EPTYesterday morning was one of the most surreal days in my entire life and I'm just now coming to grips with what went on.
For the past few days I'd been noticing a change in my mothers behaviour and I was growing increasingly worried as she remained very quiet and started to spend an inordinate amount of time in the day sleeping, she is always under a lot of stress these days and suffers from depression and I could sense something was very wrong but when I voiced my concerns to her and my grandmother she repeatedly assured me that she was allright and that she would be better the next day.
Yeah, I was an idiot for believing that nonsense. Heed the warnings.
On Saturday morning everything was going just fine, or so I thought untill I heard the panicked cries of my younger sister calling me to my mothers room. (I'm 20 years old but still living at home atm.) As I rushed up to see what the hell was going on I found my mother laying in her bed covered in vomit, crying her eyes out and completely unresponsive to anything that I was saying to her, an extremely alarming situation indeed.
I had my suspicions as to what had happened almost immediately due to my mothers behaviour recently so once the ambulance had been and the news came out that she had intentionally overdosed in an attempt to end her own life I honestly wasn't that surprised as much as it pains me to say it.
And this is the part that gets me, I wasn't that upset either.
Now, I have a great relationship with my mum in general. If anyone would ask me I'd say I love her to bits and i'm pretty damn sure I'm telling the truth when I say that. Our family has been through a lot of shit over the years with a history of domestic abuse under our belt. (we're past that now thank the stars) But through it all my mother, my siblings and I and have stood strong throughout it all.
However the second the immediate danger had passed any my mum was in the hospital I felt right as rain, despite the fact my mum had just tried to end her own life and leave her problems and children behind I didn't feel upset, I didn't even feel angry and I still don't.
Hell I came home from the hospital yesterday and watched the TSL4 and enjoyed it, I carried on my day like my usual cheerful self as though nothing had happened and talked to nobody about it. It feels more like my mum went to hospital over a bad case of the flu or something I can't begin to understand it.
If she had actually succeeded in her attempt I guess I'd be feeling a whole lot worse and I am extremely thankful that is not the case.
I don't even know why I'm writing this blog, though I guess it feels good to get it off of my chest and I know TL has people who have been in similar situations who might have some idea of what I'm talking about and might understand.
