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The IPL5 Finals were good times in Vegas. I got to see a bunch of friends, check out the city, and even watch a few games (I don't usually have the opportunity to sit down and watch games, because I'm working in one capacity or the other, doing interviews, arranging get togethers, etc...) I even made a little money off of roulette with my buds, Kibbs and Gen (Livinpink). This post is not about IPL5 though. This post is about some misconceptions that have been brought to my attention about girls in esports, along with questions on how to prevent a bad reputation.
Edit: Thanks for the suggestions to those who posted replies. A few of you summed it up well with "it's like high school" ~ I choose to ignore a lot of crap, but this particular subject was bugging me so I felt I had to blog about it. I definitely don't feel like a "victim" but I know that some of the girls do, and I'm looking for constructive feedback. Thanks.
Now, I can't speak for all the other girls out there, but I can speak for myself and my close friends. There is a notion that all girls who hang out with the players/casters/etc... at events, are sleeping around. Why? Because that's what it LOOKS like? Because we like to believe what we don't know? Because humans enjoy drama? Wtf?
Keep these things in mind when reading:
-Not all the same people go to every event.
-Not all the same people work for the same organizations all the time since they're contracted.
-Some people go to enjoy the event, and have to get their own accommodations.
-Rooms are OFTEN split between many people, and are co-ed.
-Sometimes people travel together if they are from the same region.
-There are still more guys than girls in the community.
I'm a bit salty, and here's why: Over the weekend, at a get-together, a [untrue] rumor regarding the last tournament accommodations, was started about me and one of my guy friends who is a name in the community. It was based solely that we shared a hotel suite (with other people). That's not so bad right? If it had stopped there, and one of us was there to defend the actual truth, then no, it would not have been so bad, but here's where it went further: My other friend, who told me about this rumor, was staying with me on this particular trip (in a room with three other people), and was at the get-together where the aforementioned rumor originated. He got questioned if I was sleeping with him now too. (Too? Wtf? The first rumor wasn't true, now there's another one? Wtf wtf wtf?) I'm thankful that he defended my honour, and told the truth in that's not the case, but the people who asked him still don't believe him. So, in the eyes of THAT group of people, who were there, I'm getting a reputation for sleeping around, and I'm sure that at least one or two people in that group have told others elsewhere... Great, just the reputation I want.
By the way, I have ONE love, who I completely respect and cherish, and I have absolutely NO desire to 'get with' anyone else at events (or anywhere).
If there's anything I really REALLY despise, it's when I get accused of stuff that isn't true. MOSTLY because I've always made a point to NOT do stuff like that, NOT sleep around, NOT do drugs, and NOT to be "that girl" who uses guys for popularity by association.
These accusations and rumors have been the case for a few of my close friends as well, and I know that they aren’t true, because I KNOW the girls with whom I'm good friends.
Here's our dilemma: Look at the esports community. Though slowly balancing out, it's still comprised of a mostly male population. We girls, who enjoy gaming and watching games, we girls who are on teams, conduct interviews, produce community-related content, and so on, often find it difficult to make friends who are females who share similar interests AND can get to events, so we naturally befriend guys, travel with guys, hang out with guys, and often share room costs with guy friends. I know it's really hard to believe that a girl and guy can hang out without lusting after each other, but in my case, as well as my friends' cases, that's the reality. Of course, only WE know for sure what we are doing and not doing, since it's like the tree-making-a-sound-in-the-empty-forest analogy, but I'm pretty disgusted with the assumptions that “if she's hanging out with him, she must be sleeping with him (or at least leading him to believe she will)”. ← personally, my friends are mostly brother-zoned, which is even 'worse' than friend-zoned, and they know they're brother-zoned.
The Questions: I love this community, and I love my roles in it as a community manager / coordinator / interviewer / etc... , but I really am disgusted by untrue rumors. So, ladies and gentlemen, what do we girls do? Do we segregate ourselves from our friends, and somehow make money appear in our bank accounts to pay full price for private hotel rooms (because normally there are several people splitting the cost of hotels so they can ALL enjoy the event inexpensively, and yes, they are usually co-ed rooms)? Should we just quit attending events all together? HOW do we girls go about proving that we aren't the 'esports hos' people make us out to be? Especially those of us who have boyfriends, fiancees, significant others who we love- who can't be present at the event? What about the single girls who aren't 'looking'? What CAN we do to prove we're not 'that girl' that we get rumored to be?
PS Before the comments on dresses begin to flow, some of us just LIKE dressing up.
  
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Rets girlfriend (ex maybe?) probably just ruined it for you other girls by actually sleeping around with guys at tournaments  I definitely don't think you or any other girl are sluts that sleep with everyone in esports lol. But I do think that a lot of girls in esports are only in their positions because they are girls. Not that they aren't good at their job, but they get extra attention from the community because they are a girl and that extra attention makes it easier for them to be picked up by a team or other organization.
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eSports really is like high school.
Not much you can do except keep your head up and keep doing what you love. In time, people get to know who you are and realize that a bunch of people talk a lot.
Even if there was a great deal of girls in eSports, many would still be subjected to this kind of treatment.
So forget everyone else. If people treat you different or don't give you the proper chance, then they're the idiots and it's their loss. Yea, the process sucks and ultimately you're left as the victim, but the best you can do is to not let it get to you.
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Brandi Ily long time and stuff, but here's a reality check.
Facts:
-People lie.
-People like to twist stories.
-Guys like to boast about things and knowing people, they may lie about said things.
-In a community where males are predominantly spending most of their time indoors because they're playing video games (which there's nothing wrong with, at all. As long as you take some Vitamin D supplements, cause you need that stuff....and it comes from the sun otherwise), women will always be looked at primarily as an option to get with a girl who shares your interests.
So, of course ludicrous rumors will come out here and again. People will warp or lie to make themselves sound more interesting or look "better" in the eyes of others. As LittleAtari said, eSports is like high school. Everyone wants to know about everyone, all the rumours, all the news, all the stuff happening.
If you think of a eSports event as a highschool party, you get to see all these cool little connections and similarities. A bunch of stuff usually happens, and if something didn't happen things are speculated about etc.
As for what you can do Brandi, be forward about shit yo. Take yourself out of the game, say you have a boyfriend, say you're not looking for anyone, take it to the extreme and say you're only into girls.
If you stop wearing dresses though I will be a sad man =(
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lol why care what some 80 IQ caveman thinks about you? :D
your friends know who you really are, there is not enough time to worry about the other 7 billion people 
"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people."
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You care too much about your reputation, it sounds like something similar to why pros and casters really dont post on the forums; there's too much shit everywhere.
And if it makes you feel better, it's probally all just an indication that they wish you did so, so they had a chance at you.
All in all you can sum my "advice" or "opinion" to rather than growing thicker skin, you shouldnt care that much about your reputation as long as yours friends (read: people you care about) know what is really up
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A big bunch of guys in esports are nerds of the kind "socially akward with zero experience with women", one can't do much else than expect them to come up with dumb shit like this. Don't let it get to you, the people you care about won't think less of you because some people have delusions about what you do.
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Can someone explain what this is in reference to?
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I just hope the majority of people hearing these rumours are smart enough not to believe everything that's said. If they aren't; I mainly just feel sorry for them. There's more interesting things to discuss than who slept with who and stuff like that... you're spending your time and thought on those things, and I think most people recognize that. Keep doing what you do!
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Not a problem with Esports, it is a problem of mankind.
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Maybe I'm not following the scene closely enough, but what the heck is this even about?
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On December 05 2012 21:15 synapse wrote:
Maybe I'm not following the scene closely enough, but what the heck is this even about?
People who attend events in North America and work with behind the scenes stuff, I guess? It just seems like a long rant that can be TL;DR'd as " Some people were saying untrue things about me because I'm a girl, I don't like it, please stop. "
Doesn't affect the part of the scene most people care about, which is the games and the players. I don't have any idea who this person is although she says she does media coverage and interviews, maybe I'm not paying close enough attention either.
I mean, there's this talk about a " reputation " and such but who are these people who are talking shit and why are they important? Just seems like highschool drama between fans of the game and NA semi-pros.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51490 Posts
Yeah post nailed it on the head;
E-Sports is turning into a fucking high school bitch-a-thon. Such a joke that when "girls/women" get involved into a community all of a sudden there is a "she slept with him" "he slept with her" rumours throwing around and generally bitchiness hits the scene.
Ask yourself this, if you did not go to the events, would these rumours have started....
Bottom line for me is, girls bring trouble, specially to a scene where generally most of the males there are not experienced with the way this worked in high school as they were the outsiders to this game. The one were rumours pop up everyday at school of "omg guess what, x slept with y last night" etcetc and its spiralling out of control and causing people 1. to judge and 2. get emotional.
My final point,
Ask yourself this, is this good for the "e-sports" scene, to have girls bitching (or even guys) about who has slept with who, and not talking about SC2, or LOL/DOTA/COD/HALO etcetc?
On December 05 2012 21:49 khaydarin9 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2012 18:15 aike wrote:Rets girlfriend (ex maybe?) probably just ruined it for you other girls by actually sleeping around with guys at tournaments I definitely don't think you or any other girl are sluts that sleep with everyone in esports lol. But I do think that a lot of girls in esports are only in their positions because they are girls. Not that they aren't good at their job, but they get extra attention from the community because they are a girl and that extra attention makes it easier for them to be picked up by a team or other organization. Unfortunately, this is the mindset that seems to perpetuate the problem: people refuse to respect girls in the community because they think they have only gotten to where they are by virtue of being female -> girls in the community get trash talked -> community gains reputation for being hostile towards girls -> fewer girls wanting to make their presence in the community -> girls become a novelty because of their rarity. I guess I think that too much of a deal is always being made out of who is perceived to "deserve" what, but that's a whole dissertation in itself. I don't see why, if a team signs a new player, we can't just be excited for that player, instead of poking at issues of "does he/she deserve it?" or "there are so many other people who are more deserving [for whatever reason]". There's too much delegitimising of people's achievements made under the banner of "fairness" that actually doesn't achieve anything except to be malicious.
But...No one knew anything about the shit that was just wrote in this blog..the people who knew about this were the people "involved" in the bitching AT the event. I wouldn't even go as far as saying it was the crowd, i'd say it was more like the crew of IPL5 and the friends of the crew? i guess, along with the "press" side of it.
I look at it as the "inner circle" of E-Sports who tarnish the scene. We just finally got rid of Jessica and her control powers of SlayerS i don't want more shit like this coming out because girls are bitchy and nerds don't know how to act socially around girls!
Also what happend to theres no smoke without fire.....
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On December 05 2012 18:15 aike wrote:Rets girlfriend (ex maybe?) probably just ruined it for you other girls by actually sleeping around with guys at tournaments I definitely don't think you or any other girl are sluts that sleep with everyone in esports lol. But I do think that a lot of girls in esports are only in their positions because they are girls. Not that they aren't good at their job, but they get extra attention from the community because they are a girl and that extra attention makes it easier for them to be picked up by a team or other organization.
Unfortunately, this is the mindset that seems to perpetuate the problem: people refuse to respect girls in the community because they think they have only gotten to where they are by virtue of being female -> girls in the community get trash talked -> community gains reputation for being hostile towards girls -> fewer girls wanting to make their presence in the community -> girls become a novelty because of their rarity. I guess I think that too much of a deal is always being made out of who is perceived to "deserve" what, but that's a whole dissertation in itself. I don't see why, if a team signs a new player, we can't just be excited for that player, instead of poking at issues of "does he/she deserve it?" or "there are so many other people who are more deserving [for whatever reason]". There's too much delegitimising of people's achievements made under the banner of "fairness" that actually doesn't achieve anything except to be malicious.
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The question you should ask yourself is not " Why do morons think I am a slut ? " but " Why do I care about what people think of my sexuality ? ". You cannot control what people will say, but you can control what you think about yourself.
Aside from that you have no idea how this was common a few years ago with between the CS Men and Women community. And it happens in a whole lot of different domain, it's just a consequence of social interactions; some people are jealous and envious, other misunderstands the situation, while many just love gossips because it brings everyone closer.
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Rumors are never started without some type of reason. I'm not saying such things are justified, but people start putting pieces together, through:
- What style the girl has in terms of fashion, whether gothic, geek, elegant, slutty, etc...
- Who she hangs out with at said event, and how often they're seen together
- The room and occupants of said room
- The actions and perhaps flirtatious interactions with other males
- Activities partaken by the girl, whether through alcohol, parties, bars, etc...
Now, as I said, it's not exactly justified, but someone picked up on something you were doing/have done/will continue to do at events, and that's how it started. Or it could be that some guy just lied and it went from there.
How do you avoid this situation in the future? Eliminating diversity is not really something I'm for, so not attending doesn't really solve anything. But perhaps restraint should be had at events, such as avoiding bad situations involving alcohol, or people you've heard gossip regarding, as they are probably partaking in it as well.
And Otolia brings up a good point, because in the Canadian scene, this was also true for the CS guys and girls. The difference being that a lot of it was true, and I can personally attest to that. Seeing people at events brings its own set of feelings and emotions, especially in terms of people that share the same hobby, passion, time and space that you do. Many a relationship occurred in the scene, to the point where relationships were starting, players of both sexes were dating each other, some guys and girls were cheating on their regular spouses at events with players.
I would be hard-pressed to believe that this isn't still happening at SC2, LoL, or any other events. People are who they are, and to be honest, I don't think I've ever met a girl who wasn't "that girl." They can try to pretty it up however they want, but the right conditions eliminate any nice notion I've ever had regarding the situation.
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On December 05 2012 18:15 aike wrote:Rets girlfriend (ex maybe?) probably just ruined it for you other girls by actually sleeping around with guys at tournaments I definitely don't think you or any other girl are sluts that sleep with everyone in esports lol. But I do think that a lot of girls in esports are only in their positions because they are girls. Not that they aren't good at their job, but they get extra attention from the community because they are a girl and that extra attention makes it easier for them to be picked up by a team or other organization.
WTF? I've never heard of this. Any source?
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51490 Posts
On December 05 2012 22:43 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2012 18:15 aike wrote:Rets girlfriend (ex maybe?) probably just ruined it for you other girls by actually sleeping around with guys at tournaments I definitely don't think you or any other girl are sluts that sleep with everyone in esports lol. But I do think that a lot of girls in esports are only in their positions because they are girls. Not that they aren't good at their job, but they get extra attention from the community because they are a girl and that extra attention makes it easier for them to be picked up by a team or other organization. WTF? I've never heard of this. Any source?
Those threads as u can imagine got shutdown rather fast on TL, try a reddit search (not sure how reddit works, as i don't use it)
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On December 05 2012 22:38 divito wrote:
Rumors are never started without some type of reason. I'm not saying such things are justified, but people start putting pieces together, through:
- What style the girl has in terms of fashion, whether gothic, geek, elegant, slutty, etc...
- Who she hangs out with at said event, and how often they're seen together
- The room and occupants of said room
- The actions and perhaps flirtatious interactions with other males
- Activities partaken by the girl, whether through alcohol, parties, bars, etc...
This is some obvious "blaming the victim" going on. Honestly, unless you're downright retarded, how someone dresses, who they hang out with and if they drink alcohol should have no bearing. Unless you know someone sleeps around, you have no right to claim they do. It's downright lying and delusion on the part of the person making shit up.
"Man, a girl got raped in my neighbourhood yesterday."
"What! That's terrible! What were she wearing?"
"A dress."
"Oh well that says it all, she's obviously a slut and enjoyed it".
Hyperbole, yes, but the basic idea is the same.
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EPT
