Hello again, TL! After talking to people on here and reddit and a few things that happened in real life I've decided to try to start blogging about my feelings a bit to try to open myself up a bit. I have no idea how many of those types of blogs I'll write.
The thing that I wanted to talk about first is something that I actually need a lot of help with. I've noticed recently that I'm very egotistical. You can see this in a lot of the things I do. Even here on Team Liquid, I've written two blogs devoted entirely to myself and my thoughts(and, I suppose, a third one here haha) and often comment on other people's blogs and talk about myself in their comment sections! I often do the same thing on reddit and in real life. I'll be talking to someone and drag the conversation back to myself, sometimes pretty bluntly/rudely.
I hate it when I do this, but I somehow/somewhy keep doing it. Recently I've become very interested in learning about other people and their experiences and yet, with little variance, most of the conversations I have are composed of me telling other people about myself and them listening. Not only does this stop me from learning more about them, but I can tell it also annoys them to have to hear about me.
I think one of the major causes of this is that, while I can talk(and I know pretty much all there is to know about me, so I can talk about that to great detail) I simply am horrible at listening. I've never been one to listen. Recently, I've been trying to spend a lot more time listening and less time talking but it's slow going and I don't really get to participate in conversations if I do that.
So while I am trying to do the basic things of not dragging the conversations to myself and listening more it's difficult for me to do, and I don't feel I get enough practice at it. As a result, I'd love to get some advice from TLers how to help me get over this.
On a completely unrelated note, I've been trying to expand my musical tastes quite a bit. Historically I've liked classic rock, techno, pop and alternative hip-hop(i.e K-os/K'naan). I recently started to like the Black Keys, Streetlight Manifesto and Floggin Molly and related genres. I'd love for TLers to recommend me some good groups that don't get the exposure they deserve. Anything is good as long as it's not super heavy(i.e metal/thrash/gangster rap).
And for those who are interested if I am actually egotistical - I am, but not extremely. I think I am above average intelligence(got 132 on administered IQ test a while back, pick up things fairly quickly) in terms of pure logical intelligence. However, I am WAY behind in terms of both social and common sense. Earlier this year I had to hand in an assignment in a drop box. I spent about 40 seconds trying to open the door. There's a slot you put your assignment in on the side of the box...
EDIT: I'd like to state this to clarify - the IQ test is not something I attach much importance to any more. I mainly posted it to show a reason for me developing egoism initially, and as support for why I think I'm above average in terms of logical intelligence(a.k.a IQ test intelligence). It is not important to the story.
Additionally, for the music, while I do love individual great songs, I also would love to hear some really solid album/discography artists.
As for things like ego, they interest me but do not bother me, for as I continue to grow, I'll continue to better myself, until then I am the person that I am. I don't really care for IQ tests.
I'm going to be updating this spoiler tag below me for a short while, as I consider myself to have a relatively expansive and varying musical arsenal. + Show Spoiler +
^ This guy used to be in propagandhi, a legendary canadian punk band, worth checking out if you have any interest at all in the genre.
Freestyle Jazz musicians + Minneapolis hip hop MCs Freestyling live ^
Featuring Eyedea, the incredible artist/philosopher/poet/ freestyle battle prodigy performing his later works
^Crust Punk.... It's heavy, but I it's likely pretty new to you
Tonedeff (amazing lyricist) + Kno (great producer from Group "CunninLynguists"
Kristoff Krane, another great artist/singer/MC ^ Doing some of his guitar work
and his "Hip Hop" work
And some seriously old Eyedea... showing what a good artist he was even when he was 13
Thanks Scholera! I really liked the first and third one. The second one is just... not my taste.
The music part of my blog was more of an aside, though. I primarily wrote this blog to solicit advice and help on improving my self-expression, listening and egoism.
On October 14 2012 10:55 Coagulation wrote: LOL.. Sick random brag about your high IQ in a thread titled "deflating my ego"
Your off to a bad start.
That's not bragging. It's a fact, and I was using it to show why I had initially developed egoism. I attached too much importance to that IQ score when I was younger and ended up using it as a crutch to support my lack of social skills in high school("I may have no social life and no real skills, but at least I'm good at math!").
On October 14 2012 10:56 WarSame wrote: Thanks Scholera! I really liked the first and third one. The second one is just... not my taste.
The music part of my blog was more of an aside, though. I primarily wrote this blog to solicit advice and help on improving my self-expression, listening and egoism.
On October 14 2012 10:55 Coagulation wrote: LOL.. Sick random brag about your high IQ in a thread titled "deflating my ego"
Your off to a bad start.
That's not bragging. It's a fact, and I was using it to show why I had initially developed egoism. I attached too much importance to that IQ score when I was younger and ended up using it as a crutch to support my lack of social skills in high school("I may have no social life and no real skills, but at least I'm good at math!"). But thanks for assuming the worst. You're quite a negative person.
Ah, indeed, It's very late and I should probably go to sleep because even if I restricted myself from posting any punk or hip hop, I'd probably be here all night if I kept updating it anyway.
Good luck with that then See ya later
Protip: Ignore people like the poster above, don't reply and then call them a negative person, it may seem more polite than just replying with "FUCK YOUUU" but it's no less constructive, and it will in fact merely be perceived as more pretentious.
Take it easy... as long as you're either good at or working on completing deadlines which you need to do, then there's nothing to really worry about in life. Everything is influenced by something else, just be happy you're here to experience them and keep giving love to the world, the reward is in itself.
You have written two blogs talking about yourself.......what are you implying here??????
Honestly I dont mind talking about myself. If there isnt one person talking about themselves than what can you learn about the other person that youre trying to listen to?
On October 14 2012 10:56 WarSame wrote: Thanks Scholera! I really liked the first and third one. The second one is just... not my taste.
The music part of my blog was more of an aside, though. I primarily wrote this blog to solicit advice and help on improving my self-expression, listening and egoism.
On October 14 2012 10:55 Coagulation wrote: LOL.. Sick random brag about your high IQ in a thread titled "deflating my ego"
Your off to a bad start.
That's not bragging. It's a fact, and I was using it to show why I had initially developed egoism. I attached too much importance to that IQ score when I was younger and ended up using it as a crutch to support my lack of social skills in high school("I may have no social life and no real skills, but at least I'm good at math!"). But thanks for assuming the worst. You're quite a negative person.
Ah, indeed, It's very late and I should probably go to sleep because even if I restricted myself from posting any punk or hip hop, I'd probably be here all night if I kept updating it anyway.
Good luck with that then See ya later
Protip: Ignore people like the poster above, don't reply and then call them a negative person, it may seem more polite than just replying with "FUCK YOUUU" but it's no less constructive, and it will in fact merely be perceived as more pretentious.
Take it easy... as long as you're either good at or working on completing deadlines which you need to do, then there's nothing to really worry about in life. Everything is influenced by something else, just be happy you're here to experience them and keep giving love to the world, the reward is in itself.
Good point. I've been trying to avoid that lately too, but clearly I'm not very good at it. Thanks for the advice and music (wo)man!
On October 14 2012 11:04 StateofReverie wrote: You have written two blogs talking about yourself.......what are you implying here??????
Honestly I dont mind talking about myself. If there isnt one person talking about themselves than what can you learn about the other person that youre trying to listen to?
That I talk about myself too much. If you combine those blogs with the posts that drag the topic back to me don't you think that that is too much talking about myself?
If you just talk about yourself you're still not going to learn anything from the other person. There is some way to really get the other person involved in the conversation. I used to do it naturally for a while, and I see/hear other people do it, but I can't seem to do it any more. I'd really rather not talk about myself any more. I don't learn anything from it, it's a waste of time, it pisses people off, etc. It's like a really annoying bad habit that's hard to break. So ideally the conversation would be more focused on the other person than me. I've even been trying to use it here by making less use of "I", "me" etc. and focusing the conversation on you or keeping it neutral, but as you can see I haven't done that too well.
On October 14 2012 10:56 WarSame wrote: Thanks Scholera! I really liked the first and third one. The second one is just... not my taste.
The music part of my blog was more of an aside, though. I primarily wrote this blog to solicit advice and help on improving my self-expression, listening and egoism.
On October 14 2012 10:55 Coagulation wrote: LOL.. Sick random brag about your high IQ in a thread titled "deflating my ego"
Your off to a bad start.
That's not bragging. It's a fact, and I was using it to show why I had initially developed egoism. I attached too much importance to that IQ score when I was younger and ended up using it as a crutch to support my lack of social skills in high school("I may have no social life and no real skills, but at least I'm good at math!"). But thanks for assuming the worst. You're quite a negative person.
Ah, indeed, It's very late and I should probably go to sleep because even if I restricted myself from posting any punk or hip hop, I'd probably be here all night if I kept updating it anyway.
Good luck with that then See ya later
Protip: Ignore people like the poster above, don't reply and then call them a negative person, it may seem more polite than just replying with "FUCK YOUUU" but it's no less constructive, and it will in fact merely be perceived as more pretentious.
Take it easy... as long as you're either good at or working on completing deadlines which you need to do, then there's nothing to really worry about in life. Everything is influenced by something else, just be happy you're here to experience them and keep giving love to the world, the reward is in itself.
Good point. I've been trying to avoid that lately too, but clearly I'm not very good at it. Thanks for the advice and music (wo)man!
On October 14 2012 11:04 StateofReverie wrote: You have written two blogs talking about yourself.......what are you implying here??????
Honestly I dont mind talking about myself. If there isnt one person talking about themselves than what can you learn about the other person that youre trying to listen to?
That I talk about myself too much. If you combine those blogs with the posts that drag the topic back to me don't you think that that is too much talking about myself?
If you just talk about yourself you're still not going to learn anything from the other person. There is some way to really get the other person involved in the conversation. I used to do it naturally for a while, and I see/hear other people do it, but I can't seem to do it any more. I'd really rather not talk about myself any more. I don't learn anything from it, it's a waste of time, it pisses people off, etc. It's like a really annoying bad habit that's hard to break. So ideally the conversation would be more focused on the other person than me. I've even been trying to use it here by making less use of "I", "me" etc. and focusing the conversation on you or keeping it neutral, but as you can see I haven't done that too well.
just ask questions to get to know the other person better. I learn a lot more about other people in real life. I would rather learn about other people than tell people about myself. Some people are the complete opposite though
How old are you? You'll later stop asking random people for help as for how to do such things, and will prefer taking advice from elders. In any case, such habits are easier to change by experience than by actively doing something yourself.
On October 14 2012 12:14 Kukaracha wrote: How old are you? You'll later stop asking random people for help as for how to do such things, and will prefer taking advice from elders. In any case, such habits are easier to change by experience than by actively doing something yourself.
Thanks for your input! I'm 19. I think you're right, but I was hoping that this blog would draw out the older people on TL to get advice from.
You're right, of course. It's like SC, you don't get good by only reading strategy, you mainly need to play. I was/am making progress on my own, but I was hoping to get advice which might make the progress quicker, because it's been pretty painful learning from my own experiences so far...
There's not really any speedy way to deflate your ego. I've dealt with (and am dealing with) the same thing. I still feel like I'm pretty egotistical, and this is in spite of spending years trying to gain a little more humility. I think one thing to do is surround yourself with people better/more interesting than yourself (if you can). I've met one guy where I study who is quite similar to me in the qualities he has, but he's just better in every way. He's funnier, smarter and has way better stories. He's also way less egotistical. If you can make friends with a person like that and not end up being jealous or hating them then that's a good way of deflating your ego.
Apart from that, just be very aware of everything you do in social situations. Analyse yourself after interactions and take note of the things you did which were possibly asshole-ish. The next time you enter a social situation watch out for those things. You'll probably make all the same mistakes for weeks or months, but as long as you take a mental note each time you do those things you'll make progress. You're breaking habits which have probably developed over years, so that's to be expected.
For some good unknownish music I suggest checking out Becca Stevens. I discovered her earlier this year and have listened to both of her albums probably hundreds of times, and I still find her music absolutely enthralling. http://grooveshark.com/#!/album/Weightless/6334739 This album, Weightless, has a few covers but is mostly original stuff. I would probably describe it as jazz-influenced folk.
Also, if you're looking for solid albums I don't think there's any way you can go past Vespertine by Bjork. It's way less experimental than some of her other stuff (still weird by normal standards though), and is much more of a concept album than other albums of her's. Homogenic is also a phenomenal album by her.
Thanks for posting that, man. I don't exactly have the same problem. It's not like I brag much, I just talk about myself a lot. Also, that's actually one of the first posts that made me realize how egotistical I am haha.
On October 14 2012 13:21 Swede wrote: There's not really any speedy way to deflate your ego. I've dealt with (and am dealing with) the same thing. I still feel like I'm pretty egotistical, and this is in spite of spending years trying to gain a little more humility. I think one thing to do is surround yourself with people better/more interesting than yourself (if you can). I've met one guy where I study who is quite similar to me in the qualities he has, but he's just better in every way. He's funnier, smarter and has way better stories. He's also way less egotistical. If you can make friends with a person like that and not end up being jealous or hating them then that's a good way of deflating your ego.
Apart from that, just be very aware of everything you do in social situations. Analyse yourself after interactions and take note of the things you did which were possibly asshole-ish. The next time you enter a social situation watch out for those things. You'll probably make all the same mistakes for weeks or months, but as long as you take a mental note each time you do those things you'll make progress. You're breaking habits which have probably developed over years, so that's to be expected.
For some good unknownish music I suggest checking out Becca Stevens. I discovered her earlier this year and have listened to both of her albums probably hundreds of times, and I still find her music absolutely enthralling. http://grooveshark.com/#!/album/Weightless/6334739 This album, Weightless, has a few covers but is mostly original stuff. I would probably describe it as jazz-influenced folk.
Also, if you're looking for solid albums I don't think there's any way you can go past Vespertine by Bjork. It's way less experimental than some of her other stuff (still weird by normal standards though), and is much more of a concept album than other albums of her's. Homogenic is also a phenomenal album by her.
Anyway, good luck on your quest!
Thanks for replying!
I figured there wasn't any quick way to deflate your ego. I thought I might as well post to get advice and just to make sure there is no easier/quicker way. I experienced the same thing you did in first year of university, but unfortunately my ego only deflated a bit. It's still pretty swole.
I've been trying to do what you suggest. That's actually what gave me the impetus to come here and post. I listened to myself and thought I was an asshole. I'll definitely be on guard for it. You're right that it'll take a LONG time to break down and get over it. However, the bonuses of it are definitely worth the effort so you bet your buns I'll be trying to stick with it.
Thanks for the music recommendation, too! I liked Becca Stevens quite a bit, although I found all of the songs a bit too similar for my taste. I checked out Bjork and didn't feel anything other than fear O.O
EDIT: I suppose outside of any remaining music recommendations the point of this blog has been accomplished. Thanks for the advice everybody!
Oh, don't forget to take some interest in contemporary psychology, to see how erratic our brain is, and if you feel like it you could dive into the realm of ontology and epistemology to shake your concepts. If you don't like it, then I believe it's already a call for humility, isn't it?
EPT
See ya later
