifts and get nothing in return, you still have no right to be angry. It seems like they don't gift out of principle, which means even if you gift them, they're probably not going to reciprocate (do it anyways). If so, fair enough! Learn to live without luxury items - and even better, learn not to compare yourself with others.
Xunzi says: "The superior man is serious about what lies in himself and does not desire what comes from heaven. The inferior man neglects what is in himself and desires what comes from heaven."
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On December 28 2012 13:58 metbull wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2012 13:22 Loser777 wrote:I've seen this happen, but I haven't experienced it for myself (way too spoiled). I would say it's perfectly acceptable to want shit and if I were in your position I would try to get a source of income asaply. EDIT: I noticed that this blog entry directly contradicts an older one:
I've been using an ipod touch 4g to listen to music, play games, and check my email for a while. I'm relatively satisfied with it, but the recent introduction of a plethora of well priced devices from google has prompted me to possibly upgrade. I'd like to first note that I'm too cheap to buy a data plan, if I get anything it will be used with only wifi. Considering I can sell the itouch for 130 dollars, a 300 dollar nexus 4 would cost me only 170! A nexus 7 would only be 70 dollars! So I'm essentially deciding between a nexus 4, a nexus 7, or not upgrading. The nexus 4 is amazing, but I feel like 8gb is kind of small and might not suite my needs. I have an 8 gb ipod touch, but I've pretty much filled it up and would like a bit more memory. The 16gb one is a bit expensive. ): The nexus 7 is at an amazing price point, and it is a lot more functional than the ipod touch. However, do you think I can listen to music on it while walking to school? It might be too unwieldy at 7 inches. If only google made a cheap phablet with expandable storage. Judging from the usage I've described, do any of you guys have a suggest? Do any if you guys have any experience with the nexus 4/7?
Initial post claims only tech avail is 90s cell phone, and 06 laptop (though other posts you've made state you bought a laptop recently; and sought tech help). Can't take this post seriously with obvious contradictions.
My mother confiscated my ipod. Additionally, my dad uses my laptop to run some software at his work so I basically only get to use it on weekends. -_-
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On December 28 2012 22:35 guN-viCe wrote:
In my personal opinion, yea your parents are misguided and/or selfish. Some people are like that, sadly.
On December 29 2012 00:14 jacosajh wrote:
You do seem like an entitled brat, no offense.
I can give you a million reasons why you shouldn't feel that way. And I can relate, because I grew up in an Asian background as well.
I don't honestly don't understand anyone who is confirming your belief that you are entitled to get nice things from your parents just because they can afford it. I think they are leading you down the wrong road.
Wow, thanks for the diverse responses. See, this is why I'm so confused. Some people say, "Yeah, you deserve better." while others say "No, they have already given you enough." Eastern vs western cultural differences? I'm really not sure what to believe.
And to jacosajh:
I think you are a bit too accusatory. I don't receive gifts and I don't ask for gifts, I merely ask if it would reasonable for me to expect things, and you accuse me of being an entitled brat? Seems a bit unfounded. However, I see where you are coming from. You say there are a million reasons why I shouldn't feel that way. I agree, but isn't it also possible to find a million reasons why I should? Just trying to be objective here.
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Consequently, my material possessions are pretty dilapidated. While my peer's annual gifts have increased in value, mine have decreased. Now my peers have iphones, luxury vehicles, expensive apple computers, and luxury clothes yet I have few if any of these items.and....
I have a bicycle that weighs well in excess of 40 lbs as my transportation, some sort of 90's nokia phone as my communications device, and a 2006 laptop which acts as my portable mp3 player.
However, my family is certainly not destitute. They themselves have nice stuff. My mother has a plethora of luxury handbags. They own countless apple devices and my dad is contemplating the purchase of a 5000 dollar bicycle.
This leads to my psychological dilemma. Do I have the right to be pissed with my parents for not giving me shit?
Really? you have a place to sleep, food to put in your mouth, a place to piss and shit that doesn't double as your bed, etc.
IMO, there is nothing to be confused about. There is no reason to be pissed off at your parents. Unless there is some kind of intentional abuse/taunting somewhere that you aren't telling us about (i.e. your parents bought a sibling a Mercedes and got you a used skateboard) Like I said, I grew up just like you (probably "worse") but now I feel I am better for it. Meanwhile, most of my friends who grew up getting nice gifts (in my day I guess they Timberlands, Cellicas, Tiffany's, etc.) still living with their parents with no real direction. Not saying this is what always happens, but I think there is a real correlation.
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EPT
