EPTOver time you helped me with my girl problems, you made sure I didn't lose confidence and you built up my self-esteem. I got a job working with children and you helped make their activities and other materials that they obviously ended up loving. We started seeing each other every day. We became best friends. Coming from hanging out with the same 4 guys every day for the past who knows how long, this was fresh, and I felt like I could be falling in love.
Then he told you he wanted to try other things. I know you guys weren't exclusive or anything but were seeing each other. You weren't hurt, or mad, you didn't care at all... all you ever wanted to do was hang out with me anyway. I was hopeful, and after awhile I figured you might feel the same about me. I drove us out to the studio where we first met, and I told you how I felt. I was surprised you hadn't developed the same feelings for me. I was crushed, but for some reason I was hopeful. I have experienced rejection a few times before and this was the only time I felt like I could not step back. I've always been a little bitter over girls for leading me on, when in reality I was just naive.
A week passed by and we still kept in contact although it was a bit awkward. It was weird not seeing you every day for that week. I wondered if you felt the same. There was something missing that I had never felt had been missing. I needed that back. I needed you back.
You told me he had gotten back in contact with you.
This is when my heart started to break for the first time...
How could you not think that would hurt me.. but I thank you for your honesty...
He took you out to a Christmas light festival at the park, and I was paranoid as fuck the entire time. I didn't want him to take you home. I didn't want you guys to have a spark that night. So I did what any 19 year old, naive, stupid, annoying little shit would do and I messaged the fuck out of you. lol.
You messaged me back and said you wanted to see me. You told me you had missed me, and for the first time in my entire life, I had a real heavy feeling in my chest that made me so happy, it was almost bursting out of me. I cleaned my room, made it smell good, made sure we had things to do. You drove over, and you told me everything about your night and how it was so cheesy and awkward. How he never makes you laugh like I do.
"Why do you still give him the time of day then?"
"I don't know, I really don't.."
We ended up falling asleep together in my bed that night, for the first time... We didn't cuddle, kiss, nothing. We just fell asleep watching Lost In Translation, and it is still a night I will never ever forget.
I think things were a little more serious with him than you ever let on to me, because you seemed to be in a bit of a panic the next morning... maybe you just felt guilty, or that sleeping with me wasn't proper.
Then he had to leave town for a month for a job overseas. This was the beginning. You came over every day. You slept over a lot... It took me way too long to make a move. But then I did. I kissed you on the neck when we were just chillin' in my bed. I was fucking scared as shit. But you kissed me back. We were fucking crazy for each other.
He came back, you forgot about him, and I had never been so happy.
It's been 5 years now and we have been living together for 4 of those. You are my everything, and I'm yours.
But now my heart has broken many times...
Why do you have to be so angry? Why do you treat the men closest to you (your brother, dad, and me) like shit? The most trivial things set you off, and then you forget who I am to you, and everything I've ever done for you goes out the window.
Then you apologize for your anger, and I ALWAYS forgive and forget - because I love you. Isn't that what you're supposed to do, when you love someone? I accept your flaws and know they will only fade as we mature but we have to work together..
This might be the last break up we have, and there's been a lot. A part of me says it's been a long time coming, but another part of me knows what we have is fucking REAL.
Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another thing. It takes skill, teamwork, and patience. I'm going to cut my hair now and bring your things over to your house. This is going to be my last chance to convince you that what we have isn't worth throwing away.
Sorry if the formatting was really shitty, this is my first blog on TL.
