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Well, let me try to explain this word,
I think I, and many TL visitors among me have an overdose of "geldingsdrang"
I know it's a dutch word. But I cannot find the proper translation.
When I google it I get translations like ambition, which to me is something very different.
I hope one of the dutch readers can give me a proper english synonym.
It's somewhere between being voicing your opinion, feel neglected, feeling like you are right.
Often I think I'm smart, hey I'm 38 years old. I finished my bachelor degree in computer science.
Have a 100k/Year job and feeling confident in that department.
But frankly often I feel very stupid.
When I was 10-16 I looked to my dad that as that omnipotent, all knowing, being.
He was 30 when he got me
When I was 10 I didn't know anything but my dad know eveyrthing.
I'm 38 and I don't know shit.
When he was 30, he knew even less. But he got a child
When you get a child things change.
The child becomes no1 and you will become no2. And you will start lying to your child, because you love your child and don't want him/her to know about all the shit that exist in this world yet.
Your child comes first.
I'm not sure if I want that and on the other hand , sometimes I'd love to change myself, stop being myself, and change to become that model citizen eveyrone expects me to be in hope of enlarging my chances to find the woman that's like me. I know she exisit, I just think there is a big problem for nerdwomen(I <3 U) and nerds to find eachother.
I'm at that stage of my life where I really I want to become number 2, starting to get anoyed with my bachelor/solo life, to devote my life to a child.
But yeah, you cannot do that alone, at least not as a male.
And I'm a single 38 year old nerd.
No girl wants me because:
- I'm fat
- I'm ugly
- I'm a nerd
I can only try to change the first one and I did often but it seems it wasn't enough.
I might be:
creative: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=373203
but also annoying ( search for my comments)
Grubby said something a while ago really got me thinking.
When you meet the one proper for you and you for her, that eventually you both will change and become more relaxed and it doesn't matter anymore who's right and wrong etc.
I'd love to have that.
But when I go to a forum and someone posts something I don't agree with I reply and eventually it will turn in something nasty that I didn't want at all, like a flamewar.
How do I change myself I wonder, I really want but I'm not sure how.
 
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192 Posts
You need a woman, but what would a woman want you for?
Well for starters, you are a smart guy. You finished your bachelors degree and you make 6 figures a year. You might want to start working out if you think you are fat/ugly. Working out will increase confidence in yourself and will also keep your body healthy.
You are a nerd because you do like to be on the internet? Well everyone uses the internet. It would be weird not to use it to be honest.
It can always be better and it can always be worse
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That Grubby speech was awesome! "It's no longer about being right". It got me thinking as well.
No girl wants me because:
- I'm fat
- I'm ugly
- I'm a nerd
None of those are valid reasons not to like someone. I think that if you're honest, kind and considerate, then the right girl will come knocking. So stop holding grudges, start seeing other people's motives. Be friendly to the people at the Albert Heijn. Stuff like that makes anyone a better person. And then when you least expect it, you'll meet someone.
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On December 27 2012 09:33 _fool wrote:That Grubby speech was awesome! "It's no longer about being right". It got me thinking as well. None of those are valid reasons not to like someone. I think that if you're honest, kind and considerate, then the right girl will come knocking. So stop holding grudges, start seeing other people's motives. Be friendly to the people at the Albert Heijn. Stuff like that makes anyone a better person. And then when you least expect it, you'll meet someone.
I disagree that being fat is a not a valid reason to not like someone. Most of the time, that was brought on by the person's personal choice, maybe conditioned by his surroundings and upbringing, but nevertheless something he can make it worse or better.
My opinion? How about you start losing some weight, start exercising, and eat better? Easier said than done I know, but if you're feeling like shit like you said in the OP, then you have plenty of incentives and motivation. More likely or not, the less fat you are, the less uglier you'd get as well. Not only that, but as you become more fit and in shape, you'll gain more confidence talking and interacting with other people and have higher self-esteem such that you'll be proud to be a nerd.
So what did I just give you? A solution to solve all those problems by giving an obvious solution to solve one of the problems.
Bad news is that it's initially hard to try and lose weight, especially without seeing progress for a few weeks, but as you actually see and feel the progress, there's really no stopping. The good news is that YOU have the choice to make that change. You can decide to keep being fat, ugly, and feel ashamed to be a nerd, or you can start working out, losing weight, become naturally less ugly, have confidence in yourself, and be proud to be a nerd.
As for flame-inciting comments, once your real life gets better and healthier, you won't give a shit about Team Liquid too much to be annoying.
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Im not sure what geldingsdrang has to do with your situation.
Anyway, as has been said, start working out man. You can stay like this with this mindset and get into an endless downward spiral of convincing yourself you can´t do it. Or you can say ´no I dont want to live the rest of my life like this´, change your situation and find yourself a woman. There are lonely women at all ages and I´ve seen the worst kinds of people be in loving relationships. Why would you waste the rest of your life alone when you can do something about it now?
I'm having trouble to find the right words here but what it boils down to is: do whatever you can, adopt a positive mindset and try to live the rest of your life optimally. Anyone can find a woman at any age, so go look for her!
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The proper translation would be Geltungsdrang :D
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read your text. Didn't understand a word. Aren't you dutchies meant to be direct
Point is, it is hard for me to give tips or advice, because I don't know what your goals are. Do you want to change your ways a bit, or do you want to stay as you are?
Overall, it seems you are more on the change side, but it is still hard to find out in which area: Physical appearance, attitudes etc.
Can you be a bit more specific without writing an irritating text
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On December 27 2012 09:33 _fool wrote:
That Grubby speech was awesome! "It's no longer about being right". It got me thinking as well.
It's actually quite logical, if you think about it. Relationships, and even friendships are based on compromise.
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EPT
