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Hey everyone,
I have fought back and forth within myself debated whether or not to break up with my girlfriend. It's not like we have been dating for a particularly long time, (3 months) but this was the first relatively serious relationship each of us had (we're both 17). So even in the short span we were dating, a month of it was spent with her in Israel, only facebook messaging each other now and then. However, we never really had any fights and all we had were good memories. This was a summer relationship and I was glad I had so much free time to be able to see her when she was around. Despite these great times, school came around as it does every year and since it's senior year, there's a lot that needs to be taken care of in terms of college admissions among other things. I have already made several long term commitments, including 5 AP courses, leadership positions in 3 clubs, Driver's Ed, Work at a pizzeria, boy scouts, and robotics. Needless to say, my plate was pretty full. With this in mind, I found myself having little to no time to see my girlfriend and even when we did she each other, I was dead tired from getting 5 hours of sleep the night before.
I simply felt that I could not manage all of my commitments and had to choose something to give up on. Unfortunately, it came to her.
I did this because I'd rather be remembered as a good boyfriend who was at his girl's side rather than one who rarely spent time with her and talked on occasion. I feel really saddened right now as a result of both of us breaking down and crying to each other but in the end this is how it worked out. I know we would have had to at some point because we are only looking at one of the same colleges and are on different paths in life but I can honestly say this has been one of the worst experiences and feelings of my life. I explained everything to her and she understood, but it sucks because we still both cared for each other, though we promised to remain in contact with each other and wished each other nothing but the best of luck.
Does anyone have any opinions on the situation? Was it really for the better? I feel very conflicted at the moment but I feel like overall my actions were justified, just looking to talk to those who can relate/provide insight.
 
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Does anyone have any opinions on the situation? Was it really for the better?
It's for the better, you couldn't commit and it isn't fair to keep her in the hangar while you set up your future. It just wasn't a good time.
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On September 19 2012 03:20 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +
Does anyone have any opinions on the situation? Was it really for the better?
It's for the better, you couldn't commit and it isn't fair to keep her in the hangar while you set up your future. It just wasn't a good time.
Can you explain why it wasn't a good time? When would a good time be? I'm asking this mainly for future reference, thank you for your input!
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Sounds like a "proper" break up to me, it's all for the better (for both of you).
When I went to university, I didn't really break up with my girlfriend at the time (but the relationship was pretty much over at that point). I kind of dragged it on for a month before actually calling it quits over the phone. That was terrible. Good for you for not making that kind of a mistake.
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Doing the right thing is painful sometimes, but it was still the right thing. If you can't actually see each other or put in the time, there's no sense hanging onto something that can't work - even if it's just due to circumstances.
Had a similar case, was going to uni on a different continent as my gf of 1.5 years. Maybe some people can maintain a relationship where you barely/can't see each other, but at your age (and mine at the time) it's scarcely worth it.
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There is no shame in what you have done.
The prince and the princess have both rightly preserved their honor, dignity, and self-respect.
Bid the fair lady a blissful life through a comforting kiss.
Like a true gentleman, promise her you will always come to her rescue if the need shall arise.
Now hold your head up high and walk valiantly into the sunset.
The night is still young, and many adventures await.
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The right time will either be when you:
a) aren't so busy in life, and feel that having a girlfriend/companion is appropriate and realistic.
b) you find someone you love so much, you make the time.
Sounds to me like you found a nice person enjoyed spending time with her, but ultimately you weighed the pro/cons and came to a mature conclusion.
edit:
that doesn't making breaking up suck any less, it will always suck lol
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On September 19 2012 04:03 spbelky wrote:
The right time will either be when you:
a) aren't so busy in life, and feel that having a girlfriend/companion is appropriate and realistic.
b) you find someone you love so much, you make the time.
Sounds to me like you found a nice person enjoyed spending time with her, but ultimately you weighed the pro/cons and came to a mature conclusion.
edit:
that doesn't making breaking up suck any less, it will always suck lol
OH alright, i thought you meant the right time to break up, not the right time to have a relationship, thanks for clearing that up 
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On September 19 2012 03:57 EffervescentAureola wrote:
There is no shame in what you have done.
The prince and the princess have both rightly preserved their honor, dignity, and self-respect.
Bid the fair lady a blissful life through a comforting kiss.
Like a true gentleman, promise her you will always come to her rescue if the need shall arise.
Now hold your head up high and walk valiantly into the sunset.
The night is still young, and many adventures await.
Thank you so much, this response really helps since it seems similar to the actions which I took, I wished her the best, gave her a final peck on the forehead, told her I will be there if she ever needs anything, etc. I really appreciate this post.
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I don't really follow along with this but I think there's something wrong with me. I've always been anxious and in my last few years, depressed aswell. I get too attached quickly to ever be able to do this... I'm an emotional person, though, and I know it's something which will continue to hurt me so you probably did the right thing man.
But it's not a decision for me.
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Congrats on doing it the right way. If you really felt you couldn't give her the time she deserved, then you did the next best thing for her by ending it in the best possible way. Well done <3
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Did you guys meet on Birthright or something?
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Sounds like an incredibly mature decision, good for you for realizing it and taking the initiative. It's extremely hard to do for any person.
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Well you are young so it doesn't matter, but life is full of compromises and the best relationships are ones that can deal with difficulties.
I think this was rather weak. Your reasoning is that you're protecting her, which is very odd because it takes a position of benevolent sexism... That somehow this will be worse for her than you. But the real reason is that you have personal goals and you don't want to be pestered by commitments to a girlfriend, because it might cause you to fail to achieve those goals. Which is reasonable, you decide what is right for you. But don't act like you are doing her the favour; she could have decided for herself whether or not the time left over would be good enough for her.
Don't give yourself a pat on the back for thinking of her happiness because I don't think you really did ;p Respect other's autonomy to make decisions for themselves... Being upfront that you know you're going to be really busy is ok, but you were too scared to do it like that because then it makes you look like the asshole for basically saying 'I'm going to put my studies ahead of you.' You're still doing that, only now you don't have to say it.
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It wasn't going to work. She's a girl; you're a velociraptor. It's better you broke it off before you ate her one day.
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On September 19 2012 06:29 Jerubaal wrote:
It wasn't going to work. She's a girl; you're a velociraptor. It's better you broke it off before you ate her one day.
lol!
That was an epic post haha.
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On September 19 2012 05:56 Chef wrote:
Well you are young so it doesn't matter, but life is full of compromises and the best relationships are ones that can deal with difficulties.
I think this was rather weak. Your reasoning is that you're protecting her, which is very odd because it takes a position of benevolent sexism... That somehow this will be worse for her than you. But the real reason is that you have personal goals and you don't want to be pestered by commitments to a girlfriend, because it might cause you to fail to achieve those goals. Which is reasonable, you decide what is right for you. But don't act like you are doing her the favour; she could have decided for herself whether or not the time left over would be good enough for her.
Don't give yourself a pat on the back for thinking of her happiness because I don't think you really did ;p Respect other's autonomy to make decisions for themselves... Being upfront that you know you're going to be really busy is ok, but you were too scared to do it like that because then it makes you look like the asshole for basically saying 'I'm going to put my studies ahead of you.' You're still doing that, only now you don't have to say it.
How can you make such a grand assumption when you only know so many details? Perhaps you should've inquired more into the situation before making such a hasty opposition. While it is true that I will not have the time that I need to spend with her, and I am putting my studies ahead of her, she knows that this is the primary reason for our breakup. I told her that it is because of my studies and other commitments that we can no longer date each other. In a sense it is worse for her than it is for me because she is a very emotional person, while im considered one who doesn't get overly emotional in most situations. Regardless, this was a very emotional day for me and a lot of feelings came out in confidence between the two of us. I'm not doing her a favor, i'm doing our relationship a "favor". She knew that we weren't spending enough time with each other and said it herself. I respect her decisions as always however a relationship is a two sided agreement and takes two who share the same decision to succeed.
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On September 19 2012 05:56 Chef wrote:
Don't give yourself a pat on the back for thinking of her happiness because I don't think you really did ;p
Breaking up with someone rather than marginalizing them behind other priorities until they feel distanced enough to do it themselves is the kinder option imo.
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I personally make a lot of time for my gf, but even then my schedule is death. I have around 6 hours of hw every night not including extra currics, which I have 0 right now because I just don't have the time to do them LOL*. I really think that if this girl means that much to you then you should make time for her, but if that isn't possible you should ask her what she wants to do. I wouldn't just break it off if she doesn't want to. If she is fine with being taken and not on the market and you guys just hang out when you can then you should do that rather than tell her you don't have time for her. Alternatively if you like this girl a lot you should tell her that you two could get back together second semester when you have been accepted and all you want to do is coast.
*I actually do have extra currics, but I have no time for them. In fact I have so little time that I shouldn't be making comments on TL  .
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On September 19 2012 03:26 Velociraptor95 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2012 03:20 Torte de Lini wrote:
Does anyone have any opinions on the situation? Was it really for the better?
It's for the better, you couldn't commit and it isn't fair to keep her in the hangar while you set up your future. It just wasn't a good time. Can you explain why it wasn't a good time? When would a good time be? I'm asking this mainly for future reference, thank you for your input!
Developing a relationship with someone is kind of dependent on timing and practicality. It's not the case for everyone, but some people try not to enter into any relationship when they know they won't have enough time or are simply going to be in different places in, say, another year or so. At that point, it's almost just not worth the time or effort even if you are attracted to someone.
Of course, others just say, "Fuck that," and do whatever they want, come hell or high water. Sometimes it ends well (I know someone who got together with her bf the senior year of HS and they're still together now despite going to different colleges and entering their last year of college), but then you have HS romances that just die off really quickly, because it took too much effort and they realized it after a while.
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EPT
