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Or, True Confessions Of An Attention Whore.
My greatest fear, besides needles, is being forgotten. I want to touch the world somehow and make sure some small part of me lives on forever and ever.
Last night, I managed to touch another life in a very small way, but in a way that was very important to me. As you followers may know, I like HerO...a lot. To the point where I, ah, dream about him. During his stream last night, in-between games, I said I couldn't stay up but that I was happy I got to see some of his stream, and told him good night. He told me good night back.
Now this may seem incredibly insignificant and in a way it is. It can really just be seen as a starstruck fan clamoring for attention. But to me it's something much more profound. Once you interact with someone, that link never truly goes away. It's always there somewhere in the mind. And, now I've made a small link with someone who I deeply admire and who is important to me. That makes me feel so warm, and happy...
Haha, I guess I really AM an attention whore, huh? Albeit a really pretentious one. Don't worry, I'm at the very least self-aware. I understand that what I'm doing really is just seeking attention, plain and simple. I only wanted to explain the psychology behind it - 'cause at the very least, I thought it was interesting. Thought about it a lot last night and decided to let the whole world know my thoughts.
Since for some crazy reason, you guys actually seem to like hearing them! ^_^ You'll all make me blush.
Currently listening to: The Birthday Massacre - "Midnight"
P.S. This song always makes me think of Death Note...
 
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I too, am an attention-whore, I am desperate for approval of others, I both love it and hate it.
its a way to motivate myself, but in the same way its a curse.
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I read some psychologist's analysis of man with regards to 'their big project', but unfortunately I can't remember where or whom it was by. It was almost frightening how right I thought he was about me. Basically, he said that in order to deal with our mortality, man will try to seek out some 'big project' to do in their life, something that will leave an impact on the world, something that they will live on through even after they die.
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For what it's worth, I've never understood the desire to leave "a mark" on the world. I have no desire to reproduce, nor do I have any desire to leave any memories of myself. No desire for a funeral, a grave, etc. I don't take pictures or videos (I understand others' desire to do so but completely lack the desire myself), have no desire to affect the world in any great way, have no desire to be famous whatsoever, etc.
I've just never had these desires and only as an adult have I began to try to understand why. It likely stems from my view of the universe and humanity's place it: i.e., we're just a blip and our existence will eventually be erased and everything that we are all will simply break down and become something else soon enough. We were once stars and we will eventually be so once again. We've been around for such an tiny fraction of the universe's existence that I don't value the human race much higher than any other form of life besides my slight attachment due to being a human myself.
Just trying to give the flipside for contrast; I find your view just as fascinating as analyzing my own.
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Name me one human being in the world that does not seek any attention to any degree. It's part of being human and being self-confident. Okay, maybe some people push it a little but everyone needs attention. I for one have wanted to immortalize myself somehow through some eventual work I might publish or through participation in some organisation.
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Australia1191 Posts
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EPT
<3
