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Which is totally cool, by the way. I'm only writing this because I need something to keep me up so I can make it to my 8:00 class for that stupid group presentation I might not have to give until Friday. Text wall incoming.
In my last blog I talked about probably the worst thing that's happened to me since my dad died in '09, which was my roommate losing his shit and trying to kill himself, or something like that. The more I think about it, the more I think he was just trying to scare the shit out of me or "cry for help" or some other stupid shit like that. I mean, he acted all dramatic like he was actually going to do it up until he locked himself in, but then he handed the knife over immediately to my suitemate like he wasn't even going to do it in the first place. But I'm getting off topic.
I guess I'm writing this because, besides needing something to keep me awake, I need an outside opinion on how I could have handled this better and whether or not the way I feel about what happened is right.
So anyways, about two weeks went by after the events of my last blog before I saw him again. One day, without any kind of warning him and his family just walk into my room with a bunch of luggage to take all of his shit out of the room. We made some super awkward small talk and he tells me he got a new phone and needs my number again. So I give it to him and stuff and he's just like "Yeah, i'll call you some time this week to get dinner or something". So all of his shit is gone, and I go on with my life, waiting for a text or call from him. I didn't text or call him back because I thought he said that he got a new number. During this time, my suitemate introduces me to his gigantic Croatian friend Ante, who he is on the basketball team with, and we spend many a night getting drunk at his apartment, which is like 3 minutes walking distance from our dorms. I met a lot of new people and have generally been a lot happier since he left.
But anyways, I'm hanging out at Ante's about 3 weeks later when my phone goes off telling me I have a voicemail message. So I listen to it and it's my roomate's mom bitching me out for not "reaching out to Steve in his time of need". Now, I'm understandably confused because he told me he would contact me sometime soon and three weeks have gone by without a word from him. So I text his old number, which according to his mom is still his current number, and get no response. So I remember skype, and go on skype to see if I can get in touch with him, even though at this point I don't really want to. He removed me as a skype contact. If he won't answer his phone and I can't contact him through skype, I can't contact him at all.
At this point, I don't give a shit anymore. He obviously doesn't want to talk to me anymore, He's going home after this semester to go to community college and he lives far enough away for us to never cross paths accidentally when I'm at home.
I finally told my mom exactly what went down over thanksgiving break, and everything afterwards and she told me she doesn't know what I should do. I honestly think after that night I would have moved out anyways, and our friendship would have pretty much been in the shitter all the same. I don't really ever want to see him again.
We've been best friends since the seventh grade, which is like six or seven years ago, and now I'd be completely fine with never seeing him or hearing mention of him again. After college started, he used to call me a Sociopath all the time and all sorts of stuff like that. I kind of wonder if he's right. I honestly wouldn't go as far as that but I do have a problem with connecting to people or something like that.
I just want to know if I'm an asshole or not. He treated me like shit for the whole month up until that night, and then everyone who I tell that I don't ever want to see him again says that I'm the asshole for not going right back to that shit. None of them know how he treated me and any time I ever tried to explain it to them they acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Am I?
 
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From my perspective it looks like you left things out. Do you have any other close friends near you that would be close enough to tell you their honest opinion? Usually its both people's at fault. Your friend seems really bad at communication. I would not go to assuming sociopath because that's a pretty heavy word to be used.
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You are not an asshole.
Do what makes you happy, his problems are not yours, fuck his mother.
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Your story is actually in some ways similar to something I went through. (Given I haven't read your previous post)
+ Show Spoiler [somewhat long story] +I had an old friend from elementary school (we were both the "new kids" having just moved in to town) who I was super close with up until the beginning of high school. I used to hang out at his house after school then walk home at around 6,7PM (45 minute walk), but it was worth it. All of a sudden, a few months before the end of 8th grade, he stops talking to me. Slowly, all my other friends in our friend group also stopped being their usual friendly selves around me, stopped inviting me over to play games, etc. with no explanation--I can only assume he had something to do with it. Maybe I fucked something up, maybe I'm actually the asshole in the relationship, but so far nobody's told me anything. I know this is very vague but I really have no idea what happened.
We then both attended the same magnet high school, yet still when I spoke with him in person it was as if we were only distantly acquainted. After another few months of trying to talk to him, I eventually just gave up and realized that whatever our friendship had meant before had completely disappeared to him. He didn't want to talk to me, and that's all there really was to it--no reason for me to chase after some abstract concept of persevering friendship. When I tell highschool classmates that the guy used to be my best friend for 4 or 5 years, they're incredibly surprised and ask why I don't just go talk to him again. Well I'm SORRY, I TRIED.
Long story short, I've realized that hanging on to the past for "old times' sake" goes nowhere. If in spite of your long friendship he hasn't contacted you, and you don't feel like continuing to communicate with him, then that's all there is to it.
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On November 28 2012 21:02 pigtheman wrote:
From my perspective it looks like you left things out. Do you have any other close friends near you that would be close enough to tell you their honest opinion? Usually its both people's at fault. Your friend seems really bad at communication. I would not go to assuming sociopath because that's a pretty heavy word to be used.
He was literally my only friend until recently. I didn't feel I needed other friends, we had a good thing going, sort of. I could go on for days about the unmerited smugness that we spent the last 6 years wallowing in.
The only things I "left out" were the argument I had with his mom about how I was waiting for him to contact me and how she thought I should be the one "reaching out", while he was burning bridges left and right. And a whole lot of me trying to forget all about him.
I know sociopath is a really heavy word to use, that's why I don't think I am one. Maybe mildly antisocial or something, I really am not qualified to say.
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On November 28 2012 20:00 Golbat wrote:Which is totally cool, by the way. I'm only writing this because I need something to keep me up so I can make it to my 8:00 class for that stupid group presentation I might not have to give until Friday. Text wall incoming. In my last blog I talked about probably the worst thing that's happened to me since my dad died in '09, which was my roommate losing his shit and trying to kill himself, or something like that. The more I think about it, the more I think he was just trying to scare the shit out of me or "cry for help" or some other stupid shit like that. I mean, he acted all dramatic like he was actually going to do it up until he locked himself in, but then he handed the knife over immediately to my suitemate like he wasn't even going to do it in the first place. But I'm getting off topic. + Show Spoiler +I guess I'm writing this because, besides needing something to keep me awake, I need an outside opinion on how I could have handled this better and whether or not the way I feel about what happened is right.
So anyways, about two weeks went by after the events of my last blog before I saw him again. One day, without any kind of warning him and his family just walk into my room with a bunch of luggage to take all of his shit out of the room. We made some super awkward small talk and he tells me he got a new phone and needs my number again. So I give it to him and stuff and he's just like "Yeah, i'll call you some time this week to get dinner or something". So all of his shit is gone, and I go on with my life, waiting for a text or call from him. I didn't text or call him back because I thought he said that he got a new number. During this time, my suitemate introduces me to his gigantic Croatian friend Ante, who he is on the basketball team with, and we spend many a night getting drunk at his apartment, which is like 3 minutes walking distance from our dorms. I met a lot of new people and have generally been a lot happier since he left.
But anyways, I'm hanging out at Ante's about 3 weeks later when my phone goes off telling me I have a voicemail message. So I listen to it and it's my roomate's mom bitching me out for not "reaching out to Steve in his time of need". Now, I'm understandably confused because he told me he would contact me sometime soon and three weeks have gone by without a word from him. So I text his old number, which according to his mom is still his current number, and get no response. So I remember skype, and go on skype to see if I can get in touch with him, even though at this point I don't really want to. He removed me as a skype contact. If he won't answer his phone and I can't contact him through skype, I can't contact him at all.
At this point, I don't give a shit anymore. He obviously doesn't want to talk to me anymore, He's going home after this semester to go to community college and he lives far enough away for us to never cross paths accidentally when I'm at home.
I finally told my mom exactly what went down over thanksgiving break, and everything afterwards and she told me she doesn't know what I should do. I honestly think after that night I would have moved out anyways, and our friendship would have pretty much been in the shitter all the same. I don't really ever want to see him again.
We've been best friends since the seventh grade, which is like six or seven years ago, and now I'd be completely fine with never seeing him or hearing mention of him again. After college started, he used to call me a Sociopath all the time and all sorts of stuff like that. I kind of wonder if he's right. I honestly wouldn't go as far as that but I do have a problem with connecting to people or something like that.
I just want to know if I'm an asshole or not. He treated me like shit for the whole month up until that night, and then everyone who I tell that I don't ever want to see him again says that I'm the asshole for not going right back to that shit. None of them know how he treated me and any time I ever tried to explain it to them they acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Am I?
I don't know you and its not my place to judge your character or his. But it sounds like... He was a shit head for a month probably for some reason other than you but probably ended up taking some of it out on you because he felt like shit. He had suicidal thoughts and even started acting them out (which is pretty fucking scary). And now you don't ever want to talk to him because he was moody for a month? And was depressed?
Did you ever tell him you didn't like him calling you a sociopath? What made you guys friends in the first place? I am not saying you should do anything now, but you might wanna think about your relationship with him a little more. I don't think you are wrong for acting how you have but I don't have all the information so I am kinda just throwing things out. The thing I do find disturbing about your post is that you make his suicide attempt about you. That seems pretty narcissistic but it doesn't make you a sociopath.
Thats really all I wanted to say. I don't think your an asshole or that you did anything wrong, but if you're thinking about it, maybe you did (trust your instincts). Sometimes not doing something, like calling someone or talking to them seriously, really hurts. Selfish or not, it seems like you guys were really good friends for a number of years : \
Best of luck!
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On November 28 2012 21:49 Wrongspeedy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 28 2012 20:00 Golbat wrote:Which is totally cool, by the way. I'm only writing this because I need something to keep me up so I can make it to my 8:00 class for that stupid group presentation I might not have to give until Friday. Text wall incoming. In my last blog I talked about probably the worst thing that's happened to me since my dad died in '09, which was my roommate losing his shit and trying to kill himself, or something like that. The more I think about it, the more I think he was just trying to scare the shit out of me or "cry for help" or some other stupid shit like that. I mean, he acted all dramatic like he was actually going to do it up until he locked himself in, but then he handed the knife over immediately to my suitemate like he wasn't even going to do it in the first place. But I'm getting off topic. + Show Spoiler +I guess I'm writing this because, besides needing something to keep me awake, I need an outside opinion on how I could have handled this better and whether or not the way I feel about what happened is right.
So anyways, about two weeks went by after the events of my last blog before I saw him again. One day, without any kind of warning him and his family just walk into my room with a bunch of luggage to take all of his shit out of the room. We made some super awkward small talk and he tells me he got a new phone and needs my number again. So I give it to him and stuff and he's just like "Yeah, i'll call you some time this week to get dinner or something". So all of his shit is gone, and I go on with my life, waiting for a text or call from him. I didn't text or call him back because I thought he said that he got a new number. During this time, my suitemate introduces me to his gigantic Croatian friend Ante, who he is on the basketball team with, and we spend many a night getting drunk at his apartment, which is like 3 minutes walking distance from our dorms. I met a lot of new people and have generally been a lot happier since he left.
But anyways, I'm hanging out at Ante's about 3 weeks later when my phone goes off telling me I have a voicemail message. So I listen to it and it's my roomate's mom bitching me out for not "reaching out to Steve in his time of need". Now, I'm understandably confused because he told me he would contact me sometime soon and three weeks have gone by without a word from him. So I text his old number, which according to his mom is still his current number, and get no response. So I remember skype, and go on skype to see if I can get in touch with him, even though at this point I don't really want to. He removed me as a skype contact. If he won't answer his phone and I can't contact him through skype, I can't contact him at all.
At this point, I don't give a shit anymore. He obviously doesn't want to talk to me anymore, He's going home after this semester to go to community college and he lives far enough away for us to never cross paths accidentally when I'm at home.
I finally told my mom exactly what went down over thanksgiving break, and everything afterwards and she told me she doesn't know what I should do. I honestly think after that night I would have moved out anyways, and our friendship would have pretty much been in the shitter all the same. I don't really ever want to see him again.
We've been best friends since the seventh grade, which is like six or seven years ago, and now I'd be completely fine with never seeing him or hearing mention of him again. After college started, he used to call me a Sociopath all the time and all sorts of stuff like that. I kind of wonder if he's right. I honestly wouldn't go as far as that but I do have a problem with connecting to people or something like that.
I just want to know if I'm an asshole or not. He treated me like shit for the whole month up until that night, and then everyone who I tell that I don't ever want to see him again says that I'm the asshole for not going right back to that shit. None of them know how he treated me and any time I ever tried to explain it to them they acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Am I? I don't know you and its not my place to judge your character or his. But it sounds like... He was a shit head for a month probably for some reason other than you but probably ended up taking some of it out on you because he felt like shit. He had suicidal thoughts and even started acting them out (which is pretty fucking scary). And now you don't ever want to talk to him because he was moody for a month? And was depressed? Did you ever tell him you didn't like him calling you a sociopath? What made you guys friends in the first place? I am not saying you should do anything now, but you might wanna think about your relationship with him a little more. I don't think you are wrong for acting how you have but I don't have all the information so I am kinda just throwing things out. The thing I do find disturbing about your post is that you make his suicide attempt about you. That seems pretty narcissistic but it doesn't make you a sociopath. Thats really all I wanted to say. I don't think your an asshole or that you did anything wrong, but if you're thinking about it, maybe you did (trust your instincts). Sometimes not doing something, like calling someone or talking to them seriously, really hurts. Selfish or not, it seems like you guys were really good friends for a number of years : \ Best of luck!
I sometimes have a hard time explaining myself in writing. I don't think that the whole "suicide attempt" thing was actually just him trying to scare me or whatever. I know that's pretty much what I said, but that isn't what I meant. What I meant is that he definitely was having a hard time adapting to college life. It mostly had to do with him not being able to be high 24/7 like he was at home. Our school has a zero tolerance policy for drugs in the dorm, so he had to quit cold turkey and hadn't smoked once in about two months, after smoking literally every day for about 4-1/2 years. So he was a lot more irritable and just plain mean and shit.
About the whole "just a month" thing. It was just a month, but the problem is just how quickly it got so bad. All of a sudden, he just wanted to fight about everything. At first it wasn't "fight", it was "discuss", but then it became "debate", and then "argue", and then "threaten physical violence over". For example:
We used to jokingly call the new WoW expansion "Mitts of Pandaria". I made a stupid joke one night calling it "Gloves of the North American Brown Bear". Then I said something silly about how good I was at word play. He told me that the joke wasn't word play, and I said it was. Within a minute it wasn't a disagreement, it was a full on in-your-face shouting match. And I just kind of decided I didn't want to argue any more and I just said "fuck it, you win IDGAF". So he grabbed me by the collar and threatened to punch my teeth in if I didn't prove him wrong. My "best friend" was literally threatening me with permanent physical damage because he didn't like my definition of "word play". This was not the first nor the last time he threatened to harm me physically because of something stupid like that. Would you still want to be friends with him?
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LOL I hate when friends start to do that. Weed can have some nasty withdrawal symptoms for people who are regular users. Even when you aren't having withdrawals because you are using its a depressant so if you are already irritable or depressed because a new school situation isn't working it can be pretty crazy. The only time in my life when I have had serious suicidal thoughts were when I was smoking : \. And when I quit smoking I had a serious urge to hit my grandmother every morning. Seriously... Every morning she would come out when I was still up (I work graveyards) my head would be full of "don't talk to me, don't touch me! Oh you touched me on the shoulder?!?! I wanna punch you!"
Shit made me crazy, but only because I am an addict (I was fucking in love with weed) and I wasn't dealing with other shit in my life. It sucks to lose friends but I am sure if you guys are really meant to be friends you will get back in touch sometime. I would just say that it would probably be nice from his perspective if you checked in with him just to see how he was doing every once in a while, if he keeps ignoring you than fuck him. You're young and it seems like you're happy to go make new friends and you should  Gl with college.
Edit: Did you get your name from Pokemon?
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On November 29 2012 01:35 Wrongspeedy wrote:LOL I hate when friends start to do that. Weed can have some nasty withdrawal symptoms for people who are regular users. Even when you aren't having withdrawals because you are using its a depressant so if you are already irritable or depressed because a new school situation isn't working it can be pretty crazy. The only time in my life when I have had serious suicidal thoughts were when I was smoking : \. And when I quit smoking I had a serious urge to hit my grandmother every morning. Seriously... Every morning she would come out when I was still up (I work graveyards) my head would be full of "don't talk to me, don't touch me! Oh you touched me on the shoulder?!?! I wanna punch you!" Shit made me crazy, but only because I am an addict (I was fucking in love with weed) and I wasn't dealing with other shit in my life. It sucks to lose friends but I am sure if you guys are really meant to be friends you will get back in touch sometime. I would just say that it would probably be nice from his perspective if you checked in with him just to see how he was doing every once in a while, if he keeps ignoring you than fuck him. You're young and it seems like you're happy to go make new friends and you should Gl with college. Edit: Did you get your name from Pokemon?
I didn't think it would be as much of a problem as it turned out to be (the weed). My suitemate used to be a dealer and smoked twice as much as my roommate ever did and he's doing just fine. After his mom called me and bitched me out I did text him, but I never got a response from him, and he removed me from skype as I said before, and even removed me as a real id friend on battle.net. I'm not going to spend such a great opportunity as college chasing a crazy asshole who won't be around much longer, even if he was once my friend.
Funnily enough, I got my name from a much older friend who I used to play WoW with. He was my friend's older brother and I used to watch him play WoW when I went over to his house some times. He played a shadow priest named golbat, and when I started playing myself he passed the mantle onto me, and I've been using it since.
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don't look at it as a permanently ended friendship, just look at it as more of a break because you never know if you might ever see him again in 5-10 years and he might talk to you then
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On November 29 2012 03:40 StateofReverie wrote:
don't look at it as a permanently ended friendship, just look at it as more of a break because you never know if you might ever see him again in 5-10 years and he might talk to you then
Perhaps, when he's decided to stop being an ass.
Welcome back btw
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Actually, I think you are being a dick in this case. The relationship was shit for about a month, but if you love someone you have to try to fix it. He was asking for help that night since he was so reluctant to actually kill himself and when he asked you for your number to call you sometime he probably hoped you would ask for his number back. Now you are only a dick because you didn't go the extra mile for a friend, not because you are a sociopath. That is just me though, I make wayyyy to many extra miles for friends that don't deserve it though, so I am biased.
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United States42803 Posts
On November 28 2012 21:05 Grovbolle wrote:
fuck his mother.
I cannot recommend this approach.
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On November 29 2012 08:48 KwarK wrote:I cannot recommend this approach.
Kwark, you da best moderator on TL.
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EPT
