EPTHonestly, I've never written a blog before. I don't even know what makes a good (girl) blog and I must be totally retarded to consider posting this on TL.net. So, why do I even bother?
They say love makes you blind, melts your brains away and makes you want to write stupid lovestruck girl blogs on TL.net... or something by those lines. I guess it's true... At the very least Love makes you very verrrryyy stupid. And besides that, I love TL.net and there's always been many people that give well structured answers.
Well, first things first.. I know it's not literally love, because I barely know this girl. I guess it's someone I like... or fancy? have a crush on? desire? want? crave for? No, it's not love. Perhaps something closer to infatuation. I do know I've liked her for as long as I can remember. And that doesn't happen so often..
In other words, I'm a creeper and stalk her facebook.
Every person has his achilles heel. A weakness, a vulnerability or multiple imperfections. People that can and will read blogs, books, or w/e are prone to be more intelligent. Same goes for people that like to play chess, run businesses, play games with calculated risks, etc, etc. We "Starcraft" gamers and teamliquid fans can pay close attention to micro (details&multitask), we can macro (managing/running a business), and we calculate our risks and returns (read opponents and outplay) to achieve our victories.
Generally speaking, every upside has its downside. When it comes to girls,
I'm as clueless as a tub of shit on a rainy day... Lol, I have no idea if that
made any sense... anyway, love makes you stupid, mkay?
Like most of you.. I'm a + Show Spoiler +
Starcraft
"One must begin by examining how the amount of sexy has changed in the people around one’s self. To do so I use the Hefner-Nordenheimler equation of sexy determination: X = (b * t)/(1 – (F – Fd)), where X is sexy, t is time, b is the number of beers I have to drink before I give up trying to get with the hot girl I just met at Eric’s party and instead end up moving on to her slightly more chunky friend who’s a sure thing but won’t stop talking about how great her new manager at Banana Republic is, and F – Fd is how many of my friends are around to see this happen minus the number of them that are drunk and therefore unlikely to remember what you did"1
Here's even a link to help with your equations if you don't believe me... + Show Spoiler +
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_mechanics
So, now you know I'm full of confidence that I find myself a clever guy, but obviously [clever * love makes you stupid = failing with girls] and often makes me moving onto the chunky friend talking about her new manager at Banana Republic instead of helping me to get to that hot chick. That's why I need the help of the non-awkward part of the TL community that have more knowledge on how "The Others" (normal, social, sheep, stupid, cool w/e kind of ppl u want u to call em) get close to girls. Or maybe help me find something I missed upon the equations...
So, I've had some serious long-term relations, but I still feel as clueless about girls as when I was a puppy. All in all, I'd say I talk little, and am shy in general, although I'm a formal person on small talks (talks only as much as needed), I actually have a lot to say once I get to know someone well enough (beyond the masks).
Anyway, about this particular girl.... *I'll try to keep it short* + Show Spoiler +
LOL... sure XD
I've had a crush on ... let's call her Daenerys... for several years and she KNOWS that I like her for about a year.
Before you condemn me to the pit of friendzoned. You must know the following conditions:
I run a restaurant and a year ago I used to tell my (mostly female) co-workers that there was a specific girl I liked that visited very often with her dad. One of my co-workers was actually very good friends with her, and told the girl in question that I liked her. (I consider myself socially awkward, so it's like pushing a baby elephant of a mountain cliff and expecting it to fly)
Before she knew that I liked her, I had already been "flirting" with her and after she knew it stayed the same. With "flirting", I mean forcing myself to spend at least 10min at her table every time she visited (with her dad lololo). It's pretty much the same as pushing yourself off a cliff and try to fly as dumbo the flying elephant from Disney could do. At the least, I made her laugh now and then, not sure out of pity or something else.
![[image loading]](http://www.google.nl/imgres?imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_fMSekAIVRUM/S7HtCF_guXI/AAAAAAAAAPY/lI22UCZbSAg/s1600/dumboL.jpg&imgrefurl=http://jumpylemon.blogspot.com/2010/03/another-hk-restaurant.html&h=400&w=499&sz=69&tbnid=a0gi9iocYRcDtM:&tbnh=83&tbnw=104&prev=/search%3Fq%3Ddumbo%2Bthe%2Bflying%2Belephant%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=dumbo+the+flying+elephant&usg=__AyCpz2aFdVzCXYFG-vMF7-kO2Jo=&docid=etglGcEXs3QsoM&hl=nl&sa=X&ei=EFtnULi8EeKiigf_rYHgDw&sqi=2&ved=0CEUQ9QEwAw&dur=445)
All in all it wasn't a bad situation, but instead of grabbing the opportunity to try and fly. Instead another co-worker, let's call her Sansa, grabbed me by my flying ears and pulled me into a relationship with her that lasted for a year after Daenerys knew I liked her. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad type of a relationship, and by being the person that she was (very direct, easy to talk to, etc) I could avoid being the socially awkward person that I am (Confronting the one I like with a confession, meaning, asking her out).
During the relationship with Sansa, I still kept contact with Daenerys, but only as "friends". Anyway, a year went on, she kept coming with her dad, we became friends (in a platonic way, 10min small talk per visit), and learned that she was going to travel to the other side of the world to start studying there. I was in relationship with Sansa and I've always been faithful.
And then suddenly.. My relationship with Sansa broke off. And I was left in Westeros (the summer Islands) with Daenerys on Essos (the other side of the world). As the Starks of Winterfell would say: "Winter is coming". I thought I didn't give a shit, because I had spend all my time into working my ass off 60hours a week and playing with my armies (Starcraft 2) as leisure. That was until the Wall broke, "Winter" came, and I found myself completely ruined by burnout (if that's possible for a 23yr old), over-thinking and the cold of being alone.
Anyway, shits been going on for a while till I decide to make someone else King for a week or two and went off for a well-deserved vacation. I then posted on the great Facebook that I was leaving for Japan for a few weeks, and suddenly I receive a message from Daenerys "Lett me know whenn!!".
Daenerys doesn't live close to Japan, at the very least still 5000km apart. Why would she asks me that? I wondered for a few hours, till I decided to answer: I'm going mondays, is there a reason you want to know? She simply said: If u went later, I would've come as well. Wow, my heart was racing, although she couldn't come, the fact that she said that had me thinking that she is actually still interested!
Before I left, her dad came for a dinner at the restaurant and told me that he was going to her the same week. He actually proposed me to visit her sometime. That was before I told him I was going to Japan the same week. Now I know why she couldn't come as well.
Still, there is a lingering thought of me being friend zoned.
- I've been "less" than "friends" with her for more than a year. I literally know almost nothing of her, except for the small talks we make. (Before restaurant 10min small talks p/month, now we facebook each other a private message once every 1-2 days average, nothing much).
- Besides the "when will you go" she NEVER initiated a private message on facebook.
- She will live 15.000km away from me for at the least another half year, maybe much longer.
- Altho she is an Actress and Photographer she is very friendly to most people (so maybe she's just trying to be friends?) and she loves to visit skyline cities (e.g. Japan, etc, so maybe nothing much going on?).
- I once asked her to give her first autograph to me if she would become famous and she agreed lol, any meaning? XD
Now I'm enjoying the summer I couldn't enjoy before. The fire inside me is burning again, but I still have the lonely and harsh cold to fight. I tried to not to exaggerate, and most of this story is true. But remember, every upside has its downside. For everything I have with me, there is something against me as well. This makes each and everyone of us unique.
Cheers
R.
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I wrote everything in one go and let my mind rumble, so honestly, I'll probably think I'm an idiot when I wake up XD
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Edit: I changed the X,Y's into names. Thanks for pointing out. Hopefully its a bit more clear now.
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. Go for a girl near you if you don't feel the kind of love that makes your stomach clench when you see the girl in another guys arms.
