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Blogs > jodogohoo
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jodogohoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada2533 Posts
October 16 2012 06:48 GMT
#1
Hello!! tl;dr
1. i had several friends
2. i treated them poorly or BETRAYED THEM.
3. eventually they actually gave me a second chance, cause... i'm a pretty good friend... when i'm not an asshole.
4. However I generally already moved on, or failed to realize the context so i don't take advantage of this and they were lost to me forever!! note:my empathy detectors have like... 3-4month delay before kicking in and i realize what REALLY happened.
5. this blog is about me. me and my failures.
6. these people I talk about are of a certain gender...

1. So to begin... why the hell were they friends with me in the first place if i'm an asshole and have terrible empathy? Well... I actually am not very shallow. Infact!! I am very deep! I generally get close to people quickly and have fairly significant or deep conversations. Topics including school, the future, problems or concerns, motivation, goals, values. All that good stuff. I also do A LOT of self-disclosure. Perhaps too much... but I really opened up to people and poured myself into them. One thing I've heard before is that I made people feel special.

2. All good so far... then.... I sort of get bored of people. Or I move on and make new bonds. I sort of... dismiss my previous friends. One day we're chums and it's all good. Then... I'm completely engrossed and interested in other people. Now this would be ok if I let the bonds we formed just.. stay there, sort of like... good buddies from the past!! People who occasionally caught up with each other. But I end up... talking to them about the new people i'm interested in and... it's like. "YO NIGGA, I THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL, WTF IS THIS SHIT. WHO IS THIS BITCH? YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON". Generally the people i make friends with are nice, so they don't say it to my face, but that's the truth of the situation.

3. Intermission: Anyways. While this is all going on, I'm generally oblivious to... everything. After studying social psychology... I can safety say... my consciousness was hijacked, however I'm of course still responsible!! But... things I did didn't really process... I sort of denied what was going on. "I'm not an asshole!" I would think to myself but... I later discovered I was infact, a huge asshole. For example right before summer ended last year a girl "lets call her A" who liked me and who i liked. *note we didn't exactly have a full conversation yet. we volunteered together and casted glances at each other, and there was even a crazy incident we had in a park but the feeling was there, however adolescent and immature*. And we had a conversation because I was going to university the next day. It went sort of went down like this. her: "what will be the nature of our future?" me: poker face. no reply. or *some bullshit answer* I don't quite remember... But I did this because... I was pretty much interested in finding girls my own age as this girl was a bit younger than me... but ahh I was an asshole to her and i regret my decision to this day. I often languish in agony due to this event...

4. Back to the original story: So after treating my friends terribly, they sort of offer me a second chance. They initiate conversation with me again and maybe we even hangout, but behave as if I'm dead to them... Why? I sort of... judged them negatively... but then again they are a bit younger then me and I'm quite young myself... I guess... protip: don't judge your friends, unless they are actually doing bad shit. these were upstanding people but they didn't reach my astronomically high standards... which is probably why i'm alone a lot... ANYWAYS.

5. I hoped this was an entertaining read and a good insight into the life of another person. The perspective of someone who is quite weird. I wish what I said was mostly made up but... it's mostly true.

6. Timeline: The incident with "A" was 2 summers ago. I recently lost two friends a few months ago as well.. or last month.. "C" and "W". And before, sometime last fall... I treated "S" pretty badly, but surprisingly... we're still friends lol.

6. Oh, the crazy park thing. Uhh... it is probably one of my biggest regrets as well. I think I have maybe... 3-5 main regrets in life. But uhh... regarding the incident... After volunteering. I asked her to go on a walk in the nearby park with me. Now I say "asked" but it was much more embarrassing, involved stupid metaphors and other madness, but eventually she agreed and we walked a bit. Now... I was super nervous, had no idea what to talk about, and we were generally quiet. So... I sort of broke down and panicked. I was like, "so... my ideal type of guy is..." and yeah I don't even... But uhh... I guess the reason why I went with this was, because i like joking with my friends and they were generally responsive and it lead to good conversations, but in this context, it was like... breaking down/tilting in the middle of a bo7 after being cheesed in game one and going 6pool the next 3 games and losing them all.

7. Last thing. This is just one side of me. There is... not that much more, but there is more! Don't paint a crazy caricature of me T__T;;

*
CoughingHydra
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
177 Posts
October 16 2012 08:50 GMT
#2
I think you should have given us a few more examples of what exactly happened on how you lost certain friends so we can get a better picture, this is too vague for me.

i'm a pretty good friend... when i'm not an asshole.

This is how I think of myself too lol
Scholera
Profile Blog Joined October 2012
United States166 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-10-16 14:28:31
October 16 2012 14:27 GMT
#3
What can I say, you sound interesting and most people walking around this world are boring. Keep finding new friends and maybe eventually you'll stumble upon someone as deeply curious and unique as myself

... just kidding (for the most part.)
jodogohoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada2533 Posts
October 16 2012 19:38 GMT
#4
On October 16 2012 17:50 CoughingHydra wrote:
I think you should have given us a few more examples of what exactly happened on how you lost certain friends so we can get a better picture, this is too vague for me.

Show nested quote +
i'm a pretty good friend... when i'm not an asshole.

This is how I think of myself too lol

1. Ohhh my bad. I shall elaborate. For one friend, we go to different schools and she's pretty busy. So we mainly just texted each other very often. She was definitely a bro to me but ahh.... eventually I sort of got tired of her. She's 2 years younger then me and... i just couldn't accept that fact. My expectations are like... I only really want to talk to really well studied professors with great breadth. But she's only in highschool and those are kinda crazy expectations for anyone.

So I eventually just started doing like one word replies and yeah... I sort of killed our only channel for communication. Then I sort of criticized her for being normal/happy, and not understanding of my existential pains.

2. Another girl.. who I liked, and liked back and we were pretty close. "W". Uhh.... Let's just say, After going to university, I sort of fell for another girl... and I told her I fell for this other girl. And she was incredible pissed at me. Of course things didn't go well with the new girl and everything collapsed upon itself and I was left destitute. Something I definitely deserved.

Eventually we hanged out again and she sort of gave me another chance. But I fucked that up as well by being a dick and being critical of her and her level of education, which makes no fucking sense because... she's actually pretty smart for her age.

3. Uhh something as 2. But with another girl, "S". Except instead of playing out in a little over a year. This was condensed in a few weeks. However we are still friends somehow
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