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Xanbatou
United States805 Posts
For whatever reason, I don't seem to value family that much. They are just like ordinary people to me that I don't value that much more than my friends. My parents are the exception, since I am indebted to them for raising me, but other than that, I don't really feel differently towards my family members. Does anyone else feel this way?   | ||
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
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Xanbatou
United States805 Posts
On November 06 2012 05:31 Torte de Lini wrote: Yes, you aren't alone and some people don't even value their parents to the extent of implicit understanding and gratitude for taking care of them. So what's the difference? Why do some people value family so much? Moreover, is it wrong not to value family that much? Whenever people find out how indifferent I am towards my family, they seem to think it's odd and that I am less of a person for it. | ||
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
Family is an old traditional value and priority for people since the ages. Like many traditions, if you're not similar to those who follow it, you're not the same and thus why they may find you so odd (or different). | ||
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tMomiji
United States1115 Posts
Probably because I'm adopted and a lot of my family is adopted as well. Family is something that changes a lot for me and can change at any time. | ||
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Cyber_Cheese
Australia3615 Posts
I know I should feel bad about it, but I don't | ||
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Sabu113
United States11086 Posts
At least that's my take on it at the moment. Feel kinda the same way. | ||
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GnarlyArbitrage
575 Posts
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Treehead
999 Posts
Most kids and young adults take their parents for granted because they've never known a world where you go through life day in and day out without another person in your corner. Some kids are even disconnected enough with reality to take on the mentality that their parents really aren't in their corner (and in a very small number of cases, that may be true). This is actually completely normal until you've been out of the house for an extended period of time (for me it was about 7 years, or 3 years + college - for most I'd guess it might be something like 10 years). My point is this: if you don't feel motivated to nurture a relationship with the few people in the world who have a pre-existing interest in your well-being: don't worry about it. That's normal. Give it time. Just don't burn any bridges. Contemporary living without family can be quite lonely (don't kid yourself, no one likes isolation) - and you might find that it wasn't something different about you that made you unable to appreciate your relationship with family. You might just not be ready. | ||
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Fueled
United States1610 Posts
So my take at this is its what you grew up with and are now comfortable around years later. | ||
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Klonere
Ireland4123 Posts
I love my family. I do understand when people are more distant towards them though, its just something that differs from family to family and dependent on a huge variety of reasons. | ||
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Snuggles
United States1865 Posts
Even now that I'm an adult, when I look back I can say yeah, the discipline that my father put on to me paid off. I was more able to work, I knew how to fix things, work tools that many other people my age would not be able to do. But I feel like it came at a price, I am still grateful for them for taking care of me, but when I saw other kids around my age having so much freedom I couldn't but ask why. And when time and money were not the culprits it only frustrated me and caused me to distance myself away from them. I don't know who's fault it is in my relationship, part of me wants to blame them but I'm sure that its the both of us. | ||
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RoyGBiv_13
United States1275 Posts
On November 06 2012 07:05 Snuggles wrote: My relationship with my parents is in shambles... It all started with me working for my parents at the age of 10 I think. It was always about discipline, my father would lay out the law of the house and I was not to oppose him if he were to make a final decision on something even if he did not have the reasoning to back it up. Although I understood the hardships that parents went through, and had no problem working hard for them as I became accustomed to it, I still feel that my childhood was robbed from me because of my parents. It's not that I did not have time or the money to go have fun, I simply was not allowed to. Even now that I'm an adult, when I look back I can say yeah, the discipline that my father put on to me paid off. I was more able to work, I knew how to fix things, work tools that many other people my age would not be able to do. But I feel like it came at a price, I am still grateful for them for taking care of me, but when I saw other kids around my age having so much freedom I couldn't but ask why. And when time and money were not the culprits it only frustrated me and caused me to distance myself away from them. I don't know who's fault it is in my relationship, part of me wants to blame them but I'm sure that its the both of us. Sounds oddly familiar... Before I left for college, I made it very clear to my parents what I thought of them treating me like a workhorse every weekend from 8-18. I try not to hold it against them, but I know what effect it had on my social life, and I think they know as well. Because day times were not spent trying to win friends, my socializing had to happen at night when everyone else was already done for the day. It happened online, brood war from 10pm - 4am or whenever they would wake up and kick me and my brother off of the computer. I do maintain a healthy relationship with them still, and I understand that what they did, they did for me, but it still sucks. Now I'll just make certain the same thing doesn't happen to my own children. | ||
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AnachronisticAnarchy
United States2957 Posts
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Kaeru
Sweden552 Posts
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anatase
France532 Posts
But I am not that kind of people that is going to call them very often or so when away. They usually send me an email to let me know they want some news. I actually do this to everyone I care about. It could look like i don't care about them because i don't go and get news by myself, I actually care about them and have many friends, they think i am generous and caring overall, but they also know that if they want news or want to speak to me, they have to move. I am just, i don't know, being a natural soloist I would say. And i live damn fine like this  | ||
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N.geNuity
United States5112 Posts
If my brother wasn't similar to me I probably wouldn't really care that much, but we did tons of stuff together as kids and we hold similar interests now. We're friends and he's just a funny person to me. what do you mean by family though? nuclear family? Because I don't really care about my extended family at all/my family doesn't really keep up past the individual's nuclear family (my mother will talk to her brothers i.e my uncles, but I don't really). For instance my cousin is 1 year younger than me but I've basically never talked to him, while I know a ton of people who are friends with their cousins of similar age. so yeah I feel similar to you OP but my parents are good and my brother is my friend. If he wasn't, I wouldn't really care. | ||
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MountainDewJunkie
United States10346 Posts
And that's my fucking brothers. I have zero caring for cousins, aunts, uncles, and whatevers. Being biologically related is interesting, but when interests are incompatible or there's just straight up not any meaningful connection or memories, family can be like a group of acquaintances. | ||
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Enki
United States2548 Posts
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Demonhunter04
1530 Posts
On November 06 2012 07:48 Kaeru wrote: (I'm not including psycho parents that kill their children and rape them) I thought we took it for granted that it's hard to love someone who's killed us...? | ||
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wei2coolman
United States60033 Posts
On November 06 2012 06:04 DigiGnar wrote: They say that blood is thicker than water. However, one can always take blood thinners! maple syrup is thicker than blood. therefore pancakes > family. just kidding obviously. Ditto, I don't really feel really that attached to my family, aside from owing them for taking care of me. I'm not particularly close to my brother either, but I have mad respect for him. | ||
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