EPTSo I would like to share what happened tonight, because it was quite a meaningful experience, and I hope someone can get something out of it, be it entertainment, be it a second hand learning experience, be it reconnecting with a special moment in their past.
When I told my friend that I was going to go on a date with this girl and it was forecast to rain, she insisted that I bring an umbrella. So I did. I walked to the newsagents which didn't sell it, so I went to the chemist, bought the first umbrella I saw, and rushed to the meeting place, knowing full well that this purchase would set me back just enough time so I would be late.
And late I was, by three minutes according to my phone. That's acceptable. I saw her walk back in her place of residence from afar. I hurried. I saw her through the glass and she was in mid sneeze. Not her best look, but somehow the imperfection was more endearing. I made a face and she noticed me, came out. She didn't look happy that I was late and I knew I would have to work a bit harder.
We found ourselves on autopilot conversation and arrived at the restaurant. Things took a while to warm up. The silence, while not awkward, made it feel suboptimal. But I didn't want to force anything, to just be personally comfortable. We hit on a good topic and it was smiles and laughs for a long while. A significant part of it seemed to not involve words, just a tilt of the head, raising eyebrows, a curved smile...I was falling for this girl...
We were talking about how we speak better in certain languages when we were drunk. I suggested that we go to a bar to find out if she would speak better English when drunk. I did it in an innocent way but she seemed to think I was trying to get her drunk haha. I promised that we would have non alcoholic drinks instead.
Mocktails with abstract discussions and life concepts as bar snacks. Jazz as the kicker. A unique experience in its totality and words fail me here ironically as I describe the conversations we have. The non verbal language was equally chaotic as the jazz in our ears - the uncertainty, the nervousness, the leaning in, the turning away...
Maybe it was the jazz, or the mocktail, but I was feeling really comfortable at the bar in a lethargic way. I decided to leave before the conversation got stale. We stepped out in the rain and I switch on my umbrella. She tried to shove money in my pocket for the mocktail. Hmm, could be a keeper....
"I'm getting rained on!" she said exasperatedly to me in Mandarin. I thought she meant walk slower so I did. She repeated it in english. Oh. Whoops. Gotta work on my Mandarin skills. I put my arm around her so we were both under the umbrella. "How's this?" I whisper. "I don't mind" she says coyly.
My arm is shaking from the cold and she points that out. We joke around for a bit, and unbelievably it has to end. We arrive at where we started, 4 hours ago.
"I'm not going in" - I say jokingly. "I wasn't going to let you" - she replies cuttingly. I can't tell if she was smiling or not.
"Cya" "Cya" - she turns around her head and for that split second of time, I could have forced something. But thats how it would feel. Forced. I did nothing.
I walked away, accepting that we didn't have that movie moment kiss, or the sweet embrace in the rain. But it didn't really matter, because I can't be perfect. And I wasn't. In the date that was, to me, like a microcosm of a relationship.
Life isn't the movies, and finding someone who you not only can connect with and feel "it" and is worth the effort, but also lives with your flaws and mitigates your uncertainty is hard, its tough, its difficult, but I am trying.
And having a lot of fun along the way.
