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Sometimes you just don't know.

Blogs > Zoundsforsook
Post a Reply
Zoundsforsook
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
Scotland636 Posts
September 09 2012 21:26 GMT
#1
I'm not really sure what to think.

Yesterday morning was one of the most surreal days in my entire life and I'm just now coming to grips with what went on.

For the past few days I'd been noticing a change in my mothers behaviour and I was growing increasingly worried as she remained very quiet and started to spend an inordinate amount of time in the day sleeping, she is always under a lot of stress these days and suffers from depression and I could sense something was very wrong but when I voiced my concerns to her and my grandmother she repeatedly assured me that she was allright and that she would be better the next day.

Yeah, I was an idiot for believing that nonsense. Heed the warnings.

On Saturday morning everything was going just fine, or so I thought untill I heard the panicked cries of my younger sister calling me to my mothers room. (I'm 20 years old but still living at home atm.) As I rushed up to see what the hell was going on I found my mother laying in her bed covered in vomit, crying her eyes out and completely unresponsive to anything that I was saying to her, an extremely alarming situation indeed.

I had my suspicions as to what had happened almost immediately due to my mothers behaviour recently so once the ambulance had been and the news came out that she had intentionally overdosed in an attempt to end her own life I honestly wasn't that surprised as much as it pains me to say it.

And this is the part that gets me, I wasn't that upset either.

Now, I have a great relationship with my mum in general. If anyone would ask me I'd say I love her to bits and i'm pretty damn sure I'm telling the truth when I say that. Our family has been through a lot of shit over the years with a history of domestic abuse under our belt. (we're past that now thank the stars) But through it all my mother, my siblings and I and have stood strong throughout it all.

However the second the immediate danger had passed any my mum was in the hospital I felt right as rain, despite the fact my mum had just tried to end her own life and leave her problems and children behind I didn't feel upset, I didn't even feel angry and I still don't.

Hell I came home from the hospital yesterday and watched the TSL4 and enjoyed it, I carried on my day like my usual cheerful self as though nothing had happened and talked to nobody about it. It feels more like my mum went to hospital over a bad case of the flu or something I can't begin to understand it.

If she had actually succeeded in her attempt I guess I'd be feeling a whole lot worse and I am extremely thankful that is not the case.

I don't even know why I'm writing this blog, though I guess it feels good to get it off of my chest and I know TL has people who have been in similar situations who might have some idea of what I'm talking about and might understand.






Paint it bright and bold.
flamewheel
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
September 09 2012 22:09 GMT
#2
I'm glad your mom is okay. Perhaps your feeling of contentedness stems from the fact that your mom is indeed okay. Keep watch on her, and don't let her go.
Writerdamn, i was two days from retirement
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
September 09 2012 22:36 GMT
#3
I'm sorry dude. I don't have words to describe what you have just gone through, it's... It's crazy. I'm sorry for what just happened and I hope your family regains whatever composure it had before. Thats all I can hope for you.
User was warned for too many mimes.
Tommie
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
China658 Posts
September 10 2012 01:58 GMT
#4
It is gonna come back at you at some point. Maybe a few years down the road, maybe many. It always does.
Being a ho doesn't automatically make you "immoral" or a bad person, but it does make you a ho.
DRTnOOber
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
New Zealand476 Posts
September 10 2012 02:48 GMT
#5
There's really no normal way to react to something like that; not feeling anything is completely normal. Wouldn't be surprised it it sort of "hit" you sometime in the near future so be prepared. Hope your mum can find a way through it and enjoy life again.
But I'm off creep... and so I slow down, what are hellions doing here? I don't belong here...
Roe
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Canada6002 Posts
September 10 2012 04:26 GMT
#6
I think sometimes somethings are just way too sad or significant to take in all at once right after they happen, so we try to go about our day and give it time so we slowly learn how to deal with it in its entirety.
pevergreen
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia252 Posts
September 10 2012 09:46 GMT
#7
As long as you care, you're doing ok buddy.

I had a girlfriend attempt to overdose. I freaked out, but when other people I know have attempted it, with some of them you just knew it was coming. Some stuff you've already dealt with subconciously.

The part when you need to worry is when you don't care.
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