I hurt someone today. Someone very close to me. Through my words and actions, I did something to another human being, who by all rights I should are about, to make their life miserable. And I don't feel bad about it. I'd do it all over again, because all I care about is myself, and that's the way it's always been. What does that say about me?

I don't deserve the things I have. Family, good fortune.... life. I don't deserve this.

bonifaceviii

Canada2890 Posts

November 22 2012 18:13 GMT

I confess to almighty God
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have greatly sinned,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
through my fault, through my fault,
through my most grievous fault;
therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

Qwyn

United States2779 Posts

November 22 2012 18:22 GMT

Yes. Yes you do deserve what you have.

You deserve it because you exist. Tell me, do the poor deserve wealth any more than the rich? The answer is no. All men deserve these things equally. The simple difference is that you have wealth, while the poor do not.

That is all. There is no other justification for what is.

As for justifying your own existence? You cannot. Not if you define that justification by what you believe. Because a belief CANNOT be true or false. Therefore, the solution to ending conflict, is to remove your beliefs. Answer me this single question:

Despite what I did, no matter WHAT it was...will I keep on living?

The answer to that is almost always yes. And if it is for you, then absolve yourself. Because there is only one difference between living in confliction and simply living. And the answer to this conflict is to remove EVERYTHING you believe, EVER believed about yourself, others around you - those you love, friends, acquaintances, those you don't even know...

The answer to your implicit question is yes, Requizen. You deserve to live a life without conflict. But it is up to you to decide how to do so. It is very difficult to remove your own beliefs.

Thus, many people decide to REMOVE themselves from conflict .I would suggest that, but it is not likely.

So, you should attempt to remove the SOURCE of conflict. And that is what you believe. Often times, your existence can be a measure of both.

Everything you just wrote about yourself is a belief.

So remove them. Every single one.

gtrsrs

United States9109 Posts

November 22 2012 21:00 GMT

good guy req don't do anything crazy

StateofReverie

United States633 Posts

November 22 2012 21:14 GMT

what exactly is this bad thing? Seems like we will never know now...

MooMooMugi

United States10531 Posts

November 22 2012 21:25 GMT

God forgives all sin, because humans are born with sin

Antylamon

United States1981 Posts

November 23 2012 00:14 GMT

Asking for a permaban... probably because you feel you deserve it... I worry for you.

To deserve is an odd concept. True, it is defined simply enough by "to be worthy of", but then again worthiness is an odd concept as well. If you keep going, it boils down to your perspective of good, bad, and how valuable the thing in question is.

To be honest, life isn't very valuable. Your entire life could be a living hell. Born into it, raised in it, growing old in it, dying in it. If you are a person of faith, and believe in the afterlife, then life is of especially low value. By comparison, Heaven is amazing. On top of that, God forgives all sin, meaning you will forever have a chance for redemption. Even if you are not of faith, people are willing to forgive you. In the case that you truly do change but they do not accept your apology, it is not you that is not deserving of an apology, then you deserve better.

Shame and guilt are incredibly powerful motivators. Your behavior is a sculpture, and motivation is the sculptor. Mold yourself into something better with them.

In a game of Starcraft, you may make many mistakes, or even just one huge mistake, which costs you the game. By refusing to solve the problem, you don't improve at all. By refusing to solve a problem in life, you look for ways to avoid it. For excruciatingly large problems, you explore the possibility of suicide. It seems appealing, doesn't it? To be lazy and leave everything go unsolved? In response, I say this: Why leave when you can be so much more? When you can DESERVE so much more? Hard workers deserve great things. Why don't you use hard work to change yourself?

plasmidghost

Belgium16168 Posts

November 23 2012 01:31 GMT

I did the same thing today to someone I care about deeply. I don't know why, but I did.

Gahlo

United States35114 Posts

November 23 2012 02:19 GMT

Feel better man. I've been there an I know it can be tough, but I know you make it through it.

thurst0n

United States611 Posts

November 23 2012 04:35 GMT

#10

Hey, it's called real life, don't be so hard on yourself. We all do things we regret, that's part of life.

Doing bad things doesn't make you a bad person. Doing them again when you know they're bad is what makes you a bad person.

You experience things and feel things, so if you don't like it then change it.

You say you would do it again, and you say you only care about yourself. I think your post is proof that's not true.

Zeepje

Netherlands34 Posts

November 23 2012 13:59 GMT

#11

Wow, perhaps some of the moderators should send him an e-mail or something, he sounds awfully depressed. Sometimes all it takes for someone to feel better, is to let them know they are heard?

MountainDewJunkie

United States10340 Posts

November 24 2012 03:07 GMT

#12

Blog confuses me. He'd do it all over again because he only cares about himself, yet he feels great guilt and shame? Surely were he a true bad guy this blog would not exist.

Even worse because we can only assume it was an incredibly juicy story.

Hey if you're reading this/lurking your blog, I hope you'll be fine.