EPTA little about me;
I'm a 23 year old Australian living in Sydney. I don't drink often, I don't take any drugs (used to smoke a bit of weed and go on the occasional acid trip though), I'm not depressed but I'm not happy. I characterise myself as being a realist that tends to lean toward optimism where able, pretty laid back, honest (sometimes brutally), somewhat intelligent (when applied) and more-or-less capable of doing whatever it is that I decide that I want to do. I'm fairly average - Not tall, not short. Not overweight, not in shape. Not ugly, not good-looking. Not rich, not poor. I'm pretty much the epitome of neutrality in most aspects of my life and therein lies the problem.
I'm pretty lazy, not going to sugar coat it or lie to anyone, especially myself. I judge the value of doing something on the effort it takes to do it on one hand and the desire of attaining the finished product on the other. As a result; my room/house is a mess (Half my fault, half my GFs), my education has taken the philosophy of "Ps get degrees", my work is done efficiently (ie get it done ASAP with as little input as possible) etc etc.
I'm a perfectionist. Not in the OCD sense that everything must be straight and symmetrical, but in the case of "If I'm actually going to bother to do something, it's going to be done right or it's not going to be done at all", thus the minimal effort put into everything. I just don't consider them worthy enough of my full ability. Even sitting here typing this is a struggle as I'll need to go back and spell/grammar check it, ensure that it all flows well and that what I'm thinking and feeling is making it onto the page which equates to countless re-reads and edits here and there. I actually set myself a rule not to go back and change anything until a day after I post it so sorry if there's mistakes everywhere lol
What these two traits boil down to in my life is boredom without the drive to change anything. I feel as though I'm currently cruising through life and doing reasonably well with it, but being unsatisfied with the rate of progression, recognising what should change, realising the effort required to change it and reverting back to the cruise. An endless cycle of mediocrity and contempt with a little bit of misplaced calm mixed in.
I think that what all of this neutrality was originally caused by was a fear of falling from success. I'm happy to fail povided I didn't put the effort in, but to fail after making the effort to do everything right would have to be one of the most painful things I've experienced in life to date. I used to be on top of everything, but then a whole tonne of shit blew up in one year (relationship/trust issues, deaths in the family, deaths of 2 very close friends one of which had some beef that was never quite sorted) and the balls got dropped and scattered, regathered over the last 3 years but never picked up again.
I do not climb because I'm afraid of the fall.
Anyway, this is getting a little long and mopey, plus I'm a firm believer of not presenting problems, but rather presenting solutions so here's the conclusion:
My Dad always told me that unless you write something down it will only be a dream, never a plan. So here it is for all the world to see;
I will set my goals
I will achieve my goals
I will climb again
My Goals
1 - Get more sleep
I am meant to leave for work around 7:45 to make use of the free parking, if I don't I'm looking at around $20 for the day. Going to bed ~12-1am most nights isn't exatly blending well with my wallet as I struggle to get up in the morning lol.
How2?
Stop gaming ~11pm
2 - Keep my room clean
It needs doing desperately
How2
Clean it, stop setting things aside to clean up later, get my GF to do the same
3 - Get more fit by summer
As I said before, I'm not overweight but I'm not fit.
How2?
Swim twice a week. 500m minimum or go until I'm exhausted
4 - Finish my education
This year is my last year and I'm aiming for a minimum of 90% in exams/assignments (first lot of exams are next week ^_^)
How2?
Actually study for a change
5 - Gaming
My goal for gaming is simple, Diamond before end of season 9 (currently ~10 plat)
How2?
Analyse my games to outline my weaknesses (such as creep spread and drop detection) and plug dem holes
6 - Car related
My car (Mitsu Evo VII) is kinda turning into my room and is in desperate need of a clean. Mechanically she's brilliant as I'm always on top of servicing it but outside and in need some constant love.
How2?
As with my room, clean it and keep it clean
