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I think the more I write (and the more I add details), these blogs are increasing exponentially in size. So I'll break this one down into bits.
The Recovery blogs are going to start out a bit on the dark side, but hopefully they should get better farther through the story.
This is a semi-girl blog because it's not so much about the girl as the nine-month aftermath and the success story. I like success stories, and from what I've seen you guys like my success stories as well.
So we'll do a success story. That's slightly a girl blog.
Let's go back nine months. Just before Christmas. I've been in a relationship for two months and everything seems great. Very sweet girl - she even plays SC2 and used to play BW for a few years! A definite "fuck yeah" on the should-I-go-for-it scale.
Two months of SC. Two months of a pretty good relationship. Then I realized my girlfriend was a manipulative bitch. And has been manipulating me for a good month or so
I was spending some money, really opening myself up at this point because I thought that it would last. Even in the most intimate relationships I think of business. Investments and returns. Assets. Liquidity. And this was looking like one of the best emotional investments I'd ever made.
And then of course all those gifts went to another guy. I got a look at her phone. She directly quoted me when she was talking about how much she loved him. I fucking try hard on those quotes. I really do.
And this is the part where I go ballistic.
Usually I'm a pretty chill guy. But seeing my own inventions, some of the closest things I have to poetry, being rewritten word for word to convince an egocentric douche who doesn't know his ass from his ridiculous snapback that he wears to every single possible class, rewritten word for word to convince this asshole that she truly loved him and had intimate feelings for him...
Iphones are known to break easily. Before I knew what I was about to do, my right arm came up, and then back, and then shot forward. It's one of those things that you feel passes by in slow motion. Hand outstretched, my fingers snapped. I closed my right fist, now empty.
I think every time I feel like I got shafted by somebody ever since, feel like someone's been taking advantage of me with bad intent, I just replay that scene in my head and smile. Definitely the highlight of that winter.
The phone didn't break completely when it hit the wall in front of her, but the screen was done. From what I saw, it was either flickering or there were so many cracks that she'd never be able to read any reply from Dbag.
Few seconds pass by as she realizes her phone just exploded ten feet in front of her. Then comes the tidal wave of rage. Dbag gets mentioned several times. To put it civilly, we laid out all our cards on the table. I told her everything I knew, she told me everything I didn't know... or at least thought I didn't know. Maybe some of those poetic quotes got tossed around here and there.
I end up having to shell out the $40 for the screen repair. But whatever I did to it, it ended up shitting itself every now and then, so it's up in the air who won that war.
Then I realized I was single again. As Day9 puts it, there's no greater pleasure than being dumped. After a while it wears off though. It did for me.
I realized that before all of this, we were happy. No secrets. No mystique. No lies. Just us.
Those days were gone now.
I don't know why I did it. I've had some bad breakups before. Maybe it was a relapse. But whatever happened, the depression from May of that year that I struggled so desperately to fight for five months... it came right back in December.
I tried some counseling this time. I don't know if it shortened the depression or even helped at all, but I wouldn't fully recover until three months later, March of this year.
Low point of that three months had to be Valentine's Day. I went home, did homework, and went right the fuck to sleep. Maybe 12 hours of sleep before waking up at 4 AM the next day for more StarCraft.
But I think what ended up bailing me out of there (along with the medical help, of course) had to be StarCraft. The idea of a world where you can manipulate everything in the game with proper skill, a world where you can learn anything you want about the other person just by scouting... at first it was my fantasy world.
Then I realized that StarCraft is the world, in some way. You can scout in real life. Just instead of using observers, you carefully select your wording. Look around more. Search for clues. Metagame. And you can force a build order just as easily, because as I would soon learn, the Bavarian Fire Drill concept works amazingly well in real life.
There's not much positive at this point in the story. But I have to say that the depression at this stage really did help me out, at least in one way.
In March of that year I'd sit down at my chair to record some piano music. Right before I started racking my brain for ideas, I printed out and taped a picture of my ex-gf and Dbag, smiling, her head in his arms. I stared at that picture for a long time, maybe half an hour. Then I took a deep breath and started playing.
It ended up extending past the original 4 minutes I intended to write. I just couldn't end the stream of ideas. Four became seven. Seven became nine. And nine became fourteen. With him and her at the forefront of my thoughtstream the entire way.
Later that song would earn me $100 from a local music contest, open my mind in new directions, and get locked in a time capsule with a bunch of other songs people in my year of school wrote (among other things), to be opened in 2112. So maybe I have the two of them to thank for that.
But I still can't stop smiling at that iPhone incident. Ever.
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Not bad, cell phone rage is pretty nice. What she did was total fucking cunt material, straight up, but... 2 months really isn't much. I don't say that to be mean, and I don't know how old you are, but a month relationship is like... I dunno. You're just not that emotionally invested at that point (or I wouldn't be).
Oh well, glad you found out about it early? And turning it into something positive is always good.
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God damn that sucks.
Why did you have to pay for the screen? I would have refused to do so. I doubt she would sue over 40 bucks.
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Wow that...what the hell man...that was terrible of her wtf 
But another interesting read, and looking forward to your next installment ~ your music is definitely quite awesome. It's clear that not only your playing but also your composing is great. ^^
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On September 30 2012 13:33 HardlyNever wrote:
Not bad, cell phone rage is pretty nice. What she did was total fucking cunt material, straight up, but... 2 months really isn't much. I don't say that to be mean, and I don't know how old you are, but a month relationship is like... I dunno. You're just not that emotionally invested at that point (or I wouldn't be).
Oh well, glad you found out about it early? And turning it into something positive is always good.
It's not so much during that one month as thinking about the future of it. It wasn't long (thank god it wasn't, in retrospect), but I just took it for granted and assumed it would last a while. That and I knew her for quite a bit before the actual relationship from LANs and other stuff. I think I was emotionally invested by the time I asked her out.
I had to pay for the screen because I broke it on school grounds, the school had the right to charge me the fee.
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You got songs out of it.
I think you'll recover faster if you don't hate the snap back wearing guy. I was led on by someone.. well we were not officially dating so it is not as bad as your girl. its hard to explain but i very openly had feelings for her and she did not reject me. She went along with it, hungout with me and flirted etc..
One night we have a drink and she tells me she has met someone from plenty of fish (after inviting me over for movies on the weekend and implying unrealistically that we have some future..) It turned out the person she had met was a friend of mine who i would consider just less than a good friend.
At first I felt burned. I could think of them and become sick. Then i realized i was just being a needy whiner by not letting a friend get some. I would have hated on him if he was a stranger but i had respect for him already.
Respecting her new guy allowed me more respect for everyone involved. Her come ons were unrealistic but it was also unrealistic of me to believe in them. I found out, once i took responsibility for my mistakes, that neither of those two did anything more wrong than i did and also that there is a lot i can do to help my chances in the future.
Cheers to the girl blog. its not a semi, its a full.
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Dude, this begs for a massive dose of pranking pwnage.
PM me for ideas... some of them might be inappropriate for TL
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@meteorskunk mister snapback will make a re-appearance later, we ended up actually getting on good terms.
But I like that realization you made, I think it's probably one of the best things a guy can do is just take one for his buddy. Bro code is strong. How are the three of you doing right now? I'm interested.
And it's semi across the whole story. If I cut this chapter out of the story, it would look nothing like a girl blog. I think.
On October 01 2012 03:20 Shady Sands wrote:
Dude, this begs for a massive dose of pranking pwnage.
PM me for ideas... some of them might be inappropriate for TL
This happened so long ago that while I do want to hear some of your ideas, I think it's pretty much mutually resolved for the two of us at this point.
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@meteorskunk mister snapback will make a re-appearance later, we ended up actually getting on good terms.
But I like that realization you made, I think it's probably one of the best things a guy can do is just take one for his buddy. Bro code is strong. How are the three of you doing right now? I'm interested.
And it's semi across the whole story. If I cut this chapter out of the story, it would look nothing like a girl blog. I think.
howmany chapters are there? what do they entail? I am excited for more. you're on my teamliquid radar because you compose music and climb trees so fearlessly that you once nearly died.
How are us three? well i have never seen them together. I run into him at the bar sometimes and i bought him a two dollar beer and we talked about life and jobs and ladies and .. yeah hes a good guy. i have had his fight club special edition dvd for like 5 years now..
I look at him now as the guy who helped me dodge bullets. you see, once my romantic feelings for her went away .. she just seems really unspecial. I have no much to say to her now that i don't think she is uniquely special and beautiful.."just somebody that i used to know"
(woot im marine now. you wanna piece of meat, boy)
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Writing poetry and saying how much you love her two months in? And after breaking her phone, you paid to fix it?
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On October 01 2012 04:48 meteorskunk wrote:Show nested quote +@meteorskunk mister snapback will make a re-appearance later, we ended up actually getting on good terms.
But I like that realization you made, I think it's probably one of the best things a guy can do is just take one for his buddy. Bro code is strong. How are the three of you doing right now? I'm interested.
And it's semi across the whole story. If I cut this chapter out of the story, it would look nothing like a girl blog. I think. howmany chapters are there? what do they entail? I am excited for more. you're on my teamliquid radar because you compose music and climb trees so fearlessly that you once nearly died. How are us three? well i have never seen them together. I run into him at the bar sometimes and i bought him a two dollar beer and we talked about life and jobs and ladies and .. yeah hes a good guy. i have had his fight club special edition dvd for like 5 years now.. I look at him now as the guy who helped me dodge bullets. you see, once my romantic feelings for her went away .. she just seems really unspecial. I have no much to say to her now that i don't think she is uniquely special and beautiful.."just somebody that i used to know" (woot im marine now. you wanna piece of meat, boy)
Gratz on the marine. Too bad reavers 1-shot clusters of them.
It's kinda funny... you know how a man's most honest point is said to be right after he blows his load? Did you have anything like that, or is it just for lack of seeing her?
Chapters, I'ma say three or four. The idea's still up in the air at this point and it's a matter of how quickly I can get through the story.
On October 01 2012 04:51 Dknight wrote:
Writing poetry and saying how much you love her two months in? And after breaking her phone, you paid to fix it?
I'm a poetic guy. This is why my blogs are so long.
I'm not writing poetry because I love her, I'm writing poetry because poetry is fun to write (makes your arguments a lot more interesting as well) and I'll probably keep making poetic statements far into my life because why the hell not.
Again... phone is not my choice. I had to pay.
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Gratz on the marine. Too bad reavers 1-shot clusters of them.
It's kinda funny... you know how a man's most honest point is said to be right after he blows his load? Did you have anything like that, or is it just for lack of seeing her?
Chapters, I'ma say three or four. The idea's still up in the air at this point and it's a matter of how quickly I can get through the story.
Too bad there aren't reavers in Starcraft two~!
Actually it is a combination of the not seeing her and the "blowing load" thing. I did not have intercourse with this person (sorry might be tmi, idk??) but i did have an alarming moment while making out with her. she made out in a way that was much too intense for my mood and it was sort of like "whoa, easy there. wow this really isn't right" if you have seen forgetting sarah marshall, it was something like the scene at the end of that movie.
But yes the little proverb you have makes sense. once i had spent my pent up emotions on this woman she meant little to me. So.. yes.. but still i learned a lot and really cared for her at one point. i even wrote a lil poem
Absence definitely helped
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EPT
