Recently two people that I am close to, who are both in high school, have needed to visit emergency services because they have attempted suicide. They both spent time in mental health rehabilitation facilities; one person is still there (she attempted earlier this week).
It kills me that these people, who I care deeply about, think their lives are not worth living. And the worst part is that I can only do so much. When they're at school and feel lost in the crowd, when they're at home and feel rejected and misunderstood, when it's late at night and there's no one to talk to, I can't be there to help them. I see so much potential in each of them, but I cannot make them see it for themselves.
I understand that when you're having a shit day, or a shit month, or a shit year, and people compliment you, it means almost nothing. When it's you in that situation, you know that those people don't really understand you; those people don't really know you; those people don't have the right to tell you anything. Because in that moment, in that day, or month, or year, you feel so alone. You feel that no one really, truly knows you. No one cares. No one wants you around. No one loves you, and no one wants to. And because of this, it won't matter if you're not around anymore, because you don't matter in the first place.
Have we not all felt like that, at some point in our lives? Have we not all been rejected, beaten, despised?
And that's my point. We've all felt like that. In those moments, we feel utterly alone. That is the biggest lie you'll ever know. The biggest lie is that you are alone. You are not alone in those moments, because people all around you have felt them too. Society forces us to hide behind a mask, but everyone has been there. If we could reach out and talk to each other, we would realize that we have shared these experiences. You are not alone in your feelings, in your hurt, in your anger, in your sadness.
How the hell can we fix this? How can I reach out to these people without them feeling patronized, embarrassed, judged, or labeled? How can I save them from believing the lie?
Well, it's easier to begin with what you ought not to do. That's to increase pressure on them. Most people start by telling depressed people how much other people care for them and how much they would be hurt if they were gone. But that places another obligation on the depressed people - to care for someone else. And that can be enough to plunge them deeper.
I hope you can instead get them to seek professional medical help. Also, you can probably try to take more time off just for them.
What a bunch of bullshit......These pathetic fucks think the world owes them love and adoration ? Get the fuck outta here with that nonsense. You gotta have an indomitable will to strive in this world and the world rewards those who can flourish against all obstacles. Let these weak fucks kill themselves. Why pity these pathetic souls ?
Just call them out for a friendly night of KFC dinner, talk about not-so-important stuff like oh how Lakers are going to take it this year and how IU is the most perfect girl in the world and how you want to micro like Jaedong and what else, yeah, just talk. Laugh.
That's it.
That's all someone needs... even like once a month (but hopefully more often).
No OP, you do not really understand. Because you are trying to compare a shit day or a shit month to a possible life long depression. Trying to compare an event, something you can isolate in your mind and blame, like being rejected or despised, with an overwhelming vague sense that nothing is worth doing and you are miserable for no reason on a daily basis. And acting like you know how they feel is likely to make them feel even more alone when they realize you have no idea.
Or maybe your friends aren't truly depressed, and they are just crying out for attention. I have no idea. If that's the case though, then you are right, it is a lie.
I can sympathize with these people a lot because I was depressed to the point that I was thinking of suicide, though not seriously now that I think about it. To keep a long story short, it really just took a change of attitude and how much I naturally care about stuff.
On October 20 2012 02:50 Ghanburighan wrote: Well, it's easier to begin with what you ought not to do. That's to increase pressure on them. Most people start by telling depressed people how much other people care for them and how much they would be hurt if they were gone. But that places another obligation on the depressed people - to care for someone else. And that can be enough to plunge them deeper.
In my case, the realization that my death would cause suffering is the only reason I'm still alive. But I prioritize acting morally over doing what I want to do. I'm not sure how common that attitude is.
It kills me that these people, who I care deeply about, think their lives are not worth living.
I don't know if you intended to make a pun like this, but you should proofread your blog before posting to prevent things like this.
Onto the topic, sometimes you can't reach out to people. If you approach these people with the best intentions and they turn you away, then there's really nothing much that can be done. I had a friend in a somewhat similar situation, main difference was that she was suffering from depression but not from suicidal thoughts. A few of us kinda figured out something was wrong, but we couldn't help her in any way because she didn't tell us anything. I only heard that her problems were fixed many months later from third or fourth-hand news.. But if she attempted suicide during that period I would have been pretty bummed.
Even if you could reach out to them and let them now people care for them, people find them beautiful, and so on... it's won't matter. It might give them a mild boost but it will fade quickly. It will also not help, i'd go as far as saying empathizing is the opposite of what you should do. They have to pursue happiness, not expect it.
I've been down that road for almost ten years, depression, worthlessness, you name it, everything except suicide attempts. The moment you are free is the moment you start loving yourself and believe you are worthy of happiness. At that point any external validation or lack of it will mean shit. And you'll start living.
I see TruePatriot got banned while being right: it does take will and courage to be happy and succeed, you get depressed only when you give up fighting. "It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
Being, or feeling alone, is not at all mitigated by the fact that people have felt similarly. It takes more than the realization that other people have felt the same to get over that.
When you feel that nobody cares about you, or loves you, it doesn't help being told that other people feel the same, nor does it make you feel any different.
I've had times in my life where I sat in a bar, scrolling through my phone, and realizing that there isn't a single number on there of someone that would want to have a call from me. It's tough, it isn't permanent, but that fact helps as much as knowing that your feelings aren't unique.
Suicide is distinctly different.
I think it generally shows negative feelings that run a great deal deeper than what most would consider bad feelings.
I've had bad times, I've had horrible times, but I've never actually tried to kill myself. To get to a point like that, you have to feel pretty useless.
Other than that, suicide isn't selfish, as so many people like to say. Demanding that other's live, just because you don't want to be confronted with their inner turmoil, that is selfish. Suicide is the simple right that we are all given. We all own our own lives and can take it when we want, but for many people attempting suicide, their mind is in such distress that it is hard to say if they truly want to kill themselves, or are subject to irrational episodes.
A rational person, deciding to kill himself, is perfectly fine. Sad, but fine.
On October 21 2012 23:18 zalz wrote: A rational person, deciding to kill himself, is perfectly fine. Sad, but fine.
Except none are rational. Apart from the multitude of abnormal thoughts roaming their minds, there are also skewed biological functions which impair processing/logic.
You're born so you can die, apart from incurable diseases which cause pain, there's no reason to hurry.
On October 21 2012 23:18 zalz wrote: A rational person, deciding to kill himself, is perfectly fine. Sad, but fine.
Except none are rational. Apart from the multitude of abnormal thoughts roaming their minds, there are also skewed biological functions which impair processing/logic.
You're born so you can die, apart from incurable diseases which cause pain, there's no reason to hurry.
Suicide has not always been irrational, nor carried the stigma that it does today.
A very simple example would be the samurai and their ritualistic suicide which actually heightened one's perceived honor. The samurai, by and large, were not entirely comprised of irrational madmen.
It is possible to commit suicide whilst being sound of mind.
EPT
