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The End of The World

Blogs > EffervescentAureola
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EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-09-09 04:18:35
September 09 2012 00:32 GMT
#1
NOTE: This is my first short story. Please don't be harsh

There was a boy who was born on a rainy December night. As his new parents were driving home with the baby, the rain turned to snow. The baby was covered in blankets, but as he was carried from the car to the house, a little snowflake fell on his nose.

The parents noticed that their boy was quiet, he did not cry or laugh or smile very much. They later discovered that the boy was developmentally slow, or retarded. The doctor reported that he had a case of down syndrome. The boy would not talk or even walk. He did not respond to anything or anyone. All of this gave his parents a great deal of distress.

When he was 4 years old, his parents took him to his first day of preschool. The boy was at least surrounded by those who had similar mental and emotional ailments such as himself, but he refused to let go of his loving mother's hand. At long last, he surrendered and sat lifelessly in a remote corner of the room, motionless and unyielding.

One night, when the boy was sleeping in his bedroom, he noticed a bright light outside his window. He instinctively squeezed his teddy bear ever so closer to his beating chest. Suddenly and unexpectedly, a shadowy figure instantly materialized in front of him. The boy had the compulsion to run out of his room to his parents bedroom, but his limbs seemed to be paralyzed; he felt the urge to scream at the top of his lungs, but when he opened his mouth, no sound came out.

The hooded behemoth figure finally took off his long robes and placed his bony hand on the boy's forehead. The boy could see the large protruding green eyes of the strange creature and, ironically, the sight soothed him. It seemed as if the creature could read the boy's mind, like all his thoughts were effortlessly translated to the creature. Any hesitancy or skepticism was ultimately futile. Gradually the shock and fear of the episode subsided, and the boy began to feel very calm. Panic gave way to a sensation of tranquility consuming his body. Eventually he fell asleep.

The next morning, he awoke to his mother's voice. But unlike most mornings, she was not whispering by his bedside lamp, telling him to brush his teeth and get ready for school. Instead, his parents were yelling and he could hear them hurling vicious insults at each other from what seemed to be the kitchen. The boy went to the bathroom, dressed himself, and was combing his hair in front of his dresser by the time his mother stepped into his room. She appeared to be rubbing away leftover tears from her eyes. But whatever disappointments she had felt earlier that morning gave way to a different kind of emotion, as the boy could see a smile creep across her face. Not the superficial smile that his mom usually had, but a genuine smile.

"Wow, you dressed yourself today!" he heard her say. And the boy smiled back, taken completely by shock how his mother's demeanor had completely changed, never having truly felt loved before. She saw her boy smile for the first time in his life and her smile widened, until she ran towards her boy and kissed him on the cheek. The 4 year old boy, who had never spoken before, who had been diagnosed with severe mental retardation, uttered the following words from his lips: "I'm aware that you and dad are having financial troubles". And with that, he hugged his mom back.

The mother was stunned. She jolted up, amazed at what had happened to her son and, in the process, almost knocked down his bedside lamp. She looked into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity, then she finally mumbled "You can talk...", in between gulps of her own tears and hard to breathe air. Hysterically she wiped off her face as she heard the father coming up the stairs. She told the boy to remain quiet. The father rushed into the room and scolded the mother for taking so long, that the kid was late for school. The father was leaving for work, and decided to drop off his son to school. The son could perceive a distinct coldness between his parents that he had never noticed before. His father had always been a cold distant man but the boy had never been afraid of him. The boy thought to himself, "I have done no wrong, there is no reason my father should be angry with me."

The boy was late for preschool, so his father had to sign his name on the late sheet in the principal's office. The boy's class had gone on a field trip that morning, so the boy quietly sat in a corner of the room once again, like he had in his early days of preschool. He noticed the principal's secretary scribbling something in his notebook. The boy stood up to get a lollipop from the main desk. He could more clearly see what the man was writing now. After contemplating unwrapping the lollipop, the boy felt the compulsion to say something after studying the secretary's note for a few more seconds. The boy looked up at the man with great urgency, and blurted out "The separate but equal provision of private services mandated by state government is constitutional under the equal protection clause." The man suddenly looked up at the boy, and the two were frozen in time for a brief moment, locked into each others' gaze. The secretary, who was studying part time to be a lawyer, was shocked that a preschooler who supposedly had down syndrome could read at all, let alone at least at a middle school level.

The man called his boss, the principal, who was temporarily out of the building. In what seemed to be a matter of minutes, the boy's mother received a phone call from a hysterical woman on the other side who seemed to be having a heart attack, saying how it was a "miracle" that a boy in special education could read at a high level. His mother came to pick him up, and the principal ecstatically told her that they had arranged for her son to enroll in the local middle school as an eighth grader. She could not believe neither her eyes nor ears. The ride home consisted of bewildered laughter and genuine amazement as the mother wanted to know what had transpired exactly in her son. The boy picked up a Rubix cube from the side of the front seat, and effortlessly solved it in a matter of seconds.

When his father came home, the boy was studying the world map in his room with great interest. Partly it was interesting, and partly he had never noticed it before even though it had always hung next to his bed, high up on the wall. The father went into the kitchen and started arguing with his mom again, but this time it wasn't about finances. The boy could hear his father hit his mother. The boy could feel an acute sense of paradox in his existence. He thought to himself how although he had become more intelligent, and he was learning things he never knew before, perhaps there was a lot that he was better off not knowing. Maybe ignorance was bliss after all.

That night, as he was sleeping, the boy could hear something moving in his house. He thought maybe the visitor had come back to see him, but in the darkness he could discern his mother's silhouette. His mom's face was wet with tears, and she kissed him again, and whispered that they had to leave, because she feared for her life. "But even more importantly, I fear for yours" she told him. The pair slipped out of the house, with only moonlight for guidance, and drove away silently. His mom told him that they were going to his grandparents house, and they were now going to live there for a while.

The boy was now being called a prodigy. On his 5th birthday, he had graduated eighth grade. By 7, he had finished high school, taking mostly honors and advanced placement classes, getting straight A's and 5s on all his AP tests, achieving perfect scores on the SAT and some SAT 2 tests. By his 6th birthday, the boy had won numerous national spelling bees, received international attention, and had been accepted into Harvard. In addition, the boy was a talented artist, painting award winning paintings, and an expert on yoga and telekinesis. The boy had become renowned around the world for his knowledge, intellect, and wisdom.

But he was still a boy. And he missed his father. His grandfather had become paralyzed in World War 2 and, although he told great stories, the boy missed being able to go fishing with his dad like other boys his age. In the summer before going to Harvard, the boy quietly laid down on the grass behind his grandparents' house and looked up at the sky and the stars. The boy suddenly remembered something from his past, something that he had tried to bury deep in his memory, along with his father's abuse of his mother and that fateful day he left his old room behind. "We know where you are, George. We will find you when your time comes." The boy quickly became disturbed at the telepathic voice in his head, distinct from his own voice, and, with a fear he had not felt in a long time, went into his room and stared at the ceiling, his bed covers nearly suffocating him until he could no longer bear the heat of his own breath.

In the world of logic and rationality, the boy knew no parallel, but emotionally he was frightened, cold, unresponding. To an outsider, his life was an object deserving of burning envy, but inside his own head he was emotionally and psychologically distant and paranoid.

After only a year at Harvard, and at the ripe old age of 8, the boy had become an international sensation. He had discovered the cure for cancer and developmental disabilities. He had invented new agricultural methods to sustainably feed the ever growing world population. He had reversed the pattern of climate change, and formulated new innovative forms of environmentally friendly energy sources. He devised a way for space shuttles to exceed the speed of light, and without harm to astronauts by implementing antigravity fields around spacecrafts to neutralize g forces. He formed world peace and ended the Muslim and Jewish conflict over Jerusalem. He curbed nuclear proliferation to rogue states. He ended all civil wars in Africa and resolved the threat of global terrorism. He fixed the world economy. He published his autobiography. Everything seemed to be going well for him, as he won Nobel Prizes in Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, and Peace. He became a multi billionaire. He donated most of this money to cure poverty and eased global corruption through his genius.

One night, when the boy was sleeping in his mansion, his servant ushered into his palatial room. The servant looked down at the ground and slowly dropped his head. "Sir, I regretfully announce your mother has passed away from an unknown affliction." And he left as soon as he had come, again leaving the boy in the stillness and silence of the dark. The boy, not even 10, had known amazing fortune and wealth and recognition, but he could never meaningfully connect with people around him. He felt so lonely. He started crying into his pillow. For he was surrounded by company almost all the time, but he lacked true companionship. To anyone else, he had been successful, but he felt himself to be an utmost failure. He cried for help, begged and sobbed through gulps of his own tears.

Suddenly, like a vision, an enormous light emerged from his window. The figure from his childhood appeared again. He put his hand on the boy's forehead again. Then he said, slowly, clearly, and telepathically, "Son, as promised, your time has come..."

The voice continued. "Son, you have done what you have set out to do. You are our brethren, you are our blood. You see, our planet is barren and dry. We have inadvertently eradicated all life, plants, animals, from our own planet. We saw our home planet perish and we could not allow the same fate to befall Earth. 10 years ago, your mother had been chosen out of billions to be our test subject. We artificially impregnated her aboard our ship, but unfortunately she obtained an abortion as she was living with her husband at the time. We attempted again, and finally she succumbed. The hybrid human-alien fetus was genetically engineered to be of superhuman intelligence, possess preternatural abilities, and be psychologically ultrasensitive to the well being of others. But your mother's husband hit her. He hit the fetus while it was inside her belly. Several times. So you came to have certain developmental problems. But we arrived one night to bless you, to give you the talents you were supposed to possess from the night of your birth. That snowflake that touched your nose on the first day, that was a sign we would reach you again sooner or later. And...the husband...the husband knew he was never your true father, that is why he hated you, that is why he hated your mother, he believed she committed the sin of adultery and consequently forced her to abort. Then when it happened again, he reluctantly felt his will beginning to break. He was ashamed to call you his son. Because you are not after all, you are ours."

"...and you and your mother have served our purpose. You two have successfully fulfilled your respective roles in this initial prototypical grand genetic experiment to pave the way for a comprehensive planetary study."

But, the boy thought, he will never see his mother again. The voice heard his thoughts. "You will...if you come with us. Please don't make this difficult. Please...be with your people." And the boy could see the creature's eyes, and it was the same shade of peculiar green as his. He thought why they had killed his mother, but the creature remained silent.

The boy rose. His body was magically lifted from his bed by a strange unknown force. His body passed through the ceiling, and he could see himself move through the floors and walls of his mansion, as if they were not physically there. He saw himself rise until he disappeared into the bosom of the spaceship.

HERE I COME, MOM.

*
-Kaiser-
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
Canada932 Posts
September 09 2012 00:36 GMT
#2
Get rid of the colours. Nobody on this forum wants to read the colours.
3 Hatch Before Cool
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 00:38 GMT
#3
Sorry, I thought the colors would make it pop more. Hehe.
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 00:42 GMT
#4
Edit...I took out the colors
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 00:59 GMT
#5
Ok I admit, this isn't entirely my own original idea, but I thought it would be entertaining nonetheless
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 01:02 GMT
#6
To clarify, I entitled this piece as I did to perhaps illustrate a possible scenario that could precipitate the Mayan predictions.
OutlaW-
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Czech Republic5053 Posts
September 09 2012 01:05 GMT
#7
if i wrote short stories i'd put an elevator moving at terminal velocity in every one
good stuff
Delete your post underage b&. You're incestuous for you're onee-chan so you're clearly not a bad guy, but others might not agree
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 01:21 GMT
#8
On September 09 2012 10:05 OutlaW- wrote:
if i wrote short stories i'd put an elevator moving at terminal velocity in every one
good stuff


Well, I don't know about elevators moving at terminal velocity, but I purposely kept it ambiguous as to whether the beings in question are more Zergy or Protossy, maybe Xel Naga...
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 02:40 GMT
#9
Some questions:

In the age of global colonialism, could the invaders be benevolent or might they have less than honorable intentions?
Could the conquerors be, for example, like the Spaniards, and the conquered like the indigenous people, who were forced to relinquish their traditional way of life, religion, and identity? (especially relating to half breed or half caste) Like modern Mexico, could Earth be transformed into a post-colonial society with its own unique set of problems and issues directly or indirectly stemming from economic, social, and intellectual oppression?
Are their actions morally reprehensible (i.e., is it possible the invaders are forcing themselves onto humanity without giving humans any freedom of choice or liberty?)
What could happen if humans revolted to authoritarian rule?
If the invaders are so intelligent, why did they destroy their home planet? Is it possible that after a period of time, hybrid alien-humans too could acclimate to or reach a baseline of general intelligence level, after which ethical and moral concerns are basically thrown out the window? (and just like humans, greed and corruption consume us)
Entirety
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
1423 Posts
September 09 2012 02:41 GMT
#10
First of all, I'd like to say that I enjoyed the story. I'd like to offer some constructive criticism, but please don't be offended. This is just my way of showing my appreciation by offering suggestions to enhance the story.

- Although there are elements of the boy's mental state, I never felt a strong emotional connection with the boy. You can write about how he had no friends, he was lonely, etc. It's hard to connect with him, though, since he's a super genius and accomplishes ridiculous feats (spaceships faster than the speed of light?).

In order to truly develop his personality, employ "show don't tell" - the writing practice where you SHOW a person's mental state rather than TELLing it. For example, a story about one of his feats (such as curing cancer) could be expanded upon and his feelings could be explored. It would be much better than simply stating that he was lonely.

- Good stories have elements of foreshadowing. This story did not have much foreshadowing, and as a consequence, the story felt sudden and disjointed.

The boy is retarded, his parents have problems... he's visited by an alien? Is that a dream? Woah, he suddenly turned amazingly brilliant? Wait, what ever happened to the father, no closure? His mother just dies? Did they kill her? Aliens just came back... now he's leaving planet Earth?

^ That was my thought process throughout the story. The story would be better if there were hints that help make it more believable. If you say that aliens visit him and he cures cancer, the story is quite bizarre. If you hint that his birth was a unique event, he's undeniably meant for a greater purpose, he was fated to have a world-changing destiny, he never belonged to the human race, etc. Suddenly the story becomes far more believable.

- You're telling a story, not a biography. Overall, the story felt lacking in its story-telling elements. It's clearly a work of fiction, yet it felt like I was reading my history textbook. First this happened, then this happened, then this, then that, then finally this. Your story progresses in sequential order and it's more like a factual list of things that happened.

You should recognize that the use of 3rd person and using the word "boy" makes the story extremely impersonal. Also, the events are said without any elaboration. An interesting story engages the reader... a history textbook informs the reader. Quite simply, the events in the novel are told for the sake of keeping the reader interested, delivering emotional impact, adding suspense/drama, making it fun. The fun is in the story-telling. In contrast, the events in your story are merely there to advance the plot...

"The mother died." - Matter-of-fact statement, no connection, purpose: inform the reader.
"The wintry house was left barren and no noise was heard except the creaking timber as the frosty air encircled the once-magnificent abode. Eyes closed and a demeanor that revealed not sadness nor happiness, the mother and time itself seemed to stand still." - In these two sentences, the fact that the mother is dead is not clear, nor is it truly important. The main purpose of this sentence is to deliver an impact to the reader, the reader should feel sad or perhaps solemn... either way, this is the beginnings of a story, not a textbook.

The result of telling this in a factual manner (with impersonal touches): it makes the story boring.
IMMvp (정종현) | Fan Club: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=211431
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-09-09 02:55:35
September 09 2012 02:51 GMT
#11
Thanks for the post, Entirety. I appreciate your perspective.
I mentioned the boy's name exactly once (when he's laying out on the grass gazing up at the nighttime sky), it's George.
The point of the third person is to show that despite achieving so much, the boy feels almost nameless or anonymous or insignificant. And by the end of the story, you can see that he feels like a pawn in their chess game.
That being said, I was trying to evoke John Steinbeck.
LOL epic fail...
BongChambers
Profile Joined September 2012
Canada591 Posts
September 09 2012 03:22 GMT
#12
Not sure what to make of the story and most of the posts that follow it so I guess all I will say is if you made it all yourself and took the time to write that all out then well done, it was interesting but not something I really "wanted" to read if you get my drift, if it was a text book or whatever I would of put the book down before getting to the end.

Anyways back to watching IdrA...
420
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 03:45 GMT
#13
On September 09 2012 12:22 BongChambers wrote:
Not sure what to make of the story and most of the posts that follow it so I guess all I will say is if you made it all yourself and took the time to write that all out then well done, it was interesting but not something I really "wanted" to read if you get my drift, if it was a text book or whatever I would of put the book down before getting to the end.

Anyways back to watching IdrA...


Yeah, like the previous guy said, I might (or might not) write well, but I can always improve engaging with the reader...Thanks for the comment.
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-09-09 05:01:53
September 09 2012 04:59 GMT
#14
An interesting possible subplot would be focused around the mother's story. According to alien abduction experts, women are generally involuntary selected in their young teens or early 20s and her extraterrestrial investigators become her lifelong companions. Apparently thousands of women around the globe have been artificially inseminated to create a hybrid race but are not typically allowed to birth the baby on Earth as the fetus is usually removed before birth (her alien captors abduct her one last time to show her the "starchild" and she usually wakes up covered in her period blood as a result of a miscarriage unbeknownst to her). Again, all conjecture but interesting stuff.
EffervescentAureola
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States410 Posts
September 09 2012 16:11 GMT
#15
...or maybe I'm just crazy?
Iranon
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States983 Posts
September 10 2012 21:34 GMT
#16
On September 09 2012 13:59 EffervescentAureola wrote:
An interesting possible subplot would be focused around the mother's story. According to alien abduction experts, women are generally involuntary selected in their young teens or early 20s and her extraterrestrial investigators become her lifelong companions. Apparently thousands of women around the globe have been artificially inseminated to create a hybrid race but are not typically allowed to birth the baby on Earth as the fetus is usually removed before birth (her alien captors abduct her one last time to show her the "starchild" and she usually wakes up covered in her period blood as a result of a miscarriage unbeknownst to her). Again, all conjecture but interesting stuff.


Please tell me this is a hypothetical subplot you thought about including in your story, and not something you actually believe.
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