no intro, let's just write The sense of value has always been something I've strived for since living my own. Whether in school, work or whatever I'm doing. I always enjoy the feeling of being valued, that feeling that I've impressed someone enough for them to return a sentiment of good will. My own giddiness will keep me high in the air and going for months just knowing someone reached out and said: "hey, like your stuff good job". Six words and I'm good for days, stuffed with glee and the feeling of being worth something (in a society that can barely account for the potential of its many citizens).
But that feeling is like electrotherapy. The feeling lasts for awhile, we glide for a month before we seek new ways to really improve ourselves, to hit that high once more, but to get it from more people. And so I try, I do something else where I can stand back and say "yes, this will definitely do" and I'll drag some people to see it, they'll give me their words of acceptance, sincere or not, and I'll go on my merry way.
Now imagine me doing that for the past 5-6 years. You do it first with your parents and as you grow to resent them, you try with your teachers and professors. Soon after you start to fall in line with everyone else, discarding them like used napkins. You move on to your friends, classmates, acquaintances. You don't get quite the reception you hoped for: "Why would you do all that for free?".
Why would I do all that for free? Someone lately has been really pushing the rationale of enjoying the process. Of doing something because you like doing it and for me; it still cannot compute. I enjoy cooking, I enjoy writing and I enjoy managing a team of people to accomplish something. If it doesn't meet my standards, if it fails to really reach what I expected or if we cut corners due to time constraints, I only challenge myself to try again and really hit that high-score of impressiveness. To me, enjoy the process comes with the attachment that the end will meet an equal conclusion of how much effort we put in into building that and if that doesn't happen then there is a flaw in the process and not necessarily a flaw in how I see the whole concept.
But that's where we disagree and although I can see his point, the whole idea is lost on me. I feel egotistical, selfish and downright self-centered for being unhappy with the level of reception not meeting my self-inflated view of what I deserve. If my process isn't flawed and my approach towards presenting said product or service isn't flawed, why isn't the acceptance of said piece reaching its utmost congratulations?
I could just blame the audience, but then that means I cannot improve somewhere and it also means contributing to a community that only likes certain things, rather than broadening their interests into something more concrete. It's a bit of lost battle because if the audience only likes movies and you're trying to get them into books, you definitely can't do it alone.
But when it comes to promoting your book and interesting that community, you are pretty much alone. What I realize is that people will be with you all the way to the end, but at the end, it's just you and what you have to offer. Why would they risk their reputation, what they built probably on their own or with other friends for something you have that would only help you? It's not necessarily self-centered but it comes back to the idea that when it comes to your stuff, it's how you show it and not by who its affiliated by.
It reminds me of my piece about the thin corridors of new content: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=379416. It's actually not bad, albeit a bit long to get to the damn point. Within that we can see that new content that isn't affiliated with something that is the old or comfortable, often gets lost or forgotten rather quickly. This is nothing new and it certainly isn't with StarCraft/E-Sports (happens everywhere without a doubt). Response was ironically low haha.
When I think about enjoying the process, it reminds me of my father. Ton of years of schooling for his education, traveling and all that jazz. Now he does cardiology and whenever I ask him if he loves the job, he tells me of course and that he loves meeting people.
I try to apply this to whatever I'm doing and it really helps me grow to appreciate how I can apply my abilities into doing the things I like. I like how I can write a bazillion words right now to describe these conflicted feelings about nothing but a mere disagreement between two friends on the concept of "enjoying the process" and "ignoring the end-result or quantifiable ways to gauge one's valued work". I can see that, I can see how there's a moment when I am taking the steps back to really see my work and go: "I did this, me.", but then it switches to: "People will love this and will really recognize me as more than just a chatty guy on an internet forum". The idea of always proving yourself to others is a losing battle as one because you can't beat word of mouth and you certainly can prove everyone about the right qualities of yourself without losing yourself in translation. I can do XYZ, but people will always selectively choose to remember me the most by. I'll have to live with that and I suppose that's why the concept of appreciating the process is just much more therapeutic than constantly setting yourself up to be let-down when things don't go your way.
Seeing life as a row of dominoes, just means a lot of trial and errors to ultimately just realize that whatever you can do, should be done, leading to: "I'm done". Setting footprints in the sand hoping you can look back on it will only just have your feet wet of disappointments and a forgotten list of things you tried to do (and the little mark they leave after the tide rolls in).
If we appreciate only the process how will people know we're unhappy with the results? Can't we enjoy both? Naturally I'm enjoying the process no one will hear me talk about it. If I'm not enjoying the results, that will probably come up more often (Let's take writing for example: I enjoy writing, that's done. I post the piece and it gets a few hits, not enough to satisfy me - how do I convey that dislike?). If we're enjoying solely the process while ignoring the results, what happens when I run out of processes or work to do and the results are lackluster to continue new routes or provide me new opportunities (with lack of results comes lack of effects towards your reputation and thus less notability and thus less likelihood of future opportunities/work?).
I've learned that comparison and complaining are bad, but voicing them also helps push towards the urgency of letting others know of my self-disappointment and desire to improve. That's where I'm at right now, I want to complain, but I'm aware that complaining is just self-destructive. I'm also aware complaining leads others to no longer be interested in talking to me, because it just becomes resolving problems about me, which isn't part of everyone's interest. How do you maintain relationships while garnering opinions and advice for problems?
It's hard to gauge your message but, is this more about whether or not you are deriving existential value and judgement on the basis of how you measure existential value. Or is it about personal appreciation and practical actions to undertake?
I think your feelings are understandable and I'm wishing for you to find out that if you shift your values away from opinions and confirmation it's easier to feel better and more satisfied with yourself, which is what you deserve. What seems most logical to me is that if you do something for yourself out of a fleeting need then you will never search any kind of appreciation, you just do it until you are done. If you do something for others all you have to do is understand what they want and give it to them. Any kind of middle ground could eventually dent the satisfaction given by the end result. Anyway I find your considerations useful to understand people and myself better. Thanks for writing your thoughts.
On December 19 2012 11:32 aTnClouD wrote: I think your feelings are understandable and I'm wishing for you to find out that if you shift your values away from opinions and confirmation it's easier to feel better and more satisfied with yourself, which is what you deserve. What seems most logical to me is that if you do something for yourself out of a fleeting need then you will never search any kind of appreciation, you just do it until you are done. If you do something for others all you have to do is understand what they want and give it to them. Any kind of middle ground could eventually dent the satisfaction given by the end result. Anyway I find your considerations useful to understand people and myself better. Thanks for writing your thoughts.
Take this guy that I quoted. He spends his days hoisting towels with his dong. Before he could only lift light towels, but now he can lift huge, heavy towels. Everyone is impressed. Do you think he cares? No, why? Because at the end of the day, he feels good knowing he spent his time hoisting towels.
Jokes aside, I agree with your friend. I was actually going to write a blog about the exact opposite opinion to yours, but then I had a discussion with a friend and that helped me get over my feelings (bascally I wanted to know how to proove my point to other ppl). Think about it this way. Reflect on the past 5 years of your life, what do you remember? When I did this, all I remembered were the emotions I felt in general, so remembered one year as a yr I felt like crap cuz I wasnt enjoying myself, and another as a good year cuz I was. Also, when your 90 lying down in your death bed, will you remember what other ppl thought of you? No, you will remember what you felt like when you were living your life and then will decide whether it was a life well lived (im getting out of newspapers and stuff, cuz i aint 90).
On December 19 2012 11:32 aTnClouD wrote: I think your feelings are understandable and I'm wishing for you to find out that if you shift your values away from opinions and confirmation it's easier to feel better and more satisfied with yourself, which is what you deserve. What seems most logical to me is that if you do something for yourself out of a fleeting need then you will never search any kind of appreciation, you just do it until you are done. If you do something for others all you have to do is understand what they want and give it to them. Any kind of middle ground could eventually dent the satisfaction given by the end result. Anyway I find your considerations useful to understand people and myself better. Thanks for writing your thoughts.
Take this guy that I quoted. He spends his days hoisting towels with his dong. Before he could only lift light towels, but now he can lift huge, heavy towels. Everyone is impressed. Do you think he cares? No, why? Because at the end of the day, he feels good knowing he spent his time hoisting towels.
at the end of the day, he feels good knowing his penis is longer
edit: ok so i dont want my post to be one of those troll joke posts, so
On December 19 2012 10:41 Torte de Lini wrote: I've learned that comparison and complaining are bad, but voicing them also helps push towards the urgency of letting others know of my self-disappointment and desire to improve. That's where I'm at right now, I want to complain, but I'm aware that complaining is just self-destructive. I'm also aware complaining leads others to no longer be interested in talking to me, because it just becomes resolving problems about me, which isn't part of everyone's interest. How do you maintain relationships while garnering opinions and advice for problems?
ive found that i can complain as much as i want, and the people who are stay with me are my true friends.
I've learned that comparison and complaining are bad, but voicing them also helps push towards the urgency of letting others know of my self-disappointment and desire to improve. That's where I'm at right now, I want to complain, but I'm aware that complaining is just self-destructive. I'm also aware complaining leads others to no longer be interested in talking to me, because it just becomes resolving problems about me, which isn't part of everyone's interest. How do you maintain relationships while garnering opinions and advice for problems?
Comparing yourself to others can give great impetus for change, though be wary of the deification/personality cult type of thinking.
I spent a long time trying to find value...from what could I derive value? how could I make my life have value, realizing the fact that there are so many powerful and determined people in the world? Well, just knowing that I want to be better keeps me going, and makes me believe there's possibility at improving my life.
Why not look at both the process and the outcome, as you have? They both may serve as momentum for the other.
In the end it is only your cold, steely determination that will get you anywhere and keep you there for your life. Be it the process of getting to your goal, or the goal's fruits themselves, you have to remind yourself you have to do this. Nothing can stop you.
Some people can will this, at will. Some find it harder, illogical and unreasonable to flip face from something that seems so undeniable. The ultimate lesson to learn from "enjoy the process" is to not over think things. Get into the groove, let your fantasies come out to play. With your craft of writing, you must not let the critics get to you. A person leading their life in the will of another is a terrible loss of a life. And who knows, mobs of angry people have been wrong before, and so too may the critics be. And that is where you will derive value: from your own knowledge of what is good. Though you should take in any warm sentiments and supportive compliments that come your way. The mind is susceptible to social pressure; let it be used to your advantage.
Sometimes I can't keep it going though, so I just let it all slide and slip into a muse, with some music
The best way to seek value is to surround yourself with people who's life is a series of seeing things they want personally, then getting them, then appreciating it. The feeling is infectious.
EPT
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